*sigh, exhausted
so at 7.20 pm i packed up and drove the 3 and a half hours back to perth.
at about 6.50pm my dad started laying into me about a fucking VARIETY of things, at the dinner table.
at 7pm, i said, "i'm going home"
and he said, "You started it."
?????????????
FUCK.
intermittent crying and fucking AWFUL weather (my car was sliding around like nobody's bidness between bunbury & the collie turnoff - bad fucking roads!) and the closer i got to perth, the more the surreal fog of Life With My Father lifted.
both my stepmum and he tried to get me to stay, considering that it was dark and the weather has been awful (good for farmers, obviously).
i did call him as i neared home to tell him i was safe. he was subdued. naturally.
...
despite feeling fucking SHIT and on the verge of tears (what was that you said, penella22? take it easy, emotionally???? HAHAHA... *sigh) i also feel extremely empowered for having the balls to walk out of his fucking crazy, foggy world. honestly, it is like being on a REALLY BAD FUCKING ACID TRIP, hanging out down there. i LOVE the farm, but the emotions there are so mental and woopdilaa - it's like you're swimming, and struggling to breathe properly.
as much as we bicker, i still think my stepmother is a fucking SAINT.
additionally, i do love my dad a lot. but he makes me very crazy, sometimes. FYI he has two other children who have not seen him for nearly 30 years. older family friends have said to me, "you're lucky... he's calmed down A LOT with you."
fuck.
at about 6.50pm my dad started laying into me about a fucking VARIETY of things, at the dinner table.
at 7pm, i said, "i'm going home"
and he said, "You started it."
?????????????
FUCK.
intermittent crying and fucking AWFUL weather (my car was sliding around like nobody's bidness between bunbury & the collie turnoff - bad fucking roads!) and the closer i got to perth, the more the surreal fog of Life With My Father lifted.
both my stepmum and he tried to get me to stay, considering that it was dark and the weather has been awful (good for farmers, obviously).
i did call him as i neared home to tell him i was safe. he was subdued. naturally.
...
despite feeling fucking SHIT and on the verge of tears (what was that you said, penella22? take it easy, emotionally???? HAHAHA... *sigh) i also feel extremely empowered for having the balls to walk out of his fucking crazy, foggy world. honestly, it is like being on a REALLY BAD FUCKING ACID TRIP, hanging out down there. i LOVE the farm, but the emotions there are so mental and woopdilaa - it's like you're swimming, and struggling to breathe properly.
as much as we bicker, i still think my stepmother is a fucking SAINT.
additionally, i do love my dad a lot. but he makes me very crazy, sometimes. FYI he has two other children who have not seen him for nearly 30 years. older family friends have said to me, "you're lucky... he's calmed down A LOT with you."
fuck.