All the Difference - Getting Back in Gear
I'm finally back after my somewhat-unintentional summer hiatus. I knew there was going to be at least a month where I wouldn't have access to my notes or the internet because of a long-distance summer trip, but I had hoped to get at least one chapter out before my departure. I regret that it didn't happen. I also feel bad that it's taken me so long to jump back into the story once I returned home. After being away for so long, and being so unhappy with the way Chapter 5 was developing before my hiatus, I knew I would have to re-read the posted chapters and the outline to make sure I captured the same general tone and writing style I had been using.
It was re-evaluating the story that held me up from restarting work on Chapter 5 again. I would open up my work files every now and then, but I always worried that by the time I read through the chapters I wouldn't have any time left to write...so I just never started reviewing the old chapters, which of course meant that I never started revising Chapter 5.
I'd occasionally get notifications that a new reader had added this story to their alerts/favorites, which always amazed me since I'm sure this story fell pretty low in the category, but no reviews until last night. So, although I can't reply to you directly because your review was semi-anonymous, I really would like to thank eve for not only leaving a really lovely review, but also for giving me the kick in my pants to stop procrastinating and jump back into working on this story. Rereading the chapters definitely helped, and I already free-wrote some new material for the next chapter thanks to inspiration from some passages in the earlier chapters.
I'm not sure that I can guarantee that I'm my harshest critic, but I probably rank high up there. Here are some thoughts I jotted to myself as I worked my way through the posted chapters once again.
Prologue
~I knew I was pushing the bounds of realism when I initially wrote it, but the Fuji/Yukimura conversation strikes me as being too open. I originally rationalized it as Yukimura catching Fuji in a moment of weakness (between Tezuka's injury flaring up again and Yuuta starting to make noises about transferring) and that he wasn't serious about offering Fuji a spot at Rikkai (the offer was merely an incentive to push himself past the limits he had caged himself within), but Fuji was still too willing to speak about the Tezuka injury to a known rival. This is definitely the biggest leap of faith I need the readers to accept.
~I had Yukimura be shocked that bullying was allowed at Seigaku and reflect that such a thing would never be allowed at Rikkai, but it strikes me that bullying would be tolerated at Rikkai, as long as it had a purpose. Case in point - thanks to Shin PoT, it's now official that the Troika deliberately cultivated Kirihara's violent personality in order to gain that much more of an edge for the team. However, bullying of Rikkai players by anyone outside the team, or perhaps bullying for the sake of bullying, does not seem to be tolerated. I think Yagyu was honestly grateful to Kaidoh for defending Rikkai and Yukimura's honor shortly before the National Tournament began. Maybe that was just because he's the "Gentleman", but I could see that mentality applying to the whole team. So, I probably characterized Yukimura as too gentle in his reaction. He might have been shocked, but more because the Captain and Coach allowed a player to be punished for having more talent than an inferior player. And the "real" Yukimura would probably have been trying to find a way to use that information to his advantage - more-so than just inviting Fuji to play a match against him.
Chapter One
~Timeline check - Was Yukimura the Rikkai buchou during his second year? I think so, but I don't remember where I confirmed that. Eh, at a minimum, he had to be named captain before he collapsed in late autumn, so it's probably fine.
~I think in some ways I managed to capture the "realistic" tone I was aiming for, but in other ways I'm falling short. I think I'm close to matching "realism" according to Prince of Tennis, but it doesn't quite meet the standard of reality-realism. Eh, I guess what I mean is that the characters (particularly Akaya) are still coming across to me as manga/anime characters - which isn't necessarily bad, because that's what they are, but...I dunno. I guess I was hoping to push beyond that. Maybe that's something I can improve upon in future chapters.
~I'm still wondering if I made Yukimura too gentle. He's hospital-bound in this chapter and suffering from some of the worst moments of his illness, so it's probably okay.
Chapter Two
~Looking back, I'm really happy with how this chapter turned out. I think I pulled off the characterizations of Saeki and Yuuta well enough, although Fuji was still a little too wordy. I really do better with him when he's smiling and silent.
Chapter Three
~I was relieved that, even though the match tracked the manga pretty closely, it didn't read like I merely made a transcript of that match. It was also a good reminder of some of the setting details I crafted, since Chapter 5 is set during the same day...just a few hours later.
~I'm convinced that wherever I stumbled across the listing of "Jackal" as the character's surname was incorrect. I'm getting my "official" spellings and whatnot from TeniMyu, and I've seen in multiple spots where that character's name is "Kuwahara Jackal". I feel a little silly for letting that confuse me for as long as it did.
Chapter Four
~I don't think I mentioned it in the chapter's notes, but Yanagi stopping to tie his shoelaces before the doubles match is a reference to the habit Inui points out before their match in the Kanto finals.
~Not entirely happy with how Nioh turned out, but I like how I've developed Yagyu's personality so far. It should put him in a good position for the rest of the story.
~I just realized that, if I'm being technical, the "Ah" Fuji says to Sanada might have required a language note. Kind of like Saa and Ne, it's one of those words that would probably work just as well translated (in this case, as "Yeah" or some similar variation), but I write it as I did because that's the way I hear it.
Looking Ahead: Chapter Five
~I've got about a third of the chapter written, including a quarter of the game. I'm a little worried about the tone in the early portions (and perhaps some unintentional foreshadowing), so I need to take some time to review and possibly rip it apart. Hopefully I can start fleshing out the rest of the game, and the aftermath, tomorrow. If things go really well, I'd like to try and get the new chapter out sometime this weekend. I've got some family obligations that might make that unrealistic, plus I suspect if Dream Live 7th hits the net I might take some time out to give that a lookie. However, I'll keep my toes crossed (not my fingers - I'll need them to type) that the muses cooperate!
To anyone reading this, thank you for sticking with this story! I'm determined to finish this, but I really appreciate your patience.
It was re-evaluating the story that held me up from restarting work on Chapter 5 again. I would open up my work files every now and then, but I always worried that by the time I read through the chapters I wouldn't have any time left to write...so I just never started reviewing the old chapters, which of course meant that I never started revising Chapter 5.
I'd occasionally get notifications that a new reader had added this story to their alerts/favorites, which always amazed me since I'm sure this story fell pretty low in the category, but no reviews until last night. So, although I can't reply to you directly because your review was semi-anonymous, I really would like to thank eve for not only leaving a really lovely review, but also for giving me the kick in my pants to stop procrastinating and jump back into working on this story. Rereading the chapters definitely helped, and I already free-wrote some new material for the next chapter thanks to inspiration from some passages in the earlier chapters.
I'm not sure that I can guarantee that I'm my harshest critic, but I probably rank high up there. Here are some thoughts I jotted to myself as I worked my way through the posted chapters once again.
Prologue
~I knew I was pushing the bounds of realism when I initially wrote it, but the Fuji/Yukimura conversation strikes me as being too open. I originally rationalized it as Yukimura catching Fuji in a moment of weakness (between Tezuka's injury flaring up again and Yuuta starting to make noises about transferring) and that he wasn't serious about offering Fuji a spot at Rikkai (the offer was merely an incentive to push himself past the limits he had caged himself within), but Fuji was still too willing to speak about the Tezuka injury to a known rival. This is definitely the biggest leap of faith I need the readers to accept.
~I had Yukimura be shocked that bullying was allowed at Seigaku and reflect that such a thing would never be allowed at Rikkai, but it strikes me that bullying would be tolerated at Rikkai, as long as it had a purpose. Case in point - thanks to Shin PoT, it's now official that the Troika deliberately cultivated Kirihara's violent personality in order to gain that much more of an edge for the team. However, bullying of Rikkai players by anyone outside the team, or perhaps bullying for the sake of bullying, does not seem to be tolerated. I think Yagyu was honestly grateful to Kaidoh for defending Rikkai and Yukimura's honor shortly before the National Tournament began. Maybe that was just because he's the "Gentleman", but I could see that mentality applying to the whole team. So, I probably characterized Yukimura as too gentle in his reaction. He might have been shocked, but more because the Captain and Coach allowed a player to be punished for having more talent than an inferior player. And the "real" Yukimura would probably have been trying to find a way to use that information to his advantage - more-so than just inviting Fuji to play a match against him.
Chapter One
~Timeline check - Was Yukimura the Rikkai buchou during his second year? I think so, but I don't remember where I confirmed that. Eh, at a minimum, he had to be named captain before he collapsed in late autumn, so it's probably fine.
~I think in some ways I managed to capture the "realistic" tone I was aiming for, but in other ways I'm falling short. I think I'm close to matching "realism" according to Prince of Tennis, but it doesn't quite meet the standard of reality-realism. Eh, I guess what I mean is that the characters (particularly Akaya) are still coming across to me as manga/anime characters - which isn't necessarily bad, because that's what they are, but...I dunno. I guess I was hoping to push beyond that. Maybe that's something I can improve upon in future chapters.
~I'm still wondering if I made Yukimura too gentle. He's hospital-bound in this chapter and suffering from some of the worst moments of his illness, so it's probably okay.
Chapter Two
~Looking back, I'm really happy with how this chapter turned out. I think I pulled off the characterizations of Saeki and Yuuta well enough, although Fuji was still a little too wordy. I really do better with him when he's smiling and silent.
Chapter Three
~I was relieved that, even though the match tracked the manga pretty closely, it didn't read like I merely made a transcript of that match. It was also a good reminder of some of the setting details I crafted, since Chapter 5 is set during the same day...just a few hours later.
~I'm convinced that wherever I stumbled across the listing of "Jackal" as the character's surname was incorrect. I'm getting my "official" spellings and whatnot from TeniMyu, and I've seen in multiple spots where that character's name is "Kuwahara Jackal". I feel a little silly for letting that confuse me for as long as it did.
Chapter Four
~I don't think I mentioned it in the chapter's notes, but Yanagi stopping to tie his shoelaces before the doubles match is a reference to the habit Inui points out before their match in the Kanto finals.
~Not entirely happy with how Nioh turned out, but I like how I've developed Yagyu's personality so far. It should put him in a good position for the rest of the story.
~I just realized that, if I'm being technical, the "Ah" Fuji says to Sanada might have required a language note. Kind of like Saa and Ne, it's one of those words that would probably work just as well translated (in this case, as "Yeah" or some similar variation), but I write it as I did because that's the way I hear it.
Looking Ahead: Chapter Five
~I've got about a third of the chapter written, including a quarter of the game. I'm a little worried about the tone in the early portions (and perhaps some unintentional foreshadowing), so I need to take some time to review and possibly rip it apart. Hopefully I can start fleshing out the rest of the game, and the aftermath, tomorrow. If things go really well, I'd like to try and get the new chapter out sometime this weekend. I've got some family obligations that might make that unrealistic, plus I suspect if Dream Live 7th hits the net I might take some time out to give that a lookie. However, I'll keep my toes crossed (not my fingers - I'll need them to type) that the muses cooperate!
To anyone reading this, thank you for sticking with this story! I'm determined to finish this, but I really appreciate your patience.