Sep 18, 2005 22:42
this was weekend was seriously really great. so how can i still be this fucking sad. why am i a piece of shit.
this week altogether was so awkward and buzz killing. and i hate my life.
my parents dont say I LOVE YOU back anymore. they used to at least say "thank you" now its just "bye". fucking dicks.
i have rochelle on tuesday. i wish i could tell her what i do and she wouldnt be required by law to tell my parents. i wish i didnt feel better when i did it. do it. my eyes dont shut hard enough to squeeze it out anymore. they just stack up in my head and they replay themselves so i can never be genuinely happy.
this weekend was good. i didnt see my parents once. and i know they dont believe that i really did chill at shannons the whole time. i didnt even go to stephs party. fuckin a. i actually straightened up and NOW they stop believing me. i hate you.
i havent updated in a minute or so. i love drawing and painting. its the only one i really like. i wish kori was in it.
ryan closed fist punched me in the forehead today. i still have a headache. good. thing.
me and kori have gone to look at apartments twice now. today. with ryan and jonathan. that was good. we only saw two though because we got lost. i only want to live in one of them because its perfect. and i fucking want a dog asap. and i want to leave lville sooner. i seriously hate every second of being at my house. how can they seriously not say i love you. can they not just lie. its not GOOD to cry every day. its not GOOD to hide scissors and kinves. its not GOOD to hate yourself. its not GOOD to not care if you died. im not GOOD.
its a good thing i dont have make up on.
i dont plan on showering in the morning so deal with it. why cant i get a fucking job. i need to save money like woah.
i hate complaining but this is my head, not yours. worse goes on that cant be told.
why wont it just stop. im so much more fucked up than you know that i am. why does what anyone tells me ever help. i never believe them.
i wanna go to a hospital.
i either have a gallstone, an ovarian cyst, or cancer. and no one cares because i dont really care enough i guess.
why the fuck can kelsey not be here. then i wouldnt have to lay alone in my room and replay everything. i almost threw up watching crash last night. i hate myself.
i need to leave. i cant be here tonight.