Too much thinking
It's not that I haven't had anything to say here or lacked for interest in saying it. For those who engage me in conversation online, by phone and in person I'm willing to talk about where I'm at. I just feel right now that if I said what was on my mind on the prevalent subject, I'd face judgement about my process.
So, I'll just paint a general picture.
I am feeling ...
relieved.
validated.
supported.
excluded.
unvalued.
unwanted.
forgotten.
abandoned.
sad.
angry.
grieving.
isolated.
withdrawn.
drained.
I put all my energy into making one thing work that was extremely important to me, even though I increasingly feared that my energy was being wasted and unappreciated. Even though I learned a great deal of value in the process, I'm angry that the process took such a long time of hoping for the return of the happiness I'd once had until it was all but forgotten. I'm also struggling with having been punished for allowing myself to be vulnerable.
I'm determined not to take it all personally. I'm disinvesting in something that was an important part of my identity. Now that it's gone, I have to re-establish my identity. I'm finding it a day by day struggle. I know I'll get through this, but I'm not liking the process.
So, I'll just paint a general picture.
I am feeling ...
relieved.
validated.
supported.
excluded.
unvalued.
unwanted.
forgotten.
abandoned.
sad.
angry.
grieving.
isolated.
withdrawn.
drained.
I put all my energy into making one thing work that was extremely important to me, even though I increasingly feared that my energy was being wasted and unappreciated. Even though I learned a great deal of value in the process, I'm angry that the process took such a long time of hoping for the return of the happiness I'd once had until it was all but forgotten. I'm also struggling with having been punished for allowing myself to be vulnerable.
I'm determined not to take it all personally. I'm disinvesting in something that was an important part of my identity. Now that it's gone, I have to re-establish my identity. I'm finding it a day by day struggle. I know I'll get through this, but I'm not liking the process.