its normal.
Does being your own person mean that you dont need anyone else? or does it mean you know exactly what you need from others?
i often wonder what my life would be like with less influence from those around me. i wonder if i would recognize myself. at times it seems like most things about me can be traced back to events still fresh in my mind. every quirk or characteristic makes perfect sense in context. i just wish it made more sense to me.
Erica had her birthday party tonight. so i found myself in a familiar situation. im sitting there in a group of people, most of whom i know very well. if you put me in a room with one or two of them im fine. for some reason when the group reaches four or five i start to shut down. i feel less and less like talking, i start to get uncomfortable in my own skin. im flooded with memories of the people in the room and my mind begins to wander. i think about every event and gathering ive ever stood in the back by myself for and i more or less stop talking all together. its not because i dont like the people in the room. in fact i enjoy being around most of them. something about the whole thing just puts me in a reclusive state of mind and then i slowly start to become depressed for no good reason. the same thing happens when im at chruch, school, work etc... its become a very large part of my personality and i really wish it hadnt.
i often wonder what my life would be like with less influence from those around me. i wonder if i would recognize myself. at times it seems like most things about me can be traced back to events still fresh in my mind. every quirk or characteristic makes perfect sense in context. i just wish it made more sense to me.
Erica had her birthday party tonight. so i found myself in a familiar situation. im sitting there in a group of people, most of whom i know very well. if you put me in a room with one or two of them im fine. for some reason when the group reaches four or five i start to shut down. i feel less and less like talking, i start to get uncomfortable in my own skin. im flooded with memories of the people in the room and my mind begins to wander. i think about every event and gathering ive ever stood in the back by myself for and i more or less stop talking all together. its not because i dont like the people in the room. in fact i enjoy being around most of them. something about the whole thing just puts me in a reclusive state of mind and then i slowly start to become depressed for no good reason. the same thing happens when im at chruch, school, work etc... its become a very large part of my personality and i really wish it hadnt.