Fic: Supernatural: Dean/Future Cas: The Long Road Back: (21/28)
Most of this fic is rated R, but note the rating change for this chapter. If you aren't comfortable with that, there's just one section you'll need to skip, and there's plenty of warning, so you'll know which section to skip.
Special thanks to my beta weslyn who as always helps me make each chapter as good as it can be.
Title: The Long Road Back
Author: nicole9514
Rating: NC-17
Chapters: 21/28
Warnings: gore,language,violence, drug use, slash
Spoilers: only up to 5 X 4 (but you'll see me draw from information we found out later)
Characters/Pairings: focus on Dean/Future Cas but also Risa, Chuck, OC's, LuciferSam, and future Dean.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine and I don't own anything but a few OC's and the errors.
Summary: AU 5 X 04 The End fic. In many ways this will be a fix it story (but not in all ways). Dean stops his future self from sending Cas and the others into a trap and Zachariah seems to be missing in action. Dean has to figure out where to go from here.
A/N: This fic has been consuming my brain in a good way. I really wanted to play around in this world, i love apocalyptic type settings, and i thought it would be a good way to keep myself busy during the hiatus. This story is going to have action,violence, and some death but the focus of this fic will be a slowly evolving love story in the middle of a world gone to hell between a certain hunter and a certain fallen angel. If you have a problem with that, don't read it.
Word count: 3687 (60,000 total)
Chapter One Chapter Eight Chapter 15
Chapter Two Chapter Nine Chapter 16
Chapter Three Chapter Ten Chapter 17
Chapter Four Chapter Eleven Chapter 18
Chapter Five Chapter Twelve Chapter 19
Chapter Six Chapter Thirteen Chapter 20
Chapter Seven Chapter Fourteen
They spent the rest of the day making preparations for their drive to Colorado to investigate the mysterious Steven Bard. They planned to leave early the next morning so they could make it there before dark. Bags were packed, most of the supplies were loaded, and the camp had been brought into the loop - for the most part. Cas had decided it was best to leave out Dean’s little visit from the devil.
Castiel was feeling much better, the headache was gone, the fatigue was gone, and they might actually have a lead. Cas wasn’t naïve; he didn’t believe that there was some magical wand they could wave that would fix the world.
Maybe if they were very lucky, they could find a way to make things just a little bit better. He’d take it. They all needed a little bit of hope.
Dean had been giving him the evil eye all day; he really was a closet mother hen. It probably came from years of looking after Sam. Cas knew he’d had to take on the role of parent since he’d been very young.
Dean was an expert at tough love.
When Cas had gone to get dressed, he’d glared. When Cas had gone for a walk, he’d bitched. Before they’d met up with Chuck to gather supplies, Dean had told him he should stay home and rest; that he could handle it on his own.
Cas had ignored each and everyone one of Dean’s not so subtle hints that he was pushing himself too hard. He felt fine, but there was no convincing Dean of that. The former angel had bitten back several sarcastic retorts throughout the day; mainly because it was nice to have someone give a shit. Dean showed his concern in the most annoying ways possible.
Cas could feel Dean glaring daggers into the back of his head again as they loaded the last of the supplies into the trunk. Cas pretended not to notice, instead flashing Dean a brilliant smile as he slammed the door shut.
“I think that’s the last of it,” Cas suppressed a smirk while leaning against the car and crossing his arms across his chest.
“Yep.” Dean’s gaze didn’t waver, but his jaw loosened slightly.
Cas stared right back, his expression full of innocence. “You ready to go home?”
Dean shrugged. “Whatever.”
Cas almost laughed. All day Dean had wanted him to rest, but the moment he offered, Dean acted as if it didn’t matter to him one way or another. You really know how to pick them, Cas.
“Well, I’m starving,” Cas said, starting forward in the direction of their cabin.
Dean was at his side moments later. His expression and body language more relaxed.
“I could eat,” Dean’s tone had softened. Apparently he’d decided to finally drop an issue without beating it to death with a rock first.
Progress.
After a few more steps Dean coughed, fidgeted, then slid his fingers in between Cas’s. Cas swallowed and tried to ignore the silly flutter of his heart. They‘d had sex, holding hands shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it felt different. Maybe because you’ve never done it before, the thought surfaced, taking Cas by surprise.
He was far from a virgin, but it had never gone deeper than sex. He’d never allowed it to; letting someone get too close only opened you up to more heartbreak. After bizzaro Dean, he hadn’t wanted to give someone that much power over his heart.
Until recently.
Dean said nothing, and his gaze stayed focused straight ahead. Through their bond Cas could feel Dean‘s discomfort, but it was fading with each step. He had a feeling Dean hadn’t done much hand holding, either. It seemed they were both treading on unfamiliar terrain.
Cas only hoped they somehow managed to avoid tripping over it.
Cas shook off his worries and smiled. He used his thumb to caress Dean’s hand and felt any remaining traces of his annoyance fade away.
******
They ate, sat down on their bed, and started discussing the route they would take, argued playfully a bit about who would drive, and then Cas started going over their lists of supplies one more time. That’s when Dean’s brain took a timeout. His eyes had become unfocused just as they did in some of their more tedious meetings with Risa and company. Cas pressed on anyway. About five minutes in Dean said, “How about we forget about all this crap until tomorrow?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m tired of talking; besides we aren’t going to have any free time for the next few days.” Dean reached out and ran his hand from Cas’s ankle, all the way up to his thigh, then he slowly went back down again.
Cas smiled innocently. “What exactly did you have in mind? A little light reading perhaps?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of me getting you naked.”
“I thought you said I needed to rest?” Cas couldn’t resist.
“I’m willing to make an exception.”
Cas snorted. “You really are like a dog in heat.”
“You know it.” Dean scooted closer and started molesting Cas’s neck. “Is it my fault you’re freaking irresistible?” he murmured against Cas’s jaw line.
Cas hummed in approval and cupped Dean’s face; he let their eyes lock for several moments before brushing his lips against the hunter‘s. Cas kept his kisses slow and gentle. He felt Dean’s hand squeeze his thigh when Cas licked his lover’s bottom lip, then deepened the kiss slightly. Cas lifted Dean’s shirt off and put his hands against Dean’s shoulders, guiding him backwards. Once Dean was flat on his back, Cas pulled his own shirt off, and tossed it aside.
“Happy?” he asked as he began slowly rubbing against Dean’s dick.
“I’m getting there.” Dean was staring up at him with hungry eyes.
Dean grabbed his waist and urged his hips to move faster - Cas obliged. Dean’s moans were almost as arousing as the feel of him pressing into his sex. Cas wasn’t in the mood for a lot of foreplay; he lifted off of Dean, and laid down on his side next to him. His hand wandered down Dean’s pants and grasped his firm cock. He slid his tongue into Dean’s mouth as he started jerking him off. Dean groaned and began running his hands all over Cas’s chest, his waist, his back - his touch left a trail of liquid fire burning on Cas’s skin.
Dean made a sound that was so close to a whimper, it made Cas ache for more contact. He used his free hand to pull them closer together, his kisses became more forceful and their noses brushed, he could feel Dean‘s stubble rub against his chin, making his skin tingle. And he could still taste the powdered eggs they’d had for dinner in Dean’s mouth, he smiled into the kiss, and nipped Dean’s lip.
Dean pulled his mouth away abruptly and panted, “My pants- off now.”
Cas backed off and turned his attention to Dean’s button, nipping at it gently with his teeth while Dean watched, his eyes getting darker. Cas used his fingers to undo it, then used his teeth to pull down Dean’s zipper. Dean’s breathing became more rapid, his expression starved. Cas pulled Dean’s jeans off, making sure his hands caressed every piece of smooth skin on the way down, then let them fall to the floor. Cas leaned down and mouthed Dean through his boxers. Dean groaned, his hips bucking slightly. Cas smiled and pulled them off at a slow, tortuous pace.
Dean’s expression was primal as he sat up and went for Cas’s sweats. Dean’s rough fingertips ran along his lower abdomen before he went for the drawstring; Cas murmured his approval as his hand dipped lower, stroking his cock. Dean ran his tongue over Cas’s collarbone as he undid the tie. Dean pulled them off, taking his time, using his lips to cover Cas’s legs with feather light kisses. It was Cas’s turn to whimper.
Dean flung the pants to the side, laid back down, then whispered, “Now where were we?”
Cas wrapped a leg around Dean’s hip and aligned their bodies. Cas kissed him again, using his fingers to play with Dean’s coarse chest hairs, enjoying the feel of them stroking him. Dean’s hands wandered down to Cas’s ass and squeezed, pressing their dicks together. Dean growled; the vibration of his chest sending sparks of pleasure flowing over Cas‘s skin.
Cas used some of Dean’s precome to lube his dick up, then went back to kissing Dean intently.
Dean’s hand found Cas’s dick; Cas gasped when Dean started to return the favor. Cas made a little room in between them and grasped them together in his hand. Dean’s eyes widened in surprise at the feeling of their cocks sliding together, he smiled, and moaned his approval.
Cas felt Dean’s name slip from his lips as he thrust into the pleasure, he could feel Dean arching against him. He heard his own breathing pick up.
“Faster,” Dean growled with urgency, as his hand joined in.
Cas obliged as he heard Dean’s cries mingle with his own.
Their eyes stayed locked as they touched each other.
“Oh shit, Cas,” Dean cried out. Cas felt warmth and wetness in his hand as Dean came, it sent him over the edge.
Cas’s body was rocked with tremors of heat and pleasure as he climaxed.
Cas laid there breathing deeply, with Dean’s forehead pressed against his.
Dean lifted his head and smiled. “Now I’m happy.”
****
Dean stared at the ceiling. He listened to Castiel’s soft, steady breaths, he couldn’t sleep. He was too worried about what might happen tomorrow. Too worried the devil might come knocking again.
He was thinking about getting up and pacing for the rest of the night when he heard, “Dean. I know you aren’t sleeping. I can hear you thinking.” Cas’s voice was gentle.
Dean wondered if that had something to do with the bond they apparently shared. He had a feeling sometimes he was going to like their connection, or whatever it was, and sometimes it was going to be a real pain in the ass.
Dean didn’t voice any of this, instead he just mumbled, “Sorry.”
Cas laughed quietly. “It’s alright. I can’t sleep either, I’m just better at faking it than you are.”
Dean smacked his lips together. “I’ll remember that.”
Cas patted him lightly on the chest. “Relax.”
Dean rolled over on his side to face Cas. “You think I’ll have any unwanted visitors tonight?”
In the dark Dean couldn’t make out Cas’s expression, but his voice vibrated with determination. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”
The fear and anger he’d buried last night unexpectedly reared its head in an ugly way. “You are not doing that again,” Dean’s voice went from zero to aggravated in record time. Anything that could wipe a former angel out for half a day was dangerous in his book.
“Dean,” Cas’s voice was tense. “You can’t expect me to sit by and do nothing while Satan pokes around in your head. I thought we we‘re on the same page with this. The devil is evil. He could hurt you,” Cas exhaled, reached out, and squeezed Dean’s forearm. “He could manipulate you into doing whatever he wants. He has cen-”
Cas felt Dean‘s arm tense. “You think I’d be played that easily?” Dean scowled. “I’m not an idiot, Cas. I know how to deal with pricks like him.”
Cas made an exasperated noise, but kept his voice even. “I was not trying to imply you were an idiot. But Dean, he has centuries of practice getting what he wants.”
Dean forced out a bark of laughter. “I have a lot of practice, myself.” Dean rubbed his hands together. “Hell, if he shows up, maybe I can use it to my advantage and get more information out of him. Fill in some of the blanks.”
Cas shifted and ran a hand through his already messy hair. “Are you insane? Did you not hear anything I just said? He’s a master manipulator. He could convince a starving man to give him his last bit of food, and the man would be smiling while he handed it over.” Cas sucked in a breath. “He is not going to let anything slip he doesn’t want you to know.”
The image of Sam saying “Yes” burst into Dean’s mind, making him more annoyed. Cas had a point, he knew it was irrational, but it made him want to lash out.
“I did pretty damn well last night.” Dean snapped, his tone harsh and cutting. “If you hadn’t pulled me out when you did, I’d probably have gotten more.” He was reaching and he knew it, so did Cas.
Cas stiffened. “Really? I thought you said all he was doing was trying to bait you into letting something slip. Didn’t you tell me you were done letting him play you for a fool?” Cas sat up on his elbow. “So why are you trying to walk right back into his little game?”
Cas had another point, which only pissed Dean off more. He didn’t want Cas to be right. He didn’t care what Cas said, he couldn’t stand the thought of Cas getting hurt trying to protect him. “I’m not! What I’m trying to do is keep you from risking your life for no reason.”
Cas growled and flung his hands in the air. “We talked about this. I wasn’t risking my life.” Cas sat up, his shoulders were stiff, his voice deadly serious. “And it’s not just your decision, so stop acting as if your opinion is the only one that matters.”
“When it involves my life, my opinion is the only one that exists.”
Cas leaned in close, making sure Dean could see his dangerous expression even in the dim light. His head tilted slightly. “Is it really that hard for you to let someone help you?” Cas’s voice was soft, but edged. “To trust someone else to be able to protect you for a change?”
Dean felt panic mix with fear. Cas knew him too well. Damn him and our damn bond.
“You are so willing to throw your life away for the people you love, but when they try to help you, you lash out and act like a caveman spouting the same bullshit over and over again,” Cas voice stayed soft, but it was brimming with frustration, anger, and a bit of desperation.
“This isn’t about me - you’re the one who wants to go head to head with Lucifer again,” Dean’s voice had risen a few octaves. He knew he was being an unreasonable asshole, but he didn’t want to face the truth of Cas’s words. He didn’t want to admit how afraid he was of losing Cas, how it would break him to lose anyone else. He’d been abandoned by so many people in his life, screaming and yelling were the only ways he knew how to deal with his fears.
Cas’s expression flickered between pissed and puzzled. “No. That‘s what you are trying to do. I just want you to stop being an over-protective ass an-”
Dean shot up and snarled, “If you interfere again all you’ll be doing is making yourself a target and making my life more difficult.”
Cas flinched, his fingers clenched into fists, and his eyes tightened. “Interfere?” his voice shook with rage. “You’re just afraid to face your fears, so you‘re lashing out at me. You need to stop being a stubborn, over-protective prick, and realize I’m not going to abandon you.”
His eyes flickered with hurt and anger as he flung the covers off himself. Cas stood and glared down at Dean who was stunned momentarily speechless. “I need some time to cool down.” Cas grabbed his clothes and walked out. The bedroom door slammed behind him. A few moments later Dean heard the soft sound of the beads bumping up against each other.
Dean sat there feeling sick. His brain raced with everything that had been said and not said.
Everything Dean tried to hide, Cas saw through it all, and still wanted to be with him.
And how did I repay him? By treating him like shit and calling him demeaning names.
He wondered how many times his future self had done something similar.
He wanted to go back five minutes and redo the entire conversation.
Dean buried his face in his hands and remembered why he tended to avoid anything resembling a relationship. He sucked at them.
Despite Cas‘s assurances that he wouldn’t leave him, Dean couldn‘t stop himself from thinking that by morning Cas would realize he wasn‘t worth the headache. Cas was right, he was an over-protective prick with abandonment issues. How fucking pathetic.
*****
Cas never came back. He’d wanted to go look for him, but he hadn‘t wanted to press his luck. When the sun rose and there was still no sign of Cas, he got worried.
Worried that he’d been right and Cas had come to his senses and realized he could do so much better.
Worried that Cas might have gotten high.
Dean tried to eat breakfast, but he only managed two bites of dry cereal before his upset stomach said hell no. He hadn’t slept at all, just laid there, listening for the sound of footsteps that never came. The night before his sleep had been interrupted by a visit from Satan himself.
“Two nights with no sleep. A seven hour drive alone in a car with a really pissed off former angel. Today’s going to be a beautiful thing,” Dean grumbled to no one in particular.
That assumed Cas was even still coming with him.
Dean put his boots on, and went outside.
He didn’t look for Cas.
Instead, he went for a walk and tried to clear his head.
After about ten minutes, Risa caught up to him.
“Hey.” She called, jogging up to him.
“Hey. What’s up?” Dean suppressed a sigh, he wasn’t in the mood for chit-chat.
“I wanted to talk to you about something before you leave,” she replied.
“That’s a dangerous thing to do. I suck at conversations,” he couldn’t stop the bitterness from creeping into his tone.
She gave him a sideways glance. “I just wanted to apologize for attacking you that first day we met.”
He managed a short laugh. “Don’t worry about it. I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t and I’m glad you came. You’ve been great for this camp.” She smiled shyly. “And you’ve been great for Cas, too.”
Dean felt bile rise in his throat. “I don’t know about that.”
She moved in front of him, forcing him to stop. “I do. You’ve brought him back to life. I’m happy for you both. I wanted to make sure you know there’s no bad blood between us. What happened between me and the other Dean, I don’t hold it against you.”
“Thanks, Risa.” Dean’s mouth suddenly went very dry. “Have you seen Cas?”
Her eyes softened knowingly. “Yeah. He was loading up the trucks, last time I saw him.” Risa paused, and seemed to consider her next words. “Cas apparently relieved Mark from his post duty last night - Mark said Cas was looking,” she hesitated, “upset.”
“Thanks again.” Dean started to leave, but Risa touched his arm, and he turned back to face her.
Risa’s eyes were a bit harder. “Dean, if you break his heart, I just might have to break you,”
Dean blinked, tried to be annoyed, failed, then nodded. Wow. He wondered if Cas had any idea how much he was loved in this camp. “Understood.”
He watched Risa walk away; it was nice to know Cas had other people besides him watching his back.
Dean went searching. He found Cas with his head buried in the trunk of the vehicle they were taking. He was adding a few items.
“This mean you’re still coming along?” As soon as he asked, Dean wished he hadn’t. He should have started with: I‘m an asshole or something along those lines. Damn, I really suck at this. It looked like Molly or Risa might be fulfilling their vows sooner, rather than later.
Cas didn’t react at all. He tossed one more bag in, then slammed the trunk. He walked over to Dean, and the hunter got a really good look at him. His hair was a mess. The bags under his eyes were so dark they looked bruised. He just looked worn out, and most of all, sad. “Of course I’m still coming with you. Don’t I always?” his voice was flat.
He moved around Dean, and walked towards Mark, who’d come up behind them.
“You guys heading out soon?” Mark asked.
Cas looked back at Dean.
“Yeah. I think we are,” Dean forced out. A lead weight was sitting on his heart, and if he didn’t do something soon to relieve the pressure, it was going to burst.
“You sure you don’t want any of us along for the ride? We’ll be glad to help out,” he offered.
“Thanks, but this is personal,” Dean admitted.
“I get that. I’ll be back to see you off.” Mark walked away, leaving them alone.
“I’ll meet you back here in about thirty minutes, and I’ll bring the colt. Then we can leave. That work for you?” Cas’s tired voice stabbed at his chest.
“Sure,” he replied. It was all he could manage.
Dean wanted to stop him from leaving, but he was afraid anything he said would only make things worse. So he did nothing as Cas shoved his hands in his pockets, and headed in the direction of the cabin.
Dean didn’t know what to do with himself, so he opened the door to the truck, sat down in the driver’s seat and leaned the seat back. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about the long ride he was in for.
Next Chapter
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Special thanks to my beta weslyn who as always helps me make each chapter as good as it can be.
Title: The Long Road Back
Author: nicole9514
Rating: NC-17
Chapters: 21/28
Warnings: gore,language,violence, drug use, slash
Spoilers: only up to 5 X 4 (but you'll see me draw from information we found out later)
Characters/Pairings: focus on Dean/Future Cas but also Risa, Chuck, OC's, LuciferSam, and future Dean.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine and I don't own anything but a few OC's and the errors.
Summary: AU 5 X 04 The End fic. In many ways this will be a fix it story (but not in all ways). Dean stops his future self from sending Cas and the others into a trap and Zachariah seems to be missing in action. Dean has to figure out where to go from here.
A/N: This fic has been consuming my brain in a good way. I really wanted to play around in this world, i love apocalyptic type settings, and i thought it would be a good way to keep myself busy during the hiatus. This story is going to have action,violence, and some death but the focus of this fic will be a slowly evolving love story in the middle of a world gone to hell between a certain hunter and a certain fallen angel. If you have a problem with that, don't read it.
Word count: 3687 (60,000 total)
Chapter One Chapter Eight Chapter 15
Chapter Two Chapter Nine Chapter 16
Chapter Three Chapter Ten Chapter 17
Chapter Four Chapter Eleven Chapter 18
Chapter Five Chapter Twelve Chapter 19
Chapter Six Chapter Thirteen Chapter 20
Chapter Seven Chapter Fourteen
They spent the rest of the day making preparations for their drive to Colorado to investigate the mysterious Steven Bard. They planned to leave early the next morning so they could make it there before dark. Bags were packed, most of the supplies were loaded, and the camp had been brought into the loop - for the most part. Cas had decided it was best to leave out Dean’s little visit from the devil.
Castiel was feeling much better, the headache was gone, the fatigue was gone, and they might actually have a lead. Cas wasn’t naïve; he didn’t believe that there was some magical wand they could wave that would fix the world.
Maybe if they were very lucky, they could find a way to make things just a little bit better. He’d take it. They all needed a little bit of hope.
Dean had been giving him the evil eye all day; he really was a closet mother hen. It probably came from years of looking after Sam. Cas knew he’d had to take on the role of parent since he’d been very young.
Dean was an expert at tough love.
When Cas had gone to get dressed, he’d glared. When Cas had gone for a walk, he’d bitched. Before they’d met up with Chuck to gather supplies, Dean had told him he should stay home and rest; that he could handle it on his own.
Cas had ignored each and everyone one of Dean’s not so subtle hints that he was pushing himself too hard. He felt fine, but there was no convincing Dean of that. The former angel had bitten back several sarcastic retorts throughout the day; mainly because it was nice to have someone give a shit. Dean showed his concern in the most annoying ways possible.
Cas could feel Dean glaring daggers into the back of his head again as they loaded the last of the supplies into the trunk. Cas pretended not to notice, instead flashing Dean a brilliant smile as he slammed the door shut.
“I think that’s the last of it,” Cas suppressed a smirk while leaning against the car and crossing his arms across his chest.
“Yep.” Dean’s gaze didn’t waver, but his jaw loosened slightly.
Cas stared right back, his expression full of innocence. “You ready to go home?”
Dean shrugged. “Whatever.”
Cas almost laughed. All day Dean had wanted him to rest, but the moment he offered, Dean acted as if it didn’t matter to him one way or another. You really know how to pick them, Cas.
“Well, I’m starving,” Cas said, starting forward in the direction of their cabin.
Dean was at his side moments later. His expression and body language more relaxed.
“I could eat,” Dean’s tone had softened. Apparently he’d decided to finally drop an issue without beating it to death with a rock first.
Progress.
After a few more steps Dean coughed, fidgeted, then slid his fingers in between Cas’s. Cas swallowed and tried to ignore the silly flutter of his heart. They‘d had sex, holding hands shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it felt different. Maybe because you’ve never done it before, the thought surfaced, taking Cas by surprise.
He was far from a virgin, but it had never gone deeper than sex. He’d never allowed it to; letting someone get too close only opened you up to more heartbreak. After bizzaro Dean, he hadn’t wanted to give someone that much power over his heart.
Until recently.
Dean said nothing, and his gaze stayed focused straight ahead. Through their bond Cas could feel Dean‘s discomfort, but it was fading with each step. He had a feeling Dean hadn’t done much hand holding, either. It seemed they were both treading on unfamiliar terrain.
Cas only hoped they somehow managed to avoid tripping over it.
Cas shook off his worries and smiled. He used his thumb to caress Dean’s hand and felt any remaining traces of his annoyance fade away.
******
They ate, sat down on their bed, and started discussing the route they would take, argued playfully a bit about who would drive, and then Cas started going over their lists of supplies one more time. That’s when Dean’s brain took a timeout. His eyes had become unfocused just as they did in some of their more tedious meetings with Risa and company. Cas pressed on anyway. About five minutes in Dean said, “How about we forget about all this crap until tomorrow?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m tired of talking; besides we aren’t going to have any free time for the next few days.” Dean reached out and ran his hand from Cas’s ankle, all the way up to his thigh, then he slowly went back down again.
Cas smiled innocently. “What exactly did you have in mind? A little light reading perhaps?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of me getting you naked.”
“I thought you said I needed to rest?” Cas couldn’t resist.
“I’m willing to make an exception.”
Cas snorted. “You really are like a dog in heat.”
“You know it.” Dean scooted closer and started molesting Cas’s neck. “Is it my fault you’re freaking irresistible?” he murmured against Cas’s jaw line.
Cas hummed in approval and cupped Dean’s face; he let their eyes lock for several moments before brushing his lips against the hunter‘s. Cas kept his kisses slow and gentle. He felt Dean’s hand squeeze his thigh when Cas licked his lover’s bottom lip, then deepened the kiss slightly. Cas lifted Dean’s shirt off and put his hands against Dean’s shoulders, guiding him backwards. Once Dean was flat on his back, Cas pulled his own shirt off, and tossed it aside.
“Happy?” he asked as he began slowly rubbing against Dean’s dick.
“I’m getting there.” Dean was staring up at him with hungry eyes.
Dean grabbed his waist and urged his hips to move faster - Cas obliged. Dean’s moans were almost as arousing as the feel of him pressing into his sex. Cas wasn’t in the mood for a lot of foreplay; he lifted off of Dean, and laid down on his side next to him. His hand wandered down Dean’s pants and grasped his firm cock. He slid his tongue into Dean’s mouth as he started jerking him off. Dean groaned and began running his hands all over Cas’s chest, his waist, his back - his touch left a trail of liquid fire burning on Cas’s skin.
Dean made a sound that was so close to a whimper, it made Cas ache for more contact. He used his free hand to pull them closer together, his kisses became more forceful and their noses brushed, he could feel Dean‘s stubble rub against his chin, making his skin tingle. And he could still taste the powdered eggs they’d had for dinner in Dean’s mouth, he smiled into the kiss, and nipped Dean’s lip.
Dean pulled his mouth away abruptly and panted, “My pants- off now.”
Cas backed off and turned his attention to Dean’s button, nipping at it gently with his teeth while Dean watched, his eyes getting darker. Cas used his fingers to undo it, then used his teeth to pull down Dean’s zipper. Dean’s breathing became more rapid, his expression starved. Cas pulled Dean’s jeans off, making sure his hands caressed every piece of smooth skin on the way down, then let them fall to the floor. Cas leaned down and mouthed Dean through his boxers. Dean groaned, his hips bucking slightly. Cas smiled and pulled them off at a slow, tortuous pace.
Dean’s expression was primal as he sat up and went for Cas’s sweats. Dean’s rough fingertips ran along his lower abdomen before he went for the drawstring; Cas murmured his approval as his hand dipped lower, stroking his cock. Dean ran his tongue over Cas’s collarbone as he undid the tie. Dean pulled them off, taking his time, using his lips to cover Cas’s legs with feather light kisses. It was Cas’s turn to whimper.
Dean flung the pants to the side, laid back down, then whispered, “Now where were we?”
Cas wrapped a leg around Dean’s hip and aligned their bodies. Cas kissed him again, using his fingers to play with Dean’s coarse chest hairs, enjoying the feel of them stroking him. Dean’s hands wandered down to Cas’s ass and squeezed, pressing their dicks together. Dean growled; the vibration of his chest sending sparks of pleasure flowing over Cas‘s skin.
Cas used some of Dean’s precome to lube his dick up, then went back to kissing Dean intently.
Dean’s hand found Cas’s dick; Cas gasped when Dean started to return the favor. Cas made a little room in between them and grasped them together in his hand. Dean’s eyes widened in surprise at the feeling of their cocks sliding together, he smiled, and moaned his approval.
Cas felt Dean’s name slip from his lips as he thrust into the pleasure, he could feel Dean arching against him. He heard his own breathing pick up.
“Faster,” Dean growled with urgency, as his hand joined in.
Cas obliged as he heard Dean’s cries mingle with his own.
Their eyes stayed locked as they touched each other.
“Oh shit, Cas,” Dean cried out. Cas felt warmth and wetness in his hand as Dean came, it sent him over the edge.
Cas’s body was rocked with tremors of heat and pleasure as he climaxed.
Cas laid there breathing deeply, with Dean’s forehead pressed against his.
Dean lifted his head and smiled. “Now I’m happy.”
****
Dean stared at the ceiling. He listened to Castiel’s soft, steady breaths, he couldn’t sleep. He was too worried about what might happen tomorrow. Too worried the devil might come knocking again.
He was thinking about getting up and pacing for the rest of the night when he heard, “Dean. I know you aren’t sleeping. I can hear you thinking.” Cas’s voice was gentle.
Dean wondered if that had something to do with the bond they apparently shared. He had a feeling sometimes he was going to like their connection, or whatever it was, and sometimes it was going to be a real pain in the ass.
Dean didn’t voice any of this, instead he just mumbled, “Sorry.”
Cas laughed quietly. “It’s alright. I can’t sleep either, I’m just better at faking it than you are.”
Dean smacked his lips together. “I’ll remember that.”
Cas patted him lightly on the chest. “Relax.”
Dean rolled over on his side to face Cas. “You think I’ll have any unwanted visitors tonight?”
In the dark Dean couldn’t make out Cas’s expression, but his voice vibrated with determination. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”
The fear and anger he’d buried last night unexpectedly reared its head in an ugly way. “You are not doing that again,” Dean’s voice went from zero to aggravated in record time. Anything that could wipe a former angel out for half a day was dangerous in his book.
“Dean,” Cas’s voice was tense. “You can’t expect me to sit by and do nothing while Satan pokes around in your head. I thought we we‘re on the same page with this. The devil is evil. He could hurt you,” Cas exhaled, reached out, and squeezed Dean’s forearm. “He could manipulate you into doing whatever he wants. He has cen-”
Cas felt Dean‘s arm tense. “You think I’d be played that easily?” Dean scowled. “I’m not an idiot, Cas. I know how to deal with pricks like him.”
Cas made an exasperated noise, but kept his voice even. “I was not trying to imply you were an idiot. But Dean, he has centuries of practice getting what he wants.”
Dean forced out a bark of laughter. “I have a lot of practice, myself.” Dean rubbed his hands together. “Hell, if he shows up, maybe I can use it to my advantage and get more information out of him. Fill in some of the blanks.”
Cas shifted and ran a hand through his already messy hair. “Are you insane? Did you not hear anything I just said? He’s a master manipulator. He could convince a starving man to give him his last bit of food, and the man would be smiling while he handed it over.” Cas sucked in a breath. “He is not going to let anything slip he doesn’t want you to know.”
The image of Sam saying “Yes” burst into Dean’s mind, making him more annoyed. Cas had a point, he knew it was irrational, but it made him want to lash out.
“I did pretty damn well last night.” Dean snapped, his tone harsh and cutting. “If you hadn’t pulled me out when you did, I’d probably have gotten more.” He was reaching and he knew it, so did Cas.
Cas stiffened. “Really? I thought you said all he was doing was trying to bait you into letting something slip. Didn’t you tell me you were done letting him play you for a fool?” Cas sat up on his elbow. “So why are you trying to walk right back into his little game?”
Cas had another point, which only pissed Dean off more. He didn’t want Cas to be right. He didn’t care what Cas said, he couldn’t stand the thought of Cas getting hurt trying to protect him. “I’m not! What I’m trying to do is keep you from risking your life for no reason.”
Cas growled and flung his hands in the air. “We talked about this. I wasn’t risking my life.” Cas sat up, his shoulders were stiff, his voice deadly serious. “And it’s not just your decision, so stop acting as if your opinion is the only one that matters.”
“When it involves my life, my opinion is the only one that exists.”
Cas leaned in close, making sure Dean could see his dangerous expression even in the dim light. His head tilted slightly. “Is it really that hard for you to let someone help you?” Cas’s voice was soft, but edged. “To trust someone else to be able to protect you for a change?”
Dean felt panic mix with fear. Cas knew him too well. Damn him and our damn bond.
“You are so willing to throw your life away for the people you love, but when they try to help you, you lash out and act like a caveman spouting the same bullshit over and over again,” Cas voice stayed soft, but it was brimming with frustration, anger, and a bit of desperation.
“This isn’t about me - you’re the one who wants to go head to head with Lucifer again,” Dean’s voice had risen a few octaves. He knew he was being an unreasonable asshole, but he didn’t want to face the truth of Cas’s words. He didn’t want to admit how afraid he was of losing Cas, how it would break him to lose anyone else. He’d been abandoned by so many people in his life, screaming and yelling were the only ways he knew how to deal with his fears.
Cas’s expression flickered between pissed and puzzled. “No. That‘s what you are trying to do. I just want you to stop being an over-protective ass an-”
Dean shot up and snarled, “If you interfere again all you’ll be doing is making yourself a target and making my life more difficult.”
Cas flinched, his fingers clenched into fists, and his eyes tightened. “Interfere?” his voice shook with rage. “You’re just afraid to face your fears, so you‘re lashing out at me. You need to stop being a stubborn, over-protective prick, and realize I’m not going to abandon you.”
His eyes flickered with hurt and anger as he flung the covers off himself. Cas stood and glared down at Dean who was stunned momentarily speechless. “I need some time to cool down.” Cas grabbed his clothes and walked out. The bedroom door slammed behind him. A few moments later Dean heard the soft sound of the beads bumping up against each other.
Dean sat there feeling sick. His brain raced with everything that had been said and not said.
Everything Dean tried to hide, Cas saw through it all, and still wanted to be with him.
And how did I repay him? By treating him like shit and calling him demeaning names.
He wondered how many times his future self had done something similar.
He wanted to go back five minutes and redo the entire conversation.
Dean buried his face in his hands and remembered why he tended to avoid anything resembling a relationship. He sucked at them.
Despite Cas‘s assurances that he wouldn’t leave him, Dean couldn‘t stop himself from thinking that by morning Cas would realize he wasn‘t worth the headache. Cas was right, he was an over-protective prick with abandonment issues. How fucking pathetic.
*****
Cas never came back. He’d wanted to go look for him, but he hadn‘t wanted to press his luck. When the sun rose and there was still no sign of Cas, he got worried.
Worried that he’d been right and Cas had come to his senses and realized he could do so much better.
Worried that Cas might have gotten high.
Dean tried to eat breakfast, but he only managed two bites of dry cereal before his upset stomach said hell no. He hadn’t slept at all, just laid there, listening for the sound of footsteps that never came. The night before his sleep had been interrupted by a visit from Satan himself.
“Two nights with no sleep. A seven hour drive alone in a car with a really pissed off former angel. Today’s going to be a beautiful thing,” Dean grumbled to no one in particular.
That assumed Cas was even still coming with him.
Dean put his boots on, and went outside.
He didn’t look for Cas.
Instead, he went for a walk and tried to clear his head.
After about ten minutes, Risa caught up to him.
“Hey.” She called, jogging up to him.
“Hey. What’s up?” Dean suppressed a sigh, he wasn’t in the mood for chit-chat.
“I wanted to talk to you about something before you leave,” she replied.
“That’s a dangerous thing to do. I suck at conversations,” he couldn’t stop the bitterness from creeping into his tone.
She gave him a sideways glance. “I just wanted to apologize for attacking you that first day we met.”
He managed a short laugh. “Don’t worry about it. I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t and I’m glad you came. You’ve been great for this camp.” She smiled shyly. “And you’ve been great for Cas, too.”
Dean felt bile rise in his throat. “I don’t know about that.”
She moved in front of him, forcing him to stop. “I do. You’ve brought him back to life. I’m happy for you both. I wanted to make sure you know there’s no bad blood between us. What happened between me and the other Dean, I don’t hold it against you.”
“Thanks, Risa.” Dean’s mouth suddenly went very dry. “Have you seen Cas?”
Her eyes softened knowingly. “Yeah. He was loading up the trucks, last time I saw him.” Risa paused, and seemed to consider her next words. “Cas apparently relieved Mark from his post duty last night - Mark said Cas was looking,” she hesitated, “upset.”
“Thanks again.” Dean started to leave, but Risa touched his arm, and he turned back to face her.
Risa’s eyes were a bit harder. “Dean, if you break his heart, I just might have to break you,”
Dean blinked, tried to be annoyed, failed, then nodded. Wow. He wondered if Cas had any idea how much he was loved in this camp. “Understood.”
He watched Risa walk away; it was nice to know Cas had other people besides him watching his back.
Dean went searching. He found Cas with his head buried in the trunk of the vehicle they were taking. He was adding a few items.
“This mean you’re still coming along?” As soon as he asked, Dean wished he hadn’t. He should have started with: I‘m an asshole or something along those lines. Damn, I really suck at this. It looked like Molly or Risa might be fulfilling their vows sooner, rather than later.
Cas didn’t react at all. He tossed one more bag in, then slammed the trunk. He walked over to Dean, and the hunter got a really good look at him. His hair was a mess. The bags under his eyes were so dark they looked bruised. He just looked worn out, and most of all, sad. “Of course I’m still coming with you. Don’t I always?” his voice was flat.
He moved around Dean, and walked towards Mark, who’d come up behind them.
“You guys heading out soon?” Mark asked.
Cas looked back at Dean.
“Yeah. I think we are,” Dean forced out. A lead weight was sitting on his heart, and if he didn’t do something soon to relieve the pressure, it was going to burst.
“You sure you don’t want any of us along for the ride? We’ll be glad to help out,” he offered.
“Thanks, but this is personal,” Dean admitted.
“I get that. I’ll be back to see you off.” Mark walked away, leaving them alone.
“I’ll meet you back here in about thirty minutes, and I’ll bring the colt. Then we can leave. That work for you?” Cas’s tired voice stabbed at his chest.
“Sure,” he replied. It was all he could manage.
Dean wanted to stop him from leaving, but he was afraid anything he said would only make things worse. So he did nothing as Cas shoved his hands in his pockets, and headed in the direction of the cabin.
Dean didn’t know what to do with himself, so he opened the door to the truck, sat down in the driver’s seat and leaned the seat back. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about the long ride he was in for.
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