#1 =
i want to make an honest attempt to stop complaining. no one wants to hear that. hell, i complain about complainers.
that is definitely one of my self-actualizations lately, catalyzed a bit by jenny haare but mostly from just seeing some new perspectives for once.
: so i was on my bus the other day and there are these two girls who talk very loudly and say things like "god, my mom is such a fucking bitch" and "he's such a fucking retard!" and they are freshman and for all of these reasons, no one can tolerate them. i usually don't find it so hard because i think it's more interesting to listen to and try and figure out what kind of person the one much louder girl is. that happens to me a lot. i don't actually care what is going on in a situation because i am so intent on watching a person and trying to piece them and their mannerisms and thought processes together.
that is beside the point. so these two girls have been obnoxious for several days and thusly, people at the back of the bus have started saying loudly, "just shut UP" and "god, just stop saying 'retarded'!" and "oh my god they are so annoying! COULD YOU GUYS JUST STOP TALKING?" and it's all very depressing because then i start feeling bad for the annoying girls, who obviously care very much about what people think of them [though they are the type to deny it] because otherwise they wouldn't be talking so everyone could hear them and they wouldn't be swearing or putting safety pins in their jeans. so i just take this all in, but then i come to school and tell someone [i don't remember who] about how annoyed i am with the people who are yelling at the loud people. like "it's so AGGRAVATING why can't they just act older" and
then i step back and look at myself and realize that i am doing the exact same thing.
complaincomplainbitchwhinecomplain.
i just don't want to do it anymore.
no one wants to hear it.
now, i am quite sure that i will slip up many times and it is in human nature and all of that. but i'll try, at least.
besides this, this is NOT a complaint: i have not felt okay at all today. just...devoid of emotion, maybe. so maybe i've just felt too okay.
everything has felt wrong, and i'd like to know why.
i think one of the reasons is that i didn't honestly connect with anyone today. i guess that happens a lot lately.
but maybe it's because my day began with disappointment and my horrendous bank story which involved going up to the drive thru and not being able to roll my window down for some reason [it works NOW] and then also spilling a caramel macchiato all over my passenger seat. the caddy cannot be very happy about this, especially being my first time driving it alone. [the caddy is the car i drive, a '92 green cadillac with custom rims, haha! i'm not kidding.] so that was extremely ridiculous and i am laughing right now about just how ridiculous it was.
and so maybe my day just took a turn for the worst from there.
i don't know what i don't like about today, though. i still can't decide, at all.
it's alright, though. i'm going to get some norah jones in my system and all will be grand.
g'nite.
that is definitely one of my self-actualizations lately, catalyzed a bit by jenny haare but mostly from just seeing some new perspectives for once.
: so i was on my bus the other day and there are these two girls who talk very loudly and say things like "god, my mom is such a fucking bitch" and "he's such a fucking retard!" and they are freshman and for all of these reasons, no one can tolerate them. i usually don't find it so hard because i think it's more interesting to listen to and try and figure out what kind of person the one much louder girl is. that happens to me a lot. i don't actually care what is going on in a situation because i am so intent on watching a person and trying to piece them and their mannerisms and thought processes together.
that is beside the point. so these two girls have been obnoxious for several days and thusly, people at the back of the bus have started saying loudly, "just shut UP" and "god, just stop saying 'retarded'!" and "oh my god they are so annoying! COULD YOU GUYS JUST STOP TALKING?" and it's all very depressing because then i start feeling bad for the annoying girls, who obviously care very much about what people think of them [though they are the type to deny it] because otherwise they wouldn't be talking so everyone could hear them and they wouldn't be swearing or putting safety pins in their jeans. so i just take this all in, but then i come to school and tell someone [i don't remember who] about how annoyed i am with the people who are yelling at the loud people. like "it's so AGGRAVATING why can't they just act older" and
then i step back and look at myself and realize that i am doing the exact same thing.
complaincomplainbitchwhinecomplain.
i just don't want to do it anymore.
no one wants to hear it.
now, i am quite sure that i will slip up many times and it is in human nature and all of that. but i'll try, at least.
besides this, this is NOT a complaint: i have not felt okay at all today. just...devoid of emotion, maybe. so maybe i've just felt too okay.
everything has felt wrong, and i'd like to know why.
i think one of the reasons is that i didn't honestly connect with anyone today. i guess that happens a lot lately.
but maybe it's because my day began with disappointment and my horrendous bank story which involved going up to the drive thru and not being able to roll my window down for some reason [it works NOW] and then also spilling a caramel macchiato all over my passenger seat. the caddy cannot be very happy about this, especially being my first time driving it alone. [the caddy is the car i drive, a '92 green cadillac with custom rims, haha! i'm not kidding.] so that was extremely ridiculous and i am laughing right now about just how ridiculous it was.
and so maybe my day just took a turn for the worst from there.
i don't know what i don't like about today, though. i still can't decide, at all.
it's alright, though. i'm going to get some norah jones in my system and all will be grand.
g'nite.