MCR, May 10th, Kanata, ON
First I have to point out my new icon, by mcrftw over at xxastrozombie. That's what I looked like when this was all over :).
I’m not very good at reviews, and I’m an emotional sap, but here goes anyway
I can’t believe I was actually there. I’ll never be the same. I’m a small town girl, I can’t do many concerts, so the ones I go to are a dream come true and this is no exception. It still doesn’t feel real, but I still want more.
Alright so to start I was nervous as fuck and I don’t know why. I guess its that old ‘Oh god, this is actually happening’ feeling we get when we forget the people we idolize are actually human. I still have doubts about dear Gee
So we get there and merch is icky expensive- more than the tickets in most cases, which just ain’t right really. I couldn’t afford a hoodie, which I wanted, so I bought a shirt with tour dates instead.
We got to our seats and giggled at the ground. It was the same as Green Day- I was an idiot to wear black because EVERYONE wore black and they would all burn up pretty fast. Luckily I had some bright blue underneath J I was pissed right off because it seems I was the only one who read that “NO GENERAL ADMISSION” in bright read on the ‘purchase tickets’ page and yup, everyone I knew who went ignored that and got into the pit save for us. Fucking Ticketmaster.
I was so nerve wrecked- I don’t know why. The Bled came out and their set lasted forever- but that was only because Megan had told me Rise Against and Muse would be there too, so I figured they would only play two songs. The first song was really good, as was Gemini, and they had an awesome set, but I wasn’t feeling it after the first 3. They are awesome performers- the lead singer really reminded me of younger!Gerard except when he pulled his shirt up, and then it was slutty!Billie with a Torofro. I feel bad for them, having to play for a stationary audience…
We quickly snapped this before the wait:
That's me BEFORE (deer-in-headlights!). There will be an after picture cause I'm a nerd that way.
On a side note, I’m about to write about when MCR comes out and I just burst into tears. I don’t know if their happy or sad tears yet.
Alright. So we hear the flatline, and everyone just fucking freezes- for a split second, the whole audience, and I got chills because, fuck, this was happening. And then the GURNEY was rolled out, again, which made me incredibly happy because I’d heard they’d stopped doing that for a while. And Gee popped out of it and that’s where my memory gets a bit fuzzy.
The End was so… wonderful. It was just perfect in every way possible, and gorgeous and Gee did that thing where he strikes a different pose on every beat.
Dead! Was good and bouncy, and when I began to jump around in where I stood, I was kind of the first person to do so- in the seats anyway- not everyone was into it yet. Anyway, it caught Gerard‘s attention somehow and that gaze, even from there- I mean I know for sure he was looking right at me because I felt it. It sort of made me zone out to everything but him and Jeebus. I think that might of bee the moment I was marked as She-Who-Jumps-First, which would explain what happened in This is How I Disappear.
I kind of regained consciousness after a second, in that I started to look at the other boys and see if they were alright. Frankie was taking it very easy- very. He hardly left his side (our side or the venue) or moved around, but that might have been him trying to tone it down so the Black Parade could stay… dignified? I don’t know… Anyway, Bob looked like he was fairing alright and even smiled at Frankie when the boy turned to face him. *melts* His smile is… just… awwwwsecksawww. Less people sang than I would have liked, but the collective final DEAD! of the fans managed to be heard over the pyrotechnic boom (which methinks they got from Green Day because Gerard spread his arms as it went off and almost did the Jesus pose).
This is How I Disappear took me by surprise. You know when you suddenly realize a song affects you, or perhaps you actually perceive it for the first time? Yeah, Disappear was a slap in the face made of lump in the throat and burning eyes. You don’t have to be deceased to feel this song in you, and people felt it. At least I did- it hit something in me, about my days of… we won’t get into that. Lets just say it hurt- but the good kind of hurt that says ‘we know what you know- you don’t have to die to be a ghost- in fact, you don’t have to be dying to die.
Ooh! The part of my fan girl squeeing. ‘Can you hear me cry out to you’ was sung, hand on his heart, to out section in the seats *dies*. There was a moment, perhaps a coincidence, but I dunno- when Gee sung at us, I reached toward him, exploding-TV-in the-Patient‘s-hospital-room style. And I have no idea if he saw me or not, but he reached too, and I nearly fainted from the combination of chills and warmth it gave me.
So yes, I sang my heart out, and when I wasn’t screamingly unaware of my surroundings, I stopped to cheer on Ray’s head banging. He didn’t do much- just a bit at the ‘how far down’ part. And then I screamed ‘FUCK’ with them and this guy in front of us gave me this look because I messed up the video he was bootlegging.
The Sharpest Lives made people scream. I guess they like it more than HoW? This song hit me too, because this concert could not have come at a better time. For two weeks before, I’d been so stressed that yes, I was in pain. Lots of pain. I was losing things- my driver’s licence, my sanity, my Field Ecology paper, my friends. Hence the hiatus (which was the stupidest idea ever, as if leaving you guys did me any good). So yes, this was my shot to remember, this was taking away my pain, I do love all the boys, and at this point, I did in fact, feel very drunk- ON LIFE. Matt really seemed to like this song. Yeah, no Mikey yet, however much I thought it was him. He had Mikey!hair, I couldn’t help but think for a split second that it was him, but he was a bit too short and muscular..
I’m going to stop here to point out something that made me kind of swell. They were of course, all wearing their Black Parade outfits, but one thing that caught my eye was that Matt wasn’t wearing Mikey’s. He was wearing his own, which is just… I had been resentful to him, because of course it meant no Mikey, but the band, you can tell, really like him and I think he’s become like their version of a Jason White. The fact that he had his own uniform really warmed me up to him for some reason.
Welcome
Everyone sang. We had a decent crowd last night- I don’t think there was over 10 000 people, but holy shit it sounded like 50 000. The kids love this one J. This is where Gerard’s voice really came out. Either he’s made a gigantic improvement or I just don’t pay attention, but either way, LotMS does NOT do him justice. He is a-fucking-amazing (hee random squeeing!Craig quote).
Perhaps he struck to the song’s a bit too much (as in sound just like the CD), but hey, he just got over food poisoning. I should mention the ass kicking Ray’s guitar did here- fuck! We should all call him ‘Crazyfingers!RayToro‘. Oh yeah, and Frank danced a bit here, which made me smile. But it wasn’t really dancing because of the long distance between beats. It was more like… random giant steps while playing and nodding your head, but it was cute. Hessomuchsmallerinperson!
But that last note, everyone friggen held for as long as they could and the echo in the venue was amazing, not to mention the CONFETTI!!!
I Don’t Love You used to really hurt because I sing it to myself in keeping that I have a bigger guilt complex than the Catholic church. I used to scream it in my head that I hate what I used to be, that I don’t love that girl that screws everything up but has no strength to deal with it. But for some reason, it made me really fucking happy. Like… floating. I can’t place why- it was just so pretty and easy on everyone. Bob seemed to be alright now- exhausted, but drumming casually and perhaps alright. Frank looked EXCATLY like he did in the video, like strumming with head to one side. I think maybe they like this song, or one of them does, and we all felt it.
House of Wolves: SLASH. SIGNIFICANT GAYNESS. Yeah. So HoW began with Bob getting that ‘ooh here we go look’ and starting that drum line and Lindsay and I squealing like the school girls we are. But the audience didn’t seem to know it too well, which is really weird.
The boys seemed pretty fuckin happy though. Ray way bouncing a little. Cortez hadn’t really moved, so Frank kind went and stood in front of him, back to the audience, perhaps as encouragement. I saw Bob SMILE again, and, still turned to Matt, Frankie spread his legs really wide and kinda hunched over his guitar to play. That’s part 1.
So yeah, then next, as Gerard sings the ‘he-ey, hallelujah’ part, he turns to the boys and kinda struts over, still singing. And (eee!!!!) while he sang the line ‘let the spirit come on through ya’, he spread his legs to and did this weird hip shake thing (which I do believe is a Liza move) toward Frank’s ASS, and Frank bent over a little more and didn‘t leave that spot until just after Gerard left (which tells me he did notice what was happening even though he acted oblivious- cute). And I forgot to mention that Bob STARED through the whole thing. No word of a lie.
Moherfucker. I couldn’t make that up if I tried. In that split second I had my first priest/sinner boy fantasy, and I‘m think perhaps Mr. Bryar AND Mr. Cortez did too.
I don’t know how many people clued in, because he wasn’t thrusting so much as kinda vibrating himself J, and to anyone who had been following, say Gerard, instead of Frank, it looked like Frank just happened to be there. But yeah, it was intentional, and we all know that balls always get involved when Frank goes way over to Gerard’s side of the stage. Hee. But now every time I hear that line I hear something rather phallic in that man’s voice. “Let the spirit come on through ya”? Oh god, that’s SO dirty.
And then there was Cancer. “This song… is about a disease.” Holy fuck Gerard, I almost burst into tears right there. Screw slash- Gerard sang his little heart out, poured it onto to everyone in the stadium. And I was really bummed because my lighter disappeared and I wanted to wave it old school. Something kind of weird happened here. There are lots of parts where Gee varies from the song- like he adds some notes and lengthens words, but the audience got it. Dibs (aka Debra) recorded the sound with her camera, and it’s kind of scary. I don’t remember much because I was, in fact, crying from the awful gentleness of it, but how did we know to sing there, and what notes to belt out?
So that ended, and the bit at the start of Sleep came on. It was dark so I don’t know if Gerard was actually talking or if it was an extended version of that sound clip. But ironically, this is the first time I fainted. You know how you always have a rough patch to get past when you exercise where your need to push yourself before you find your rhythm and suddenly you have energy? Yeah, I wasn’t there yet. So at the bridge “Just sleep, just sleep,” I started to jump and scream with the guitars and scream with him and I guess I overdid it. I have low haemoglobin, so it happens sometimes, but yeah, Lindsay caught me and I sat until Mama came on.
Mama (warning. Less coherency that unusual)
My favourite song off The Black Parade!! And when the intro started, boom! -there was that rhythm I talked about. I was all bouncyenergybounce! and squee! and the best chorus EVERR, FUCK. Ooh Gee touched himself- ran a hand down his body- as he sang the coffin your size line, and let us scream some of the lines at him.
TWO THREE FOUR! *explodes* Fuck that part is good. Toro and Iero kicked so much ass and fuck, I did the screaming-in-pain part with them, and I think the bootleg guy thought I was having an orgasm. I kinda was, so it’s all good. And then Gee CRIED. And was all ‘it’s okay Gerard!’ but it came out kind of shot. He was such a diva during that song that I um… failed to pay attention to anyone or anything else, such as Lindsay telling me to sit before I collapse *is a horrible person*.
Teenagers made the place explode. He didn’t have to sing at all- everyone was dancing teenage death boys and teenage death girls and screaming because fuck, were just not evil, but it’s fun to sing a song that says we are. Ooh and something in the mosh pit made Frankie veeeery giggly. I really wish I could have heard that stupidly adorable laugh of his, because he actually broke out that shit eating smile and nodded his head at someone. I want to know what it was that made him so happy, but I’m thinking maybe it was just the teenagers going crazy…
“The Black Parade has two songs left” made everyone so sad and confused. Oh dear. They were all looking at their watches going ‘but it’s only 9’.
Disenchanted was sooo captivating. It was really sweetly sung, even thought the band members looked really tired. Bob’s face was soaking with sweat, and there are seriously times when I wonder how he keeps that heavy shirt on. But yeah, he looked really flushed. Frankie SAT on an amp or something and he looked really… good. I can’t really explain it except maybe seeing him sit while on a stage was a bit unnerving and sentimental at the same time. But we all got to sing the ‘whaaaaa- oooh’ parts- eee! I don’t know why I love it when they made the audience sing, but… it’s like the ultimate priveledge really.
Ray and the acoustic = AWW. He was so gentle with it and just… sombre. His hair colour is almost what it was in LotMS if anyone was wondering. And I did happen to notice Gerard give Bob a concerned look during the outro.
Famous Last Words made everyone happy and just uuuugh kinda manly and strong feeling, if you know what I mean. Also, Gee, the way you sing the word ‘heart’ is so fucking cute. He did the pose dancing again, as well as a bit of face grabbing. I screamed the chorus and the rest of the song after that at the top of my lungs, because thank you, that song just makes me eternally grateful each and every one of them was born- that their parents and grandparents were born. That song, for that 5 minutes of my life, fixed everything that was ever wrong, that ever hurt me, that ever hurt others, that ever should’ve hurt. That’s when I cried, after the second chorus, when life was the most perfect it had been since Minority live in 2005. I cried and screamed and sang and when they left, I was still screaming until I collapsed back into my seat.
A side note, Frankie left fast- I think he likes the MCR set better. He actually beat Matt off the stage. Ray kind of trudged out, Gerard was pretty brisk too. Bob had a tech stand by to help him off the drum set, which broke my heart. I mean yeah, it’s a high platform, but if he were in perfect health, he’d just jump off. I caught a glimpse of him swaying a little while he walked and just gah! No, that just isn’t right, you know? Bob, the band ROCK, not even being able to walk straight? Although to be fair, he’d been sitting for a while.
The wait between Black Parade and MCR was really nice. I got to rest, finally, and sing Blood with the rest of the audience. My friends were apparently expressing concern for me because I had hardly stopped jumping and moving since the show began. And apparently I looked drunk. Well, I felt drunk too. Seriously. I felt intoxicated, and happy and just delusionally wonderful with everything. I think the part of my brain that dealt with stress and self image (and self awareness), and conformity and pain all shut down and shrunk away to make room for the part of my brain that was screaming “MCRMCRMCRMCRMCRMCRYAY!!!!” So yeah, they thought I’d hit my head or something, and to be honest, it was probably dehydration. So ten-fifteen minutes later I’d had a bit of water and took some time to make my self less deranged.
And then the guitars for I’m Not OK (I Promise) came on LIVE and the curtains opened to the boys in different clothes (which of course meant they’d changed Bullet in a Bible style *ooh bums*). The order of these songs might be fucked, but the first and last songs are right.
So um... INOkay had me screaming my lungs out, because ‘I own all 3 albums‘, represent! And the bootleg guy looked at Lindsay, Meg and I because we were singing again and eee! Jumping around in/at our seats,
Heaven Help Us- the intro played and I sort of did this yelp of happiness like “EEE!” and I’m pretty sure I caught Gerard’s attention again. He sang the first bit to our section. And I sang the words back, and screamed “someone save us”, because Gee… sometimes I think you and your band are the saints that’ll bring the world around. Don’t tell Billie Joe I said that. Anyway, this is where the fans came in and they were strong, if not scattered. We sang that beautiful song- I always thought it sounded like a Romancized Christmas Carol, which I why its awesome.
Give Em Hell Kid began at some point and I squee my ass off because I know the boys like it from the way they talk about it. Except I screamed “You’re beautiful!!” an Gee didn’t, which made me feel kind of stupid. No one I had brought knew the song so they thought I was fangirling again- but then again, it’s not like I didn’t mean it…
Oh and he boys: even though Frankie was starting to unfold himself from his guitar, Ray was looking progressively worse and less active. He had kind of stopped bobbing his head and just… playing… tired maybe, or maybe he just wasn’t feeling it. Gerard put a hand on his shoulder at some point in the song, I guess for good measure.
Venom! VenomVenomVenom!! My god the guitars make me feel like such a… whore… Anyway, Frankie was really dancing and even spun once! Ray looked a bit cheerier. Bob was calming down so the break ad done him good. I should mention Frankie had on a blood red TIE, which is made win. Gerard had that shortish black-jean jacket with all the buttons (which I’m not sure if it’s his or Frankie’s because there are lots of pictures of them both in it). Oh yeah. And tight pants. Meester Cortez just wore a black shirt and jeans. But he looked incredibly, incredibly HOT. Seriously, he wasn’t hiding his face anymore. Ray I couldn’t see as well- he was on the opposite side of the stage and it was dark but I think he just had jeans and a black shirt. Bob just had a on black button up, which he’d already loosened by about three of them- GUH, that golden V of skin… Another Guh!worthy aspect has to be Ray’s voice. I don’t know what it is, but it’s so damn… yummy.
So Venom ended with everyone who knew it going ‘RARGH!’- and it made Gee SMILE! *squee!* Not the insane leader of the Black Parade; just Gerard, happy to be here, happy to be on a stage, happy to be himself (his stage self at least), Gerard. He liked our ‘Rargh!’… *sighs*
So we hear the intro to Prison and a girl behind us somewhere blurts “OMG is this the GAY song?’ *giggles* Gerard goes on a spew about romance here, being in love with girls, in love with boys. And then “So who here’s been jealous of a pretty girl?” Some of the audience cheered, mostly ladies. And Gerard SMILES and nods his head, “Uh-huh, I get that.” And he kept on going on about being jealous of girls- I kinda didn’t catch all of what he said because ldkxlajkdzlkxchuioewn. But yeah, I waiting for the jealous of boys, but that never came. Because none of his bandmates are dating boys :D…
I must go on about Prison because there was some minor SLASH in the form of cuddling- my favourite thing ever. Basically Frankie was really into it now, and ventured over to Gerard and put his head on Gee’s shoulder while mouthing the first chorus. You know, the one in LotMS where Gerard’s voice gets low and murmurs ‘I kiss your lips’ and nnnngh? He did that. While Frank was on him, nuzzling his neck. Gee kinda of tilted towards him, like always. Nothing unusual, especially for that song but nice very nice to see. I swear, they are always together, they’re always so… they must have a thing- some sort of gay friendship…
Anyway, the second chorus of Prison was where I fainted again, but this time I managed to catch myself. I was screaming the chorus, and have you ever noticed you find you can scream better, for longer, and louder at concerts? I don’t think that was actually true for me. I think I just thought I could, because I almost screamed the whole chorus without a breath, except around ‘too much, too late’, my knees gave out and I sort of grabbed the arm of the seat and flung myself into it. I never completely lost consciousness, because I could still hear and hold myself up a little, but I couldn’t actually see or get up for a few seconds.
Bootleg guy looked a bit concerned, so I gave everyone around me a thumbs up sign and hoisted myself back into the song. It’s Prison! You can’t just not mosh… Lindsay had given up on me by then. I wasn’t jumping as high so much as shaking my head and letting my hair do all the dancing. It kept sticking to my face.
Helena was the last song, and we all knew it. We screamed it, I almost cried (I wanted to), and it was as simple as that. They just play it and blew the place away. And then they left us.
The second the lights went on I collapsed into my seat, in all post-coital looking glory.
This is me, Dead! Note that my hair is shiny from being drenched in sweat, note the redness, the deadness and most of all, that manically content and happy smile. That didn’t leave my face for about and hour. (My friends don't have LJ so I can't post em up here)
As soon as I stood up, I realized how much of an idiot I had been. I was so dehydrated I was about to throw up, but I couldn’t afford fucking four dollars for a bottle of water. Pain kind of hit me everywhere. First my arms, from pumping them so hard, my shoulders, my back, and fuck, my legs. Without realizing it, I had hit my shins and calves against the seat several times and torn them to bits from jumping for two hours straight. In short I’ll be feeling that concert for weeks to come.
I limped out of the stadium, it a bit of a daze because, you know, endorphins were coursing through me- from either the pain or the exhaustion, or perhaps just the effect of the music. Either way, some strange sort of warmth spread through me, and didn’t leave until we made it out into the cool night air. Lindsay and Debra bought cheap shirts from a guy outside (10, as opposed to the 30 Megan and I spent), rawrr. And if I’d had ten left, I wouldn’t bought one for my little sister, even though she likes Fergie and Hilary Duff better *giggles*. We caught up with some people we knew after until cousin Lindsay caught her ride home and mom came for Dibs, Meg and I a few minutes later.
I could hardly speak in the car ride. The girls were talking about the Bled and I really wish I could understand why since you know, MCR had by them occupied every part of my brain. I realize now they hadn’t been so… affected. It was 'just a concert' after all…
We dropped Megan off and lumbered in. I quickly changed because, yup, I had infact peed a little a some point and not realized it.(TMI sorry *laughs*) Downstairs, Dibs and I set up the sofa bed and crashed in our merchandise. She kept talking to me, but I couldn’t even move and probably fell asleep while she was in mid-sentence. *smacks head* Bad Erin, bad!
Today [I posted late so it’s actually yesterday now] I woke up exhausted and unable, again, to even roll over. It was about 5:30 (I’m an early riser and the sun was up) so I kinda shifted until I could just support my self if I held onto the exercise bike. There were crutches in the other room and I went and used them because I’m a pussy. Dibs took this of me, my glasses and my crude morning mix of coffee, hot chocolate, brown sugar, honey, vanilla extract and coke.
It’s a Friday, but a PD day which is very lucky, so essentially everyone left the house but me. So I’m sitting here in the morning, my makeup running because as soon as everyone left the house I burst into these tears that I was holding since the concert ended. And The End is playing on iTunes, and you know what? I did die last night. That’s what it feels like. Like they killed me, and burned the body. So that when I wake up, I’m reborn, whole, sprung from my own ashes- and that soreness in my leg is a bit of old flesh I haven’t shed yet.
All year I’ve been throwing out entries like “I get it”, “I understand”, but now I really fucking get it. And you know you have it when you can’t explain it to others. I can’t explain it. Maybe the closest I can get us that the music (currently Dead!) is playing out side, but resonating inside- but not just the music- them. I learned about resonance in Physics- when two objects have the same frequency, the sound of one draws sound out of the other. And Jeebus, I can’t stop singing and crying and tilting my head to the ceiling.
Ok I stopped :)
For anyone who doesn't want to read that, here's list of highlights and stuff :)
-Gee said a lot less than I expected but there was this:
"Helloooo Ontario!" (crowd cheers) "I hear you've got a pretty important hockey game [Sens vs Buffalo] tonight!" (crowd explodes) "Well don't worry. Last time I checked, *huffs cutely* they were winning." (crowd explodes again) "I'm actually serious [his accent is SO cute here]. We were watching it backstage- that why we're so late."
- Gerard trying to identify with us by saying the Black Parade in French. "Le Black Parade." *giggles*
-Frank gradually getting more and more hyper
-Matt's Mikey!hair
-If Brian has gained a tiny bit of weight recently, then I saw him talking to tech backstage. If not, I saw a hot guy in a basebal cap :)
-The smiles :D
-The Torofro was quite free and happy, even if Ray was not.
-GURNEY, VENOM, HEAVEN.
-Gerard crying during Mama
-Ironically fainting during Sleep.
-Making eye contact, I'm pretty sure...
-One thing I have to point out was how calm and mellow Frank was. I have a feeling he feeds off Ray, (who didn't look so good- maybe he was tired).
-Alas no pictures allowed at ALL, but Dibs snuck some sound and video as mementos...
That's it. I don't really know what to do with myself, now. I never wanted to meet them before, but now I just want... more- which has never happened before. I'm not worried about what I'd say or how scared I'd be for once in my life. I want more of them, but that's not really possible. I guess all I can say is you haven;t lived until you've done what we've done :)
EDIT: It took me two hours to orient this post *dies*
I’m not very good at reviews, and I’m an emotional sap, but here goes anyway
I can’t believe I was actually there. I’ll never be the same. I’m a small town girl, I can’t do many concerts, so the ones I go to are a dream come true and this is no exception. It still doesn’t feel real, but I still want more.
Alright so to start I was nervous as fuck and I don’t know why. I guess its that old ‘Oh god, this is actually happening’ feeling we get when we forget the people we idolize are actually human. I still have doubts about dear Gee
So we get there and merch is icky expensive- more than the tickets in most cases, which just ain’t right really. I couldn’t afford a hoodie, which I wanted, so I bought a shirt with tour dates instead.
We got to our seats and giggled at the ground. It was the same as Green Day- I was an idiot to wear black because EVERYONE wore black and they would all burn up pretty fast. Luckily I had some bright blue underneath J I was pissed right off because it seems I was the only one who read that “NO GENERAL ADMISSION” in bright read on the ‘purchase tickets’ page and yup, everyone I knew who went ignored that and got into the pit save for us. Fucking Ticketmaster.
I was so nerve wrecked- I don’t know why. The Bled came out and their set lasted forever- but that was only because Megan had told me Rise Against and Muse would be there too, so I figured they would only play two songs. The first song was really good, as was Gemini, and they had an awesome set, but I wasn’t feeling it after the first 3. They are awesome performers- the lead singer really reminded me of younger!Gerard except when he pulled his shirt up, and then it was slutty!Billie with a Torofro. I feel bad for them, having to play for a stationary audience…
We quickly snapped this before the wait:
That's me BEFORE (deer-in-headlights!). There will be an after picture cause I'm a nerd that way.
On a side note, I’m about to write about when MCR comes out and I just burst into tears. I don’t know if their happy or sad tears yet.
Alright. So we hear the flatline, and everyone just fucking freezes- for a split second, the whole audience, and I got chills because, fuck, this was happening. And then the GURNEY was rolled out, again, which made me incredibly happy because I’d heard they’d stopped doing that for a while. And Gee popped out of it and that’s where my memory gets a bit fuzzy.
The End was so… wonderful. It was just perfect in every way possible, and gorgeous and Gee did that thing where he strikes a different pose on every beat.
Dead! Was good and bouncy, and when I began to jump around in where I stood, I was kind of the first person to do so- in the seats anyway- not everyone was into it yet. Anyway, it caught Gerard‘s attention somehow and that gaze, even from there- I mean I know for sure he was looking right at me because I felt it. It sort of made me zone out to everything but him and Jeebus. I think that might of bee the moment I was marked as She-Who-Jumps-First, which would explain what happened in This is How I Disappear.
I kind of regained consciousness after a second, in that I started to look at the other boys and see if they were alright. Frankie was taking it very easy- very. He hardly left his side (our side or the venue) or moved around, but that might have been him trying to tone it down so the Black Parade could stay… dignified? I don’t know… Anyway, Bob looked like he was fairing alright and even smiled at Frankie when the boy turned to face him. *melts* His smile is… just… awwwwsecksawww. Less people sang than I would have liked, but the collective final DEAD! of the fans managed to be heard over the pyrotechnic boom (which methinks they got from Green Day because Gerard spread his arms as it went off and almost did the Jesus pose).
This is How I Disappear took me by surprise. You know when you suddenly realize a song affects you, or perhaps you actually perceive it for the first time? Yeah, Disappear was a slap in the face made of lump in the throat and burning eyes. You don’t have to be deceased to feel this song in you, and people felt it. At least I did- it hit something in me, about my days of… we won’t get into that. Lets just say it hurt- but the good kind of hurt that says ‘we know what you know- you don’t have to die to be a ghost- in fact, you don’t have to be dying to die.
Ooh! The part of my fan girl squeeing. ‘Can you hear me cry out to you’ was sung, hand on his heart, to out section in the seats *dies*. There was a moment, perhaps a coincidence, but I dunno- when Gee sung at us, I reached toward him, exploding-TV-in the-Patient‘s-hospital-room style. And I have no idea if he saw me or not, but he reached too, and I nearly fainted from the combination of chills and warmth it gave me.
So yes, I sang my heart out, and when I wasn’t screamingly unaware of my surroundings, I stopped to cheer on Ray’s head banging. He didn’t do much- just a bit at the ‘how far down’ part. And then I screamed ‘FUCK’ with them and this guy in front of us gave me this look because I messed up the video he was bootlegging.
The Sharpest Lives made people scream. I guess they like it more than HoW? This song hit me too, because this concert could not have come at a better time. For two weeks before, I’d been so stressed that yes, I was in pain. Lots of pain. I was losing things- my driver’s licence, my sanity, my Field Ecology paper, my friends. Hence the hiatus (which was the stupidest idea ever, as if leaving you guys did me any good). So yes, this was my shot to remember, this was taking away my pain, I do love all the boys, and at this point, I did in fact, feel very drunk- ON LIFE. Matt really seemed to like this song. Yeah, no Mikey yet, however much I thought it was him. He had Mikey!hair, I couldn’t help but think for a split second that it was him, but he was a bit too short and muscular..
I’m going to stop here to point out something that made me kind of swell. They were of course, all wearing their Black Parade outfits, but one thing that caught my eye was that Matt wasn’t wearing Mikey’s. He was wearing his own, which is just… I had been resentful to him, because of course it meant no Mikey, but the band, you can tell, really like him and I think he’s become like their version of a Jason White. The fact that he had his own uniform really warmed me up to him for some reason.
Welcome
Everyone sang. We had a decent crowd last night- I don’t think there was over 10 000 people, but holy shit it sounded like 50 000. The kids love this one J. This is where Gerard’s voice really came out. Either he’s made a gigantic improvement or I just don’t pay attention, but either way, LotMS does NOT do him justice. He is a-fucking-amazing (hee random squeeing!Craig quote).
Perhaps he struck to the song’s a bit too much (as in sound just like the CD), but hey, he just got over food poisoning. I should mention the ass kicking Ray’s guitar did here- fuck! We should all call him ‘Crazyfingers!RayToro‘. Oh yeah, and Frank danced a bit here, which made me smile. But it wasn’t really dancing because of the long distance between beats. It was more like… random giant steps while playing and nodding your head, but it was cute. Hessomuchsmallerinperson!
But that last note, everyone friggen held for as long as they could and the echo in the venue was amazing, not to mention the CONFETTI!!!
I Don’t Love You used to really hurt because I sing it to myself in keeping that I have a bigger guilt complex than the Catholic church. I used to scream it in my head that I hate what I used to be, that I don’t love that girl that screws everything up but has no strength to deal with it. But for some reason, it made me really fucking happy. Like… floating. I can’t place why- it was just so pretty and easy on everyone. Bob seemed to be alright now- exhausted, but drumming casually and perhaps alright. Frank looked EXCATLY like he did in the video, like strumming with head to one side. I think maybe they like this song, or one of them does, and we all felt it.
House of Wolves: SLASH. SIGNIFICANT GAYNESS. Yeah. So HoW began with Bob getting that ‘ooh here we go look’ and starting that drum line and Lindsay and I squealing like the school girls we are. But the audience didn’t seem to know it too well, which is really weird.
The boys seemed pretty fuckin happy though. Ray way bouncing a little. Cortez hadn’t really moved, so Frank kind went and stood in front of him, back to the audience, perhaps as encouragement. I saw Bob SMILE again, and, still turned to Matt, Frankie spread his legs really wide and kinda hunched over his guitar to play. That’s part 1.
So yeah, then next, as Gerard sings the ‘he-ey, hallelujah’ part, he turns to the boys and kinda struts over, still singing. And (eee!!!!) while he sang the line ‘let the spirit come on through ya’, he spread his legs to and did this weird hip shake thing (which I do believe is a Liza move) toward Frank’s ASS, and Frank bent over a little more and didn‘t leave that spot until just after Gerard left (which tells me he did notice what was happening even though he acted oblivious- cute). And I forgot to mention that Bob STARED through the whole thing. No word of a lie.
Moherfucker. I couldn’t make that up if I tried. In that split second I had my first priest/sinner boy fantasy, and I‘m think perhaps Mr. Bryar AND Mr. Cortez did too.
I don’t know how many people clued in, because he wasn’t thrusting so much as kinda vibrating himself J, and to anyone who had been following, say Gerard, instead of Frank, it looked like Frank just happened to be there. But yeah, it was intentional, and we all know that balls always get involved when Frank goes way over to Gerard’s side of the stage. Hee. But now every time I hear that line I hear something rather phallic in that man’s voice. “Let the spirit come on through ya”? Oh god, that’s SO dirty.
And then there was Cancer. “This song… is about a disease.” Holy fuck Gerard, I almost burst into tears right there. Screw slash- Gerard sang his little heart out, poured it onto to everyone in the stadium. And I was really bummed because my lighter disappeared and I wanted to wave it old school. Something kind of weird happened here. There are lots of parts where Gee varies from the song- like he adds some notes and lengthens words, but the audience got it. Dibs (aka Debra) recorded the sound with her camera, and it’s kind of scary. I don’t remember much because I was, in fact, crying from the awful gentleness of it, but how did we know to sing there, and what notes to belt out?
So that ended, and the bit at the start of Sleep came on. It was dark so I don’t know if Gerard was actually talking or if it was an extended version of that sound clip. But ironically, this is the first time I fainted. You know how you always have a rough patch to get past when you exercise where your need to push yourself before you find your rhythm and suddenly you have energy? Yeah, I wasn’t there yet. So at the bridge “Just sleep, just sleep,” I started to jump and scream with the guitars and scream with him and I guess I overdid it. I have low haemoglobin, so it happens sometimes, but yeah, Lindsay caught me and I sat until Mama came on.
Mama (warning. Less coherency that unusual)
My favourite song off The Black Parade!! And when the intro started, boom! -there was that rhythm I talked about. I was all bouncyenergybounce! and squee! and the best chorus EVERR, FUCK. Ooh Gee touched himself- ran a hand down his body- as he sang the coffin your size line, and let us scream some of the lines at him.
TWO THREE FOUR! *explodes* Fuck that part is good. Toro and Iero kicked so much ass and fuck, I did the screaming-in-pain part with them, and I think the bootleg guy thought I was having an orgasm. I kinda was, so it’s all good. And then Gee CRIED. And was all ‘it’s okay Gerard!’ but it came out kind of shot. He was such a diva during that song that I um… failed to pay attention to anyone or anything else, such as Lindsay telling me to sit before I collapse *is a horrible person*.
Teenagers made the place explode. He didn’t have to sing at all- everyone was dancing teenage death boys and teenage death girls and screaming because fuck, were just not evil, but it’s fun to sing a song that says we are. Ooh and something in the mosh pit made Frankie veeeery giggly. I really wish I could have heard that stupidly adorable laugh of his, because he actually broke out that shit eating smile and nodded his head at someone. I want to know what it was that made him so happy, but I’m thinking maybe it was just the teenagers going crazy…
“The Black Parade has two songs left” made everyone so sad and confused. Oh dear. They were all looking at their watches going ‘but it’s only 9’.
Disenchanted was sooo captivating. It was really sweetly sung, even thought the band members looked really tired. Bob’s face was soaking with sweat, and there are seriously times when I wonder how he keeps that heavy shirt on. But yeah, he looked really flushed. Frankie SAT on an amp or something and he looked really… good. I can’t really explain it except maybe seeing him sit while on a stage was a bit unnerving and sentimental at the same time. But we all got to sing the ‘whaaaaa- oooh’ parts- eee! I don’t know why I love it when they made the audience sing, but… it’s like the ultimate priveledge really.
Ray and the acoustic = AWW. He was so gentle with it and just… sombre. His hair colour is almost what it was in LotMS if anyone was wondering. And I did happen to notice Gerard give Bob a concerned look during the outro.
Famous Last Words made everyone happy and just uuuugh kinda manly and strong feeling, if you know what I mean. Also, Gee, the way you sing the word ‘heart’ is so fucking cute. He did the pose dancing again, as well as a bit of face grabbing. I screamed the chorus and the rest of the song after that at the top of my lungs, because thank you, that song just makes me eternally grateful each and every one of them was born- that their parents and grandparents were born. That song, for that 5 minutes of my life, fixed everything that was ever wrong, that ever hurt me, that ever hurt others, that ever should’ve hurt. That’s when I cried, after the second chorus, when life was the most perfect it had been since Minority live in 2005. I cried and screamed and sang and when they left, I was still screaming until I collapsed back into my seat.
A side note, Frankie left fast- I think he likes the MCR set better. He actually beat Matt off the stage. Ray kind of trudged out, Gerard was pretty brisk too. Bob had a tech stand by to help him off the drum set, which broke my heart. I mean yeah, it’s a high platform, but if he were in perfect health, he’d just jump off. I caught a glimpse of him swaying a little while he walked and just gah! No, that just isn’t right, you know? Bob, the band ROCK, not even being able to walk straight? Although to be fair, he’d been sitting for a while.
The wait between Black Parade and MCR was really nice. I got to rest, finally, and sing Blood with the rest of the audience. My friends were apparently expressing concern for me because I had hardly stopped jumping and moving since the show began. And apparently I looked drunk. Well, I felt drunk too. Seriously. I felt intoxicated, and happy and just delusionally wonderful with everything. I think the part of my brain that dealt with stress and self image (and self awareness), and conformity and pain all shut down and shrunk away to make room for the part of my brain that was screaming “MCRMCRMCRMCRMCRMCRYAY!!!!” So yeah, they thought I’d hit my head or something, and to be honest, it was probably dehydration. So ten-fifteen minutes later I’d had a bit of water and took some time to make my self less deranged.
And then the guitars for I’m Not OK (I Promise) came on LIVE and the curtains opened to the boys in different clothes (which of course meant they’d changed Bullet in a Bible style *ooh bums*). The order of these songs might be fucked, but the first and last songs are right.
So um... INOkay had me screaming my lungs out, because ‘I own all 3 albums‘, represent! And the bootleg guy looked at Lindsay, Meg and I because we were singing again and eee! Jumping around in/at our seats,
Heaven Help Us- the intro played and I sort of did this yelp of happiness like “EEE!” and I’m pretty sure I caught Gerard’s attention again. He sang the first bit to our section. And I sang the words back, and screamed “someone save us”, because Gee… sometimes I think you and your band are the saints that’ll bring the world around. Don’t tell Billie Joe I said that. Anyway, this is where the fans came in and they were strong, if not scattered. We sang that beautiful song- I always thought it sounded like a Romancized Christmas Carol, which I why its awesome.
Give Em Hell Kid began at some point and I squee my ass off because I know the boys like it from the way they talk about it. Except I screamed “You’re beautiful!!” an Gee didn’t, which made me feel kind of stupid. No one I had brought knew the song so they thought I was fangirling again- but then again, it’s not like I didn’t mean it…
Oh and he boys: even though Frankie was starting to unfold himself from his guitar, Ray was looking progressively worse and less active. He had kind of stopped bobbing his head and just… playing… tired maybe, or maybe he just wasn’t feeling it. Gerard put a hand on his shoulder at some point in the song, I guess for good measure.
Venom! VenomVenomVenom!! My god the guitars make me feel like such a… whore… Anyway, Frankie was really dancing and even spun once! Ray looked a bit cheerier. Bob was calming down so the break ad done him good. I should mention Frankie had on a blood red TIE, which is made win. Gerard had that shortish black-jean jacket with all the buttons (which I’m not sure if it’s his or Frankie’s because there are lots of pictures of them both in it). Oh yeah. And tight pants. Meester Cortez just wore a black shirt and jeans. But he looked incredibly, incredibly HOT. Seriously, he wasn’t hiding his face anymore. Ray I couldn’t see as well- he was on the opposite side of the stage and it was dark but I think he just had jeans and a black shirt. Bob just had a on black button up, which he’d already loosened by about three of them- GUH, that golden V of skin… Another Guh!worthy aspect has to be Ray’s voice. I don’t know what it is, but it’s so damn… yummy.
So Venom ended with everyone who knew it going ‘RARGH!’- and it made Gee SMILE! *squee!* Not the insane leader of the Black Parade; just Gerard, happy to be here, happy to be on a stage, happy to be himself (his stage self at least), Gerard. He liked our ‘Rargh!’… *sighs*
So we hear the intro to Prison and a girl behind us somewhere blurts “OMG is this the GAY song?’ *giggles* Gerard goes on a spew about romance here, being in love with girls, in love with boys. And then “So who here’s been jealous of a pretty girl?” Some of the audience cheered, mostly ladies. And Gerard SMILES and nods his head, “Uh-huh, I get that.” And he kept on going on about being jealous of girls- I kinda didn’t catch all of what he said because ldkxlajkdzlkxchuioewn. But yeah, I waiting for the jealous of boys, but that never came. Because none of his bandmates are dating boys :D…
I must go on about Prison because there was some minor SLASH in the form of cuddling- my favourite thing ever. Basically Frankie was really into it now, and ventured over to Gerard and put his head on Gee’s shoulder while mouthing the first chorus. You know, the one in LotMS where Gerard’s voice gets low and murmurs ‘I kiss your lips’ and nnnngh? He did that. While Frank was on him, nuzzling his neck. Gee kinda of tilted towards him, like always. Nothing unusual, especially for that song but nice very nice to see. I swear, they are always together, they’re always so… they must have a thing- some sort of gay friendship…
Anyway, the second chorus of Prison was where I fainted again, but this time I managed to catch myself. I was screaming the chorus, and have you ever noticed you find you can scream better, for longer, and louder at concerts? I don’t think that was actually true for me. I think I just thought I could, because I almost screamed the whole chorus without a breath, except around ‘too much, too late’, my knees gave out and I sort of grabbed the arm of the seat and flung myself into it. I never completely lost consciousness, because I could still hear and hold myself up a little, but I couldn’t actually see or get up for a few seconds.
Bootleg guy looked a bit concerned, so I gave everyone around me a thumbs up sign and hoisted myself back into the song. It’s Prison! You can’t just not mosh… Lindsay had given up on me by then. I wasn’t jumping as high so much as shaking my head and letting my hair do all the dancing. It kept sticking to my face.
Helena was the last song, and we all knew it. We screamed it, I almost cried (I wanted to), and it was as simple as that. They just play it and blew the place away. And then they left us.
The second the lights went on I collapsed into my seat, in all post-coital looking glory.
This is me, Dead! Note that my hair is shiny from being drenched in sweat, note the redness, the deadness and most of all, that manically content and happy smile. That didn’t leave my face for about and hour. (My friends don't have LJ so I can't post em up here)
As soon as I stood up, I realized how much of an idiot I had been. I was so dehydrated I was about to throw up, but I couldn’t afford fucking four dollars for a bottle of water. Pain kind of hit me everywhere. First my arms, from pumping them so hard, my shoulders, my back, and fuck, my legs. Without realizing it, I had hit my shins and calves against the seat several times and torn them to bits from jumping for two hours straight. In short I’ll be feeling that concert for weeks to come.
I limped out of the stadium, it a bit of a daze because, you know, endorphins were coursing through me- from either the pain or the exhaustion, or perhaps just the effect of the music. Either way, some strange sort of warmth spread through me, and didn’t leave until we made it out into the cool night air. Lindsay and Debra bought cheap shirts from a guy outside (10, as opposed to the 30 Megan and I spent), rawrr. And if I’d had ten left, I wouldn’t bought one for my little sister, even though she likes Fergie and Hilary Duff better *giggles*. We caught up with some people we knew after until cousin Lindsay caught her ride home and mom came for Dibs, Meg and I a few minutes later.
I could hardly speak in the car ride. The girls were talking about the Bled and I really wish I could understand why since you know, MCR had by them occupied every part of my brain. I realize now they hadn’t been so… affected. It was 'just a concert' after all…
We dropped Megan off and lumbered in. I quickly changed because, yup, I had infact peed a little a some point and not realized it.(TMI sorry *laughs*) Downstairs, Dibs and I set up the sofa bed and crashed in our merchandise. She kept talking to me, but I couldn’t even move and probably fell asleep while she was in mid-sentence. *smacks head* Bad Erin, bad!
Today [I posted late so it’s actually yesterday now] I woke up exhausted and unable, again, to even roll over. It was about 5:30 (I’m an early riser and the sun was up) so I kinda shifted until I could just support my self if I held onto the exercise bike. There were crutches in the other room and I went and used them because I’m a pussy. Dibs took this of me, my glasses and my crude morning mix of coffee, hot chocolate, brown sugar, honey, vanilla extract and coke.
It’s a Friday, but a PD day which is very lucky, so essentially everyone left the house but me. So I’m sitting here in the morning, my makeup running because as soon as everyone left the house I burst into these tears that I was holding since the concert ended. And The End is playing on iTunes, and you know what? I did die last night. That’s what it feels like. Like they killed me, and burned the body. So that when I wake up, I’m reborn, whole, sprung from my own ashes- and that soreness in my leg is a bit of old flesh I haven’t shed yet.
All year I’ve been throwing out entries like “I get it”, “I understand”, but now I really fucking get it. And you know you have it when you can’t explain it to others. I can’t explain it. Maybe the closest I can get us that the music (currently Dead!) is playing out side, but resonating inside- but not just the music- them. I learned about resonance in Physics- when two objects have the same frequency, the sound of one draws sound out of the other. And Jeebus, I can’t stop singing and crying and tilting my head to the ceiling.
Ok I stopped :)
For anyone who doesn't want to read that, here's list of highlights and stuff :)
-Gee said a lot less than I expected but there was this:
"Helloooo Ontario!" (crowd cheers) "I hear you've got a pretty important hockey game [Sens vs Buffalo] tonight!" (crowd explodes) "Well don't worry. Last time I checked, *huffs cutely* they were winning." (crowd explodes again) "I'm actually serious [his accent is SO cute here]. We were watching it backstage- that why we're so late."
- Gerard trying to identify with us by saying the Black Parade in French. "Le Black Parade." *giggles*
-Frank gradually getting more and more hyper
-Matt's Mikey!hair
-If Brian has gained a tiny bit of weight recently, then I saw him talking to tech backstage. If not, I saw a hot guy in a basebal cap :)
-The smiles :D
-The Torofro was quite free and happy, even if Ray was not.
-GURNEY, VENOM, HEAVEN.
-Gerard crying during Mama
-Ironically fainting during Sleep.
-Making eye contact, I'm pretty sure...
-One thing I have to point out was how calm and mellow Frank was. I have a feeling he feeds off Ray, (who didn't look so good- maybe he was tired).
-Alas no pictures allowed at ALL, but Dibs snuck some sound and video as mementos...
That's it. I don't really know what to do with myself, now. I never wanted to meet them before, but now I just want... more- which has never happened before. I'm not worried about what I'd say or how scared I'd be for once in my life. I want more of them, but that's not really possible. I guess all I can say is you haven;t lived until you've done what we've done :)
EDIT: It took me two hours to orient this post *dies*