long week
So thanksgiving was alright. I wish my Aunt Janet had come with her three sons, daughter-in-law, and 6 grandkids. i've never met 2 of the kids, and only met 2 of them once. But My uncle Danny was there and that's real good since he's been very sick and has lost about 50 pounds and is almost skeleton-like. My cousin Kelsey just turned 16 and has her license and a brand-new silver Bug. I asked to see her new license and of course she quickly happily showed it off. When kelsey was little, and was just a girl, i thought she was so pretty. Thick brown hair and a laugh even louder than mine. Well, now, she's started wearing makeup, and fixing her hair and her driver's license picture looked like it was ripped out of Cosmo. Mine looks like i just woke up.
And then there was Pappaw. He's 75 and has Parkinson's. It gotten progressively worse. it used to be just his fingers or his toes and now it's his whole body swooping and gyrating and jerking. it scares me to watch him stand or walk b/c i'm afraid he'll fall. He jokes around about it and asks whoever's closest if they "wanna dance?" This thursday he told us that he's beginning to have trouble swallowing. This is part of the disease and it scares me more. i saw him choke on something b/c he couldn't swallow it. My pappaw has been this strong man my whole life. Nothing scared him, there was nothing he couldn't lift, and he was still so gentle. When he choked he caught my eye and i saw his fear.
This man is my 'daddy'. My real father wasn't there and Pappaw was the one who took me to work with him, taught me to ride a bike, and let me have popsicles before dinner. i remember reading the newspaper with him. He'd pull me up on his lap and let me read out loud. I was three and my legs were so short my feet didn't even stick out from under the paper. He was a preacher my whole life and i used to love when he'd get really going on a sermon and would pace and get into the message. he looked so intelligent and cool. He's been falling asleep when he's driving. Mammaw said she woke him up Sunday heading toward the guardrail.
I always thought pappaw would marry me off. I always thought he'd be there for my kids. What am i gonna do without him? I'm "Pappaw's Girl". Who will i be after? i won't be able to handle his death. I know it probably won't happen for a while, but i know i'm gonna be a basketcase, to put it mildly.
And then there was Pappaw. He's 75 and has Parkinson's. It gotten progressively worse. it used to be just his fingers or his toes and now it's his whole body swooping and gyrating and jerking. it scares me to watch him stand or walk b/c i'm afraid he'll fall. He jokes around about it and asks whoever's closest if they "wanna dance?" This thursday he told us that he's beginning to have trouble swallowing. This is part of the disease and it scares me more. i saw him choke on something b/c he couldn't swallow it. My pappaw has been this strong man my whole life. Nothing scared him, there was nothing he couldn't lift, and he was still so gentle. When he choked he caught my eye and i saw his fear.
This man is my 'daddy'. My real father wasn't there and Pappaw was the one who took me to work with him, taught me to ride a bike, and let me have popsicles before dinner. i remember reading the newspaper with him. He'd pull me up on his lap and let me read out loud. I was three and my legs were so short my feet didn't even stick out from under the paper. He was a preacher my whole life and i used to love when he'd get really going on a sermon and would pace and get into the message. he looked so intelligent and cool. He's been falling asleep when he's driving. Mammaw said she woke him up Sunday heading toward the guardrail.
I always thought pappaw would marry me off. I always thought he'd be there for my kids. What am i gonna do without him? I'm "Pappaw's Girl". Who will i be after? i won't be able to handle his death. I know it probably won't happen for a while, but i know i'm gonna be a basketcase, to put it mildly.