why not start again
while i havnt typed anything into these pages for awhile, my thought process has not been void of its ongoing dilemmas.
life got weird for awhile. i found out i have severe obstructive sleep apnea, and that is mostly to blame for my lack of motivation in my past. apparently no energy dictates how much you give a shit about life...who knew. but that is being worked on with the new bane of my existence. cpap machines, while very helpful for giving that aforementioned energy depletion, hurts my face and just makes me feel like a douche while im sleeping.
mykael is now 16months old, and i can barely remember the first 12 months of his life. i just didnt have the option of being there and i missed a lot of things. i regret this too much sometimes. most of the time. all the time. i figure i can make it up to him by trying to do the right thing from this point on. i hope babies dont hold grudges too much.
at this moment, i chose to start writing in here again to get my brain back into its creative nature. i have slothed for the last while, and it makes me feel empty. i wish i had made a ton of different choices in my younger years, and im pretty sure that this is what older people were trying to explain to me while i was too busy not caring about anything. i especially understand the elderlys lack of interest in the younger generations music.
i have a far too many things to mend in my life at the moment.
i need to figure out: how to become happy; how to become healthy; where im supposed to be; my purpose in the future; why i still just dont have the drive for things i used to hold in high regard.
time will mend or or rip open old wounds. its really up to me if i choose to slap on a band-aid, or let it fester in the dirt.
life got weird for awhile. i found out i have severe obstructive sleep apnea, and that is mostly to blame for my lack of motivation in my past. apparently no energy dictates how much you give a shit about life...who knew. but that is being worked on with the new bane of my existence. cpap machines, while very helpful for giving that aforementioned energy depletion, hurts my face and just makes me feel like a douche while im sleeping.
mykael is now 16months old, and i can barely remember the first 12 months of his life. i just didnt have the option of being there and i missed a lot of things. i regret this too much sometimes. most of the time. all the time. i figure i can make it up to him by trying to do the right thing from this point on. i hope babies dont hold grudges too much.
at this moment, i chose to start writing in here again to get my brain back into its creative nature. i have slothed for the last while, and it makes me feel empty. i wish i had made a ton of different choices in my younger years, and im pretty sure that this is what older people were trying to explain to me while i was too busy not caring about anything. i especially understand the elderlys lack of interest in the younger generations music.
i have a far too many things to mend in my life at the moment.
i need to figure out: how to become happy; how to become healthy; where im supposed to be; my purpose in the future; why i still just dont have the drive for things i used to hold in high regard.
time will mend or or rip open old wounds. its really up to me if i choose to slap on a band-aid, or let it fester in the dirt.