Sigh.
So, I've pretty much failed at this journal so far.
I can't even remember what my last post said, and I'm disinclined to look back over it at the moment. I'm a little bitter and I have the distinct feeling that it may have been a little hopeful. I have vague memories of hope. Basically, there was a problem with the organisation of my final MA project, and I didn't do as well as I expected. It's not a bad grade, and I still get to put MA after my name, but disappointment doesn't listen to positives, does it? I feel like the little sparks of career and opportunity hopefulness have been doused in water. I mean, nobody has the shiniest of prospects right now, but I feel like mine just got a little duller. Greg says nobody asks what you got in your MA. Is he just sparing my feelings?
I have a job! It's full time and I'm on probation at the moment, contract extension will be discussed in November. It's fine. Not the best job ever, but certainly not the worst. It's not what I want to spend my life doing, and it has fuck all to do with my MA, but it'll do for now. I need to get out of this house, really.
Greg is good. Getting help for anxiety, getting a little better at the not constantly expecting me to be a demon, being wonderful when I need him to be (like right now). We're looking at moving in together in the next few months, when my job situation is more certain. He keeps getting stage fright about the idea, but we practically live together all ready, which isn't fair on his housemates. Or me! I'm in limbo dragging myself across the region. Not fun. I want to settle for a little while, have my independence, my cat and my handsome man. It's not a lot to ask, I don't think.
Our sex life suffered a dip due to stress and me being so busy. I work ten and a half hour days and until recently was also working on my final project. Feeling anything but ratty and exhausted afterwards is difficult, let alone sexy and in the mood for...anything. We're getting past it. At least now the MA is done, for better or worse, I've got something less to worry about. And we bought some nylon rope and a silky scarf. Nuff said.
As for my writing, I had a breakthrough in the telling of my big thing. It was in between calls at work, actually. I was re-writing the opening paragraphs of the story I've been writing for years. I know the story as it's all I think about, but it was the telling where I'd stumble and choke. I guess it's still cooking. The beginning seems clearer to me, at least. I can focus on that now, the leftover momentum from my MA will get me going. Maybe I'll write it for NaNoWriMo. It's strictly against the rules, as I've been writing it for years, but a re-write might be just the thing I need. I can use the forums for moral support, if nothing else.
I've also been crocheting a little. I wanna make a hat. They seem easy and it'd be useful. I rock hats. I'm thinking teal. It'll look gorgeous with my hair. I'm still learning, but you gotta have goals!
I feel so strange having this little secret journal. On the one hand it's nice to have something that nobody knows about where I can talk about whatever, on the other hand, it's hard keeping some major stuff to myself. I'm going to start recruiting more friends. I would be completely unsurprised to find people had deleted me.
P.S. My Benedict Cumberbatch fixation is back with a vengeance. Cillian Murphy got a look in for a while there, but, Ben. Oh my.
I can't even remember what my last post said, and I'm disinclined to look back over it at the moment. I'm a little bitter and I have the distinct feeling that it may have been a little hopeful. I have vague memories of hope. Basically, there was a problem with the organisation of my final MA project, and I didn't do as well as I expected. It's not a bad grade, and I still get to put MA after my name, but disappointment doesn't listen to positives, does it? I feel like the little sparks of career and opportunity hopefulness have been doused in water. I mean, nobody has the shiniest of prospects right now, but I feel like mine just got a little duller. Greg says nobody asks what you got in your MA. Is he just sparing my feelings?
I have a job! It's full time and I'm on probation at the moment, contract extension will be discussed in November. It's fine. Not the best job ever, but certainly not the worst. It's not what I want to spend my life doing, and it has fuck all to do with my MA, but it'll do for now. I need to get out of this house, really.
Greg is good. Getting help for anxiety, getting a little better at the not constantly expecting me to be a demon, being wonderful when I need him to be (like right now). We're looking at moving in together in the next few months, when my job situation is more certain. He keeps getting stage fright about the idea, but we practically live together all ready, which isn't fair on his housemates. Or me! I'm in limbo dragging myself across the region. Not fun. I want to settle for a little while, have my independence, my cat and my handsome man. It's not a lot to ask, I don't think.
Our sex life suffered a dip due to stress and me being so busy. I work ten and a half hour days and until recently was also working on my final project. Feeling anything but ratty and exhausted afterwards is difficult, let alone sexy and in the mood for...anything. We're getting past it. At least now the MA is done, for better or worse, I've got something less to worry about. And we bought some nylon rope and a silky scarf. Nuff said.
As for my writing, I had a breakthrough in the telling of my big thing. It was in between calls at work, actually. I was re-writing the opening paragraphs of the story I've been writing for years. I know the story as it's all I think about, but it was the telling where I'd stumble and choke. I guess it's still cooking. The beginning seems clearer to me, at least. I can focus on that now, the leftover momentum from my MA will get me going. Maybe I'll write it for NaNoWriMo. It's strictly against the rules, as I've been writing it for years, but a re-write might be just the thing I need. I can use the forums for moral support, if nothing else.
I've also been crocheting a little. I wanna make a hat. They seem easy and it'd be useful. I rock hats. I'm thinking teal. It'll look gorgeous with my hair. I'm still learning, but you gotta have goals!
I feel so strange having this little secret journal. On the one hand it's nice to have something that nobody knows about where I can talk about whatever, on the other hand, it's hard keeping some major stuff to myself. I'm going to start recruiting more friends. I would be completely unsurprised to find people had deleted me.
P.S. My Benedict Cumberbatch fixation is back with a vengeance. Cillian Murphy got a look in for a while there, but, Ben. Oh my.