(no subject)
Just when I was getting used to things........
I hate everything right now...grrrr
I havent slept properly for over a week...and Ive been sick all day and slept all day...so now no sleeping tonight...
Daddy has to go sometime this weekend to Alabama and/or Louisiana because of that stupid hurricane because hes in the Air National Guard...after they told him he wouldnt have to go...and Im scared because people are killing each other just to survive because of the lack of water and food...Im scared hell be hurt...plus mommy is going to break down sooner or later because of this...and I will have to be strong again like I was when he was gone over seas...but Im not that strong anymore and I really just dont know what to do...
Gas prices...Im not even going to go there...but my family really doesnt have that kind of money (as Im sure most dont) and we have to go to Alabama sometime this week to my grandmas...she been helping us with groceries...but daddy will be gone and it takes gas to get there and back and daddy also has to waste more gas driving his truck to the hurricane relief places...Im thinking the least they can do is fly the men out there, but nooooo...make them waste their own precious gas
As for Josh and, for those who dont know, were broken up (for my mom and issues that have been occurring between she and I), but technically were together (its not like someone can actually make us stop loving each other)...Im grounded for some stunt I pulled Saturday so I havent had phone priveledges, but Josh and I have been talking online since Wednesday (which Im not supposed to be doing)...I miss being with him constantly...and everything is going on and I just need him back in my life the way it was because it just feels empty...
My aunts dad has been placed in an isolated room in the hospital because there isnt anything else they can do for him...I dont know him and he isnt blood related to me, but my aunt FREAKS OUT when it comes to death...its like she cant handle it...I guess Im just scared for her...I dont know...but I have a feeling when we go to Alabama this week (also where they live) well be attending a funeral...
Im going to Myrtle Beach September 9-16 and I dont know how that will go...I used to be really excited about it because it was for free and Id be away from my family and be with a family from church helping them with their 3 and 5 year olds...I also get paid for it which is nice...but now Im kind of nervous because mommy will be alone (Allen is staying in Alabama with my grandmother and daddy will be gone...although he was supposed to be gone to school not doing what hell be doing) and I know she tends to get depressed and suicidal when she is worried about daddy and something happening to him...but theres not going to be anyone to stop her if she decides to do something....
Josh and I will probably officially get back together after that week...that way I can get him and my mom to start a relationship...she and I are fine Ive realized...its only when it comes to Josh that she has a problem, but Ive talked to her about it and I know why she doesnt agree and such...so maybe I can get this to work, and if I cant, then oh well, because Josh is a part of my life and always will be...and besides, I tried really hard to make her happy...its her turn to accept it...
Schoolwork is much harder than I thought...not only is the curriculum more advanced than Mount Vernon's, I cant concentrate because its on the computer...alot of more entertaining things are on the computer than school...so I get distracted easily (Im also convinced I have ADD)...and I have to finish this year by December...I wont let myself go through this and not be able to accomplish my goals...
Im supposed to get my license in January...but theres no way thats going to happen because my mom wants me to go to Drivers Ed first...but she wont put me in a Drivers Ed class...plus she hasnt even started keeping up with the hours Ive been driving...so theres no way Ill get it when I need it...
anybody know of a school and the price? Id appreciate it if I knew some details so I could get her to put me in a class!!!!
I also want to get a job after I turn 16, but I need a license to use my car to go to work...so forget that...plus Nena and Josh and John start college in January (Jared starts his this month!) and I want to be able to visit everyone on campus or wherever they move to...but nope...not me...
Nena is moving out before 2nd Semester starts and she wants me to come with her when I turn 16...I can become an official emancipated minor, but that would just cause drama...heres the deal: her dad is paying her rent and for her necessities...she pays for food and gas...she said that I could pay for my gas and necessities...thats a great deal...but if nothing works out, then I wont have my license to get a job! plus my parents would be mad if I left them like that
but....Fort McPherson is closing...for those who dont know, my dad works there...he and my family would have to move when it does...and this isnt supposed to happen until 6months-3years...I will definitely be 16 by then...daddy is saying either North Carolina or Alabama...I told my mom and brother that I wont be going with them when they leave even if Im still in highschool (because I homeschool)...I wouldnt want to leave, move in for a month to 3 months and move back here after I graduate to go to college here...so I have agreed to move in with Nena when they move...and my mom knows this, whether she believes me or not...
And...I am still deciding on whether I will just take my GED and "graduate" from homeschool or actually graduate in some school my 12th year...and Im deciding on whether to go to Emory University or Oglethorpe University...and I sort of want to join the Air Force...so I have to decide about that...in Im talking a year and a half to two years...so its not far away and Im so freaking terrified because at one time I knew everything I was going to do but everything has just become so complicated...I despise decisions and I despise life for what it has become...and these are only the recent things...I have plently more on my plate that I may type later tonight (its 2:41 am!!) or tomorrow...
guys...Im just begging you all to pray for me...in every aspect...for strength, peace, wisdom of Gods will...and April...when you read this...can you sort of ask the class and the teachers that know me to do the same?...thanks hunni!!
and finally goodnight...I wont be sleeping....
I hate everything right now...grrrr
I havent slept properly for over a week...and Ive been sick all day and slept all day...so now no sleeping tonight...
Daddy has to go sometime this weekend to Alabama and/or Louisiana because of that stupid hurricane because hes in the Air National Guard...after they told him he wouldnt have to go...and Im scared because people are killing each other just to survive because of the lack of water and food...Im scared hell be hurt...plus mommy is going to break down sooner or later because of this...and I will have to be strong again like I was when he was gone over seas...but Im not that strong anymore and I really just dont know what to do...
Gas prices...Im not even going to go there...but my family really doesnt have that kind of money (as Im sure most dont) and we have to go to Alabama sometime this week to my grandmas...she been helping us with groceries...but daddy will be gone and it takes gas to get there and back and daddy also has to waste more gas driving his truck to the hurricane relief places...Im thinking the least they can do is fly the men out there, but nooooo...make them waste their own precious gas
As for Josh and, for those who dont know, were broken up (for my mom and issues that have been occurring between she and I), but technically were together (its not like someone can actually make us stop loving each other)...Im grounded for some stunt I pulled Saturday so I havent had phone priveledges, but Josh and I have been talking online since Wednesday (which Im not supposed to be doing)...I miss being with him constantly...and everything is going on and I just need him back in my life the way it was because it just feels empty...
My aunts dad has been placed in an isolated room in the hospital because there isnt anything else they can do for him...I dont know him and he isnt blood related to me, but my aunt FREAKS OUT when it comes to death...its like she cant handle it...I guess Im just scared for her...I dont know...but I have a feeling when we go to Alabama this week (also where they live) well be attending a funeral...
Im going to Myrtle Beach September 9-16 and I dont know how that will go...I used to be really excited about it because it was for free and Id be away from my family and be with a family from church helping them with their 3 and 5 year olds...I also get paid for it which is nice...but now Im kind of nervous because mommy will be alone (Allen is staying in Alabama with my grandmother and daddy will be gone...although he was supposed to be gone to school not doing what hell be doing) and I know she tends to get depressed and suicidal when she is worried about daddy and something happening to him...but theres not going to be anyone to stop her if she decides to do something....
Josh and I will probably officially get back together after that week...that way I can get him and my mom to start a relationship...she and I are fine Ive realized...its only when it comes to Josh that she has a problem, but Ive talked to her about it and I know why she doesnt agree and such...so maybe I can get this to work, and if I cant, then oh well, because Josh is a part of my life and always will be...and besides, I tried really hard to make her happy...its her turn to accept it...
Schoolwork is much harder than I thought...not only is the curriculum more advanced than Mount Vernon's, I cant concentrate because its on the computer...alot of more entertaining things are on the computer than school...so I get distracted easily (Im also convinced I have ADD)...and I have to finish this year by December...I wont let myself go through this and not be able to accomplish my goals...
Im supposed to get my license in January...but theres no way thats going to happen because my mom wants me to go to Drivers Ed first...but she wont put me in a Drivers Ed class...plus she hasnt even started keeping up with the hours Ive been driving...so theres no way Ill get it when I need it...
anybody know of a school and the price? Id appreciate it if I knew some details so I could get her to put me in a class!!!!
I also want to get a job after I turn 16, but I need a license to use my car to go to work...so forget that...plus Nena and Josh and John start college in January (Jared starts his this month!) and I want to be able to visit everyone on campus or wherever they move to...but nope...not me...
Nena is moving out before 2nd Semester starts and she wants me to come with her when I turn 16...I can become an official emancipated minor, but that would just cause drama...heres the deal: her dad is paying her rent and for her necessities...she pays for food and gas...she said that I could pay for my gas and necessities...thats a great deal...but if nothing works out, then I wont have my license to get a job! plus my parents would be mad if I left them like that
but....Fort McPherson is closing...for those who dont know, my dad works there...he and my family would have to move when it does...and this isnt supposed to happen until 6months-3years...I will definitely be 16 by then...daddy is saying either North Carolina or Alabama...I told my mom and brother that I wont be going with them when they leave even if Im still in highschool (because I homeschool)...I wouldnt want to leave, move in for a month to 3 months and move back here after I graduate to go to college here...so I have agreed to move in with Nena when they move...and my mom knows this, whether she believes me or not...
And...I am still deciding on whether I will just take my GED and "graduate" from homeschool or actually graduate in some school my 12th year...and Im deciding on whether to go to Emory University or Oglethorpe University...and I sort of want to join the Air Force...so I have to decide about that...in Im talking a year and a half to two years...so its not far away and Im so freaking terrified because at one time I knew everything I was going to do but everything has just become so complicated...I despise decisions and I despise life for what it has become...and these are only the recent things...I have plently more on my plate that I may type later tonight (its 2:41 am!!) or tomorrow...
guys...Im just begging you all to pray for me...in every aspect...for strength, peace, wisdom of Gods will...and April...when you read this...can you sort of ask the class and the teachers that know me to do the same?...thanks hunni!!
and finally goodnight...I wont be sleeping....