The 2nd Chapter
This is the 2nd chapter to the installment of this little story I am writing about.
2) FINDING A WAY TO SEIZE THE DAY
So it seems that I am no longer in control of my own destiny, but I know that talk such as that must mean that I have lost control of this is entire situation and I guess i'm not the one to save you. If not me then who? I must ask who will find you and who will be there for you to pick you up out of the shadows. " It is I said the little boy", screaming out from under that core. Buried beneath of all the things he has lost, though he tried to cover up the innocence in his life it would never leave him. All decisions that he has made up to this point has made him the man he will become the rest of his life. " What does that mean he wonders"? What is life while your alone? Who will steal my heart and who's will I own?
Walking up and down a street in her home town he reaches into his mind to try and figure out question such as these but the only answer he could make out is that his heart his lying open and any one could come and sqeeze the life out of him. He is wandering alone and he is vulnerable to any attack that the enenmy would throw at him. Growing up he was made to believe that true love would never last and all you will ever remember is the past. Those memories of the sins you committed will haunt you forever and no matter how many times you may say never they still will kill you every time you try to rest, but deep down you know it should not get the best of you.
I visit her favorite old places and I talk to her favorite old faces but none seem to get me closer to her. Oh if I could only see her for a second, that second would definetely last a life-time. It would turn from seconds to hours and hours to years. Time as we know it would stop and every minute would be like we first met. Reaching close into each other eyes, taking breaths and sighs to keep ourselves from losing control that very moment. If I could keep it I would frame it and hold it. Too bad that its only wishful thinking for now because my frame has been empty for time and writing is completely useless now, I cannot even rhyme. To try to put such perfect words together is nothing when you have nothing to write about and it seems that you cannot even whisper, all you can do is scream and shout. You can only hope and dream that the lost will find their way back home. They'll sit in their favorite chair and laughs about times they said they never cared. It used to make me mad when she would change the channel to a chick flick, but if I only she could hold the remote once more I would ask her to change it to her favorite channel and quick. Such memories seem to bring me happiness and sorrow because I can reflect on the good times when outside would the wind would blow and nothing you could hear except the wind chymes. Also I have nothing to think about that she left and she's out on her own, but I cannot give up on her because I promised I would follow even though she may be hollow. She did not even leave me a clue and most importantly there was no note. The times fill though as I flip through the pages of the things she wrote. I can cry and I can laugh but I need no questions of why. All I know is that my love is out in this cruel world alone and sleeping in the gutters trying to make it through the night and I cannot worry about why or how I will find her, I just know that I must fight.
They say that if you love something then let it go and my only reply to that statement is no. No I will not let her go because she never wanted to leave, she was torned away from me and I plan on making everyone see that she is without a doubt the one for me. If I have to lose part of myself to find her then I will because no one could ever make my heart spill like she did and I will not get rid of these memories. Burning the pictures and the letters only makes it worse and it would only make me wish that I would die right in frot of a funeral home so they wouldn't need a hearse. No gas money for them to pick my body off the ground, no search will need to be filed because they know where I am and they know where I can be found. If anything I would die next to her. Along the city we die in the street and the last voice she'll her is we'll meet again, in the after-life or the next life.
Another day passes and still no sign and much to the dissapointment of others I do not mind. I know one day a sign will come and a voice I will hear. It will say, " sweetie i'm lost and alone and I need you like i've always had, I lost sight of myself and the love we shared, but just to let you know and wipe the tears from your eyes, I have always cared".
I have not moved on and I never will give up for I cannot leave him. Seems to me that the fog has thickened and to see anything is all a blur. How can there be so much fog on a day like this. It is such a beautiful day that no one would dare miss. He will miss it cause he cannot enjoy a day of such grace without the touch of my skin and the look on my face as we lay in the sun forever, or so it seems.
I can only remember the time when we would lay in the freezing cold air of decemeber and kiss the purple lips of each other as we would warm up against each other and feel no more numbness. Now thats all I can think about, just a touch would give me so much bliss that I would never miss the sight of you again. Those eyes that seemed to pierce through my soul and you could view it all. An invisible hole that only he could penetrate and only he could use me as bait. Oh how he would set me up to fall, but only to catch me before I hit the floor and I can never understand how easily he patched up the sore. Like it never happened, he would rip me apart but only to sew me back up again. Only to soak all the things I hide in and he would always whisper in my ear that we would win. "One day my dear sweet princess we will have it all, you'll be a queen and i'll be your darling king and all the transgressions will be swept clean.
Now all I can dream is that one day that will come true. Even if my queen has scars to show deep down i'll always know that I love her. Anyway, it is not the outside that makes the person but the in and I remember how my heart was streched so thin and she would quickly open it back up and allow me to love her all over again. I have seen her heart and how she heals and all I want to know now is how she feels? Does she still write the things she used to write and when people are in her way does she make a stand, does she fight? Looks like i'll have to wait to get these questions answered when I hug her once more and years after that and I know that finding her is no fantasy of mine, it is a fact. If this be a lie to give it all away to find her then I plan of making this so-called lie the truth and all will know that true love survives, it never just dies.
2) FINDING A WAY TO SEIZE THE DAY
So it seems that I am no longer in control of my own destiny, but I know that talk such as that must mean that I have lost control of this is entire situation and I guess i'm not the one to save you. If not me then who? I must ask who will find you and who will be there for you to pick you up out of the shadows. " It is I said the little boy", screaming out from under that core. Buried beneath of all the things he has lost, though he tried to cover up the innocence in his life it would never leave him. All decisions that he has made up to this point has made him the man he will become the rest of his life. " What does that mean he wonders"? What is life while your alone? Who will steal my heart and who's will I own?
Walking up and down a street in her home town he reaches into his mind to try and figure out question such as these but the only answer he could make out is that his heart his lying open and any one could come and sqeeze the life out of him. He is wandering alone and he is vulnerable to any attack that the enenmy would throw at him. Growing up he was made to believe that true love would never last and all you will ever remember is the past. Those memories of the sins you committed will haunt you forever and no matter how many times you may say never they still will kill you every time you try to rest, but deep down you know it should not get the best of you.
I visit her favorite old places and I talk to her favorite old faces but none seem to get me closer to her. Oh if I could only see her for a second, that second would definetely last a life-time. It would turn from seconds to hours and hours to years. Time as we know it would stop and every minute would be like we first met. Reaching close into each other eyes, taking breaths and sighs to keep ourselves from losing control that very moment. If I could keep it I would frame it and hold it. Too bad that its only wishful thinking for now because my frame has been empty for time and writing is completely useless now, I cannot even rhyme. To try to put such perfect words together is nothing when you have nothing to write about and it seems that you cannot even whisper, all you can do is scream and shout. You can only hope and dream that the lost will find their way back home. They'll sit in their favorite chair and laughs about times they said they never cared. It used to make me mad when she would change the channel to a chick flick, but if I only she could hold the remote once more I would ask her to change it to her favorite channel and quick. Such memories seem to bring me happiness and sorrow because I can reflect on the good times when outside would the wind would blow and nothing you could hear except the wind chymes. Also I have nothing to think about that she left and she's out on her own, but I cannot give up on her because I promised I would follow even though she may be hollow. She did not even leave me a clue and most importantly there was no note. The times fill though as I flip through the pages of the things she wrote. I can cry and I can laugh but I need no questions of why. All I know is that my love is out in this cruel world alone and sleeping in the gutters trying to make it through the night and I cannot worry about why or how I will find her, I just know that I must fight.
They say that if you love something then let it go and my only reply to that statement is no. No I will not let her go because she never wanted to leave, she was torned away from me and I plan on making everyone see that she is without a doubt the one for me. If I have to lose part of myself to find her then I will because no one could ever make my heart spill like she did and I will not get rid of these memories. Burning the pictures and the letters only makes it worse and it would only make me wish that I would die right in frot of a funeral home so they wouldn't need a hearse. No gas money for them to pick my body off the ground, no search will need to be filed because they know where I am and they know where I can be found. If anything I would die next to her. Along the city we die in the street and the last voice she'll her is we'll meet again, in the after-life or the next life.
Another day passes and still no sign and much to the dissapointment of others I do not mind. I know one day a sign will come and a voice I will hear. It will say, " sweetie i'm lost and alone and I need you like i've always had, I lost sight of myself and the love we shared, but just to let you know and wipe the tears from your eyes, I have always cared".
I have not moved on and I never will give up for I cannot leave him. Seems to me that the fog has thickened and to see anything is all a blur. How can there be so much fog on a day like this. It is such a beautiful day that no one would dare miss. He will miss it cause he cannot enjoy a day of such grace without the touch of my skin and the look on my face as we lay in the sun forever, or so it seems.
I can only remember the time when we would lay in the freezing cold air of decemeber and kiss the purple lips of each other as we would warm up against each other and feel no more numbness. Now thats all I can think about, just a touch would give me so much bliss that I would never miss the sight of you again. Those eyes that seemed to pierce through my soul and you could view it all. An invisible hole that only he could penetrate and only he could use me as bait. Oh how he would set me up to fall, but only to catch me before I hit the floor and I can never understand how easily he patched up the sore. Like it never happened, he would rip me apart but only to sew me back up again. Only to soak all the things I hide in and he would always whisper in my ear that we would win. "One day my dear sweet princess we will have it all, you'll be a queen and i'll be your darling king and all the transgressions will be swept clean.
Now all I can dream is that one day that will come true. Even if my queen has scars to show deep down i'll always know that I love her. Anyway, it is not the outside that makes the person but the in and I remember how my heart was streched so thin and she would quickly open it back up and allow me to love her all over again. I have seen her heart and how she heals and all I want to know now is how she feels? Does she still write the things she used to write and when people are in her way does she make a stand, does she fight? Looks like i'll have to wait to get these questions answered when I hug her once more and years after that and I know that finding her is no fantasy of mine, it is a fact. If this be a lie to give it all away to find her then I plan of making this so-called lie the truth and all will know that true love survives, it never just dies.