(no subject)
so life has sucked so much in the past few weeks... coming back here to moms is hell... im just back into what i used to do... go to work come home after work for maybe 2 minutes then go out again until 11-12 at night and being gone all day... i cant handle being around them. i dont knwo why.
george is psycho... we already knew that but hes proven it himself.
me and leighna have gotten way lose i dont think ive ever had as much fun with one person as i do with her. its cool she actually makes me feel good. its fun to hang out with her and know someone understands me and maybe im not just a lost cause like everyone thought.
shes probably been the closest thing ive had to a best friend ever... fuck all the other people in my past they never cared and were selfish assholes.
but its so hard on us both because George is her older brother and im trying to stay away from him completely cause he keeps fucking up... new chicks all the time, fucking up his job, fucking up where he lives, and worst off fucking up with his family.
ive realized he has so many issues to deal with before he can grow up that it will take years and im sorry i cant wait around for years... i love him more than anything in this entire world but thats so wrong of him/anyone to ask of someone.
yes i still cry everyday yes i still hope and pray and wish and beg he would be mine... but no. its not going to happen, ever. he is so selfinvolved to have anyone else of any importance in his life.
me leighna talked about it yesterday... i might as well just cut off everything with him NOW cause im going to have to do it eventually and any way you look at it its going to hurt just as bad and it can get worse so why not just do it now and get it over with. yes having no contact with him at all is going to tear me up... just thinking about it rightnow is making me cry. i dont wanna lose what i KNOW he COULD be but chooses not to be... he really is a rad person despite the bad things. i only wish he could see it and would hold on to that.
oh well i guess.....
*dont cry because its over, smile because it happened*
.........i cant even do that, god i need him =(