*Tonight, Could I be lost forever?*
Here it comes again
You raise the bar even higher
I cannot catch my breath
So throw the
Beauty on the fire
Don't push too hard
Limitaion scars - Beauty on the Fire
Well I have sorta continued to be kinda a mess these past couple of days. I haven't really done anything besides the "required stay alive" things such as sleep, eat, work and play guitar.
I have also re discovered Natalie Imbruglia. I know she's not that popular around here but she is the most amazing song writer. All of her songs are so good. They always leave me saying that I wish I wrote that. So I've been learning and re-learning some of her songs. I highly recommend any of you who are looking for some new songs to try getting her songs Satellite and Do You Love. I must have been 12 years old, when my aunt visiting from portugal got the cd Left of the Middle for me. It was sucha huge influence on me lyrically. White Lilies Island is also and amazing lyrical album, but she also showed an amazing improvement melody-wise. She is just incredible. Those australian people are the best.
Her music has helped me a bit these days. I'm sort of in a dazed observation mode. I feel like I can't feel. Is that a contradiction>? I dunno but I know I've really been avoiding people. Mike has called a few times and I wouldn't answer. I can't see him now, not like this. I know he won't care or understand why I feel so shitty and under the weather, and I don't wanna be hurt by his un-understandableness because I don't need relationship drama right now. I'd rather fight my demons on my own.
And I'm sad, sad, sad
Small, alone, scared
Craving purity
A fragile mind and
A gentle spirit -That Day (moment of clarity)
I wonder why I have to think so much. Why couldn't I be as careless as the rest of the people around here. I mean, yes... there's so much I don't know and they could all secretly cry themselves to sleep at night, but that's not likely. They're too wrapped up in their fancy, futureless lives to feel that way. My obsessive compulsive nature and over-analyzation of people is what drives me crazy. And using so many words that are not even in the dictionary.
I feel like I'm trapped in a cage, and I'm starting to see that the person who trapped myself in here was me.
Why is it that some people become everything they want to be, while others just succumb to a useless existance?
So many questions go through my head and I can't shut them out. I don't know the answers and I don't want to have to try and figure them out anymore. I can't pull myself together. I just wanna be happy and accepting that no one's perfect. THat I'm not perfect. We all make mistakes. And that it's okay to not know the answers to everything.
Clarity. That's what I fucking need. Clarity. I'm trying hard to get it but I can't. And while I'm in search of it, I'm losing my friends. I'm loosing my boyfriend. They're all slipping away and it's my fault and I don't care right now but I know I will kick myself for it later. Does anyone know if they sell clarity in a bottle or something cuz I can't seem to find it.
I guess writing this out has sorta made me feel better. Cleared up my head a bit. I guess I'll go play guitar now. Music my one and only refuge.
You raise the bar even higher
I cannot catch my breath
So throw the
Beauty on the fire
Don't push too hard
Limitaion scars - Beauty on the Fire
Well I have sorta continued to be kinda a mess these past couple of days. I haven't really done anything besides the "required stay alive" things such as sleep, eat, work and play guitar.
I have also re discovered Natalie Imbruglia. I know she's not that popular around here but she is the most amazing song writer. All of her songs are so good. They always leave me saying that I wish I wrote that. So I've been learning and re-learning some of her songs. I highly recommend any of you who are looking for some new songs to try getting her songs Satellite and Do You Love. I must have been 12 years old, when my aunt visiting from portugal got the cd Left of the Middle for me. It was sucha huge influence on me lyrically. White Lilies Island is also and amazing lyrical album, but she also showed an amazing improvement melody-wise. She is just incredible. Those australian people are the best.
Her music has helped me a bit these days. I'm sort of in a dazed observation mode. I feel like I can't feel. Is that a contradiction>? I dunno but I know I've really been avoiding people. Mike has called a few times and I wouldn't answer. I can't see him now, not like this. I know he won't care or understand why I feel so shitty and under the weather, and I don't wanna be hurt by his un-understandableness because I don't need relationship drama right now. I'd rather fight my demons on my own.
And I'm sad, sad, sad
Small, alone, scared
Craving purity
A fragile mind and
A gentle spirit -That Day (moment of clarity)
I wonder why I have to think so much. Why couldn't I be as careless as the rest of the people around here. I mean, yes... there's so much I don't know and they could all secretly cry themselves to sleep at night, but that's not likely. They're too wrapped up in their fancy, futureless lives to feel that way. My obsessive compulsive nature and over-analyzation of people is what drives me crazy. And using so many words that are not even in the dictionary.
I feel like I'm trapped in a cage, and I'm starting to see that the person who trapped myself in here was me.
Why is it that some people become everything they want to be, while others just succumb to a useless existance?
So many questions go through my head and I can't shut them out. I don't know the answers and I don't want to have to try and figure them out anymore. I can't pull myself together. I just wanna be happy and accepting that no one's perfect. THat I'm not perfect. We all make mistakes. And that it's okay to not know the answers to everything.
Clarity. That's what I fucking need. Clarity. I'm trying hard to get it but I can't. And while I'm in search of it, I'm losing my friends. I'm loosing my boyfriend. They're all slipping away and it's my fault and I don't care right now but I know I will kick myself for it later. Does anyone know if they sell clarity in a bottle or something cuz I can't seem to find it.
I guess writing this out has sorta made me feel better. Cleared up my head a bit. I guess I'll go play guitar now. Music my one and only refuge.