[Closed Log]
WHO: Shuuichi singerinpink and Tsuzuki amethystsregret
WHAT: Heartfelt words next to the piano
WHERE: The Recreation Room
WHEN: After this thread
WARNING(S): Some dark secrets come to light about Tsuzuki's past.
After his exposure to the Order, Tsuzuki now had to make his song even better. He'd gone back to practicing after talking with his friends. He wanted the song to move their hearts. He wanted it to touch their spirits. He hoped it would bring them some peace... "God help the outcasts, the tattered and torn. Seeking an answer to why they were born..."
Having spent the afternoon goofing around with Ryuuichi had done wonders for Shuuichi's mood, but there was something still bothering about Tsuzuki and his sad feelings. Every time he remembered those tears, his heart broke. Shuuichi sighed. He saw what bottling up could do - it's what made Yuki a "stiff" as they called it. He wasn't going to let Tsuzuki end up like him, too. Determined to have a real talk, he searched for his friend. It wasn't difficult to find him. He was practicing the sad, yet pretty, song on the piano. He had some talent, Shuuichi decided; he just needed to practice. "Winds of misfortune have blown them apart; you made the outcasts. Don't cast them out…" He sang as he entered the rec room.
Tsuzuki looked over his shoulder, pausing mid-cord. There was Shuuichi again. He smiled at the appearance. Who better to tell him what he could do for his song than his favorite artist in the Black Order. "Hey there, Shuuichi. Did you memorize the lyrics already? It took me a few hours to learn them. You really are a pro! Hm!" He grinned boyishly.
Shuuichi grinned. "Just a part. No big deal." He started to walk towards Tsuzuki. "If I like a song, it gets stuck in my head, but when someone puts so much feeling in the interpretation, it gets stuck in my heart."
"Really? Did you really hear the feelings behind the song?" Tsuzuki's eyes lit up. He was on the right track! He just had to tweak things a bit. Leave it to his ‘little ball of sunshine’ to give him a boost when he needed one! "Was that your favorite part then? The chorus you sang, I mean. I really like that one. I think it's that best part. The crescendo of the piano, the climax of the lyrics, it's what the song is all about, you know?"
Shuuichi nodded while he sat next to Tsuzuki on the stool. "My favorite part? Mmmh, there was something about how we're all children of God. I liked that. Like the answer you gave me in the chapel." He tilted his head while thinking about what Tsuzuki said. "Crescendos and climax are beautiful... but you mustn't forget that a song is made from all its parts. They're all important. If you don't make it good at the beginning too, people won't care about the climax."
"Yeah, that's true. I feel all the words though. Every word speaks to me. It's like they use my hands and voice to speak for them. I just want to make sure I do them the proper justice they deserve... Do you think I'm close, Shuuichi?" He smiled down at the ivory keys. Grazing the smooth surface, he thought about the hours he'd practiced, the lessons he'd had with Smoker, the day he'd found the piece in the chapel. His eyes softened even more than they had been before...
"Yes, I do. And your tears were proof of it, not that I need any." Shuuichi smiled at Tsuzuki's eyes. He definitely had what he needed to be a musician. "If the lyrics are using you instead of the other way around, then you're doing it right. You can't get deeper than that." He put his hands on the keys too. "But there will always be lyrics that will never feel we're worthy of, no matter how much we practice. The best we can do is to throw our entire heart in them." He presses some keys and sang a short part from a certain special song but in a slow version. "Please don't cryin' kodoku wo katachidori / Karamaru koukai ga kuu wo kiru / Make me shining chirabaru kokoro no kakera / Mabushiku sugisaru kibou ni~"
[*its shining collection, the last part Please don't cryin', imitating loneliness / Cutting into space with entwined regret / Make me shining, fragments of my scattered heart / A radiance that surpasses hope]
Tsuzuki blinked at the young man. Shuuichi always made him gape in awe when he sang soft songs like that. Heck! Just Amethysts Remembrance had nearly knocked him out of his chair, if he hadn't been so hung over. He was such a softy for the arts. Maybe that was because Luka had loved them so much. Dancing, singing, arts and crafts, cooking, gardening, she was good at it all. It felt like she was close to him again to be involved in them himself. He closed his eyes once more, letting the words sink in... Those hit home for him, too.
Shuuichi blushed when he caught Tsuzuki getting touched by the song. "Two of my most important people made that song for me. I haven't dared to play it myself yet." He grinned and playfully punched Tsuzuki's shoulder. "So Tsuzuki mustn't feel nervous or guilty because it has nothing to do with being a newbie!"
"Thanks. That's really encouraging, especially coming from you, Shuuichi." He rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand. His watch was exposed as his sleeve retreated from the position of his arm.
"Tsuzuki is always giving me too much credit." Seeing Tsuzuki's hand move, Shuuichi remembered something. "How are your hands, by the way? It takes some time to get used to playing. I used to get lots of cramps when I started to learn... I can give you a hand massage if you want. My teacher showed me how! They're really good." As Tsuzuki's right hand was busy on the head, Shuuichi went for the left one.
Tsuzuki blinked at the gesture. He had had knives through his palms, black flames eating away at him, and even a hole blown through his back. He hadn't thought much about whether or not he had a cramp in his hand. He wondered if that made him a masochist. He hoped not. Muraki would attack him even worse if that ever got out... "Thanks, Shuuichi. I hadn't really thought about it myself, but I guess my fingers did get stiff a lot. I'd usually go get a snack then, like Smoker and I did during our lessons."
"Smoker..." Shuuichi said with a frown, his voice didn't sound very friendly. "...cracks his knuckles. He's the worst pianist role-model ever." He took Tsuzuki's left hand and started to massage it with both his thumbs, paying special attention to the said knuckles and the articulations. "Is that ok? Tell me if it hurts."
"I doubt you could hurt my hand. It's been through a lot worse than massages. Hm!" He blinked at the Smoker comment though. "I guess I can see where knuckle cracking could be bad for you. It does ruin your joints after a while, but I wonder if he cheats, being smoke I mean." He tapped his chin with his free hand.
"You can’t hurt a hand with a massage, you silly! But if your muscles are sore, and I press them, then you can feel some pain." Shuuichi got quiet when he heard about Smoker. It was the first time he heard about his power. He remembered what he recently learnt about certain pair of roommates... "Fire and smoke… Oddly appropriate." He muttered to himself with a snort
"Hm! Unless you have the strength of bulletproof glass, Shuuichi, I think I'm safe in your care." His smile got smaller at the comment about Smoker and Ace. They were great match. If only they wouldn't be afraid to go deeper, they could really explore their love together. He shook his head. Why did he always worry about other people's business? They usually didn't want him in it, but he butted in anyway. He sighed heavily at his internal monologue.
"Mmmh, nope, no super strength. Just sugar mode for me!" Shuuichi giggled, and concentrated on his task, oblivious to Tsuzuki's worries. He turned the hand around and gave it the same care: fingers, articulations, the palm... Finally he reached the wrist and after some massaging there he let it rest on Tsuzuki's lap. "Ok, right's turn now!"
Tsuzuki came back from his thoughts when he said to changed hands. He blindly handed the right hand over without a second thought. He returned to reality. Trying to think of something to talk about, he muttered the first thing to roll out of his mouth. "So... Have you had any pocky lately? Jerry's pretty good at making it. I must say, I doubt there's something he can't make."
"Last time I went to the kitchen Miss Trisha was on charge, so nope." Shuuichi took the hand and saw the watch. He chuckled. "What is a watch doing on your right, Tsuzuki?" He turned the hand around and started to unfasten it. "There're people who believe that wearing on the wrong hand will-" Shuuichi suddenly froze. The only sound that could be heard was the watch falling to the floor and its glass breaking.
Tsuzuki paused. How could he have been so careless?! He stared straight ahead of him. He couldn't look at the boy. He just couldn't!
Shuuichi was trembling, so was his voice. His face was white. "...Ts-Tsuzuki...?"
He pulled his wrist back, holding it in his left hand. He looked down at the piano. What could he say? He had no words...
"P-please... tell me it's a battle scar... Tsuzuki?" The shinigami's face told him the truth, but Shuuichi wouldn't believe it until he heard it from his friend's mouth. His eyes were started to get watery...
"This... is how I died... Like a coward..." His voice was deep. His face was cold. His eyes looked empty.
Shuuichi stood frozen on his spot, trying to process the idea of Tsuzuki committing... "...B-but... why? I... I can't understand it... your sister..."
"She died... She was killed... years before." His voice was emotionless. He continued to stare at the piano. He wished he could cry...
Shuuichi was already crying for him. Not one of his big tantrums, just a path of tears falling on his cheeks. "...That's why? Because of her?"
"Not just that... I had done things... Things she would never have wanted me to do... I had proved them right..." He closed his eyes, furrowing his brow. "All because of these damnable eyes...!"
Shuuichi blinked, not understanding at all. "Tsuzuki has pretty eyes. Eyes that show emotions in their raw state. What's wrong with you eyes?"
"They're demon's eyes..." He said with a lace of guilt and pain in his spiteful tone.
Shuuichi wanted to scream that no, they weren't! They just were... violet. He realized then the problem: if people looked at him funnily because of his hair, imagine a pair of natural violet eyes! Shuuichi just wasn't surprised by them because he met Tsuzuki in a magical world where weird was common. He never gave them a second thought. "You can't seriously think... after your speech about God's children... you can't believe you're a demon just because you're different."He exclaimed between sniffles.
"When I was a boy... I used to pray that the gods would make me human..." Tsuzuki's voice finally had cracked. "I wished I could be... normal... so Luka wouldn't be looked down on... We could talk to our neighbors... She wouldn't have to worry about finding me dead by the river...!" He grabbed his face, as if that could stop the tears from falling.
Shuuichi hugged him and rocked him while caressing his back. "You explained to me that a shinigami is a former human soul with regrets. A demon wouldn't make me smile. A demon wouldn't hug me. A demon wouldn't make me feel safe. A demon wouldn't say all those nice things about my voice. A demon wouldn't put his feelings in such a song like an angel."
"Angels... Angels don't slaughter people... Angels don't deserve to go to hell... They're pure... I'm nothing like that..." He shivered from his crying.
"Nobody is one hundred percent pure, Tsuzuki. If you knew what happened to m-" The movement stopped for a minute, although Shuuichi didn’t let go of the hug. "...s-slaughter people?"
"The villagers killed Luka for harboring a demon... I saw her die... I lost control and blacked out...!" He shuttered at the memory of that night. "When I came back to my senses... I was holding her in my arms... covered in blood... Everyone was dead... I really was a demon..."
Shuuichi started to tremble again, but he didn't let go. He wasn't going to. It felt wrong, but sadly, having gone over this with Yuki made him ready for a second round, not freaking out. "Trauma. Self-defense. They hurt you! They hurt the person you love! You didn't know what you were doing! If you were a demon you wouldn't be regretting that!"
"I still did it though!" He cried. Why did people always tell him that? How could he live with the blood on his hands, the voices in his ears, and weight on his spirit? Luka had always defended him, and he had proven her words false. "I still killed people... I hate killing..."
"You hate killing... Then why did you kill yourself?" He started to rock them again. "Your blood won't cover the previous blood."
"I couldn't take it anymore... I was all alone... Luka was gone... and those soldiers just wanted to use me..." His shoulders trembled as he revisited the memories of those years. "Day after day... Staring into nothing... It was suffocating! All I could think about was my sins and how much I'd failed Luka! I just wanted to fade away! I just wanted to die...!"
"...Because there was nothing left to live for." Shuuichi understood, and he hated himself for it. Tsuzuki was like him, emotional and attached to his bonds. He had had his own depression episodes, though they’d never gotten bad enough to kill himself. Though of course, he never got into such a terrible situation as Tsuzuki. "...I'm so sorry..."
Tsuzuki let the tears fall at last. Shuuichi wasn't like everyone else. He had understood. He didn't tell him to let it go. He didn't try to make him better. He actually knew how he felt, and he knew that all he could do was let him cry on his shoulder. There was nothing he could do about Luka and the village. He couldn't take back his suicide. All he could do was try to heal, and he couldn't do that alone...
Shuuichi was relieved to see those tears; he had been starting to get worried about Tsuzuki's emotional health. He caressed his back with care and let him take it all out. "Tsuzuki... do you believe in second chances?"
A light gasp escaped his weeping. He always had tried to give people that chance to make up for wrongs done. He'd never thought about himself though. Perhaps it was the sentence to Hell that had made him feel so resolved, or could it have been that people never seemed to want to be around him when they knew the truth? Whatever the reason, he had always felt he didn't deserve one. "I guess so..."
"Some years ago..." Shuuichi started to tell a story, but he never stopped rocking them or caressing Tsuzuki's back. "I met a man with an attitude problem. He would push away anyone who wanted to get near him. Later I found out he had a tragic past, too, and he didn't want to bring people into that. But I didn't care, and I keep trying to get near him anyway. Do you know what happened, Tsuzuki?"
"What...?" Tsuzuki looked up with the saddest purple gaze he'd ever shown since they met. He looked helpless and broken. He was looking for help, but at the same time, he was afraid to ask for it. "What happened...?"
"We fell in love." Shuuichi moved to look directly at Tsuzuki and smiled the best he could with his face all red and covered in tears. "We've been living together for three years. Even if the idiot still thinks he doesn't deserve it."
"You mean... Yuki...?" Tsuzuki gaped back at the young man. His boyfriend had a similar background? No wonder Shuuichi was always worried about him. The tears were falling even without a blink. Could Shuuichi be trying to tell him there was still hope for a stained lamb like him?
Shuuichi nodded. "Second chances do exist. Look at Ace. He keeps saying he is supposed to be dead and he doesn't regret. It makes me wanna punch him. I would, but he's too big and strong." He giggled. "Second chances do exist, Tsuzuki. God does help the outcasts."
Tsuzuki gaped back at his friend. "You... really think... I could... have one...?" His voice had heightened in pinch. His face contorted as he felt another wave of tears. He leaned his head against Shuuichi's arm, crying again. His theory was right. The unwanted, condemned, and lost could be saved from their ends. He would try his utmost to hold onto that ray of hope. He already had Ace and Smoker. Both were willing to protect him. Now, he had Shuuichi. His proof of salvation that was yet to come...
"Aren't you already?" Shuuichi started to pet the back of Tsuzuki's head this time. "Mom used to tell me terribly stories about Enma-sama, how he would get me if I was naughty. I don't know if they're true or not, but... He gave you your shinigami job, right? He must have had a reason for it. I know the job makes you sad, but I think you know exactly what to do to help those souls… because you feel it yourself. And now you're here, and you have two new shikis that will protect you but also will hit you if it's necessary. A chief that is crazy but also very nice and caring. And well, me."
Tsuzuki cracked a smile at last. Laughing lightly, he clung to his friend until he could stop shaking. Shuuichi always made him heart feel lighter. No wonder he'd saved Yuki. He was like Luka. There weren't many people like that in the world. He wondered if he would ever find another Luka...
Shuuichi pouted. "I wasn't trying to be funny, you know!" But he smiled in the end. "But I'm glad to see and hear your laugh again."
"Ahahahahaha!" Tsuzuki laughed even harder! "Shuuchi! You always know how to put a smile on my face!"
"Thank goodness for that, God knows you need it!" Feeling silly and pleased, Shuuichi poked Tsuzuki on the ribs just to annoy him. "Maybe I should’ve been a clown instead of a singer. I have the hair for it."
"More people are afraid of clowns than singers... Heheh..." He wiped an eye as his laughter began to quiet.
Shuuichi pulled a face. "Ugh, you're right; those clowns can be nasty..." When he saw Tsuzuki's hand moving, with a determined face he took it, and placed a soft kiss on the scarred wrist. "I never did your right hand." He said, and started to do the same massage job he had done with the left one.
Tsuzuki gasped lightly at the action. His already flushed face stared innocently down at his hand. He wasn’t quite sure if he was embarrassed or swooned, but he couldn’t deny that the pressure felt nice. It reminded him of the massage Ace had given him. It was so gentle and firm at the same time. It was comforting. He smiled handsomely in gratitude.
While concentrating on the job, Shuuichi's mind starting to take in everything they said. In the end, blushing badly but not looking up, he said. "Sorry."
"What are you apologizing for?" Tsuzuki smirked. He ran his free hand through the pink locks to get them out of the singer's face. "You didn't do anything wrong, so why are you sorry?"
"Because I always say that I want you to worry less, but end up confronting you and making you cry." He finished the massage and grabbed Tsuzuki's hand to give it a squeeze. "In the end, I'm the one who brings Tsuzuki's bad memories back."
"Shuuichi..." Tsuzuki's smile became more handsome and he squeezed the young man's hand back. "You don't bring them back. I carry them in that scar and in my heart all the time. You bring light into my dark memories. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't smile this much. I have you to thank for that, my friend."
Shuuichi looked up and smiled. His free hand poked Tsuzuki's cheek. "You look handsome with that smile." He giggled. "I’m sorry to hear that you lost your reason to live at that time, but Tsuzuki understands now he is having a second chance, right?"
"Yeah." He laughed lightly at the poke to his face. He just had to find that reason to want to live again. He was beginning to actually think he might find it now...
"Good. Then I'll try not to worry so much from now on." He scratched his own cheek now. "I can't promise much though... it just comes out of me without any chance to control it."
"I'll try not to complain either. You're only worrying because you care. I'm not used to that, as of late. Hm!"
"I'm sure your coworkers care. Their stiffness won't allow them to show it." He frowned for a second, but it went by quickly. "Now we're good, Tsuzuki can show me how he plays his song!"
"And you can give me all the pointers you have! Haha!" Tsuzuki put his watch in his coat pocket. Turning about on the bench, he started playing once again, with an even bigger smile on his face then before.
"I can do that. Starting with the fact that if you keep your fingers like that, of course, they'll be sore later!" He stood up and put his hands on top of Tsuzuki's, correcting the articulations. "Relax more..."
"Oh... Okay. Smoker showed me the other way." Tsuzuki made the mental note to correct it.
"Which is a great way once you are used to it and can play fast, your fingers won't notice" Tsuzuki corrected it with no problems, so Shuuichi went back to his seat. "That's good! Go on like that," Inspired by the music, he sang along. "God help the outcasts / The tattered and torn / Seeking an answer / To why they were born~"
WHAT: Heartfelt words next to the piano
WHERE: The Recreation Room
WHEN: After this thread
WARNING(S): Some dark secrets come to light about Tsuzuki's past.
After his exposure to the Order, Tsuzuki now had to make his song even better. He'd gone back to practicing after talking with his friends. He wanted the song to move their hearts. He wanted it to touch their spirits. He hoped it would bring them some peace... "God help the outcasts, the tattered and torn. Seeking an answer to why they were born..."
Having spent the afternoon goofing around with Ryuuichi had done wonders for Shuuichi's mood, but there was something still bothering about Tsuzuki and his sad feelings. Every time he remembered those tears, his heart broke. Shuuichi sighed. He saw what bottling up could do - it's what made Yuki a "stiff" as they called it. He wasn't going to let Tsuzuki end up like him, too. Determined to have a real talk, he searched for his friend. It wasn't difficult to find him. He was practicing the sad, yet pretty, song on the piano. He had some talent, Shuuichi decided; he just needed to practice. "Winds of misfortune have blown them apart; you made the outcasts. Don't cast them out…" He sang as he entered the rec room.
Tsuzuki looked over his shoulder, pausing mid-cord. There was Shuuichi again. He smiled at the appearance. Who better to tell him what he could do for his song than his favorite artist in the Black Order. "Hey there, Shuuichi. Did you memorize the lyrics already? It took me a few hours to learn them. You really are a pro! Hm!" He grinned boyishly.
Shuuichi grinned. "Just a part. No big deal." He started to walk towards Tsuzuki. "If I like a song, it gets stuck in my head, but when someone puts so much feeling in the interpretation, it gets stuck in my heart."
"Really? Did you really hear the feelings behind the song?" Tsuzuki's eyes lit up. He was on the right track! He just had to tweak things a bit. Leave it to his ‘little ball of sunshine’ to give him a boost when he needed one! "Was that your favorite part then? The chorus you sang, I mean. I really like that one. I think it's that best part. The crescendo of the piano, the climax of the lyrics, it's what the song is all about, you know?"
Shuuichi nodded while he sat next to Tsuzuki on the stool. "My favorite part? Mmmh, there was something about how we're all children of God. I liked that. Like the answer you gave me in the chapel." He tilted his head while thinking about what Tsuzuki said. "Crescendos and climax are beautiful... but you mustn't forget that a song is made from all its parts. They're all important. If you don't make it good at the beginning too, people won't care about the climax."
"Yeah, that's true. I feel all the words though. Every word speaks to me. It's like they use my hands and voice to speak for them. I just want to make sure I do them the proper justice they deserve... Do you think I'm close, Shuuichi?" He smiled down at the ivory keys. Grazing the smooth surface, he thought about the hours he'd practiced, the lessons he'd had with Smoker, the day he'd found the piece in the chapel. His eyes softened even more than they had been before...
"Yes, I do. And your tears were proof of it, not that I need any." Shuuichi smiled at Tsuzuki's eyes. He definitely had what he needed to be a musician. "If the lyrics are using you instead of the other way around, then you're doing it right. You can't get deeper than that." He put his hands on the keys too. "But there will always be lyrics that will never feel we're worthy of, no matter how much we practice. The best we can do is to throw our entire heart in them." He presses some keys and sang a short part from a certain special song but in a slow version. "Please don't cryin' kodoku wo katachidori / Karamaru koukai ga kuu wo kiru / Make me shining chirabaru kokoro no kakera / Mabushiku sugisaru kibou ni~"
[*its shining collection, the last part Please don't cryin', imitating loneliness / Cutting into space with entwined regret / Make me shining, fragments of my scattered heart / A radiance that surpasses hope]
Tsuzuki blinked at the young man. Shuuichi always made him gape in awe when he sang soft songs like that. Heck! Just Amethysts Remembrance had nearly knocked him out of his chair, if he hadn't been so hung over. He was such a softy for the arts. Maybe that was because Luka had loved them so much. Dancing, singing, arts and crafts, cooking, gardening, she was good at it all. It felt like she was close to him again to be involved in them himself. He closed his eyes once more, letting the words sink in... Those hit home for him, too.
Shuuichi blushed when he caught Tsuzuki getting touched by the song. "Two of my most important people made that song for me. I haven't dared to play it myself yet." He grinned and playfully punched Tsuzuki's shoulder. "So Tsuzuki mustn't feel nervous or guilty because it has nothing to do with being a newbie!"
"Thanks. That's really encouraging, especially coming from you, Shuuichi." He rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand. His watch was exposed as his sleeve retreated from the position of his arm.
"Tsuzuki is always giving me too much credit." Seeing Tsuzuki's hand move, Shuuichi remembered something. "How are your hands, by the way? It takes some time to get used to playing. I used to get lots of cramps when I started to learn... I can give you a hand massage if you want. My teacher showed me how! They're really good." As Tsuzuki's right hand was busy on the head, Shuuichi went for the left one.
Tsuzuki blinked at the gesture. He had had knives through his palms, black flames eating away at him, and even a hole blown through his back. He hadn't thought much about whether or not he had a cramp in his hand. He wondered if that made him a masochist. He hoped not. Muraki would attack him even worse if that ever got out... "Thanks, Shuuichi. I hadn't really thought about it myself, but I guess my fingers did get stiff a lot. I'd usually go get a snack then, like Smoker and I did during our lessons."
"Smoker..." Shuuichi said with a frown, his voice didn't sound very friendly. "...cracks his knuckles. He's the worst pianist role-model ever." He took Tsuzuki's left hand and started to massage it with both his thumbs, paying special attention to the said knuckles and the articulations. "Is that ok? Tell me if it hurts."
"I doubt you could hurt my hand. It's been through a lot worse than massages. Hm!" He blinked at the Smoker comment though. "I guess I can see where knuckle cracking could be bad for you. It does ruin your joints after a while, but I wonder if he cheats, being smoke I mean." He tapped his chin with his free hand.
"You can’t hurt a hand with a massage, you silly! But if your muscles are sore, and I press them, then you can feel some pain." Shuuichi got quiet when he heard about Smoker. It was the first time he heard about his power. He remembered what he recently learnt about certain pair of roommates... "Fire and smoke… Oddly appropriate." He muttered to himself with a snort
"Hm! Unless you have the strength of bulletproof glass, Shuuichi, I think I'm safe in your care." His smile got smaller at the comment about Smoker and Ace. They were great match. If only they wouldn't be afraid to go deeper, they could really explore their love together. He shook his head. Why did he always worry about other people's business? They usually didn't want him in it, but he butted in anyway. He sighed heavily at his internal monologue.
"Mmmh, nope, no super strength. Just sugar mode for me!" Shuuichi giggled, and concentrated on his task, oblivious to Tsuzuki's worries. He turned the hand around and gave it the same care: fingers, articulations, the palm... Finally he reached the wrist and after some massaging there he let it rest on Tsuzuki's lap. "Ok, right's turn now!"
Tsuzuki came back from his thoughts when he said to changed hands. He blindly handed the right hand over without a second thought. He returned to reality. Trying to think of something to talk about, he muttered the first thing to roll out of his mouth. "So... Have you had any pocky lately? Jerry's pretty good at making it. I must say, I doubt there's something he can't make."
"Last time I went to the kitchen Miss Trisha was on charge, so nope." Shuuichi took the hand and saw the watch. He chuckled. "What is a watch doing on your right, Tsuzuki?" He turned the hand around and started to unfasten it. "There're people who believe that wearing on the wrong hand will-" Shuuichi suddenly froze. The only sound that could be heard was the watch falling to the floor and its glass breaking.
Tsuzuki paused. How could he have been so careless?! He stared straight ahead of him. He couldn't look at the boy. He just couldn't!
Shuuichi was trembling, so was his voice. His face was white. "...Ts-Tsuzuki...?"
He pulled his wrist back, holding it in his left hand. He looked down at the piano. What could he say? He had no words...
"P-please... tell me it's a battle scar... Tsuzuki?" The shinigami's face told him the truth, but Shuuichi wouldn't believe it until he heard it from his friend's mouth. His eyes were started to get watery...
"This... is how I died... Like a coward..." His voice was deep. His face was cold. His eyes looked empty.
Shuuichi stood frozen on his spot, trying to process the idea of Tsuzuki committing... "...B-but... why? I... I can't understand it... your sister..."
"She died... She was killed... years before." His voice was emotionless. He continued to stare at the piano. He wished he could cry...
Shuuichi was already crying for him. Not one of his big tantrums, just a path of tears falling on his cheeks. "...That's why? Because of her?"
"Not just that... I had done things... Things she would never have wanted me to do... I had proved them right..." He closed his eyes, furrowing his brow. "All because of these damnable eyes...!"
Shuuichi blinked, not understanding at all. "Tsuzuki has pretty eyes. Eyes that show emotions in their raw state. What's wrong with you eyes?"
"They're demon's eyes..." He said with a lace of guilt and pain in his spiteful tone.
Shuuichi wanted to scream that no, they weren't! They just were... violet. He realized then the problem: if people looked at him funnily because of his hair, imagine a pair of natural violet eyes! Shuuichi just wasn't surprised by them because he met Tsuzuki in a magical world where weird was common. He never gave them a second thought. "You can't seriously think... after your speech about God's children... you can't believe you're a demon just because you're different."He exclaimed between sniffles.
"When I was a boy... I used to pray that the gods would make me human..." Tsuzuki's voice finally had cracked. "I wished I could be... normal... so Luka wouldn't be looked down on... We could talk to our neighbors... She wouldn't have to worry about finding me dead by the river...!" He grabbed his face, as if that could stop the tears from falling.
Shuuichi hugged him and rocked him while caressing his back. "You explained to me that a shinigami is a former human soul with regrets. A demon wouldn't make me smile. A demon wouldn't hug me. A demon wouldn't make me feel safe. A demon wouldn't say all those nice things about my voice. A demon wouldn't put his feelings in such a song like an angel."
"Angels... Angels don't slaughter people... Angels don't deserve to go to hell... They're pure... I'm nothing like that..." He shivered from his crying.
"Nobody is one hundred percent pure, Tsuzuki. If you knew what happened to m-" The movement stopped for a minute, although Shuuichi didn’t let go of the hug. "...s-slaughter people?"
"The villagers killed Luka for harboring a demon... I saw her die... I lost control and blacked out...!" He shuttered at the memory of that night. "When I came back to my senses... I was holding her in my arms... covered in blood... Everyone was dead... I really was a demon..."
Shuuichi started to tremble again, but he didn't let go. He wasn't going to. It felt wrong, but sadly, having gone over this with Yuki made him ready for a second round, not freaking out. "Trauma. Self-defense. They hurt you! They hurt the person you love! You didn't know what you were doing! If you were a demon you wouldn't be regretting that!"
"I still did it though!" He cried. Why did people always tell him that? How could he live with the blood on his hands, the voices in his ears, and weight on his spirit? Luka had always defended him, and he had proven her words false. "I still killed people... I hate killing..."
"You hate killing... Then why did you kill yourself?" He started to rock them again. "Your blood won't cover the previous blood."
"I couldn't take it anymore... I was all alone... Luka was gone... and those soldiers just wanted to use me..." His shoulders trembled as he revisited the memories of those years. "Day after day... Staring into nothing... It was suffocating! All I could think about was my sins and how much I'd failed Luka! I just wanted to fade away! I just wanted to die...!"
"...Because there was nothing left to live for." Shuuichi understood, and he hated himself for it. Tsuzuki was like him, emotional and attached to his bonds. He had had his own depression episodes, though they’d never gotten bad enough to kill himself. Though of course, he never got into such a terrible situation as Tsuzuki. "...I'm so sorry..."
Tsuzuki let the tears fall at last. Shuuichi wasn't like everyone else. He had understood. He didn't tell him to let it go. He didn't try to make him better. He actually knew how he felt, and he knew that all he could do was let him cry on his shoulder. There was nothing he could do about Luka and the village. He couldn't take back his suicide. All he could do was try to heal, and he couldn't do that alone...
Shuuichi was relieved to see those tears; he had been starting to get worried about Tsuzuki's emotional health. He caressed his back with care and let him take it all out. "Tsuzuki... do you believe in second chances?"
A light gasp escaped his weeping. He always had tried to give people that chance to make up for wrongs done. He'd never thought about himself though. Perhaps it was the sentence to Hell that had made him feel so resolved, or could it have been that people never seemed to want to be around him when they knew the truth? Whatever the reason, he had always felt he didn't deserve one. "I guess so..."
"Some years ago..." Shuuichi started to tell a story, but he never stopped rocking them or caressing Tsuzuki's back. "I met a man with an attitude problem. He would push away anyone who wanted to get near him. Later I found out he had a tragic past, too, and he didn't want to bring people into that. But I didn't care, and I keep trying to get near him anyway. Do you know what happened, Tsuzuki?"
"What...?" Tsuzuki looked up with the saddest purple gaze he'd ever shown since they met. He looked helpless and broken. He was looking for help, but at the same time, he was afraid to ask for it. "What happened...?"
"We fell in love." Shuuichi moved to look directly at Tsuzuki and smiled the best he could with his face all red and covered in tears. "We've been living together for three years. Even if the idiot still thinks he doesn't deserve it."
"You mean... Yuki...?" Tsuzuki gaped back at the young man. His boyfriend had a similar background? No wonder Shuuichi was always worried about him. The tears were falling even without a blink. Could Shuuichi be trying to tell him there was still hope for a stained lamb like him?
Shuuichi nodded. "Second chances do exist. Look at Ace. He keeps saying he is supposed to be dead and he doesn't regret. It makes me wanna punch him. I would, but he's too big and strong." He giggled. "Second chances do exist, Tsuzuki. God does help the outcasts."
Tsuzuki gaped back at his friend. "You... really think... I could... have one...?" His voice had heightened in pinch. His face contorted as he felt another wave of tears. He leaned his head against Shuuichi's arm, crying again. His theory was right. The unwanted, condemned, and lost could be saved from their ends. He would try his utmost to hold onto that ray of hope. He already had Ace and Smoker. Both were willing to protect him. Now, he had Shuuichi. His proof of salvation that was yet to come...
"Aren't you already?" Shuuichi started to pet the back of Tsuzuki's head this time. "Mom used to tell me terribly stories about Enma-sama, how he would get me if I was naughty. I don't know if they're true or not, but... He gave you your shinigami job, right? He must have had a reason for it. I know the job makes you sad, but I think you know exactly what to do to help those souls… because you feel it yourself. And now you're here, and you have two new shikis that will protect you but also will hit you if it's necessary. A chief that is crazy but also very nice and caring. And well, me."
Tsuzuki cracked a smile at last. Laughing lightly, he clung to his friend until he could stop shaking. Shuuichi always made him heart feel lighter. No wonder he'd saved Yuki. He was like Luka. There weren't many people like that in the world. He wondered if he would ever find another Luka...
Shuuichi pouted. "I wasn't trying to be funny, you know!" But he smiled in the end. "But I'm glad to see and hear your laugh again."
"Ahahahahaha!" Tsuzuki laughed even harder! "Shuuchi! You always know how to put a smile on my face!"
"Thank goodness for that, God knows you need it!" Feeling silly and pleased, Shuuichi poked Tsuzuki on the ribs just to annoy him. "Maybe I should’ve been a clown instead of a singer. I have the hair for it."
"More people are afraid of clowns than singers... Heheh..." He wiped an eye as his laughter began to quiet.
Shuuichi pulled a face. "Ugh, you're right; those clowns can be nasty..." When he saw Tsuzuki's hand moving, with a determined face he took it, and placed a soft kiss on the scarred wrist. "I never did your right hand." He said, and started to do the same massage job he had done with the left one.
Tsuzuki gasped lightly at the action. His already flushed face stared innocently down at his hand. He wasn’t quite sure if he was embarrassed or swooned, but he couldn’t deny that the pressure felt nice. It reminded him of the massage Ace had given him. It was so gentle and firm at the same time. It was comforting. He smiled handsomely in gratitude.
While concentrating on the job, Shuuichi's mind starting to take in everything they said. In the end, blushing badly but not looking up, he said. "Sorry."
"What are you apologizing for?" Tsuzuki smirked. He ran his free hand through the pink locks to get them out of the singer's face. "You didn't do anything wrong, so why are you sorry?"
"Because I always say that I want you to worry less, but end up confronting you and making you cry." He finished the massage and grabbed Tsuzuki's hand to give it a squeeze. "In the end, I'm the one who brings Tsuzuki's bad memories back."
"Shuuichi..." Tsuzuki's smile became more handsome and he squeezed the young man's hand back. "You don't bring them back. I carry them in that scar and in my heart all the time. You bring light into my dark memories. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't smile this much. I have you to thank for that, my friend."
Shuuichi looked up and smiled. His free hand poked Tsuzuki's cheek. "You look handsome with that smile." He giggled. "I’m sorry to hear that you lost your reason to live at that time, but Tsuzuki understands now he is having a second chance, right?"
"Yeah." He laughed lightly at the poke to his face. He just had to find that reason to want to live again. He was beginning to actually think he might find it now...
"Good. Then I'll try not to worry so much from now on." He scratched his own cheek now. "I can't promise much though... it just comes out of me without any chance to control it."
"I'll try not to complain either. You're only worrying because you care. I'm not used to that, as of late. Hm!"
"I'm sure your coworkers care. Their stiffness won't allow them to show it." He frowned for a second, but it went by quickly. "Now we're good, Tsuzuki can show me how he plays his song!"
"And you can give me all the pointers you have! Haha!" Tsuzuki put his watch in his coat pocket. Turning about on the bench, he started playing once again, with an even bigger smile on his face then before.
"I can do that. Starting with the fact that if you keep your fingers like that, of course, they'll be sore later!" He stood up and put his hands on top of Tsuzuki's, correcting the articulations. "Relax more..."
"Oh... Okay. Smoker showed me the other way." Tsuzuki made the mental note to correct it.
"Which is a great way once you are used to it and can play fast, your fingers won't notice" Tsuzuki corrected it with no problems, so Shuuichi went back to his seat. "That's good! Go on like that," Inspired by the music, he sang along. "God help the outcasts / The tattered and torn / Seeking an answer / To why they were born~"