Staring up into the sky, counting all the reasons why..
I'm starting to feel REALLY sick. Not flu sick.. like mentally ill. When I think of how few days are left before school starts I just wanna die. Where did the summer go? what the hell happened? Everyone seems to have enjoyed theirs so much, and although I did enjoy mine, I haven't really done anything life changing. A lot of people's lives have totally turned around and I'm just stuck on the same page. I just feel like there's so much more I could have done but I never did. So many people I could have met, so many places I could have gone.. but I didn't. School's almost back. I'll be in grade 11. Before I know it I'll be off to college or university. I'm really scared to go back to school. I detached myself from all the friends I had. I'm probli gonna be a loner. I don't really mind... I mean, I've been miss popular and that's just not my thing. I just wanna have one or two true friends. Someone I could stick with thru all the hi skool bullshit. But unless something unexpected happens it doesn't look like I'll have that one awesome friendship I need. It's not as easy as it seems, altho I know I would make a good friend. It's just that halfway thru hi school everyone already has their lil groups formed. I did too until I kicked myself out.
So I guess this year I'm just gonna try and focus on school. Get my grades back up. First semester is gonna be a lot of work. Math, bio and physics. 1st period is weight training which will be horrible. I just wanna die when I think about it. I hate school. I only wanna go there to get my credits and my diploma. Weight training is too much of a social class. But because I hurt my knee in soccer 2 years ago I still haven't taken any PE classes and I need a PE credit to graduate. So i'll have to live thru it I guess.
Another class that I'm scared about is drama. I think I'm a pretty good actress. I got 95 in drama for grade 10. But at the end of the year when I stopped talking to my friends that class was hell everyday. Drama class is a lot of group activities, and I always felt left out as my old "best friends" would run together and fight over who was with who as I sat alone waiting for anyone to pick me. What a contrast from how things used to be at the beginning of that year. So maybe I should change it? I like acting but I don't know if I like it enough to put up with that shitty feeling everyday. I've seriously been thinking about being homeschooled. I know it's expensive but I really want it. I'm scared to bring it up tho. I don't want my mom to be worried about me. I'm sucha mess right now I can't believe I'm crying over this. I would really appreciate any advice right now.. and even if any of you know anything about home schooling that would be great. bye.
So I guess this year I'm just gonna try and focus on school. Get my grades back up. First semester is gonna be a lot of work. Math, bio and physics. 1st period is weight training which will be horrible. I just wanna die when I think about it. I hate school. I only wanna go there to get my credits and my diploma. Weight training is too much of a social class. But because I hurt my knee in soccer 2 years ago I still haven't taken any PE classes and I need a PE credit to graduate. So i'll have to live thru it I guess.
Another class that I'm scared about is drama. I think I'm a pretty good actress. I got 95 in drama for grade 10. But at the end of the year when I stopped talking to my friends that class was hell everyday. Drama class is a lot of group activities, and I always felt left out as my old "best friends" would run together and fight over who was with who as I sat alone waiting for anyone to pick me. What a contrast from how things used to be at the beginning of that year. So maybe I should change it? I like acting but I don't know if I like it enough to put up with that shitty feeling everyday. I've seriously been thinking about being homeschooled. I know it's expensive but I really want it. I'm scared to bring it up tho. I don't want my mom to be worried about me. I'm sucha mess right now I can't believe I'm crying over this. I would really appreciate any advice right now.. and even if any of you know anything about home schooling that would be great. bye.