and all my friends are murderers...
that's it i've have had it i am fucking tired of walking on eggshells for people so that i don't hurt their feelings it's not like anyone ever thought for one fucking second to do that for me
i'm tired off all this bullshit over a guy!! this crap should have ended by junior high. in fact it should never happen period!! saying something like your willing to end a friendship over a guy because you haven't known them for five years is so dumb and that's the nicest way i can put it. how is that supposed to make me feel, that a close friendship can just end over a guy you knew for what...3 weeks? just because i don't make the five years? friendships aren't based on status numbers! did you think about how i was going to feel when you said that? what i wanted to say to you? how hurt i was? how even more hurt i am right now just thinking about the fact that you said that? or do i just not have feelings like some kind of robot to you? and this ain't the fucking jungle where we have to get all competative and terratorial over hunting down a suitable mate!!! this guy wasn't your fiance' and you weren't going to get married, in fact it just wasn't meant to be!! there are plenty of guys out there...tons of them. and you don't have to have a boyfriend right away, and if you try so hard to hunt one down, you aren't going to get one, trust me i've learned that, i've seen people do that and strike out, i've experianced it.
but i hope you know that i never have and never will let some love interest be more important than a friend! you have to fucking evaluate your priorities! do you have any compassion and humanity in you? or was this all based on animal instinct? i wish i can tell you to think before you speak or act but that would be very hypocritical right now because i stopped thinking before typing right now but i have had enough and i will not apologize for this i refuse to!
because you know what no guy can replace the bond of a friendship. no guy will be able to be able to be more important than what you have done for me or what i have done for you. the way true friends are there for eachother and when that guy leaves your life how a friend is willing to comfort you and bring you back on your feet. no fucking crush can be able to do that! get used to rejection from guys because you know what that's life and no friend should have the responsibility to block you from that pain. because that's all a part of living, it's our job to make you feel better when you experiance it which is what we are willing to do. you should know that by now! the work we went through to get you two to talk so that it didn't have to be our job to let you down gently and trust me that was fucking gentle, you don't know the pain of nasty rejection. we never wanted to hurt you over this, he didn't even want to hurt you but believe what you want!!!
and why must you have a relationship so instantaneously. relationships don't just pop out like assembly lines, these things take time, you have to be patient and just let it happen you can't control it and you can't force to happen when it's most conveniant for you. just to complemant your mood that isn't how it works!! and so what me and our friend (i'm with-holding names for obvious reasons but you know who i mean) have had relationships and you haven't had a "legitimate" relationship yet! that doesn't mean you have to as well. that isn't some kind of requirment.
i used every ounce of my physical and mental power and strength to restrain myself from saying all of this last night because i knew how hurt you were. i thought maybe i should give you the benefit of the doubt maybe you said those things out of anger or hurt or whatever. i figured maybe i can tell you this when everything has calmed down and it can be more rational and not this enraged so no one says something they'd regret later. but you know what i should be aloud my anger everyone else was and somehow it's my fucking job to remain all calm and rational and my feelings aren't important are they now? no of course not, my job is to fucking fix everything isn't it? to be calm and fix everyhing, that's why i'm hear after all i'm dori that's my god damn job. i just want to know one thing and i don't care how selfish this sounds to you or anyone else right now, where was my chance to be hurt? when was someone going to reach out and fix me up? when am i aloud to not be calm? well you know i shouldn't have to ask for any fucking permission to feel a certain way just because someone might not like it!! i don't want to fucking calm down and i'm not going to until i want to
so this is what it's become
a competition over who deserves to be loved
you've made yourself the entitled one
and you don't care who you step on
to get what you want...