Busy.. so what else is new..?
Ok SO I've been really busy like always lately. My mom asked me the other day how long I thought I could run like this without sleep and proper food, and I told her.. as long as it takes for me to outrun my emotions or until it either kills me or puts me back in the hospital. Of course, she didn't like that answer but its true. I know I wont stop.. I mean this is one the traits that everyone hates about me, I mean i think it was one of the main reasons jt broke up with me. In fact, Kevin told me the other night that he considered that my biggest falut. Hell and here I was thinking that my biggest falut was loving to hard and to blindly.. But yeah he told me that I'm hurting everyone that loves me by being like this because they are slowing watching me harm myself day after day. I mean I'm not trying to do this. I just have nothing else I can control, but I know it bothers my friends and family.. hell its 1 of the 2 reasons I won't allow myself date kevin again. I haven't worked out lately b/c I've been to busy too, but I think all the running around I do counts as a workout b/c I'm still losing weight.. just not as fast.. I don't want to lose anymore weight.. I really just want to tone up what i have but unfortunately, I don't eat enough. Mom has made me start keeping a food journal where i have to record everything I eat.. some days its nothing.. other days i eat only when I'm around my friends.. I know when she looks at it moms gonna fuss at me but I dont' care, I'll just start making false entries. I'm not trying to do this.. I'm just not hungry anymore and when I do eat sometimes it makes me sick. Now don't freak out I'm not one of those people with an eatting disorder who pigs out and sticks their finger down their throat.. nor am I starving myself.. I eat when I'm hungry and when I have time.. and if I don't eat I at least drink a 1/2 can of ensure (yuck!) so i get some vitamins.. I'll be fine.. I like being busy.. besides got to make sure all that time I would have spent with jt is filled by something right?
Oh yea that reminds me, Another one of daddy's friends got killed saturday. so that 2 police funerals in 2 weeks for dad.. He use to work with daddy at talladega..in fact I think daddy trained him.. anyways he was coming home from his new job in moody and wreaked on 77.. he wasn't very far from his house.. It sucks .. "puppy dog" as me and my mom aslways called him always made you laugh. I hadn't seen him in years until this summer. I was at the baseball field waiting Jt to finish calling a game when he walked up to me and goes "Oh god, I know who you are. poor thing looking like your daddy more each day.. bet you act like him too?" We sat talked until the game ended. He asked about everybody and told me that he probably see me later at another game. He was still the same old person as always. I hate he's not here anymore.
Oh yea that reminds me, Another one of daddy's friends got killed saturday. so that 2 police funerals in 2 weeks for dad.. He use to work with daddy at talladega..in fact I think daddy trained him.. anyways he was coming home from his new job in moody and wreaked on 77.. he wasn't very far from his house.. It sucks .. "puppy dog" as me and my mom aslways called him always made you laugh. I hadn't seen him in years until this summer. I was at the baseball field waiting Jt to finish calling a game when he walked up to me and goes "Oh god, I know who you are. poor thing looking like your daddy more each day.. bet you act like him too?" We sat talked until the game ended. He asked about everybody and told me that he probably see me later at another game. He was still the same old person as always. I hate he's not here anymore.