(no subject)
In Buddhism there is this concept of groundlessness. It essentially states that when one has the courage to face their fear of the unknown instead of finding a way around it, they experience a sense of groundlessness. "anyone who stands on the edge of the unknown, fully in the present without a reference point experiences groundlessness. That's when our understanding goes deeper, when we find that the present moment is a pretty vulnerable place and that this can be completely unnerving and completely tender at the same time." This concept works with the idea of mindfulness; being in the present moment without any judgments or preconceived notions. Mindfulness and groundlessness mean to accept that we don't know what is going to happen and we accept the current position that we are in.
This week is my busiest week. I've put off my work so long that I have so many mini-essays to write, two large essay, and one page paper to write before the end of the week. I have seven books to read for two different classes, and a reaction paper due tomorrow. I'd like to freak out. I've considered dropping out of school. The personal troubles that life has blessed me with throughout this semester has taken a lot out of me and I don't think I'm in a position where I can thrive at school. But my alternative to an academic life is dismal and not worthy of any consideration. I guess what it comes down to is where do I want to be in that welfare office at the beginning of every year? Do I want to be the person who tries every which way to get a family of four into a program that will help them live, or do I want to be apart of that family of four who needs the basics? And since when does being a member of the working class by deault mean welfare receipients?
I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. I feel like I'm looking down at a bottomless pit that I have to jump over to find happiness. To jump means that I work my way through school to get to that bar exam at the end. But if I fall, I fall forever. Unfortunately, this is not a moment in my life where I can turn around and find an alternative. The current stereotype of the working class is not good. And with the current war on the middle class, even inhereting my mother's social status is not good either. I feel as if I'm regressing.
Am I experiencing a state of groundlessness? It certainly isn't courage that is keeping me at the edge. If I had the courage I would've jumped no questions asked. So what is this?
This week is my busiest week. I've put off my work so long that I have so many mini-essays to write, two large essay, and one page paper to write before the end of the week. I have seven books to read for two different classes, and a reaction paper due tomorrow. I'd like to freak out. I've considered dropping out of school. The personal troubles that life has blessed me with throughout this semester has taken a lot out of me and I don't think I'm in a position where I can thrive at school. But my alternative to an academic life is dismal and not worthy of any consideration. I guess what it comes down to is where do I want to be in that welfare office at the beginning of every year? Do I want to be the person who tries every which way to get a family of four into a program that will help them live, or do I want to be apart of that family of four who needs the basics? And since when does being a member of the working class by deault mean welfare receipients?
I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. I feel like I'm looking down at a bottomless pit that I have to jump over to find happiness. To jump means that I work my way through school to get to that bar exam at the end. But if I fall, I fall forever. Unfortunately, this is not a moment in my life where I can turn around and find an alternative. The current stereotype of the working class is not good. And with the current war on the middle class, even inhereting my mother's social status is not good either. I feel as if I'm regressing.
Am I experiencing a state of groundlessness? It certainly isn't courage that is keeping me at the edge. If I had the courage I would've jumped no questions asked. So what is this?