what a slap in the face
there is nothing like being thrown into reality. here i am 20 about to be 21 and what have i done with my life? i am over $5,000 in debt and dont pay anything. i have a problem. last night was a big turning point for me. now people say you cant change over night....but somehow when i woke up this morning i have this large understanding of what i need to do. the responsabilities that i have and that in the end its time to grow up and handle this shit. sometimes i wonder why i fall into these slumps where i dont do anything that needs to be done. and then i realize that its because of many things. so thats it. over. i have decided that from now on every single need will be met before any of my wants....and yes at first i wont be happy becuase i am not getting what i want....but in the end i will have much less needs and be able to do/have what i want. i dont know how i could just wake up this morning and decide that all this bullshit is done...but i have and i have all intentions of making it happen....here is the run down of what will be most important...and yes in this order
keeping my job and finding another (this is only first because it is the greatest need to make sure the rest of the list keeps moving)
making sure joy has all she needs
making sure something is paid on all of my bills
making sure the house has everything it needs (food and such as well as kept very clean)
making sure that the relationship i am in is healthy and productive
and finally me...making sure i have ONLY my NEEDS
last night i realized somewhere along the line i have realy started to take advantage of people and treat them with the most disrespect i ever have. for that i am sorry. and i have every intention in the world to turn that around. i believe people can change....and i know that people believe in me....
this is time for a new melinda. a new grown up responsable melinda. one who makes sure all needs are met and wants are put last. a melinda who will respect and love with all that she has in her. for the first time ever i have faith in myself. never have i had faith in anything realy...let alone myself....so here i go setting out on the great new adventure that is bound to make loads of diffrence...and honestly i feel very good about myself for deciding to make this change....its been a long time coming....
to anyone that i have disrespected and treated like shit i am very sorry and ask you please will you forgive me. i will do all i can to be the best person i can be... and i know she is in there somewhere.... all i ask is for a little time and a swift kick in the ass if things start going down hill...
well i think thats all for now....i must go and see what is happening with the joy picking up her toys section of today. for my living room is a play ground and i wont have it anymore....
keeping my job and finding another (this is only first because it is the greatest need to make sure the rest of the list keeps moving)
making sure joy has all she needs
making sure something is paid on all of my bills
making sure the house has everything it needs (food and such as well as kept very clean)
making sure that the relationship i am in is healthy and productive
and finally me...making sure i have ONLY my NEEDS
last night i realized somewhere along the line i have realy started to take advantage of people and treat them with the most disrespect i ever have. for that i am sorry. and i have every intention in the world to turn that around. i believe people can change....and i know that people believe in me....
this is time for a new melinda. a new grown up responsable melinda. one who makes sure all needs are met and wants are put last. a melinda who will respect and love with all that she has in her. for the first time ever i have faith in myself. never have i had faith in anything realy...let alone myself....so here i go setting out on the great new adventure that is bound to make loads of diffrence...and honestly i feel very good about myself for deciding to make this change....its been a long time coming....
to anyone that i have disrespected and treated like shit i am very sorry and ask you please will you forgive me. i will do all i can to be the best person i can be... and i know she is in there somewhere.... all i ask is for a little time and a swift kick in the ass if things start going down hill...
well i think thats all for now....i must go and see what is happening with the joy picking up her toys section of today. for my living room is a play ground and i wont have it anymore....