State of the DDP
For those not in the know, I generally tag all the navel-gazing musings and information under a tag called ddp, which stands for Dana Development Project. That name is speedyropeguy's fault from a few years back.
Anyhoo, today I went to therapy (which I've been doing intermittently since early last summer) and was happy to note there that I've noticed some relatively small but very, very significant changes within myself in the last few months.
Dishes
I have mentioned many times how much I hate doing dishes. I would avoid them at all costs. A couple of months ago my kitchen was cleaned and since then I've been not only keeping it that way, but keeping up with my dishes consistently. I don't do them every time, but I don't let them pile up anymore. I just suddenly feel compelled to do them, rather than let them sit anymore.
Cleaning
I cleaned my apartment relatively thoroughly on Friday night and Saturday. The apartment remains clean. While I haven't done the laundry yet, it's mostly because I've been busy, rather than because I've been procrastinating. I intend to do it during the day on Saturday, and will likely take it to a laundromat since I can do more loads at once. I think I have six or so now, and I haven't put the towels in yet.
Money
I'm being very frugal and it's paying off with less financial anxiety except in the face of unexpected expenses. I'm okay for money until Monday, when I next get paid (we get paid 15th and last business day of the month, which is annoying). I'm carefully meting out every penny until the upcoming mid-month cheque in April, at which time I can get back onto my personal debt reduction plan. My taxes are in and my refund is coming to help in that endeavour. In the meantime, I'm finding ways to manage unexpected expenses and resolve temporary logistical problems. I'm definitely feeling more like I'm getting my finances under control, slowly but surely.
BENT
I've found workarounds for the hosting issue that seem to be working all right. I am excited about a scene a friend is cooking up for that night. I've been sending confirmation emails tonight and putting together the volunteer schedule. I need more DMs in general. I need a second door volunteer for the first-shift and a last-shift volunteer as well. I also need a couple more tear-down volunteers. (psssst: I'm planning on having a DM training workshop at the first BENT of the fall, in September.)
Work
Right now things are kinda quiet at work, though we're moving across the hall and getting a new phone system over the weekend. There is a lull in the number of tasks we have been given for building recruitment materials. I'm using that time to clean up a bunch of things that needed follow-up and organize some of my training materials in preparation for next week. It feels good to get things sorted out.
What I've realized recently is that I'm consistently coming into work on time. I'm leaving for work on time or just a couple minutes late consistently, so I'm predictably there by 9:05am. In fact, they've gotten used to me being on time and now remark if I'm any later than 9:15. For those who know me best, this is nothing short of a miracle that I've managed to pull off quietly in the background as other people go about their days. In general, I'm conforming a bit more closely to the corporate culture and not minding it too much since it's regularly paying my bills and for my health benefits. I think I've finally become... employable.
I realized something else that kind of startled me this week.... I've been writing, editing and critiquing resumes for 25 years. 25 YEARS!! I'm old. :P
Emotional State
During the deepest, darkest days of winter, I had some pretty crappy days of my own. Relationship stresses and drama plus financial stress, plus the shame of procrastinating on cleaning up my space and such all served to bring me down. With the recent spate of good things and and increase in recent social activity, I'm starting to break out of my funk. I'm being social all this weekend, in fact. I just spent a couple of evenings having fun with delicious folks. As the sun grows warmer, so does my state of mind. Yaaaaay!
Body
I had gained about 8-9 lbs. from late autumn to the new year. My newer clothes were feeling pretty tight, and I already got rid of most of my old larger wardrobe, so I was becoming concerned that I'd have trouble fitting my clothes again. Since then, with a combination of saving money by eating less and being careful about what nutrition I take in, I've lost what I gained again. I'm more comfortable in my body again. I'm still struggling with some aspects of self-care, but I'm getting better at being healthier.
The only thing I can't seem to explain is a general sleepiness that I'm experiencing. Given no sense of time at all, I've been able to sleep for as long as 18 hours at a stretch a couple of times in the last month. I took a sick day earlier this week because I was too tired to contemplate going into work because I was dizzy, shaky, my eyes were swollen almost shut with fatigue and was having trouble just staying awake long enough to send the email saying I wasn't coming in. The lull in work pressure made that decision much easier.
On the up-side, my skin hasn't been this clear in years.
In today's therapy we discussed how my body's tension and position. As a child I learned to be guarded, carrying my stress around my neck and shoulders and holding a posture that appears relaxed but is actually kind of collapsed in on itself. I'm not talking about the shape of my body; I'm talking about how I old my body, where tension resides and how my posture contains messages about the way it was shaped that I can now leave behind if I can become more consistently conscious of it. Now that I know how to watch for it and how to hold my body in a way that feels better and is better for me, I can improve how I feel about my body overall.
Relationships
While the recent relationship stresses have certainly been considerable, things have settled to a kind of calm for the moment, which allows me to focus on what is going well in that department. I'm still adjusting to not being a primary partner to anybody, which I'm finding challenging, but not overwhelming.
I've been offering help to some friends under stress lately. I find being able to help them sort through things very rewarding, as very little makes me happier than helping people I care about when they need it.
All in all, life is very good though finances remain a consistent stress for now.
My life?
It does not suck.
In fact, it's going pretty well, thanks!
Anyhoo, today I went to therapy (which I've been doing intermittently since early last summer) and was happy to note there that I've noticed some relatively small but very, very significant changes within myself in the last few months.
Dishes
I have mentioned many times how much I hate doing dishes. I would avoid them at all costs. A couple of months ago my kitchen was cleaned and since then I've been not only keeping it that way, but keeping up with my dishes consistently. I don't do them every time, but I don't let them pile up anymore. I just suddenly feel compelled to do them, rather than let them sit anymore.
Cleaning
I cleaned my apartment relatively thoroughly on Friday night and Saturday. The apartment remains clean. While I haven't done the laundry yet, it's mostly because I've been busy, rather than because I've been procrastinating. I intend to do it during the day on Saturday, and will likely take it to a laundromat since I can do more loads at once. I think I have six or so now, and I haven't put the towels in yet.
Money
I'm being very frugal and it's paying off with less financial anxiety except in the face of unexpected expenses. I'm okay for money until Monday, when I next get paid (we get paid 15th and last business day of the month, which is annoying). I'm carefully meting out every penny until the upcoming mid-month cheque in April, at which time I can get back onto my personal debt reduction plan. My taxes are in and my refund is coming to help in that endeavour. In the meantime, I'm finding ways to manage unexpected expenses and resolve temporary logistical problems. I'm definitely feeling more like I'm getting my finances under control, slowly but surely.
BENT
I've found workarounds for the hosting issue that seem to be working all right. I am excited about a scene a friend is cooking up for that night. I've been sending confirmation emails tonight and putting together the volunteer schedule. I need more DMs in general. I need a second door volunteer for the first-shift and a last-shift volunteer as well. I also need a couple more tear-down volunteers. (psssst: I'm planning on having a DM training workshop at the first BENT of the fall, in September.)
Work
Right now things are kinda quiet at work, though we're moving across the hall and getting a new phone system over the weekend. There is a lull in the number of tasks we have been given for building recruitment materials. I'm using that time to clean up a bunch of things that needed follow-up and organize some of my training materials in preparation for next week. It feels good to get things sorted out.
What I've realized recently is that I'm consistently coming into work on time. I'm leaving for work on time or just a couple minutes late consistently, so I'm predictably there by 9:05am. In fact, they've gotten used to me being on time and now remark if I'm any later than 9:15. For those who know me best, this is nothing short of a miracle that I've managed to pull off quietly in the background as other people go about their days. In general, I'm conforming a bit more closely to the corporate culture and not minding it too much since it's regularly paying my bills and for my health benefits. I think I've finally become... employable.
I realized something else that kind of startled me this week.... I've been writing, editing and critiquing resumes for 25 years. 25 YEARS!! I'm old. :P
Emotional State
During the deepest, darkest days of winter, I had some pretty crappy days of my own. Relationship stresses and drama plus financial stress, plus the shame of procrastinating on cleaning up my space and such all served to bring me down. With the recent spate of good things and and increase in recent social activity, I'm starting to break out of my funk. I'm being social all this weekend, in fact. I just spent a couple of evenings having fun with delicious folks. As the sun grows warmer, so does my state of mind. Yaaaaay!
Body
I had gained about 8-9 lbs. from late autumn to the new year. My newer clothes were feeling pretty tight, and I already got rid of most of my old larger wardrobe, so I was becoming concerned that I'd have trouble fitting my clothes again. Since then, with a combination of saving money by eating less and being careful about what nutrition I take in, I've lost what I gained again. I'm more comfortable in my body again. I'm still struggling with some aspects of self-care, but I'm getting better at being healthier.
The only thing I can't seem to explain is a general sleepiness that I'm experiencing. Given no sense of time at all, I've been able to sleep for as long as 18 hours at a stretch a couple of times in the last month. I took a sick day earlier this week because I was too tired to contemplate going into work because I was dizzy, shaky, my eyes were swollen almost shut with fatigue and was having trouble just staying awake long enough to send the email saying I wasn't coming in. The lull in work pressure made that decision much easier.
On the up-side, my skin hasn't been this clear in years.
In today's therapy we discussed how my body's tension and position. As a child I learned to be guarded, carrying my stress around my neck and shoulders and holding a posture that appears relaxed but is actually kind of collapsed in on itself. I'm not talking about the shape of my body; I'm talking about how I old my body, where tension resides and how my posture contains messages about the way it was shaped that I can now leave behind if I can become more consistently conscious of it. Now that I know how to watch for it and how to hold my body in a way that feels better and is better for me, I can improve how I feel about my body overall.
Relationships
While the recent relationship stresses have certainly been considerable, things have settled to a kind of calm for the moment, which allows me to focus on what is going well in that department. I'm still adjusting to not being a primary partner to anybody, which I'm finding challenging, but not overwhelming.
I've been offering help to some friends under stress lately. I find being able to help them sort through things very rewarding, as very little makes me happier than helping people I care about when they need it.
All in all, life is very good though finances remain a consistent stress for now.
My life?
It does not suck.
In fact, it's going pretty well, thanks!