Nostalgia...
Is a heartless Bitch.
Permanently kept at arms length as I'm desperately trying to get closer. How can I show you I'm all in this time if you won't let me? I guess you don't care to know, and it's selfish of me to try to force it on you. So afraid of saying and doing the wrong thing, and I'm constantly in my own head going over every word, every interaction; constant circles with no resolution. There is no semblance of reassurance sent my way. To be honest, that's all I need when I get like this. That's all it would take. Everything just feels so uncertain. I feel like I'm being punished for what I did. And on some level I feel I deserve it, but a year? I'm no closer to what I want...who I want. I don't know what to do. I can't even imagine walking away, I don't want to; leaving the first time has been my biggest regret in life so far, I couldn't live with myself if I did it again. I can't bear things staying stagnant either; feeling this way indefinitely. All I want is time and attention. That's a lot to ask of someone who isn't as invested in you as you are in them.
I could be so happy...it's right there, just out of reach. If only I had longer arms.
I should've fixed this sooner. I would've been happy. I could've been so happy.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda...
Permanently kept at arms length as I'm desperately trying to get closer. How can I show you I'm all in this time if you won't let me? I guess you don't care to know, and it's selfish of me to try to force it on you. So afraid of saying and doing the wrong thing, and I'm constantly in my own head going over every word, every interaction; constant circles with no resolution. There is no semblance of reassurance sent my way. To be honest, that's all I need when I get like this. That's all it would take. Everything just feels so uncertain. I feel like I'm being punished for what I did. And on some level I feel I deserve it, but a year? I'm no closer to what I want...who I want. I don't know what to do. I can't even imagine walking away, I don't want to; leaving the first time has been my biggest regret in life so far, I couldn't live with myself if I did it again. I can't bear things staying stagnant either; feeling this way indefinitely. All I want is time and attention. That's a lot to ask of someone who isn't as invested in you as you are in them.
I could be so happy...it's right there, just out of reach. If only I had longer arms.
I should've fixed this sooner. I would've been happy. I could've been so happy.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda...