One last bit of procrastination
One would think I would be more focused with three final final exams as an undergrad, but after this its hitting the books, or PDFs should I say after this last bit goes down.
It was a normal day like any other. I was driving the Ghia, one of the few times I did down here, and it was summer, summer option that is. The car was running ok, nothing special, didn't look as good as it does now, but thats beside the point. I decided to go and get some food at Insomnia and was driving the car and pulled in. As I rolled in and shut off the car and locked the car, two small black boys were sitting in the back of an SUV. I figured their parents were most likely at Goal Post or at Insomnia getting who knows what. As I closed the door to enter Insomnia they started talking to me as most normal kids do who arent afraid to talk to people they dont know in a friendly manner. Being kids they were naturally inquisitive and said hello. I turned around and said hi. One of them asked if I was driving a race car. I cracked a huge grin and said no, but I told them maybe it will be one day. The other one then asked after I finished if I had a girl friend. I cracked an even bigger grin and said yes I do, a very beautiful one at that. He then quickly asked if we were in love and I whole heartedly said yes. He then asked if we were going to get married, and I paused a second taken aback at such a to the point question, I then looked up and said I don't know, maybe one day.
Memories are so vivid some times. I thought about this today not as a sad feeling of regret or out of nostalgia, not the kind that makes you feel bad. What I will say is that this one instant can define a lot about me. There is no glorified moment of triumph, no moment of me defeating some asshole in a fight, no winning of an award, not even acing the test that I thought I failed. This is a moment that I can actually say that I was happy. Things have changed so much since then, but Im not going to get down about it or feel bad about it. Time is what it is and the experiences within it, we can not change the past. But what I can say is this is something that I want to work back to. Times that werent clouded by alcohol or smoking. It was a pure moment, a moment that I could honestly say I was happy. What Im taking from this photograph of time in my memory is of a time that I wasn't bothered or anything, no stress, I was me, I was complete, I was confident, I had purpose. I was in love, doing what I love doing, driving a car that I loved driving without a care in the world. I want those three essential ideas and states back, some how I have lost them.
So Im about to graduate from college, and then take a break and collect myself for grad school. Things must happen during this time, they WILL happen. I am determined, and they shall start the day I graduate.
I will stop smoking (its unhealthy and unattractive and expensive)
I will stop drinking (for a good while, as I must stop drinking in order to stop smoking)
I will get in shape (I will have time for this now and I want to be in better shape then when I entered college)
I will read my Bible (most important, I still havent done it and Randall gave me one as a present, it will help to correct me)
I will sketch (like a mad man, some three hours a night, I must do this for my self)
I have given my all at college, and Im so close to finishing, but I need some time for myself, to work on me.
After this break I can return a better person.
It was a normal day like any other. I was driving the Ghia, one of the few times I did down here, and it was summer, summer option that is. The car was running ok, nothing special, didn't look as good as it does now, but thats beside the point. I decided to go and get some food at Insomnia and was driving the car and pulled in. As I rolled in and shut off the car and locked the car, two small black boys were sitting in the back of an SUV. I figured their parents were most likely at Goal Post or at Insomnia getting who knows what. As I closed the door to enter Insomnia they started talking to me as most normal kids do who arent afraid to talk to people they dont know in a friendly manner. Being kids they were naturally inquisitive and said hello. I turned around and said hi. One of them asked if I was driving a race car. I cracked a huge grin and said no, but I told them maybe it will be one day. The other one then asked after I finished if I had a girl friend. I cracked an even bigger grin and said yes I do, a very beautiful one at that. He then quickly asked if we were in love and I whole heartedly said yes. He then asked if we were going to get married, and I paused a second taken aback at such a to the point question, I then looked up and said I don't know, maybe one day.
Memories are so vivid some times. I thought about this today not as a sad feeling of regret or out of nostalgia, not the kind that makes you feel bad. What I will say is that this one instant can define a lot about me. There is no glorified moment of triumph, no moment of me defeating some asshole in a fight, no winning of an award, not even acing the test that I thought I failed. This is a moment that I can actually say that I was happy. Things have changed so much since then, but Im not going to get down about it or feel bad about it. Time is what it is and the experiences within it, we can not change the past. But what I can say is this is something that I want to work back to. Times that werent clouded by alcohol or smoking. It was a pure moment, a moment that I could honestly say I was happy. What Im taking from this photograph of time in my memory is of a time that I wasn't bothered or anything, no stress, I was me, I was complete, I was confident, I had purpose. I was in love, doing what I love doing, driving a car that I loved driving without a care in the world. I want those three essential ideas and states back, some how I have lost them.
So Im about to graduate from college, and then take a break and collect myself for grad school. Things must happen during this time, they WILL happen. I am determined, and they shall start the day I graduate.
I will stop smoking (its unhealthy and unattractive and expensive)
I will stop drinking (for a good while, as I must stop drinking in order to stop smoking)
I will get in shape (I will have time for this now and I want to be in better shape then when I entered college)
I will read my Bible (most important, I still havent done it and Randall gave me one as a present, it will help to correct me)
I will sketch (like a mad man, some three hours a night, I must do this for my self)
I have given my all at college, and Im so close to finishing, but I need some time for myself, to work on me.
After this break I can return a better person.