(no subject)
so
i love you is an acceptlable thing to say to someone after dating for four days..
man.. i guess i worked way to hard to hear those words one more time..
all i wouldve had to do was take her to a movie once
ya know,
its days like these i wish i had a gun.
who it would be aimed at, im not sure..
does it matter how i feel..
naw, let it be.
why steal the happiness away.
no need to be so greedy.
well, i guess ILL say i love you to the next girl i see.
maybe that will justify the way i feel..
four days?
what the fuck. am i a sap or a wimp for waiting 2 months?
does it mean more coming from someone else?
does it matter anymore if i say it?
would it change a thing?
and if i hear it back, does it even sound sincere?
i submit that my life has not hit a more depressing note thus far.
cept for when my grandfather died.
im not trying to be dramatic, but its hard not to sound it.
im doing this to get it all out my thoughts that maybe,someone, will care.
anyone.
at all..
ive always known love is not forever.
but why does friendship have to end so suddenly too.
why cant i just come to terms and move on?
why is it that every time im sober, i cant think of almost anything else.
its not that im not interesed in anyone else.
it would be a complete lie to say something like that.
but i feel like my entire past relationship has been chepened.
im worried that i will look like a wife beater in comparison.
i dont wanna be "that guy that was the first boyfriend, but that was a long time ago and he doesnt
matter anymore"
4 days??
FOUR DAYS????
do these words that i thought we always held sacred, mean nothing anymore?
just because your dating, is it required that you say ILY, even if its not for real?
or was it for real..
and do i finally need to come to terms..
4 days.
2 months
did it have to happen on our anniversary
did that really have to happen on such an ironic note???
its like im being rubbed out of existence.
first the anniversqary is taken by someone else.
whats next?
is he gonna be better at kissing?
is she more attracted to him than she was to me?
is he going to be better at loving her?
is he going to accomodater her any better than i ever have?
is this really the end for the "us" that was supposed to last a life time?
i truly grow tired of everything.
im being cheated out of living a happy life.
and ive never gone through such a strange swing of emotions..
and whats worst of all...
is the one person who should care, because i have ALWAYS
ALWAYS
A
L
W
A
Y
S
cared.
ignores it.
acts like there is no tension between us.
and expects me to just cope without assistance.
sure
i have other friends who are always there for me.
but they can only offer so much solace..
the only thing that could make me more confused/upset about this situation.
would be hearing about how much greater he is than i am.
which im sure will be happening within..
oh, idunno, a few weeks..
i may seem like im obsessing over this girl.
or that im overly interested in her.
truth is im not.
ive got far stronger romantic interst in others.
but im not ready to see i love yous passed between those two..
it doesnt seem right.
better yet, she just called me to tell me how sad she was about things.
but mainly about how she cant give me a ride to school tomorow.
fine
i could use a break from seeing her face first thing in the morning.
knowing that im probably second best forever to her.
well..
its a good thing i have this,
it makes me able to express my feelings without having to deal as much
with the emotional whiplash of telling YOU directly
you know exactly who YOU are
and so does probably everyone else who reads this.
so why dont YOU and I try and figure some shit out before
my head fucking pops..
on second thought
just go enjoy the comany of your new and improved football captain of a boyfriend
who just singlehandly stole OUR anniversary
and permanantly CRIPPLED OUR FRIENDSHIP
"I hope this makes you cold at night. I hope this makes it hard to go on. Knowing that we both lost the BEST thing that either of us had going. I dont want either of us to be unhappy, but im afraid thats just not an option."
some entry considering i havent written in this in almost a year....
i love you is an acceptlable thing to say to someone after dating for four days..
man.. i guess i worked way to hard to hear those words one more time..
all i wouldve had to do was take her to a movie once
ya know,
its days like these i wish i had a gun.
who it would be aimed at, im not sure..
does it matter how i feel..
naw, let it be.
why steal the happiness away.
no need to be so greedy.
well, i guess ILL say i love you to the next girl i see.
maybe that will justify the way i feel..
four days?
what the fuck. am i a sap or a wimp for waiting 2 months?
does it mean more coming from someone else?
does it matter anymore if i say it?
would it change a thing?
and if i hear it back, does it even sound sincere?
i submit that my life has not hit a more depressing note thus far.
cept for when my grandfather died.
im not trying to be dramatic, but its hard not to sound it.
im doing this to get it all out my thoughts that maybe,someone, will care.
anyone.
at all..
ive always known love is not forever.
but why does friendship have to end so suddenly too.
why cant i just come to terms and move on?
why is it that every time im sober, i cant think of almost anything else.
its not that im not interesed in anyone else.
it would be a complete lie to say something like that.
but i feel like my entire past relationship has been chepened.
im worried that i will look like a wife beater in comparison.
i dont wanna be "that guy that was the first boyfriend, but that was a long time ago and he doesnt
matter anymore"
4 days??
FOUR DAYS????
do these words that i thought we always held sacred, mean nothing anymore?
just because your dating, is it required that you say ILY, even if its not for real?
or was it for real..
and do i finally need to come to terms..
4 days.
2 months
did it have to happen on our anniversary
did that really have to happen on such an ironic note???
its like im being rubbed out of existence.
first the anniversqary is taken by someone else.
whats next?
is he gonna be better at kissing?
is she more attracted to him than she was to me?
is he going to be better at loving her?
is he going to accomodater her any better than i ever have?
is this really the end for the "us" that was supposed to last a life time?
i truly grow tired of everything.
im being cheated out of living a happy life.
and ive never gone through such a strange swing of emotions..
and whats worst of all...
is the one person who should care, because i have ALWAYS
ALWAYS
A
L
W
A
Y
S
cared.
ignores it.
acts like there is no tension between us.
and expects me to just cope without assistance.
sure
i have other friends who are always there for me.
but they can only offer so much solace..
the only thing that could make me more confused/upset about this situation.
would be hearing about how much greater he is than i am.
which im sure will be happening within..
oh, idunno, a few weeks..
i may seem like im obsessing over this girl.
or that im overly interested in her.
truth is im not.
ive got far stronger romantic interst in others.
but im not ready to see i love yous passed between those two..
it doesnt seem right.
better yet, she just called me to tell me how sad she was about things.
but mainly about how she cant give me a ride to school tomorow.
fine
i could use a break from seeing her face first thing in the morning.
knowing that im probably second best forever to her.
well..
its a good thing i have this,
it makes me able to express my feelings without having to deal as much
with the emotional whiplash of telling YOU directly
you know exactly who YOU are
and so does probably everyone else who reads this.
so why dont YOU and I try and figure some shit out before
my head fucking pops..
on second thought
just go enjoy the comany of your new and improved football captain of a boyfriend
who just singlehandly stole OUR anniversary
and permanantly CRIPPLED OUR FRIENDSHIP
"I hope this makes you cold at night. I hope this makes it hard to go on. Knowing that we both lost the BEST thing that either of us had going. I dont want either of us to be unhappy, but im afraid thats just not an option."
some entry considering i havent written in this in almost a year....