The story of the story of the story of Trout Mask Replica
Last night Brian and I took ourselves some lsd. We had taken 2 and everything was absolutely gravy. We each take another. We go downstairs to listen to Trout Mask Replica and draw. The album is perfect until I hear the music drop out and a song of ours come on for a few seconds before capatin beefheart screams "BLAKE, IF YOU'RE DEAD, WHO WILL TELL THE STORY OF THE STORY OF THE STORY OF TROUT MASK REPLICA?" I remember yelling something about how that is NOT part of the album before everything got crazy. How so? Brian repeatedly told me that I was dead, which he obviously did not. I felt like I was bleeding but I had no clue where from. The world was stretched at the sides and swirled in the middle, like water down a drain. Of course I couldn't talk to Brian about this. Slowly things get better, Brian calms me down and whatnot. Brian leaves, but I'm still tripping my ass off. I was too ashamed to say how much I needed someone there. I go back inside and turn on the television. Every station I flipped to was showing shows I had already seen. That would have been bad enough for a scared kid on acid, but compound that with newscasters occasionally mentioning that I was dead, scrolling marquees at the bottom about the story of the story of the story of Trout Mask Replica, and some guy in a commercial telling his wife "next time I see you, remind me to forget to tell you the story of the story of the story of TROUT MASK REPLICA" before his face melted across the bottom of the screen. I apologize if I called any of you kids last night. I don't remember who I talked to on the phone but I know I called a few people. I spent most of the night on the phone with Grant, and Christy was nice enough to come over and help. There are no words that can display my love and gratitude for you two. What did I get out of all of that though? More than you can realize. I was connected to everything before that all went down, and while I was in the story of the story of the story of Trout Mask Replica all I could think of was that I couldn't be dead before I recorded anything. Before I loved. If I died last night, I would have left nothing behind. Of course there would be tears, and of course there would be memories, but of what? I've only truly started living my life since I got back here in Norcross. All I could think of is how awkward I am. How many times I've weirded out my friends, or bored them to death. The people I love. The people that are my world. How much evil is in me. The horrible things I have seen and done. Things only I know that haunt me every day of my life. They are all only part of the organized chaos that is life. They are why I am so thankful to be alive. To have a chance to get more glimpses, to have a chance to share my reality. My existance. I will never forget the story of the story of the story of Trout Mask Replica.