[109]
Dear Self:
You cannot fix or solve or ease everyone's problems. It's unreasonable and you need to stop holding yourself to that standard. No matter how hard you try, someone will always be hurt at some point. You cannot be everyone's everything and make shit better. Sorry, but you're not that important. A good friend, maybe, but not what a lot of people are looking for, apparently.
Take care of yourself. I know it's hard and you have to work at it, but you like working hard. Remember? You like being challenged and tested. You like results. You like seeing a difference. Work on yourself. Why aren't you worth the same treatment as your friends? Why are you so far in the shithole that you won't try for yourself?
I know you're hurt and scared. I know you don't know what to do and you're terrified all the time. I know because I'm you. You're me. We're writing this, together, right now. For us. Who cares how crazy that sounds?
You need to stop taking the world on your shoulders. If you don't want help, fine; just stop putting more and more pressure on yourself. You're strong enough to handle your own issues, but no one can be expected to deal with everyone's issues.
Your dreams are unrealistic: winning the lottery? I mean...come on. Yes, that would be nice, but is it going to happen? Highly unlikely. HIGHLY unlikely. You don't need to know what you're going to do with your life right now. You don't. You really, really don't. Just make it better. Take another step. You'll feel better, I promise. You're so scared of getting burned, you're paralyzed. Don't do that to yourself. You owe yourself more than that. You owe your family, your friends, your whole future.
Don't underestimate yourself. You can actually do a lot of great things. Maybe you're not cut out to be an inventor or a dealer or whatever your crazy get-rich-quick schemes dictate. Obviously if you were, you'd be doing it. But it's too much effort and you know it. You'd rather do some good ol' straightforward work for someone or yourself. Start a business if you really want to. That's something I truly believe you can accomplish. It will not be easy and you will almost certainly give up at some point, but if you stick it out, it could be amazingly rewarding.
You've started to make some new friends. Don't drop the ball. Ciera, Anthony, and Brandon seemed to have a good time with you. Maybe be a little less withdrawn, okay? I know you're shy and awkward, and that's okay, but if you want something more then reach your hand out and grab it. Not everything is going to come to you; you've got to make an effort here somewhere, sweetheart.
Look. I know I don't get around to saying it very often, but you're a really great person, okay? People like you. You wouldn't have such close friends or so many acquaintances if you weren't likeable. Your bosses love you (but, seriously, stop cutting it so close on the arrival time for your shifts, okay?) and never wanna lose you. You're a really sweet kid. You can do anything. Believe in yourself. You aren't a failure, you never were a failure, and you won't let yourself be a failure, right? You're too good for that. You can do it, kid. You can do it.
Now do a few jumping jacks and get some sleep. Finish that book, 'cause I know you want to. Rest easy tonight, kid, and take the world by storm tomorrow.
Goodnight, Christine. I love you.
You cannot fix or solve or ease everyone's problems. It's unreasonable and you need to stop holding yourself to that standard. No matter how hard you try, someone will always be hurt at some point. You cannot be everyone's everything and make shit better. Sorry, but you're not that important. A good friend, maybe, but not what a lot of people are looking for, apparently.
Take care of yourself. I know it's hard and you have to work at it, but you like working hard. Remember? You like being challenged and tested. You like results. You like seeing a difference. Work on yourself. Why aren't you worth the same treatment as your friends? Why are you so far in the shithole that you won't try for yourself?
I know you're hurt and scared. I know you don't know what to do and you're terrified all the time. I know because I'm you. You're me. We're writing this, together, right now. For us. Who cares how crazy that sounds?
You need to stop taking the world on your shoulders. If you don't want help, fine; just stop putting more and more pressure on yourself. You're strong enough to handle your own issues, but no one can be expected to deal with everyone's issues.
Your dreams are unrealistic: winning the lottery? I mean...come on. Yes, that would be nice, but is it going to happen? Highly unlikely. HIGHLY unlikely. You don't need to know what you're going to do with your life right now. You don't. You really, really don't. Just make it better. Take another step. You'll feel better, I promise. You're so scared of getting burned, you're paralyzed. Don't do that to yourself. You owe yourself more than that. You owe your family, your friends, your whole future.
Don't underestimate yourself. You can actually do a lot of great things. Maybe you're not cut out to be an inventor or a dealer or whatever your crazy get-rich-quick schemes dictate. Obviously if you were, you'd be doing it. But it's too much effort and you know it. You'd rather do some good ol' straightforward work for someone or yourself. Start a business if you really want to. That's something I truly believe you can accomplish. It will not be easy and you will almost certainly give up at some point, but if you stick it out, it could be amazingly rewarding.
You've started to make some new friends. Don't drop the ball. Ciera, Anthony, and Brandon seemed to have a good time with you. Maybe be a little less withdrawn, okay? I know you're shy and awkward, and that's okay, but if you want something more then reach your hand out and grab it. Not everything is going to come to you; you've got to make an effort here somewhere, sweetheart.
Look. I know I don't get around to saying it very often, but you're a really great person, okay? People like you. You wouldn't have such close friends or so many acquaintances if you weren't likeable. Your bosses love you (but, seriously, stop cutting it so close on the arrival time for your shifts, okay?) and never wanna lose you. You're a really sweet kid. You can do anything. Believe in yourself. You aren't a failure, you never were a failure, and you won't let yourself be a failure, right? You're too good for that. You can do it, kid. You can do it.
Now do a few jumping jacks and get some sleep. Finish that book, 'cause I know you want to. Rest easy tonight, kid, and take the world by storm tomorrow.
Goodnight, Christine. I love you.