Comments | blacksheepgirl: 15 Toy Soldiers [Video: Japanese]

blacksheepgirl

15 Toy Soldiers [Video: Japanese]

Apr 20, 2010 16:05

filicide by proxy, haet my lif, remember when we went crazy? good times., breaking is what i do, didn't take much did it, broken things, tired of it all, crazy to begin with, kuga's sword, hang them all, these tags cannot contain my angst, trauma flood, people suck, sob sob angst, go away just go away, brb seppuku, !event, and this is still mostly normal for her, how do you spell irony, what is hope, all aboard the crazy train, love is a lie, fuck this shit

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acreepybrat April 20 2010, 23:39:57 UTC

[aj;lsdkfjlsdkjflkdsjf!!!11!!]

KAORU!

blacksheepgirl April 21 2010, 01:28:10 UTC

No. [Too late to stop now, no room to change her mind. She's wanted this for years. The voice in her head wants it now.]

No.

acreepybrat April 21 2010, 03:51:47 UTC

Stop it. [A low, painful inhale-- his chest is hurting again; it's been doing that for days now] Don't. I don't want to-- [See someone else die in front of me.]

blacksheepgirl April 21 2010, 04:10:14 UTC

You don't have to watch. It's alright. You won't miss me. [He's never heard her voice like this - soft, sad, empty...and eerily gentle. There's a pause as she runs her fingers along the blade, licks her cracked lips. In the background he might hear Haruhi banging on the door, but it doesn't faze Kaoru.]

Close your eyes, Oz.

acreepybrat April 21 2010, 04:20:05 UTC

[Oz doesn't want to watch. He really, really doesn't.]

No, I... [He hates his own helplessness. Hates it, and deep in his subconscious, remembers that time, deep in Cheshire's dimension, when he'd been able to do something about it. When Oz speaks again, his own voice has gone gentle and cold.]

Are you suffering, Kaoru?

blacksheepgirl April 21 2010, 04:33:09 UTC

Always. Always.

Close your eyes.

He's going to hate himself for this afterwards. :<<<< acreepybrat April 21 2010, 04:40:46 UTC

Shh... why are you afraid? What is hurting you, Kaoru?

I'll destroy it.

fffff I love this event so much 8'> blacksheepgirl April 21 2010, 05:04:33 UTC

[She actually pauses, broken momentarily from her reverie. Finally she answers, voice distant as though speaking to herself.]

Everything. A dirty world, full of people who don't want me. I hate it. This place where I shouldn't exist. I don't want it.

I don't want this unneeded existence. This wretched person...who should not have been born. I don't want...me.

ffff I know me too. I ought to be homeworking and this is what you get. acreepybrat April 21 2010, 05:28:41 UTC

If that's so... then I'll destroy it for you. Then you won't be suffering anymore. [The volume of his voice rises, exultant and joyous.] I'll destroy everything for you!

So please... don't cry, Kaoru.

blacksheepgirl April 21 2010, 08:52:46 UTC

[The pause this time is so long that at first it seems she isn't going to reply. That was what she wanted, what she'd been doing all along - push everything away, destroy that ugly world - but she was confused, all her thoughts and feelings weighed down and distorted by that supernatural hopelessness. She was happy to hear those words, to think he understood- but she didn't want to hear it from him, not from Oz, who had believed in light- but it didn't matter, because it was a lie anyway, wasn't it? Just another pretty story to twist the knife that much more...]

...no. That isn't...what I want. Pointless...wasted effort. [She doesn't even know if it's the truth herself, but her mind is telling her so. She pulls the sword close.] Understand, Oz. I have waited so long...

acreepybrat April 23 2010, 04:07:06 UTC

[And this in turn makes him pause momentarily, confused, because just then, he had felt so utterly sure, utterly certain of his conviction.

And in his confusion... just what was he doing, anyway? Oz blinks; he's lost it, he's lost.]

I don't-- [What was he doing?!] understand. Kaoru... [By now, his voice is shaking-- fear for her, fear for what he might have done, what he might have said...]

blacksheepgirl April 23 2010, 04:45:28 UTC

[If the circumstances had been different at all, if she wasn't already convinced that this was the only way, his words would have pulled her back. But she had already closed herself off- there were no other possibilities, no other chances. This was it.]

I know. You can...never understand. No one can. I have always been alone...and I am alone now. Because they are not like me. [Her hands shook and she clenched them around the sword, the sharp edge of the blade sinking into her skin. Her voice dropped to a barely audible whisper.]

Oz, you are not like me. Don't ever be like me.

acreepybrat April 27 2010, 03:35:20 UTC

[His mind is all whirling confusion, and he doesn't know how--what he should do to stop this, to stop her from hurting herself.]

You don't have to be alone. You don't-- [And is this desperation for her, or for himself? He doesn't sound very convincing.]

I'm already... it's too late for that.

Please, Kaoru...

blacksheepgirl April 27 2010, 05:23:10 UTC

[It's too late, far too late. The voice claws at her mind, calling for an end. She can barely keep speaking, but she's held off this long for him, he deserves one last reassurance...or at least, something that seems to her like it should be comforting.]

Oh, Oz...does it hurt you? Don't be sad. You will not miss me. You never even knew me.

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