an apology

[blastedbill]

Things in my life and on lj have gotten very out of hand. I'm still in a lot of emtional pain and tormoil. i have been told recently that i have a persecution complex, a god complex, am egotistical, and arrogant. I can't say these are wrong. i've know about all these issues of mine for years and try very hard to keep them in check. i try to be a good person, to be good to my freinds, and to treat others as i would have my self be treated. i don't always succeed, but we are all human right? on the other hand, i want whats fair to me as well, i try to smite those who do wrong by me and my freinds, and i hold grudges for a very long time. as much as i try to be a good person who is true to his beliefs and true to his freinds, i've been forced to relize lately that i haven't been doing a good job. i've been losing more and more freinds lately and aparently all i'm good for is meeting realy cool ppl then pissing them of or getting pissed off at them.

so i'm very sorry to any one i've hurt, treated unfairly, or other wise wronged.

right now i feel like canceling everything i'm involded in and taking a break from all my freinds and trying to work on being a better version of me. but then ppl would say i'm just doing it for attention and it would also be unfair to all the ppl i have made commitments to. i need something in my life to change, but i don't know what or how.