Funeral
Last year I went to my first ever funeral, and then my second like a week later. Since then I've been thinking about what I'd want my funeral to be like. Over the holidays my friend Christine was talking about officiating funerals and since then I've been thinking a lot about the particulars of ideal funeral. Maybe this is not as fun and interesting of a topic for you as it is for me, so I'll cut it to spare you.
First of all, it should be in a sweet geodesic dome in a field somewhere, a big field of clover. They rent giant domes for parties, although I imagine they get few funeral rentals. Everyone should wear blue instead of black. I know not everyone has something blue to wear, so everyone should me given blue flowers to wear.
Undoubtedly, my mother will want to make a slideshow retrospective of my life, so when you come into the dome that should me playing on a big projector with pictures of me being slick all day and such. When it's time for the ceremony, the slideshow will slow down and settle on one iconic picture of me, you know like if I were the president and it was a propaganda rally. Then Christine will give my eulogy. Something sexy, hopefully, but nevertheless heart-rending. After the eulogy, Amanda will sing Seasons of Love. The everyone will sing The Rainbow Connection together (just like old times!). Then there will be a vegetarian buffet including eight kinds of pudding and people will take turns telling outrageous and unbelievable stories about me. Aaron will DJ up some bouncy but sentimental music. I guess it's too much to hope for some dancing, but at the very least people can drink some fine, dark beers.
A week after the funeral, all participants should receive a vanity pressed copy of my previously unpublished memoirs, tentatively titled, "I'm Dead, Bitches! Here's a Free Book..." Although, I'll probably come up with a new title by then. I don't really know, because I have yet to start writing my previously unpublished memoirs. They're going to be awesome though.
Well anyway, I hope you're having a great week dear readers! Don't forget to eat breakfast every day.
First of all, it should be in a sweet geodesic dome in a field somewhere, a big field of clover. They rent giant domes for parties, although I imagine they get few funeral rentals. Everyone should wear blue instead of black. I know not everyone has something blue to wear, so everyone should me given blue flowers to wear.
Undoubtedly, my mother will want to make a slideshow retrospective of my life, so when you come into the dome that should me playing on a big projector with pictures of me being slick all day and such. When it's time for the ceremony, the slideshow will slow down and settle on one iconic picture of me, you know like if I were the president and it was a propaganda rally. Then Christine will give my eulogy. Something sexy, hopefully, but nevertheless heart-rending. After the eulogy, Amanda will sing Seasons of Love. The everyone will sing The Rainbow Connection together (just like old times!). Then there will be a vegetarian buffet including eight kinds of pudding and people will take turns telling outrageous and unbelievable stories about me. Aaron will DJ up some bouncy but sentimental music. I guess it's too much to hope for some dancing, but at the very least people can drink some fine, dark beers.
A week after the funeral, all participants should receive a vanity pressed copy of my previously unpublished memoirs, tentatively titled, "I'm Dead, Bitches! Here's a Free Book..." Although, I'll probably come up with a new title by then. I don't really know, because I have yet to start writing my previously unpublished memoirs. They're going to be awesome though.
Well anyway, I hope you're having a great week dear readers! Don't forget to eat breakfast every day.