Through the looking-glass 2/2
Title: Through the looking-glass
Part: 2/2
Word Count: 19,093 (both parts total)
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, with small cameos by Suzie Costello and Lisa Hallett.
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys
Rating: R
Genre: AU, angst, dark themes.
Warning: Spoilers for the whole of Torchwood series 1 and 2.
Disclaimer: Alas the Torchwood character's are not mine, they belong to other more fabulous people. Which makes me sad.
Un-beta'ed, sorry. Any and all mistakes are my own (i'm known as the typo queen around friends), and i apologize for them. Feel free to point any mistakes out, as long as you're polite about it ^_^
WARNING! This is an AU fic that features torture, violence, gore, excess swearing, character death and the extreme OOC of canon characters. If this is not your cup of tea, i suggest you pass this one over. You've been warned.
Author's Note: Here's the second part, enjoy ^)^
Summary: Spatial holes cause trouble for Torchwood when one of their own falls through and ends up in a universe that's very much the same yet glaringly different all at once.
It amazed Ianto how entertaining the small alien that Jack had dubbed ‘Jimmy’ could be when he had nothing else to do but stare at a brick wall and try to not concentrate on the screaming pain of his body. He concluded that he really must have been lightheaded from blood loss, because he actually managed to smile a few times as he and Jack discussed what exactly the alien should be called.
“Well it’s technical name is a bit hard to say.” Jack assured.
“Oh come now, it can’t be that difficult.”
“Trust me you’d have better luck singing Madame Butterfly with your tongue cut out than you would have trying to say his name.”
“Well then I think that calling him a Mousder is a perfectly reasonable alternative.”
“But Mousder sounds stupid.”
“I think it’s catchy.” Ianto reasoned. “Jimmy the Mousder, it’s got a certain ring to it.” Jack just snorted at him, obviously giving in. Ianto smirked tiredly, his watch beeping again. Two more hours and he could go home, two more hours and he’d be safe and warm again.
“Clock’s a-ticking.” Jack said.
“Yeah.” Ianto agreed, closing his eyes.
“You know, I’m starting to think that you might actually make it.”
Ianto couldn’t help but laugh wearily at him. “Well that now makes one of us.”
“What, you’re giving up suddenly?” Jack’s voice held a hint of amusement to it, almost as if he didn’t believe him.
Ianto exhaled heavily, which ended up not being such a good idea because it just caused his head to swim even more than it already was. “I’m cold.” He said simply. “I’m shaking, I’m lightheaded and my leg is swelling.” Jack stayed silent, obviously waiting for Ianto to continue. Although Ianto would have preferred not to continue, he would have loved to have been ignorant. To not know what was happening to his body, to not know that death could very well be inevitable. “I think she nicked the femoral artery.”
“Bleeding internally?” Jack asked, his voice blank. Ianto was unable to tell if he was concerned or just didn’t give a damn, it was a bit frustrating.
“Most likely.”
“One of the less painful ways to die.” Jack said. “If you’re lucky you’ll just drift off and go, they’ll come down and find you gone. Be thankful for that.”
“Is that your idea of a pep talk?”
“It’s truth, that’s a hell of a lot more useful than a pep talk.”
Ianto nodded, understanding what Jack was doing. Being truthful was his way of showing that he did, in his own strange way, care. He wasn’t going to lie and shell out false hope, because he knew the truth. They both knew the truth, Ianto was in very real trouble. “At least I’ll die when I’m still young and fit.” Ianto joked, causing Jack to laugh.
“My kind of thinking, die young and leave a pretty corpse.”
“It’s the very least I can do.” Ianto said, his head feeling heavy. He could feel himself slipping sideways, but did very little to stop himself. He was so tired and his head was so heavy, he quickly found himself slipping into a peaceful welcoming blackness. His mind was thick and fogged, the images and sounds all swirling together into a mesh of colors and noise. Ianto had never thought much of his own death, it wasn’t a good thing to dwell on when working at Torchwood. He tried to keep thoughts of future demise at bay usually, or he was sure it would consume him. He never considered what would meet him on the other side, if there was such a thing. He knew that both Jack and Owen had both spoke of darkness in death, of nothingness. If it was true, what a horrible afterlife he would have. Having had spent the last thirteen hours of his life in a small dark room only to die and find more darkness, Ianto hardly found that fair.
Only there wasn’t darkness once the noise and the colors faded, instead there was Torchwood. He idly thought spending his afterlife stuck in the Hub wasn’t much better but at least there were lights there. Tosh and Owen were both sat on the couch, Tosh’s shirt was covered in blood, her gunshot wound still weeping liquid down her front as she watched him. Owen was pale and gaunt, radiation burns on his dead flesh, his eyes milky and white. “I’m dying.” Ianto said to them, his fallen comrades staring at him.
“So you are.” Tosh said, her voice soft.
“‘Bout time.” Owen said.
Ianto continued through the Hub, Suzie sitting in a desk chair near one of the workstations. She was riddled with bullets, holes covered her entire chest. “Welcome to the club.” She quipped.
“Death by Torchwood.” Ianto said, remembering what he had put on her death certificate.
He walked into Jack office, sitting there on one side of the desk was Lisa, on the other Jack, They were playing chess, Lisa’s pieces looked like little cybermen, Jack’s looked like the Torchwood team. They both looked up at Ianto, their faces blank.
“He cheats.” Lisa stated simply.
“He always does.” Ianto said with a nod.
“I’m never going to forgive you for leaving.” Jack’s voice was hollow, echoing loudly through his office even though his office was so cluttered there should have been no way an echo could carry. “Never.”
“I know.”
Jack got up and moved to stand before him. “You weren’t suppose to leave.”
“I know.”
Jack suddenly pulled back his arm and slapped Ianto hard, the younger man’s face stinging from the impact.
“Damn it!” Ianto suddenly shouted, waking up with a start. His hand flew up to his face sweeping Jack’s pet alien away from his cheek. “Jimmy! Stop biting me!” He said in a tired yet annoyed voice.
“Oh, so you aren’t dead.” He heard Jack say.
With a sigh Ianto managed to sit back up, the little creature perching on his good knee. “No, I thought I was for a minute there. I had the weirdest dream.”
Jack laughed. “The pre-death dementia is setting in.”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” He said, idly petting the top of Jimmy’s furry little head. “Did you send your pet alien over here to bite me or something?”
“I didn’t send him to do shit, maybe he’s hungry. They are carnivores you know.”
“Mice aren’t carnivores.”
“He’s not a mouse.” Jack reminded Ianto, sounding a little amused.
“Oh yeah.” He looked down at the little thing. “Well I’m not dead yet, you cannot eat me.” He said to it in a chastising tone. It just made a small noise that was a cross between a chirp and a squeak. Ianto didn’t think it had been trying to eat him, something told him that little Jimmy was just trying to wake him up, and for that he was thankful.
Ianto jumped when he heard the sound of footsteps once again, his whole body seizing up with fear, or at least the best it could in his weakened state. “Hide!” He hissed at the alien, causing it scurry off of his leg and up underneath the bench. Ianto was unable to move from where he was, his leg feeling like a ten ton brick, so he couldn’t move his back away from the glass. When the light snapped on and he was temporally blinded, he felt a pair of strong hands grab hold of his shoulders and drag him away from the cell door to lean him against the far wall.
There was a long suffering sigh, followed by the sound of Owen’s voice. “So, how are we doing?” Ianto blinked many times, cupping one hand over his eyes so he could see the other man better. He was still just a grubby looking, in fact, he looked even more mussed that he had before, if that was even possible. He was crouched down in front of Ianto’s out stretched legs, resting his chin on his folded filthy hands. “Are you liking the accommodations?” The medic asked in a sarcastic tone.
“The room service here sucks.” Ianto said, his voice weak.
“Oh! You’re so funny!” Owen mocked, slapping Ianto wounded leg in what normally would be considered playfully, causing the Welshman to groan in pain. “You’re not looking so hot love.” Owen’s entire tone was condescending and it was very clear that he really couldn’t give a rats ass what happened to Ianto one way or another.
“I’m just peachy.” Ianto assured him defiantly.
Owen slapped his own knees before standing up, looking around the tiny room. “Looks like a total blood bath in here.” Ianto noted that the medic was right, seeing the cell in the light for the first time since Gwen’s visit. There was blood smears on the floor from where he had dragged himself into corners or against walls, plus the initial large pool of blood from where he had been stabbed to start with. It looked like a paint job from hell, Ianto decided right then and there that the cell looked much better in the dark. “I think it’s a good look for the place.” Owen nodded, crouching down once again, this time much closer to Ianto. “Well lets take a look.” He reached out for Ianto’s leg, causing him to grab his hand.
“No!”
Owen backhanded him roughly, the sound of the smack reverberating against the concrete walls. “Don’t say no to me, I don’t like it when people say no to me.” Owen said before he reached his hand under the makeshift bandage of Ianto’s shirt, sticking his fingers into the wound.
Ianto yelled out in pain, idly realizing that if his leg hadn’t been infected before it would be after having Owen’s dirty hands mucking about with it. It was horrible show for a doctor to be so unsanitary, and if it had been any one time Ianto would have told him so.
“Christ, perfect.” Owen said, pulling his bloody hand back and wiping it against his ripped jeans. “You got his femoral artery you dozy cow.” He said, looking over his should to Gwen who was standing outside the door. Ianto was surprised to see the woman, he hadn’t even noticed her standing there.
“Fuck you!” She snapped.
“How many times do I have to tell you, if you want them to last you can’t kill ‘em on the first go.” Owen sounded exasperated with Gwen, leading Ianto to believe that Gwen must have accidently killed people too soon more often than not.
“You’re the one who interrupted me!” Gwen sounded like a petulant child.
Owen sighed, straighten up. “Go get me a cauter.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s no use to us dead.” He spoke to Gwen like he was dealing with someone who was slow. “At least not yet, especially since Tosh needs him alive for whatever the fuck she wants to do.”
“Why does Tosh always get the good ones?”
“Because Tosh doesn’t break her toys are quickly as you do, now go get me a fucking cauter!” Gwen huffed, relenting as she went to fetch what Owen had asked for. The man in question kneeled back down next to Ianto, rolling his eyes. “Women.” He quipped, causing Ianto to want to roll his eyes as well at the insanity of his entire situation. He wanted to protest as he felt Owen unwrapping his leg, but his head was pounding too loudly for him to form the words. It wasn’t until a few minutes later when Ianto saw Gwen enter the cell carrying what looked like an extremely long a pointed soldering iron that he found his voice again. “No! No no no!”
Ianto said, shaking his head and he attempted to pull himself away from the two people.
Owen kicked him in the middle, causing Ianto to gasp in pain and slip down from the wall he was leaning against and onto the floor.
“Hold him!” Owen ordered Gwen.
She smiled as she planted a knee in Ianto’s chest, placing both of her hands on either side of his hips, holding his lower body still. Not that he could have moved much, the massive blood loss had left Ianto pretty weak.
“I’d like to say that this is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you, but we all know that’s not going to be true.” Owen smiled a crooked and sadistic smile “I’m actually going to quite enjoy it.”
Very suddenly there was the feel of burning hot metal being pressed into Ianto’s leg, he screamed out loudly. The new pain ripped through his body, causing his brain to go wild his nerve endings felt like he had been dropped into a pot of boiling water. He screamed and screamed, his voice going horse. His ears rang with the sound of Gwen and Owen laughing, the smell of his burning flesh filled the tiny room. And just as his eyes rolled back in his head, the welcoming blackness of unconsciousness pulling at his mind, he heard above the roar in his ears a small beep. One hour, only one hour left.
~~~~
Ianto’s eyes watered as he opened them, the light above him wavering as his vision blurred. The cell was still bright, which in and of itself was rather strange. He groaned, rolling his head to the side. He looked up at the underside of the bench as saw Jimmy still hiding in the corner, it’s little body quivering with fear. Ianto grunted softly, his hands coming up to cup his head. He didn’t know how long he had blacked out for, all he knew was that from the pain in his leg his bleeding artery had been cauterized. He heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, looking over to see Owen sitting with his back against the glass of the cell, his arms resting against his bent knees. The door was still open just to the man’s left, this time Gwen was not standing there. Ianto managed to sit up, albeit slowly. He huffed as he sat with his back resting against the wall across from Owen, staring at him.
“What’s this?” Owen asked, letting something fall out of his hand and swing back and forth from his fingers. Ianto eyed the watch before looking down at his now empty wrist.
“It’s my watch.” He said simply.
“What’s it counting down too?”
“Excuse me?”
“It beeped, about fifteen minutes ago.”
“Watches beep, it’s happens.” Ianto said flippantly.
“It’s counting down to something, you’ve got just a little over forty minutes left. What is it?”
“Medication time.”
Owen chuckled a completely unamused chuckle. “You know, you’re a real sarcastic fuck sometimes.”
“So are you.” Ianto pointed out.
“Any other time, I’d like that. But right now it’s grating my nerves, what is the watch for!?” Owen’s voice was rough and demanding, he was obviously losing his tempter.
“Telling time.” Ianto could hardly believe that he was actually finding enough strength to be as defiant as he was being, considering he felt like complete and total shit.
Owen just smirked, nodding. “Okay.” He then reached behind his back and pulled out a gun, pointing it in a lazy fashion at Ianto. He gave him an expectant look, to which Ianto just shrugged. Owen then chocked the gun. “What is the watch counting down to?” He asked once again.
“Go to hell.” Ianto said, his head spinning. The gun shot was deafening, Ianto recoiled with a start as the bullet hit the wall next to his head.
“Shall we try that again?”
Ianto looked over to the small hole in the wall, the bullet now lodged into the concrete to forever be a part of that cell. He slowly tore his eyes away from the wall, looking back at Owen. He was steadfast in his silence, refusing to say a word. Owen shrugged. “Okay.” He said before pulling the trigger again, this time the bullet tearing into Ianto’s right shoulder. Ianto moaned in pain, cursing softly. “You know, you really didn’t need a gunshot wound on top of the two stab wounds you already have.” Owen pointed out, standing up from his place on the floor.
“And yet you insisted on giving me one, good on you.” Ianto ground out through his teeth, a sweat breaking out over his body.
Owen just stared down on him with studying eyes before finally nodding, making a small ‘tsk’ noise. “Okay, have it your way.” He pressed the comm in his ear on. “Tosh? Yeah, get the table ready. You can have him.” He glared at Ianto, his eyes cold and hard. “Make sure you do it within the next forty minutes.” Owen pressed the comm off once again, crouching down next to Ianto and placing his watch on the ground next to his wounded leg. “You know, I don’t know what that thing’s counting down too.” Owen tapped the watch with the barrel of his gun. “But I can guarantee you this, by the time it reaches one, you’ll be dead.”
Ianto just stared at Owen, his blue eyes watering as he fought against the pain and fear that was bombarding his mind. “It was nice knowing ya.” Owen said, slapping his cheek before getting up and leaving the cell. He closed the door, but left the light on. After all, there was no need to shut it off because soon Tosh would be there and it would all be over.
~~~~
Ianto had expected Jack to say something once Owen walked away, leaving him alone with his terror and pain. But he didn’t, the man in the next cell stayed completely quiet. Ianto would have said something himself, but really, what could he say. His voice was stuck somewhere in his throat that was constricted with fear and his vision was blurry from the tears that he just refused the shed. He heard the sound of light taping, looking down to see the small alien crawl down from it’s hiding spot and make it’s way toward him. He outstretched his hand, allowing it to perch on his palm. Ianto brought his hand up closer to his face to he could see the little thing more clearly, it actually looked scared, how very smart of it. “You stay hidden.” He said to it. “Or they’ll step on you, or pull your legs off or something just as horrible.” Little Jimmy actually shook with fear at that, Ianto petted it’s tiny head with one finger. “At least one of us will get back alive.”
It wasn’t long after Ianto sent his little alien comrade back to it’s hiding place that Tosh arrived, looking horribly smug and just slightly excited. “Hello sweetheart, you and I are going to have a lot of fun.” Ianto wanted to snap back that he doubted it highly, but his terror for what was about to come was making it hard for him to speak. Never in all the time that he known Tosh did he ever think that she’d be able to look at him in such a way that he’d want to burst into tears from fear, but right then that was exactly what he wanted to do.
With some effort she managed to pull him up off of the floor, Ianto making pain filled noises the entire time. His leg was pretty much useless, leaving him at the mercy of her upper body strength, which he had to be honest with himself, wasn’t a lot. “Christ, you’re a big one aren’t you?” She said with a chuckle, wrapping his left arm around her shoulders. She was much shorter than him, even in her high heels she still came to just below his shoulder.
Walking was difficult, but Ianto managed it well enough as long as Tosh continued to drag him along. It wasn’t until they came to the stairs that would take them up to the main level of the Hub that they hit a snag, a very vertical snag. It took them a good ten minutes just to get up from the cells, by the time they arrived on the main level Tosh was throughly disgusted with Ianto. She gave him a shove, causing him to stumble forward and fall violently to the grated floor near the med bay. “Fucking hell!” Owen snapped, coming up from the bay. “You took twenty fucking minutes to get him up here!” He said to Tosh, stepping on Ianto as he walked over him to come face to face with the woman he was yelling at.
“He can barely walk you prick!” Tosh shouted, throwing her hands up in frustration. “Why the fuck would you send me to get his ass up here? You or Gwen could have pulled him about better that I did.” She was obviously annoyed.
“Hey!” Owen pointed at her. “It’s you’re fucking experiment, you do the work you twat.”
“Asshole!” She snapped at his, punching him in the shoulder hard as she stalked past him.
“Bitch!” He called back after her.
Ianto managed to lift his weary head, looking down into the med bay from where he laid. He saw Gwen leaning with her hands on the filthy exam table, the half rotten alien corpse from earlier slopped on the floor near her feet. Laying out on the table was Jack, his eyes closed. Ianto realized that was why Jack hadn’t said anything before, he hadn’t been there. Gwen must have taken him out of his cell after Ianto had blacked out during the cauterization of his leg. With a lot of effort Ianto managed to turn himself over and sit up, which was quite a feat considering he only had one good arm to use to push his dead weight up with. “Did you dope him?” He heard Tosh ask, although he couldn’t see her from where he was.
“No, look at him.” Gwen smacked Jack’s face a few times, his head lolling to the side limply. “I’m telling you, that starvation thing is the best idea I ever had.”
“It’s the only idea you’ve ever had.” Tosh quipped, coming back into Ianto’s view holding a large syringe in her hand.
“Ha ha.” Gwen sneered. “Bitch.”
“Go get him will you.” Tosh jabbed a thumb in Ianto’s direction, standing next to Jack. Gwen just rolled her eyes but did as she was told, moving up the stairs to grab a hold of the shoulders of Ianto’s jacket.
“Oi! Owen, you gonna come watch this?” Gwen shouted toward the office, obviously thinking the show was going to be too good to miss. Ianto was forcibly dragged to his feet by his jacket, which caused his shot shoulder to burn in pain from the fabric pulling against it. Gwen wrapped an arm around his upper body, keeping him upright. “You see.” She said, patting his chest. “We’re going to see if your head can live on his body, it’s going to be fucking wicked.” She sounded like an excited child who was about to go see a show for the first time.
Gwen was just starting to spin him around to face the medical bay when the sound of medal banging against cold titles rang out throughout the Hub. “Fuck!” Gwen swore, literally tossing Ianto to the side. He toppled forward, just barely catching himself before his face smashed into the ground by the front of the sofa. He turned around just in time to see Jack walking out of the bay, Tosh held against his chest, a scalpel at her neck. Gwen was standing before them, her gun drawn and pointed point blank at Jack. The scene before Ianto was far to surreal for him to even begin to wrap his mind around. True, he had seen the Torchwood team stand off against Jack once before. And true, it had ended in Jack being shot. But none of them had felt good about it, it was horrible. But this, this time Gwen looked like she couldn’t wait for the violence to begin. Even Tosh, who was being held hostage looked like she was on the verge of laughing. Death truly meant nothing to these people, even their own.
“Oh you are a tricky one aren’t you?” Gwen chuckled, wiggling her eyebrows at Jack.
“More than you know.” He spat out. “Ianto!” The Welshman jumped when his named was shouted. “How long?”
Ianto quickly looked at his watch that he had put back on after Owen had left it in his cell. “Five minutes!”
“Oh I knew that was doing something!” Owen said as he walked out of his office, gun in had. He seemed bored with the whole situation, like they had a Mexican standoff in the middle of the Hub on a daily basis.
“You’re gonna play hero now?” Gwen said, spitting the word ‘hero’ out like it was something vile on her tongue. “How sweet.” She sneered.
“He’s going home.” Jack ground out through his teeth.
“He’s really not, I mean, I could just shoot him now.” Gwen swung her arm around and pointed the gun at Ianto with ease.
“Oh for the love of God, would someone please eviscerate this fucker already.” Tosh said with exasperation, obviously getting bored with being in the middle of the standoff.
Ianto looked at the gun that was being pointed at him blindly, in mere minutes he would be home, he really preferred to not arrive with a bullet in the brain. Moving quickly, he swung his one good leg out and knocked Gwen’s feet out from under her. She tumbled to the ground with a thud, the air escaping her lungs with a surprised ‘woof’ noise. Her gun slid out of her hand, hitting one of the coffee tables legs. Just as she fell, Ianto saw Jack whip the scalpel across the room with a practiced movement, the small knife lodging in Owen’s neck. The medic grunted, grabbing his bleeding wound in shock before slowly sinking to the floor. “Jack no!” Ianto yelled, he couldn’t help it, it hurt him to watch the team be killed and by Jack no less. But Jack didn’t hear him, he didn’t want to. With a quick motion he snapped Tosh’s neck, her body instantly going limp and dropping to the ground dead. Before Ianto even had a chance to watch Tosh fall Gwen was up on her knees, plunging a large hunting knife into Jack’s sternum and pulling it downward with a grunt of effort. Ianto watched with shocked eyes as everyone he knew fell dead to the ground, Jack’s internal organs slipping out of the hole Gwen had just placed in his torso.
Ianto was gasping in horror, trying to drag himself farther back away from the destruction that laid before him. He watched as Gwen unceremoniously kicked Tosh’s body out of the way, standing over Jack. She kneeled down with her knife and with a few very well placed hacks, she beheaded the older man. Ianto dry heaved, his stomach turning as he made a small involuntary gagging noise in the back of his throat. He wanted to close his eyes, to tear them away from the horror of a woman, but his eyes seemed frozen open with fear. Gwen then picked up Jack’s head, walked over to the stairs near the vortex manipulator and kicked it like a football across the room. “Let’s see you come back from that you fucker.” She muttered before turning back to Ianto who was shaking like a leaf.
“Well.” She smirked, moving to stand over him. “Looks like it’s just you an me finally.”
Ianto reached his hand out and grabbed the forgotten gun by the edge of the table, shakily pointing at her. Gwen laughed at him, making a ‘tsk’ noise with her tongue. “You gonna shoot me?” She asked with disbelief.
Ianto heard his watch beep just as she leaned forward to grab the gun, before he knew what he was doing he pulled the trigger. He watched as Gwen’s head snapped back, the bullet tearing through he forehead. He dropped the gun, screaming as he felt his stomach lurch with illness. He keeled over to the side and vomited violently, his insides seizing up. Of course since he had not eaten in over thirteen hours, very little actually came up, which left his body being racked by painful dry heaves. Once his body stopped retching and the knot in his stomach eased off slightly, Ianto chanced opening his eyes. He was a little surprised to find a brightly lit, extremely clean Hub before him. There were no bodies, no blood, nothing.
“No, I know I promised I’d be home by now.” He heard Gwen’s faint voice coming from somewhere in the Hub. “I’ll be home just as soon as I know Ianto’s safe.” There was a pause then a bright and happy laugh. “Okay, you’re right. I do just want to see if he met any perpetually late talking rabbits, but you’ve got to admit you’re a little curious as well.” Ianto saw as she walked up the steps from the cog door, her mobile pressed against her ear. She was smiling and clean and alive and just perfect, exactly how Ianto remembered her. She stopped at the top of the steps, her eyes falling onto Ianto’s battered form. “Rhys, I’ll call you back.” She said quickly, snapping the phone closed and tossing it onto the desk as she ran over to him.
“Ianto? Oh my god!” She breathed, kneeling down next to him. The moment she was there, warm and beautiful and right next to him, Ianto burst into tears. His body ached and screamed from the pain his heavy sobs caused, but he didn’t care.
“Gwen!” He choked out, reaching his one good arm out.
“Oh honey! What happened!?” She said, grabbing a hold of him and helping him sit up a bit. He wrapped his arms around her, gripping her tightly. “It’s okay.” She soothed as she held him, allowing him to sob against her shoulder. “I’ve got you.” She assured. “You’re okay, you’re safe now.” She whispered against his filthy hair, placing a kiss against his temple. Ianto just continued to sob, out of exhaustion, pain, relief, all of the above. “Jack!” Gwen hollered loudly, turning her face away from Ianto’s so she wasn’t shouting in his ear. “Jack!” She continued to yell until the sound of Jack’s heavy footsteps could be heard drawing nearer and nearer.
“Geez Gwen, I could hear you screeching all the way down in the cells. You really have turned into a wife.” He joked before he was even within eye line of the other two people.
“Jack, it’s Ianto!” Gwen called out, which caused the sound of Jack’s footsteps to speed up and arrived much quicker.
“God! Ianto.” Jack said, kneeling down next to Gwen, his strong hands trying to take hold of Ianto’s shoulders. The younger man refused to budge from his spot against Gwen, his hands gripping her shoulders tighter. He felt so guilty, he had shot her. Gwen, shot her, in the head. Yes, Ianto knew that he hadn’t shot his Gwen. But it was still a Gwen, and the guilt was heavy.
“His leg.” Gwen said softly to Jack, nodding toward Ianto’s outstretched and mangled thigh.
“Okay, okay, come on.” Jack said, coaxing Ianto off of Gwen. “Come on.” He placed his strong arms around Ianto, one arm under his knees the other under his arms, picking him up like a child. “Sorry.” Jack muttered, knowing that picking the Welshman up like that would cause him pain. Gwen held onto Ianto’s hand and she walked next to the two men down into the med bay, her other hand stroking his cheek.
“You’ll be okay.” She assured him, giving his hand a squeeze.
Jack laid him out on the exam table, ripping the left leg of his trousers open to see the wound better. As he did that Gwen grabbed a large gauze pad and pressed it against the gunshot wound in Ianto’s shoulder, giving him a weak smile. “You’ll be fine sweetie.” She said, looking down at him with worried eyes. Ianto just looked up at her weakly, his body begging him to give up.
“Pass me that.” Jack ordered Gwen, causing her to turn and grab a syringe off of one of the small metal medical trays that littered the room. She haded it too him, Jack pulled the cap off with his teeth. He was just about to stick Ianto with it when the younger man seized up, pulling his arm away. “Hey hey.” Jack said, grabbing a hold of him. “It’s okay, it’s just going to make you sleepy.”
“No!” Ianto shook his head, his eyes full of fear.
“Ianto.” Jack said firmly, cupping Ianto’s face in his hands and looking directly down into his blue eyes. “It’s okay, we will be here when you wake up. I promise.” Ianto could tell by the look on Jack’s face that he was being truthful. “I promise.”
Ianto took a shaky breath, he didn’t want to even close his eyes for a moment for fear that once he opened them again he’d be back in that tiny dark cell waiting to die. But he trusted Jack, and knew that if he promised something then he meant it. “I’ll be right here.” He heard Jack say as he felt his eyelid droop, his head going fuzzy from the drugs. “You’re home.” Jack’s voice was the last thing he heard before he slipped into unconsciousness for what he was sure was the tenth time that day.
~~~~
A steady stream of rhythmic beeps worked it’s way into Ianto’s foggy mind, he froze with fear as he blindly reached for the watch on his wrist. When it wasn’t there Ianto’s eyes snapped open which caused the world before him to lurch sickly, he bit back a groan as his stomach protested the dizzy feeling that tore through his head. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust and clear, when they finally did Ianto took survey of a very unfamiliar ceiling. It definitely wasn’t the ceiling of a Torchwood cell, that was for sure. But is wasn’t the ceiling of the Hub’s med bay either, which was puzzling. Ianto rolled his head to the side, feeling like it was stuffed full of cotton, and saw a heart monitor next to his bed keeping a steady pace. It was that moment that he realized, he was in a hospital. Looking over to the other side he saw Jack sitting in a rather uncomfortable looking plastic chair, his head lulled to the side as he slept. Ianto smiled softly at the older man’s sleeping form, his own personal stoic guard keeping watch, a sleepy watch but watch no less. Ianto looked down at himself, taking note of the damage. His left forearm arm was wrapped in gauze, and there was an IV running into the back of his hand. He tentatively felt his right shoulder with his hand, feeling more soft wrappings. He lifted the light blanket that was draped over his body, expecting to see the same type of white dressings, only he was surprised to see a slightly metallic colored wrap around his thigh.
“It’s alien.” Jack said, causing Ianto to jump slightly. “Sorry.” Jack murmured. “It’s alien.” He said again, nodding toward Ianto’s leg. “I put it on you after everyone left, it’ll heal you in a couple days, you won’t even have a limp.” Jack spoke softly, alerting Ianto to just how late it was.
“Oh good, because a limp was exactly what I was worried about.” Ianto quipped, looking at Jack fondly.
“I figured.” Jack smiled.
“I’m in hospital.” It was more of a statement than a question, since it was so very obvious that he was in a hospital. Jack just nodded. “Why?”
“I’m not a doctor and you were really hurt, I wasn’t going to chance it.” Jack said simply with a little shrug.
“Where’s Gwen?”
“Home, I sent home a couple hours ago. She’ll be back in the morning.” Jack assured. “Wild horses couldn’t keep her away.” Ianto nodded, relaxing back into his pillow. “Want to tell me what happened?”
Ianto sighed, looking at Jack once again. “I think I was in hell.”
“You were in a mirror-verus weren’t you?”
Ianto nodded, closing his eyes against the wave of emotion that threaten to hit as he thought about his time spent there. “It was -“ He swallowed thickly. “It was like nothing I ever, I could ever imagine.”
“I know.” Jack said.
“You’ve been there, haven’t you.”
“Once.” Jack admitted. “Back when I was in the RAF, the holes were happening and I figured ‘hey, why not take a vacation from the war’. Boy was I wrong.”
“How bad was it?”
“It made Auschwitz seem like a walk in the park.”
Ianto’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You were at Auschwitz?”
“I was undercover as a USSR solider and I was captured, they didn’t like Soviet PoW’s very much.”
Ianto sighed staring at Jack, his eyes watering. “So you know.” His voice shook as he spoke. “You know how bad it is.”
“I know what it’s like to look into the face of people you know and love, and to not see that person in their eyes anywhere.”
Ianto shook his head slowly, his face showing how much he was holding back. Tears slowly began to slip down his cheeks as Jack reached out and took hold of his hand. “They weren’t the people I knew, yet they were.” He felt Jack squeeze his hand reassuringly. “Tosh and Owen were there, they were - “A sob escaped his lips breaking his sentence in two. “And Gwen, oh God, Gwen. I shot her.” Ianto sounded disgusted with himself.
“Hey now.” Jack said quickly, moving from his seat to sit on the edge of Ianto’s bed. “Gwen’s fine, she’s at home in bed. She’s worried sick about you, but she’s fine. You didn’t do anything to her.”
“But I did.” Ianto insisted.
“No, no you did not.” Jack said firmly. “Those people were not your friends, you had to do what you had to do. You had no choice.”
Ianto remember the Jack from the mirror-verse saying practically the same thing to him while he was stuck in his cell.“You know, you weren’t really all that different.” Ianto said softly from where he laid, looking up at Jack with sad eyes. “Maybe a little acerbic, but that’s it.”
“Really?” Jack quirked an eyebrow. “Hmm, well that’s disconcerting.”
Ianto’s lips quivered as another sob fought it’s way out of his chest. “Why?” He choked out.
Jack’s expression softened, Ianto’s pain and confusion was obviously breaking his heart. “Most people don’t have the strength, or any particular desire to realize that they are capable of great evils. That inside of you somewhere there’s a part of your soul that’s black as death and twice as swift. People don’t admit to that part of them because it’s terrifying, because it can be suffocating if you allow it to be. But I know that part of me Ianto, I’ve used that part of me. I imagine wasn’t that different because in a way, a part of me already is evil and I know that. Only difference is that I choose not to indulge in it, I made my choice a long time ago to help people, not hurt them.”
Ianto shook his head. “You’re not evil.”
Jack smiled softly. “Everyone’s got an evil side, it’s the ones that suppress it that you have to worry about.”
“How am I suppose to -“ Ianto paused, searching for words that just wouldn’t come. “Forget?” He finally finished.
“You won’t.” Jack said simply, honestly. “But as time goes on, the pain will lessen and you’ll survive.”
Ianto sighed, angrily swatting tears away from his cheeks with this free hand. “I’m so tired of bloody surviving.”
Jack understood what Ianto meant, surviving was work, it was hard. It would be so much easier for the Welshman if he could just live his life, be content and happy without the knowledge of the pain and horror he had just experienced. “I know.” Jack nodded. “But you will.”
Ianto just watched Jack’s weary eyes, the older man had seen so much more than Ianto could even begin to fathom. And yet there was still so much more that he would see come the future, long after Ianto was dead, Jack would still be living. Living through wars and torture, heartbreaks and violence. For Jack is was never ending, yet he survived it and managed to grow and love and find peace in the people and places around him. If Jack could do it for millennia’s, then Ianto could do it for one simple lifetime. “You’re right.” Ianto nodded. “I will.”
Jack smiled at him, leaning forward and kissing Ianto softly on his lips. The kiss was full of love and worry and gratitude that the younger man was home safe.
~~~~
In the weeks following Ianto’s release from the hospital he attempted push away any feelings of unease and fear he still felt at times, but it proved to harder than originally thought. He had problems with the dark, and many times woke up having panic attacks. This prompted Jack to start staying over at Ianto’s flat most nights, true it wasn’t as easy running Torchwood living away from the Hub, but Jack quickly got use to it. Pretty soon Ianto’s wounds healed, leaving a few scars but nothing too horrible, and he looked as good as new. It wasn’t until the day he froze with all the color draining from his face because Gwen had reached across in front of him with a pair of scissors in her hand, that Jack finally pulled him into his office for a talk.
“Ianto.” Jack begun, sitting against the edge of his desk.
“I know.” Ianto cut in tiredly, sounding utterly exhausted. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, you’re just suffering from some post traumatic stress is all. Maybe you should talk to Gwen, perhaps if you tell her what happened she’ll be more careful about waving sharp objects in your face.”
“I can’t.” Ianto shook his head. He had made the decision not the tell Gwen about his experiences in the mirror-verus, Jack agreeing to it at the time. But as the weeks wore on and Ianto was still jumpy around her, Jack started to think that maybe Gwen should know why. She was obviously concerned about the younger man, but if she knew the extent of his trauma and at who’s hands the most of it came from, she would be much more careful.
“Why not?”
“Because, I can’t. I’m just so afraid, all the time. And it’s not going to get better.”
“Ianto, there’s no shame in being afraid.” Jack said, pulling the other man into a hug. Ianto clutched Jack’s shoulders, burying his face against Jack’s neck and inhaling his scent. Jack’s 51st century pheromones always managed to calm Ianto, even during the worst of times. “It is going to get better, I promise” Jack whispered against Ianto’s hair. “But you can’t just expect to tell me what happened and then be able to work along side her with the knowledge of what her counterpart did to you, it’s not working.” Jack reasoned. “You need to tell her, to put the fear out in the open and let her help you heal as well.” Jack understood that he sounded very much like a hypocrite right then considering he very rarely divulged much about his past horrors, and it was only because he knew that, that Ianto decided not to point it out.
Ianto and Jack continued to talk for a few more minutes before Ianto finally reemerged from the office.
“Hello Ianto!” Gwen said brightly, smiling her usual sweet smile at him. “How are you doing? You looked a little peaked earlier.”
“I need to talk to you about something.” Ianto said, moving to sit on the sofa, knowing she would follow.
“About what?” She asked as she sat next to him, her knees touching his slightly.
“I want to tell you, I need to tell you about what happened.” As Ianto spoke, Gwen kept quiet. He didn’t rush and he spared no details about his time away, telling her about Tosh and Owen and about Gwen. He explained what happened, who did what to him. By the time he got to the end of his story and told her the last bit about the standoff and his shooting her, both people were tears. Gwen sobbed as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. “And that’s why.” Ianto said against her shoulder. “That’s why I’ve been so jumpy around you, I’m so sorry Gwen.” He cried, feeling horrible that he was having trouble separating his friend from the horrible woman that he had killed.
“Don’t be silly!” She said, pulling back and placing her small hands on either side of his face so he couldn’t look away. “You have every right to be jumpy, I’m am so sorry. So sorry, I had no idea.”
“I was so worried.” He said.
“About what? That I’d be mad because you’re scared? Don’t be daft, never. What that woman did to you was horrible, and I know you don’t think I’m her. But I also know the fact that she and I share a face cannot make being around me easy, at all. So don’t feel guilty, ever. Don’t feel guilty about being uncomfortable around me at times, and absolutely do not feel guilty about shooting her. Because you know what?” She smiled a soft little smile. “I would have shot her too.”
Ianto chuckled softly, placing his hands over Gwen’s. “Would that be considered murder or suicide?”
Gwen laughed, leaning in and kissing his cheek. “Daft.” She said playfully, smiling.
The two friends moment was broken when there was a sudden panicked shout from Jack’s office, causing both people to jump up and hurry toward the door.
“Jack!?” Gwen shouted as she and Ianto bursted in, looking around for whatever danger they thought would meet them. The only thing that met them ended up being Jack, standing on his chair and pointing wildly at the corner.
“Kill it! Kill it!” He said loudly as something scurried under the bookshelf.
Gwen huffed with exasperation, rolling her eyes at him. “Honestly Jack, you are a grown man. Get down off of that chair.” She chastised, her hands on her hips.
“Not until you kill it.” Jack said.
Ianto couldn’t stop the smile the crept onto his face as he saw the small creature that was looking out from under the piece of furniture.
“Jack I’m not going to kill it, now get off the chair.” Gwen continued to try and coax the older man down, grabbing a hold of his arm.
“Jimmy.” Ianto said, crouching down and placing his hand out, palm up. He didn’t even have to make the small clicking noise with his tongue, the moment the alien saw his hand it quickly scurried over to Ianto. He chuckled as he stood up with the creature in his hand, looking down on it fondly.
“See, Ianto’s got it. Now get down.” Gwen reasoned, giving Jack’s arm a tug, finally getting him to step down off of the chair.
“Did you just call it Jimmy?” Jack asked, eying Ianto and the small spidery mouse alien that was currently perched on the Welshman’s hand.
“Yes.” Ianto nodded.
“Why?”
“Because that’s his name.”
“Who the hell named it Jimmy!?” Jack asked, sounding surprised that anyone would name such a horrible little thing. He really did hate them.
“You.” Ianto said simply.
“Wait a minute.” Gwen said. “Are you telling me that thing went to the same place you did? And it survived?”
Ianto nodded, to which Gwen laughed a little unbelieving laugh before moving to pet the little thing’s head.
“I named it Jimmy? Why?” Jack asked, looking at the thing with disdain.
Ianto laughed. “Because Barbara just didn’t seem right.”
Jack sighed, slumping into his chair as he watched both Ianto and Gwen fawn over the little creature. “It’s not staying at the flat.” He said firmly.
“We can keep it!?” Gwen asked, sounding like an excited child who was just told she could have a puppy.
“As long as it stays away from me.” Jack said, pointing at Jimmy with a threating look.
“He will.” Ianto assured, leading the aforementioned alien to chirp in agreement which caused Gwen to giggle.
Ianto looked up from the little creature to Jack, a smile still on his face. There was still so much healing he had to do, but for the first time since his return Ianto felt that perhaps, just maybe, he’d be alright. He’d survive, and he’d have help doing so.
FIN
FYI: Yes i know there is no USSR anymore, so no one needs to point that out lol. I only called it that because it still would have been called that back when Jack was there ^_^
Love it? Hate it? Think I'm totally insane? Let me know, comments are love!
Part: 2/2
Word Count: 19,093 (both parts total)
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, with small cameos by Suzie Costello and Lisa Hallett.
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys
Rating: R
Genre: AU, angst, dark themes.
Warning: Spoilers for the whole of Torchwood series 1 and 2.
Disclaimer: Alas the Torchwood character's are not mine, they belong to other more fabulous people. Which makes me sad.
Un-beta'ed, sorry. Any and all mistakes are my own (i'm known as the typo queen around friends), and i apologize for them. Feel free to point any mistakes out, as long as you're polite about it ^_^
WARNING! This is an AU fic that features torture, violence, gore, excess swearing, character death and the extreme OOC of canon characters. If this is not your cup of tea, i suggest you pass this one over. You've been warned.
Author's Note: Here's the second part, enjoy ^)^
Summary: Spatial holes cause trouble for Torchwood when one of their own falls through and ends up in a universe that's very much the same yet glaringly different all at once.
It amazed Ianto how entertaining the small alien that Jack had dubbed ‘Jimmy’ could be when he had nothing else to do but stare at a brick wall and try to not concentrate on the screaming pain of his body. He concluded that he really must have been lightheaded from blood loss, because he actually managed to smile a few times as he and Jack discussed what exactly the alien should be called.
“Well it’s technical name is a bit hard to say.” Jack assured.
“Oh come now, it can’t be that difficult.”
“Trust me you’d have better luck singing Madame Butterfly with your tongue cut out than you would have trying to say his name.”
“Well then I think that calling him a Mousder is a perfectly reasonable alternative.”
“But Mousder sounds stupid.”
“I think it’s catchy.” Ianto reasoned. “Jimmy the Mousder, it’s got a certain ring to it.” Jack just snorted at him, obviously giving in. Ianto smirked tiredly, his watch beeping again. Two more hours and he could go home, two more hours and he’d be safe and warm again.
“Clock’s a-ticking.” Jack said.
“Yeah.” Ianto agreed, closing his eyes.
“You know, I’m starting to think that you might actually make it.”
Ianto couldn’t help but laugh wearily at him. “Well that now makes one of us.”
“What, you’re giving up suddenly?” Jack’s voice held a hint of amusement to it, almost as if he didn’t believe him.
Ianto exhaled heavily, which ended up not being such a good idea because it just caused his head to swim even more than it already was. “I’m cold.” He said simply. “I’m shaking, I’m lightheaded and my leg is swelling.” Jack stayed silent, obviously waiting for Ianto to continue. Although Ianto would have preferred not to continue, he would have loved to have been ignorant. To not know what was happening to his body, to not know that death could very well be inevitable. “I think she nicked the femoral artery.”
“Bleeding internally?” Jack asked, his voice blank. Ianto was unable to tell if he was concerned or just didn’t give a damn, it was a bit frustrating.
“Most likely.”
“One of the less painful ways to die.” Jack said. “If you’re lucky you’ll just drift off and go, they’ll come down and find you gone. Be thankful for that.”
“Is that your idea of a pep talk?”
“It’s truth, that’s a hell of a lot more useful than a pep talk.”
Ianto nodded, understanding what Jack was doing. Being truthful was his way of showing that he did, in his own strange way, care. He wasn’t going to lie and shell out false hope, because he knew the truth. They both knew the truth, Ianto was in very real trouble. “At least I’ll die when I’m still young and fit.” Ianto joked, causing Jack to laugh.
“My kind of thinking, die young and leave a pretty corpse.”
“It’s the very least I can do.” Ianto said, his head feeling heavy. He could feel himself slipping sideways, but did very little to stop himself. He was so tired and his head was so heavy, he quickly found himself slipping into a peaceful welcoming blackness. His mind was thick and fogged, the images and sounds all swirling together into a mesh of colors and noise. Ianto had never thought much of his own death, it wasn’t a good thing to dwell on when working at Torchwood. He tried to keep thoughts of future demise at bay usually, or he was sure it would consume him. He never considered what would meet him on the other side, if there was such a thing. He knew that both Jack and Owen had both spoke of darkness in death, of nothingness. If it was true, what a horrible afterlife he would have. Having had spent the last thirteen hours of his life in a small dark room only to die and find more darkness, Ianto hardly found that fair.
Only there wasn’t darkness once the noise and the colors faded, instead there was Torchwood. He idly thought spending his afterlife stuck in the Hub wasn’t much better but at least there were lights there. Tosh and Owen were both sat on the couch, Tosh’s shirt was covered in blood, her gunshot wound still weeping liquid down her front as she watched him. Owen was pale and gaunt, radiation burns on his dead flesh, his eyes milky and white. “I’m dying.” Ianto said to them, his fallen comrades staring at him.
“So you are.” Tosh said, her voice soft.
“‘Bout time.” Owen said.
Ianto continued through the Hub, Suzie sitting in a desk chair near one of the workstations. She was riddled with bullets, holes covered her entire chest. “Welcome to the club.” She quipped.
“Death by Torchwood.” Ianto said, remembering what he had put on her death certificate.
He walked into Jack office, sitting there on one side of the desk was Lisa, on the other Jack, They were playing chess, Lisa’s pieces looked like little cybermen, Jack’s looked like the Torchwood team. They both looked up at Ianto, their faces blank.
“He cheats.” Lisa stated simply.
“He always does.” Ianto said with a nod.
“I’m never going to forgive you for leaving.” Jack’s voice was hollow, echoing loudly through his office even though his office was so cluttered there should have been no way an echo could carry. “Never.”
“I know.”
Jack got up and moved to stand before him. “You weren’t suppose to leave.”
“I know.”
Jack suddenly pulled back his arm and slapped Ianto hard, the younger man’s face stinging from the impact.
“Damn it!” Ianto suddenly shouted, waking up with a start. His hand flew up to his face sweeping Jack’s pet alien away from his cheek. “Jimmy! Stop biting me!” He said in a tired yet annoyed voice.
“Oh, so you aren’t dead.” He heard Jack say.
With a sigh Ianto managed to sit back up, the little creature perching on his good knee. “No, I thought I was for a minute there. I had the weirdest dream.”
Jack laughed. “The pre-death dementia is setting in.”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” He said, idly petting the top of Jimmy’s furry little head. “Did you send your pet alien over here to bite me or something?”
“I didn’t send him to do shit, maybe he’s hungry. They are carnivores you know.”
“Mice aren’t carnivores.”
“He’s not a mouse.” Jack reminded Ianto, sounding a little amused.
“Oh yeah.” He looked down at the little thing. “Well I’m not dead yet, you cannot eat me.” He said to it in a chastising tone. It just made a small noise that was a cross between a chirp and a squeak. Ianto didn’t think it had been trying to eat him, something told him that little Jimmy was just trying to wake him up, and for that he was thankful.
Ianto jumped when he heard the sound of footsteps once again, his whole body seizing up with fear, or at least the best it could in his weakened state. “Hide!” He hissed at the alien, causing it scurry off of his leg and up underneath the bench. Ianto was unable to move from where he was, his leg feeling like a ten ton brick, so he couldn’t move his back away from the glass. When the light snapped on and he was temporally blinded, he felt a pair of strong hands grab hold of his shoulders and drag him away from the cell door to lean him against the far wall.
There was a long suffering sigh, followed by the sound of Owen’s voice. “So, how are we doing?” Ianto blinked many times, cupping one hand over his eyes so he could see the other man better. He was still just a grubby looking, in fact, he looked even more mussed that he had before, if that was even possible. He was crouched down in front of Ianto’s out stretched legs, resting his chin on his folded filthy hands. “Are you liking the accommodations?” The medic asked in a sarcastic tone.
“The room service here sucks.” Ianto said, his voice weak.
“Oh! You’re so funny!” Owen mocked, slapping Ianto wounded leg in what normally would be considered playfully, causing the Welshman to groan in pain. “You’re not looking so hot love.” Owen’s entire tone was condescending and it was very clear that he really couldn’t give a rats ass what happened to Ianto one way or another.
“I’m just peachy.” Ianto assured him defiantly.
Owen slapped his own knees before standing up, looking around the tiny room. “Looks like a total blood bath in here.” Ianto noted that the medic was right, seeing the cell in the light for the first time since Gwen’s visit. There was blood smears on the floor from where he had dragged himself into corners or against walls, plus the initial large pool of blood from where he had been stabbed to start with. It looked like a paint job from hell, Ianto decided right then and there that the cell looked much better in the dark. “I think it’s a good look for the place.” Owen nodded, crouching down once again, this time much closer to Ianto. “Well lets take a look.” He reached out for Ianto’s leg, causing him to grab his hand.
“No!”
Owen backhanded him roughly, the sound of the smack reverberating against the concrete walls. “Don’t say no to me, I don’t like it when people say no to me.” Owen said before he reached his hand under the makeshift bandage of Ianto’s shirt, sticking his fingers into the wound.
Ianto yelled out in pain, idly realizing that if his leg hadn’t been infected before it would be after having Owen’s dirty hands mucking about with it. It was horrible show for a doctor to be so unsanitary, and if it had been any one time Ianto would have told him so.
“Christ, perfect.” Owen said, pulling his bloody hand back and wiping it against his ripped jeans. “You got his femoral artery you dozy cow.” He said, looking over his should to Gwen who was standing outside the door. Ianto was surprised to see the woman, he hadn’t even noticed her standing there.
“Fuck you!” She snapped.
“How many times do I have to tell you, if you want them to last you can’t kill ‘em on the first go.” Owen sounded exasperated with Gwen, leading Ianto to believe that Gwen must have accidently killed people too soon more often than not.
“You’re the one who interrupted me!” Gwen sounded like a petulant child.
Owen sighed, straighten up. “Go get me a cauter.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s no use to us dead.” He spoke to Gwen like he was dealing with someone who was slow. “At least not yet, especially since Tosh needs him alive for whatever the fuck she wants to do.”
“Why does Tosh always get the good ones?”
“Because Tosh doesn’t break her toys are quickly as you do, now go get me a fucking cauter!” Gwen huffed, relenting as she went to fetch what Owen had asked for. The man in question kneeled back down next to Ianto, rolling his eyes. “Women.” He quipped, causing Ianto to want to roll his eyes as well at the insanity of his entire situation. He wanted to protest as he felt Owen unwrapping his leg, but his head was pounding too loudly for him to form the words. It wasn’t until a few minutes later when Ianto saw Gwen enter the cell carrying what looked like an extremely long a pointed soldering iron that he found his voice again. “No! No no no!”
Ianto said, shaking his head and he attempted to pull himself away from the two people.
Owen kicked him in the middle, causing Ianto to gasp in pain and slip down from the wall he was leaning against and onto the floor.
“Hold him!” Owen ordered Gwen.
She smiled as she planted a knee in Ianto’s chest, placing both of her hands on either side of his hips, holding his lower body still. Not that he could have moved much, the massive blood loss had left Ianto pretty weak.
“I’d like to say that this is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you, but we all know that’s not going to be true.” Owen smiled a crooked and sadistic smile “I’m actually going to quite enjoy it.”
Very suddenly there was the feel of burning hot metal being pressed into Ianto’s leg, he screamed out loudly. The new pain ripped through his body, causing his brain to go wild his nerve endings felt like he had been dropped into a pot of boiling water. He screamed and screamed, his voice going horse. His ears rang with the sound of Gwen and Owen laughing, the smell of his burning flesh filled the tiny room. And just as his eyes rolled back in his head, the welcoming blackness of unconsciousness pulling at his mind, he heard above the roar in his ears a small beep. One hour, only one hour left.
~~~~
Ianto’s eyes watered as he opened them, the light above him wavering as his vision blurred. The cell was still bright, which in and of itself was rather strange. He groaned, rolling his head to the side. He looked up at the underside of the bench as saw Jimmy still hiding in the corner, it’s little body quivering with fear. Ianto grunted softly, his hands coming up to cup his head. He didn’t know how long he had blacked out for, all he knew was that from the pain in his leg his bleeding artery had been cauterized. He heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, looking over to see Owen sitting with his back against the glass of the cell, his arms resting against his bent knees. The door was still open just to the man’s left, this time Gwen was not standing there. Ianto managed to sit up, albeit slowly. He huffed as he sat with his back resting against the wall across from Owen, staring at him.
“What’s this?” Owen asked, letting something fall out of his hand and swing back and forth from his fingers. Ianto eyed the watch before looking down at his now empty wrist.
“It’s my watch.” He said simply.
“What’s it counting down too?”
“Excuse me?”
“It beeped, about fifteen minutes ago.”
“Watches beep, it’s happens.” Ianto said flippantly.
“It’s counting down to something, you’ve got just a little over forty minutes left. What is it?”
“Medication time.”
Owen chuckled a completely unamused chuckle. “You know, you’re a real sarcastic fuck sometimes.”
“So are you.” Ianto pointed out.
“Any other time, I’d like that. But right now it’s grating my nerves, what is the watch for!?” Owen’s voice was rough and demanding, he was obviously losing his tempter.
“Telling time.” Ianto could hardly believe that he was actually finding enough strength to be as defiant as he was being, considering he felt like complete and total shit.
Owen just smirked, nodding. “Okay.” He then reached behind his back and pulled out a gun, pointing it in a lazy fashion at Ianto. He gave him an expectant look, to which Ianto just shrugged. Owen then chocked the gun. “What is the watch counting down to?” He asked once again.
“Go to hell.” Ianto said, his head spinning. The gun shot was deafening, Ianto recoiled with a start as the bullet hit the wall next to his head.
“Shall we try that again?”
Ianto looked over to the small hole in the wall, the bullet now lodged into the concrete to forever be a part of that cell. He slowly tore his eyes away from the wall, looking back at Owen. He was steadfast in his silence, refusing to say a word. Owen shrugged. “Okay.” He said before pulling the trigger again, this time the bullet tearing into Ianto’s right shoulder. Ianto moaned in pain, cursing softly. “You know, you really didn’t need a gunshot wound on top of the two stab wounds you already have.” Owen pointed out, standing up from his place on the floor.
“And yet you insisted on giving me one, good on you.” Ianto ground out through his teeth, a sweat breaking out over his body.
Owen just stared down on him with studying eyes before finally nodding, making a small ‘tsk’ noise. “Okay, have it your way.” He pressed the comm in his ear on. “Tosh? Yeah, get the table ready. You can have him.” He glared at Ianto, his eyes cold and hard. “Make sure you do it within the next forty minutes.” Owen pressed the comm off once again, crouching down next to Ianto and placing his watch on the ground next to his wounded leg. “You know, I don’t know what that thing’s counting down too.” Owen tapped the watch with the barrel of his gun. “But I can guarantee you this, by the time it reaches one, you’ll be dead.”
Ianto just stared at Owen, his blue eyes watering as he fought against the pain and fear that was bombarding his mind. “It was nice knowing ya.” Owen said, slapping his cheek before getting up and leaving the cell. He closed the door, but left the light on. After all, there was no need to shut it off because soon Tosh would be there and it would all be over.
~~~~
Ianto had expected Jack to say something once Owen walked away, leaving him alone with his terror and pain. But he didn’t, the man in the next cell stayed completely quiet. Ianto would have said something himself, but really, what could he say. His voice was stuck somewhere in his throat that was constricted with fear and his vision was blurry from the tears that he just refused the shed. He heard the sound of light taping, looking down to see the small alien crawl down from it’s hiding spot and make it’s way toward him. He outstretched his hand, allowing it to perch on his palm. Ianto brought his hand up closer to his face to he could see the little thing more clearly, it actually looked scared, how very smart of it. “You stay hidden.” He said to it. “Or they’ll step on you, or pull your legs off or something just as horrible.” Little Jimmy actually shook with fear at that, Ianto petted it’s tiny head with one finger. “At least one of us will get back alive.”
It wasn’t long after Ianto sent his little alien comrade back to it’s hiding place that Tosh arrived, looking horribly smug and just slightly excited. “Hello sweetheart, you and I are going to have a lot of fun.” Ianto wanted to snap back that he doubted it highly, but his terror for what was about to come was making it hard for him to speak. Never in all the time that he known Tosh did he ever think that she’d be able to look at him in such a way that he’d want to burst into tears from fear, but right then that was exactly what he wanted to do.
With some effort she managed to pull him up off of the floor, Ianto making pain filled noises the entire time. His leg was pretty much useless, leaving him at the mercy of her upper body strength, which he had to be honest with himself, wasn’t a lot. “Christ, you’re a big one aren’t you?” She said with a chuckle, wrapping his left arm around her shoulders. She was much shorter than him, even in her high heels she still came to just below his shoulder.
Walking was difficult, but Ianto managed it well enough as long as Tosh continued to drag him along. It wasn’t until they came to the stairs that would take them up to the main level of the Hub that they hit a snag, a very vertical snag. It took them a good ten minutes just to get up from the cells, by the time they arrived on the main level Tosh was throughly disgusted with Ianto. She gave him a shove, causing him to stumble forward and fall violently to the grated floor near the med bay. “Fucking hell!” Owen snapped, coming up from the bay. “You took twenty fucking minutes to get him up here!” He said to Tosh, stepping on Ianto as he walked over him to come face to face with the woman he was yelling at.
“He can barely walk you prick!” Tosh shouted, throwing her hands up in frustration. “Why the fuck would you send me to get his ass up here? You or Gwen could have pulled him about better that I did.” She was obviously annoyed.
“Hey!” Owen pointed at her. “It’s you’re fucking experiment, you do the work you twat.”
“Asshole!” She snapped at his, punching him in the shoulder hard as she stalked past him.
“Bitch!” He called back after her.
Ianto managed to lift his weary head, looking down into the med bay from where he laid. He saw Gwen leaning with her hands on the filthy exam table, the half rotten alien corpse from earlier slopped on the floor near her feet. Laying out on the table was Jack, his eyes closed. Ianto realized that was why Jack hadn’t said anything before, he hadn’t been there. Gwen must have taken him out of his cell after Ianto had blacked out during the cauterization of his leg. With a lot of effort Ianto managed to turn himself over and sit up, which was quite a feat considering he only had one good arm to use to push his dead weight up with. “Did you dope him?” He heard Tosh ask, although he couldn’t see her from where he was.
“No, look at him.” Gwen smacked Jack’s face a few times, his head lolling to the side limply. “I’m telling you, that starvation thing is the best idea I ever had.”
“It’s the only idea you’ve ever had.” Tosh quipped, coming back into Ianto’s view holding a large syringe in her hand.
“Ha ha.” Gwen sneered. “Bitch.”
“Go get him will you.” Tosh jabbed a thumb in Ianto’s direction, standing next to Jack. Gwen just rolled her eyes but did as she was told, moving up the stairs to grab a hold of the shoulders of Ianto’s jacket.
“Oi! Owen, you gonna come watch this?” Gwen shouted toward the office, obviously thinking the show was going to be too good to miss. Ianto was forcibly dragged to his feet by his jacket, which caused his shot shoulder to burn in pain from the fabric pulling against it. Gwen wrapped an arm around his upper body, keeping him upright. “You see.” She said, patting his chest. “We’re going to see if your head can live on his body, it’s going to be fucking wicked.” She sounded like an excited child who was about to go see a show for the first time.
Gwen was just starting to spin him around to face the medical bay when the sound of medal banging against cold titles rang out throughout the Hub. “Fuck!” Gwen swore, literally tossing Ianto to the side. He toppled forward, just barely catching himself before his face smashed into the ground by the front of the sofa. He turned around just in time to see Jack walking out of the bay, Tosh held against his chest, a scalpel at her neck. Gwen was standing before them, her gun drawn and pointed point blank at Jack. The scene before Ianto was far to surreal for him to even begin to wrap his mind around. True, he had seen the Torchwood team stand off against Jack once before. And true, it had ended in Jack being shot. But none of them had felt good about it, it was horrible. But this, this time Gwen looked like she couldn’t wait for the violence to begin. Even Tosh, who was being held hostage looked like she was on the verge of laughing. Death truly meant nothing to these people, even their own.
“Oh you are a tricky one aren’t you?” Gwen chuckled, wiggling her eyebrows at Jack.
“More than you know.” He spat out. “Ianto!” The Welshman jumped when his named was shouted. “How long?”
Ianto quickly looked at his watch that he had put back on after Owen had left it in his cell. “Five minutes!”
“Oh I knew that was doing something!” Owen said as he walked out of his office, gun in had. He seemed bored with the whole situation, like they had a Mexican standoff in the middle of the Hub on a daily basis.
“You’re gonna play hero now?” Gwen said, spitting the word ‘hero’ out like it was something vile on her tongue. “How sweet.” She sneered.
“He’s going home.” Jack ground out through his teeth.
“He’s really not, I mean, I could just shoot him now.” Gwen swung her arm around and pointed the gun at Ianto with ease.
“Oh for the love of God, would someone please eviscerate this fucker already.” Tosh said with exasperation, obviously getting bored with being in the middle of the standoff.
Ianto looked at the gun that was being pointed at him blindly, in mere minutes he would be home, he really preferred to not arrive with a bullet in the brain. Moving quickly, he swung his one good leg out and knocked Gwen’s feet out from under her. She tumbled to the ground with a thud, the air escaping her lungs with a surprised ‘woof’ noise. Her gun slid out of her hand, hitting one of the coffee tables legs. Just as she fell, Ianto saw Jack whip the scalpel across the room with a practiced movement, the small knife lodging in Owen’s neck. The medic grunted, grabbing his bleeding wound in shock before slowly sinking to the floor. “Jack no!” Ianto yelled, he couldn’t help it, it hurt him to watch the team be killed and by Jack no less. But Jack didn’t hear him, he didn’t want to. With a quick motion he snapped Tosh’s neck, her body instantly going limp and dropping to the ground dead. Before Ianto even had a chance to watch Tosh fall Gwen was up on her knees, plunging a large hunting knife into Jack’s sternum and pulling it downward with a grunt of effort. Ianto watched with shocked eyes as everyone he knew fell dead to the ground, Jack’s internal organs slipping out of the hole Gwen had just placed in his torso.
Ianto was gasping in horror, trying to drag himself farther back away from the destruction that laid before him. He watched as Gwen unceremoniously kicked Tosh’s body out of the way, standing over Jack. She kneeled down with her knife and with a few very well placed hacks, she beheaded the older man. Ianto dry heaved, his stomach turning as he made a small involuntary gagging noise in the back of his throat. He wanted to close his eyes, to tear them away from the horror of a woman, but his eyes seemed frozen open with fear. Gwen then picked up Jack’s head, walked over to the stairs near the vortex manipulator and kicked it like a football across the room. “Let’s see you come back from that you fucker.” She muttered before turning back to Ianto who was shaking like a leaf.
“Well.” She smirked, moving to stand over him. “Looks like it’s just you an me finally.”
Ianto reached his hand out and grabbed the forgotten gun by the edge of the table, shakily pointing at her. Gwen laughed at him, making a ‘tsk’ noise with her tongue. “You gonna shoot me?” She asked with disbelief.
Ianto heard his watch beep just as she leaned forward to grab the gun, before he knew what he was doing he pulled the trigger. He watched as Gwen’s head snapped back, the bullet tearing through he forehead. He dropped the gun, screaming as he felt his stomach lurch with illness. He keeled over to the side and vomited violently, his insides seizing up. Of course since he had not eaten in over thirteen hours, very little actually came up, which left his body being racked by painful dry heaves. Once his body stopped retching and the knot in his stomach eased off slightly, Ianto chanced opening his eyes. He was a little surprised to find a brightly lit, extremely clean Hub before him. There were no bodies, no blood, nothing.
“No, I know I promised I’d be home by now.” He heard Gwen’s faint voice coming from somewhere in the Hub. “I’ll be home just as soon as I know Ianto’s safe.” There was a pause then a bright and happy laugh. “Okay, you’re right. I do just want to see if he met any perpetually late talking rabbits, but you’ve got to admit you’re a little curious as well.” Ianto saw as she walked up the steps from the cog door, her mobile pressed against her ear. She was smiling and clean and alive and just perfect, exactly how Ianto remembered her. She stopped at the top of the steps, her eyes falling onto Ianto’s battered form. “Rhys, I’ll call you back.” She said quickly, snapping the phone closed and tossing it onto the desk as she ran over to him.
“Ianto? Oh my god!” She breathed, kneeling down next to him. The moment she was there, warm and beautiful and right next to him, Ianto burst into tears. His body ached and screamed from the pain his heavy sobs caused, but he didn’t care.
“Gwen!” He choked out, reaching his one good arm out.
“Oh honey! What happened!?” She said, grabbing a hold of him and helping him sit up a bit. He wrapped his arms around her, gripping her tightly. “It’s okay.” She soothed as she held him, allowing him to sob against her shoulder. “I’ve got you.” She assured. “You’re okay, you’re safe now.” She whispered against his filthy hair, placing a kiss against his temple. Ianto just continued to sob, out of exhaustion, pain, relief, all of the above. “Jack!” Gwen hollered loudly, turning her face away from Ianto’s so she wasn’t shouting in his ear. “Jack!” She continued to yell until the sound of Jack’s heavy footsteps could be heard drawing nearer and nearer.
“Geez Gwen, I could hear you screeching all the way down in the cells. You really have turned into a wife.” He joked before he was even within eye line of the other two people.
“Jack, it’s Ianto!” Gwen called out, which caused the sound of Jack’s footsteps to speed up and arrived much quicker.
“God! Ianto.” Jack said, kneeling down next to Gwen, his strong hands trying to take hold of Ianto’s shoulders. The younger man refused to budge from his spot against Gwen, his hands gripping her shoulders tighter. He felt so guilty, he had shot her. Gwen, shot her, in the head. Yes, Ianto knew that he hadn’t shot his Gwen. But it was still a Gwen, and the guilt was heavy.
“His leg.” Gwen said softly to Jack, nodding toward Ianto’s outstretched and mangled thigh.
“Okay, okay, come on.” Jack said, coaxing Ianto off of Gwen. “Come on.” He placed his strong arms around Ianto, one arm under his knees the other under his arms, picking him up like a child. “Sorry.” Jack muttered, knowing that picking the Welshman up like that would cause him pain. Gwen held onto Ianto’s hand and she walked next to the two men down into the med bay, her other hand stroking his cheek.
“You’ll be okay.” She assured him, giving his hand a squeeze.
Jack laid him out on the exam table, ripping the left leg of his trousers open to see the wound better. As he did that Gwen grabbed a large gauze pad and pressed it against the gunshot wound in Ianto’s shoulder, giving him a weak smile. “You’ll be fine sweetie.” She said, looking down at him with worried eyes. Ianto just looked up at her weakly, his body begging him to give up.
“Pass me that.” Jack ordered Gwen, causing her to turn and grab a syringe off of one of the small metal medical trays that littered the room. She haded it too him, Jack pulled the cap off with his teeth. He was just about to stick Ianto with it when the younger man seized up, pulling his arm away. “Hey hey.” Jack said, grabbing a hold of him. “It’s okay, it’s just going to make you sleepy.”
“No!” Ianto shook his head, his eyes full of fear.
“Ianto.” Jack said firmly, cupping Ianto’s face in his hands and looking directly down into his blue eyes. “It’s okay, we will be here when you wake up. I promise.” Ianto could tell by the look on Jack’s face that he was being truthful. “I promise.”
Ianto took a shaky breath, he didn’t want to even close his eyes for a moment for fear that once he opened them again he’d be back in that tiny dark cell waiting to die. But he trusted Jack, and knew that if he promised something then he meant it. “I’ll be right here.” He heard Jack say as he felt his eyelid droop, his head going fuzzy from the drugs. “You’re home.” Jack’s voice was the last thing he heard before he slipped into unconsciousness for what he was sure was the tenth time that day.
~~~~
A steady stream of rhythmic beeps worked it’s way into Ianto’s foggy mind, he froze with fear as he blindly reached for the watch on his wrist. When it wasn’t there Ianto’s eyes snapped open which caused the world before him to lurch sickly, he bit back a groan as his stomach protested the dizzy feeling that tore through his head. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust and clear, when they finally did Ianto took survey of a very unfamiliar ceiling. It definitely wasn’t the ceiling of a Torchwood cell, that was for sure. But is wasn’t the ceiling of the Hub’s med bay either, which was puzzling. Ianto rolled his head to the side, feeling like it was stuffed full of cotton, and saw a heart monitor next to his bed keeping a steady pace. It was that moment that he realized, he was in a hospital. Looking over to the other side he saw Jack sitting in a rather uncomfortable looking plastic chair, his head lulled to the side as he slept. Ianto smiled softly at the older man’s sleeping form, his own personal stoic guard keeping watch, a sleepy watch but watch no less. Ianto looked down at himself, taking note of the damage. His left forearm arm was wrapped in gauze, and there was an IV running into the back of his hand. He tentatively felt his right shoulder with his hand, feeling more soft wrappings. He lifted the light blanket that was draped over his body, expecting to see the same type of white dressings, only he was surprised to see a slightly metallic colored wrap around his thigh.
“It’s alien.” Jack said, causing Ianto to jump slightly. “Sorry.” Jack murmured. “It’s alien.” He said again, nodding toward Ianto’s leg. “I put it on you after everyone left, it’ll heal you in a couple days, you won’t even have a limp.” Jack spoke softly, alerting Ianto to just how late it was.
“Oh good, because a limp was exactly what I was worried about.” Ianto quipped, looking at Jack fondly.
“I figured.” Jack smiled.
“I’m in hospital.” It was more of a statement than a question, since it was so very obvious that he was in a hospital. Jack just nodded. “Why?”
“I’m not a doctor and you were really hurt, I wasn’t going to chance it.” Jack said simply with a little shrug.
“Where’s Gwen?”
“Home, I sent home a couple hours ago. She’ll be back in the morning.” Jack assured. “Wild horses couldn’t keep her away.” Ianto nodded, relaxing back into his pillow. “Want to tell me what happened?”
Ianto sighed, looking at Jack once again. “I think I was in hell.”
“You were in a mirror-verus weren’t you?”
Ianto nodded, closing his eyes against the wave of emotion that threaten to hit as he thought about his time spent there. “It was -“ He swallowed thickly. “It was like nothing I ever, I could ever imagine.”
“I know.” Jack said.
“You’ve been there, haven’t you.”
“Once.” Jack admitted. “Back when I was in the RAF, the holes were happening and I figured ‘hey, why not take a vacation from the war’. Boy was I wrong.”
“How bad was it?”
“It made Auschwitz seem like a walk in the park.”
Ianto’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You were at Auschwitz?”
“I was undercover as a USSR solider and I was captured, they didn’t like Soviet PoW’s very much.”
Ianto sighed staring at Jack, his eyes watering. “So you know.” His voice shook as he spoke. “You know how bad it is.”
“I know what it’s like to look into the face of people you know and love, and to not see that person in their eyes anywhere.”
Ianto shook his head slowly, his face showing how much he was holding back. Tears slowly began to slip down his cheeks as Jack reached out and took hold of his hand. “They weren’t the people I knew, yet they were.” He felt Jack squeeze his hand reassuringly. “Tosh and Owen were there, they were - “A sob escaped his lips breaking his sentence in two. “And Gwen, oh God, Gwen. I shot her.” Ianto sounded disgusted with himself.
“Hey now.” Jack said quickly, moving from his seat to sit on the edge of Ianto’s bed. “Gwen’s fine, she’s at home in bed. She’s worried sick about you, but she’s fine. You didn’t do anything to her.”
“But I did.” Ianto insisted.
“No, no you did not.” Jack said firmly. “Those people were not your friends, you had to do what you had to do. You had no choice.”
Ianto remember the Jack from the mirror-verse saying practically the same thing to him while he was stuck in his cell.“You know, you weren’t really all that different.” Ianto said softly from where he laid, looking up at Jack with sad eyes. “Maybe a little acerbic, but that’s it.”
“Really?” Jack quirked an eyebrow. “Hmm, well that’s disconcerting.”
Ianto’s lips quivered as another sob fought it’s way out of his chest. “Why?” He choked out.
Jack’s expression softened, Ianto’s pain and confusion was obviously breaking his heart. “Most people don’t have the strength, or any particular desire to realize that they are capable of great evils. That inside of you somewhere there’s a part of your soul that’s black as death and twice as swift. People don’t admit to that part of them because it’s terrifying, because it can be suffocating if you allow it to be. But I know that part of me Ianto, I’ve used that part of me. I imagine wasn’t that different because in a way, a part of me already is evil and I know that. Only difference is that I choose not to indulge in it, I made my choice a long time ago to help people, not hurt them.”
Ianto shook his head. “You’re not evil.”
Jack smiled softly. “Everyone’s got an evil side, it’s the ones that suppress it that you have to worry about.”
“How am I suppose to -“ Ianto paused, searching for words that just wouldn’t come. “Forget?” He finally finished.
“You won’t.” Jack said simply, honestly. “But as time goes on, the pain will lessen and you’ll survive.”
Ianto sighed, angrily swatting tears away from his cheeks with this free hand. “I’m so tired of bloody surviving.”
Jack understood what Ianto meant, surviving was work, it was hard. It would be so much easier for the Welshman if he could just live his life, be content and happy without the knowledge of the pain and horror he had just experienced. “I know.” Jack nodded. “But you will.”
Ianto just watched Jack’s weary eyes, the older man had seen so much more than Ianto could even begin to fathom. And yet there was still so much more that he would see come the future, long after Ianto was dead, Jack would still be living. Living through wars and torture, heartbreaks and violence. For Jack is was never ending, yet he survived it and managed to grow and love and find peace in the people and places around him. If Jack could do it for millennia’s, then Ianto could do it for one simple lifetime. “You’re right.” Ianto nodded. “I will.”
Jack smiled at him, leaning forward and kissing Ianto softly on his lips. The kiss was full of love and worry and gratitude that the younger man was home safe.
~~~~
In the weeks following Ianto’s release from the hospital he attempted push away any feelings of unease and fear he still felt at times, but it proved to harder than originally thought. He had problems with the dark, and many times woke up having panic attacks. This prompted Jack to start staying over at Ianto’s flat most nights, true it wasn’t as easy running Torchwood living away from the Hub, but Jack quickly got use to it. Pretty soon Ianto’s wounds healed, leaving a few scars but nothing too horrible, and he looked as good as new. It wasn’t until the day he froze with all the color draining from his face because Gwen had reached across in front of him with a pair of scissors in her hand, that Jack finally pulled him into his office for a talk.
“Ianto.” Jack begun, sitting against the edge of his desk.
“I know.” Ianto cut in tiredly, sounding utterly exhausted. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, you’re just suffering from some post traumatic stress is all. Maybe you should talk to Gwen, perhaps if you tell her what happened she’ll be more careful about waving sharp objects in your face.”
“I can’t.” Ianto shook his head. He had made the decision not the tell Gwen about his experiences in the mirror-verus, Jack agreeing to it at the time. But as the weeks wore on and Ianto was still jumpy around her, Jack started to think that maybe Gwen should know why. She was obviously concerned about the younger man, but if she knew the extent of his trauma and at who’s hands the most of it came from, she would be much more careful.
“Why not?”
“Because, I can’t. I’m just so afraid, all the time. And it’s not going to get better.”
“Ianto, there’s no shame in being afraid.” Jack said, pulling the other man into a hug. Ianto clutched Jack’s shoulders, burying his face against Jack’s neck and inhaling his scent. Jack’s 51st century pheromones always managed to calm Ianto, even during the worst of times. “It is going to get better, I promise” Jack whispered against Ianto’s hair. “But you can’t just expect to tell me what happened and then be able to work along side her with the knowledge of what her counterpart did to you, it’s not working.” Jack reasoned. “You need to tell her, to put the fear out in the open and let her help you heal as well.” Jack understood that he sounded very much like a hypocrite right then considering he very rarely divulged much about his past horrors, and it was only because he knew that, that Ianto decided not to point it out.
Ianto and Jack continued to talk for a few more minutes before Ianto finally reemerged from the office.
“Hello Ianto!” Gwen said brightly, smiling her usual sweet smile at him. “How are you doing? You looked a little peaked earlier.”
“I need to talk to you about something.” Ianto said, moving to sit on the sofa, knowing she would follow.
“About what?” She asked as she sat next to him, her knees touching his slightly.
“I want to tell you, I need to tell you about what happened.” As Ianto spoke, Gwen kept quiet. He didn’t rush and he spared no details about his time away, telling her about Tosh and Owen and about Gwen. He explained what happened, who did what to him. By the time he got to the end of his story and told her the last bit about the standoff and his shooting her, both people were tears. Gwen sobbed as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. “And that’s why.” Ianto said against her shoulder. “That’s why I’ve been so jumpy around you, I’m so sorry Gwen.” He cried, feeling horrible that he was having trouble separating his friend from the horrible woman that he had killed.
“Don’t be silly!” She said, pulling back and placing her small hands on either side of his face so he couldn’t look away. “You have every right to be jumpy, I’m am so sorry. So sorry, I had no idea.”
“I was so worried.” He said.
“About what? That I’d be mad because you’re scared? Don’t be daft, never. What that woman did to you was horrible, and I know you don’t think I’m her. But I also know the fact that she and I share a face cannot make being around me easy, at all. So don’t feel guilty, ever. Don’t feel guilty about being uncomfortable around me at times, and absolutely do not feel guilty about shooting her. Because you know what?” She smiled a soft little smile. “I would have shot her too.”
Ianto chuckled softly, placing his hands over Gwen’s. “Would that be considered murder or suicide?”
Gwen laughed, leaning in and kissing his cheek. “Daft.” She said playfully, smiling.
The two friends moment was broken when there was a sudden panicked shout from Jack’s office, causing both people to jump up and hurry toward the door.
“Jack!?” Gwen shouted as she and Ianto bursted in, looking around for whatever danger they thought would meet them. The only thing that met them ended up being Jack, standing on his chair and pointing wildly at the corner.
“Kill it! Kill it!” He said loudly as something scurried under the bookshelf.
Gwen huffed with exasperation, rolling her eyes at him. “Honestly Jack, you are a grown man. Get down off of that chair.” She chastised, her hands on her hips.
“Not until you kill it.” Jack said.
Ianto couldn’t stop the smile the crept onto his face as he saw the small creature that was looking out from under the piece of furniture.
“Jack I’m not going to kill it, now get off the chair.” Gwen continued to try and coax the older man down, grabbing a hold of his arm.
“Jimmy.” Ianto said, crouching down and placing his hand out, palm up. He didn’t even have to make the small clicking noise with his tongue, the moment the alien saw his hand it quickly scurried over to Ianto. He chuckled as he stood up with the creature in his hand, looking down on it fondly.
“See, Ianto’s got it. Now get down.” Gwen reasoned, giving Jack’s arm a tug, finally getting him to step down off of the chair.
“Did you just call it Jimmy?” Jack asked, eying Ianto and the small spidery mouse alien that was currently perched on the Welshman’s hand.
“Yes.” Ianto nodded.
“Why?”
“Because that’s his name.”
“Who the hell named it Jimmy!?” Jack asked, sounding surprised that anyone would name such a horrible little thing. He really did hate them.
“You.” Ianto said simply.
“Wait a minute.” Gwen said. “Are you telling me that thing went to the same place you did? And it survived?”
Ianto nodded, to which Gwen laughed a little unbelieving laugh before moving to pet the little thing’s head.
“I named it Jimmy? Why?” Jack asked, looking at the thing with disdain.
Ianto laughed. “Because Barbara just didn’t seem right.”
Jack sighed, slumping into his chair as he watched both Ianto and Gwen fawn over the little creature. “It’s not staying at the flat.” He said firmly.
“We can keep it!?” Gwen asked, sounding like an excited child who was just told she could have a puppy.
“As long as it stays away from me.” Jack said, pointing at Jimmy with a threating look.
“He will.” Ianto assured, leading the aforementioned alien to chirp in agreement which caused Gwen to giggle.
Ianto looked up from the little creature to Jack, a smile still on his face. There was still so much healing he had to do, but for the first time since his return Ianto felt that perhaps, just maybe, he’d be alright. He’d survive, and he’d have help doing so.
FIN
FYI: Yes i know there is no USSR anymore, so no one needs to point that out lol. I only called it that because it still would have been called that back when Jack was there ^_^
Love it? Hate it? Think I'm totally insane? Let me know, comments are love!