i wish i didn't know

[blahnessness]

i like to be alone from time to time, but i can't be left alone. i start to think things that should not be thought, and i hear things that are nothing and make them into something. i go places that i don't like to go. i turn into that seven year old that walks up stairs into the dark living room Sunday after supper and just sits on the floor with a stone in her stomach for no reason. i turn into the rude little girl who thanks the mothers for inviting her to the birthday parties because she knows their daughters wouldn't have.

i'm not trying to say anything more than what i did. it's just i needed to say it. the big trigger hasn't even happened yet i can feel the tension building and trying to get out. i can feel the burning in my eyes because my brain won't stop thinking. it sucks. i always come out on the other side, well some form of me does, but i just wish it didn't happen at all.

BLAHs and antihearts
(don't complain if they feel hollow)