(no subject)
This Past Weeks Acomplishments...
* opened ones big mouth.....check
* embarrased one self to no end.....check
* RE-recongnized ones garunteed best friend 4 lyfe.....check~ (i <3 you cole)
* Big dramatic, way over-doo melt-down.....check
* embaressed one self to no end (i know i already checked this one off the check list, but somehow, everytime i go to add something elese, this one keeps coming back to me check, check, check, check,check, check, check! GOD i feel like an idot)
To everyone who helped me out or stayed with me friday, thanx so much, i love you.
a few random names that pop into my head---Sammi, Ashley, Hannah, Claudia, Sam B., Noah, James, Randy (hah), nicole(but for a totally different reason, you were there when no one else was)
Im really dreading coming back to school monday, come to think of it, dont count on me being there.
Emily~ your right, your right, just about everything you said, and i know you are its just, too late, its just way too late, for everything or anything.
i keep trying to smile, but when you have nothing to smile about you have no idea how immpossibly hard it is to do so. Why am i giving up, what happened to me, where did i trip and when did i start to fall and why didnt anyone catch me? I guess its too much to ask, to have someone there that you can actually count on. Why didnt anyone tell me how right i was to start shuting people out after my mom died and why didnt anyone tell me how bad i was screwing up by letting people back in?? guess it just goes to show that i was right all along and i didnt even know it, wow thats gotta suck! just when you have everything figured out, you gotta go talk your self outta doing the right thing. why do i have so much to say, but cant get it all out. why do i feel like im screaing so loud it hurts to breath but no one can hear me (or everyones just not listening)Why do i keep looking ovder my shoulder like i have to watch out for my self (cuz i do??)
Why the fuck am i so scared, i used to have this all figured out, im not used to falling apart at the seams and not having anyone there to sew me back together.
why do i wanna curl up under the sheets and die. oh ya, because i know i cant.
sorry to every one and thanx to everyone else.
im really dreading ever showing my face at skewl again.
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