it begins again
working night shifts was something that was great when i was 19. the moon always seemed to exist as a superior sun. not as bright, didnt burn my skin...it was great. i never thought i would ever utter the phrase 'i miss sunlight'
i seem to be stuck in a position that i used to run away from, hell i still want to run away from it now. for the next couple months i will be working to essentially supply myself with the means to keep working. mykael will have food and a place to stay, and the severe lack of money will force me to finally quit smoking. there are positives hidden in there, but my brain seems to only focus on the negatives.
this is the only outlet i can seem to think of being as i am awake from 1-4am for my free time now. never have i craved human interaction so badly, and never have i found myself so fucking lonely and in desperate need to not feel these emotion things that have creeped back into my brain.
its only now that i realize its the moments i never got to see with my own eyes that makes me regret who i am right now. i will spend the rest of my life trying to fix things, but i know full well that the best moments of my life i could have been a part of will only be reminded to me as i stare at a kodak easy share camera.
i seem to be stuck in a position that i used to run away from, hell i still want to run away from it now. for the next couple months i will be working to essentially supply myself with the means to keep working. mykael will have food and a place to stay, and the severe lack of money will force me to finally quit smoking. there are positives hidden in there, but my brain seems to only focus on the negatives.
this is the only outlet i can seem to think of being as i am awake from 1-4am for my free time now. never have i craved human interaction so badly, and never have i found myself so fucking lonely and in desperate need to not feel these emotion things that have creeped back into my brain.
its only now that i realize its the moments i never got to see with my own eyes that makes me regret who i am right now. i will spend the rest of my life trying to fix things, but i know full well that the best moments of my life i could have been a part of will only be reminded to me as i stare at a kodak easy share camera.