Digging through this LJ
Day 3 Part 2
Dear N,
I just realized that this LJ was created in 2002, and abandoned around 2009.. shortly after I met you! I remember now.. I was so happy with you that I felt like I didn’t need anyone else. A few LJ friends remained in my life, migrated over to FB and Steam, and I’m grateful for that, but even FB and Steam reminds me too much of you now for me to really be comfortable on it anymore.
I think I’m only now beginning to realize the grave magnitude of what I’ve lost. The future I wish for with you may be forever gone and it was because I took you for granted.
I’m kinda glad I never deleted this LJ, because as silly as it may be, it’s still a record of memories and what I liked. I’m a bit sad that you deleted yours long ago.
My icons!.. Luna, Ayu, Lucy, Misty.. and Peach! Probably the prototype for my Steam. I chose her for Steam because she was my favorite Nintendo character and has a familiar and easy to pronounce name when it came to online gaming. Speaking of which, L4D was a Christmas gift from Mandy.. cheesechick! Yes, she was on LJ as well.
I’m glad she got me that game. It’s how I met you. Death Toll 5, if I remember correctly..
And no, of course I don’t regret meeting you, or our year together despite the ups and downs.
That’s why I paused when you asked me during our very last conversation, where do I see myself being now if we hadn’t met.. I didn’t know how to answer that. Since the day I confessed to you, you had been a part of all of my future plans. I wanted to be with you for always.
Messing up the way I did. It'll probably be my single greatest regret in life. I don't think I've managed to mess anything up as badly as I had this time. I’m just not sure what to do now. On one hand, I want to be optimistic that I’ll have another chance to with you, that’s the voice from my true heart, the person I really am. But at the same time, in my head, the thoughts are sometimes muddled. I know it’s the fear and anxieties talking and I know it’s from my traumas and bad experiences but that voice says to plan and assume for the worst, and to run away before I'm hurt and before I make things worst and hurt anyone else. It’s hard to shake those thoughts sometimes.
Oh! I’m listening to a Mandarin version of the F/SN anime ED song. I’m kinda sad that I never really told you what songs I liked. I was always too shy and embarrassed to send you a lot of songs I like since I thought you’d probably just find them to be dumb and not to your standards. It’s something I’ve always kept to myself.
Dear N,
I just realized that this LJ was created in 2002, and abandoned around 2009.. shortly after I met you! I remember now.. I was so happy with you that I felt like I didn’t need anyone else. A few LJ friends remained in my life, migrated over to FB and Steam, and I’m grateful for that, but even FB and Steam reminds me too much of you now for me to really be comfortable on it anymore.
I think I’m only now beginning to realize the grave magnitude of what I’ve lost. The future I wish for with you may be forever gone and it was because I took you for granted.
I’m kinda glad I never deleted this LJ, because as silly as it may be, it’s still a record of memories and what I liked. I’m a bit sad that you deleted yours long ago.
My icons!.. Luna, Ayu, Lucy, Misty.. and Peach! Probably the prototype for my Steam. I chose her for Steam because she was my favorite Nintendo character and has a familiar and easy to pronounce name when it came to online gaming. Speaking of which, L4D was a Christmas gift from Mandy.. cheesechick! Yes, she was on LJ as well.
I’m glad she got me that game. It’s how I met you. Death Toll 5, if I remember correctly..
And no, of course I don’t regret meeting you, or our year together despite the ups and downs.
That’s why I paused when you asked me during our very last conversation, where do I see myself being now if we hadn’t met.. I didn’t know how to answer that. Since the day I confessed to you, you had been a part of all of my future plans. I wanted to be with you for always.
Messing up the way I did. It'll probably be my single greatest regret in life. I don't think I've managed to mess anything up as badly as I had this time. I’m just not sure what to do now. On one hand, I want to be optimistic that I’ll have another chance to with you, that’s the voice from my true heart, the person I really am. But at the same time, in my head, the thoughts are sometimes muddled. I know it’s the fear and anxieties talking and I know it’s from my traumas and bad experiences but that voice says to plan and assume for the worst, and to run away before I'm hurt and before I make things worst and hurt anyone else. It’s hard to shake those thoughts sometimes.
Oh! I’m listening to a Mandarin version of the F/SN anime ED song. I’m kinda sad that I never really told you what songs I liked. I was always too shy and embarrassed to send you a lot of songs I like since I thought you’d probably just find them to be dumb and not to your standards. It’s something I’ve always kept to myself.