Sexiest Man Alive '06
People magazine's annual Sexiest Man Alive title was bestowed upon George Clooney this year. Additionally, the issue named off the usual sexy suspects: your Pitt, your Dempsey (by the way, I just can't for the life of me figure out what's attractive about this man or his crappy show), your Depp, your Timberlake, and so on. The inclusion of John Krasinski and Tim Gunn was nice, but the rest was incredibly typical and uninteresting.
What's newsworthy about all this?
According to People, Stephen Colbert is one of the sexiest men alive. Stephen Colbert, American Hero, has officially been declared sexy by the mainstream media! Yes, this was the sole reason I bought People... on the day it came out. There's a darling picture of Stephen sucking on a pen, and he wrote a thing for the magazine:
MEN WITH GLASSES
by Stephen Colbert
I am sexy. This isn't ego talking: PEOPLE magazine says I'm sexy, and I accept that. Who am I to argue? I'm just a person. They're PEOPLE.
I'm sure some of my sexiness I was simply born with, but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't cultivate it. Take my glasses. They are utterly unnecessary. I was born with perfect vision. Eyes of an eagle. But authority is sexy, and nothing bestows a sense that you know what you're talking about like specs. And boy, do women respond! How do you think Henry Kissinger landed Candice Bergen? It wasn't the secret bombing. How did Salman Rushdie get that exotic dish who hosts Top Chef? It wasn't the heresy. It was the glasses.
Of course, putting on a pair of glasses simply for that sexy air of authority would be a lie, and I am not a liar. So six years ago I had Lasik to make me nearsighted. Now I can wear my erotically corrective lenses with a clean conscience.
Best part: Every time I see a guy wearing a monocle, I know I'm twice as sexy as he is.
Note: Glasses can make the ladies sexy as well, but only as they are taken off, followed by a slow-motion shake of the head to let her hair down out of that librarian bun.
A related article at Salon.com contains a squishy bit of love for Mr. Colbert: "From the prankish, mismatched ears to the cowlick that stands up no matter how much he gels his hair, he looks like he just can't contain himself. That slightly feminine face in perpetual motion -- eyebrows up, lips curled, eyes alight with a crazy joy that every once in a while seems to break character, for a split-second of intimacy, to say (only to me?): Yes, I know how hilarious this is!"
But the way to a girl's heart is through the brain, and maybe you aren't familiar with that Colbert genius. Watch these defining Colbert moments: his breakdown after the Democratic midterm victory ("Tastes like surrender!") and an interview with a Republican congressman about the Ten Commandments.
Stephen Colbert reached legendary status when he was invited to speak at the White House Correspondents' Dinner a few months ago, and brutally and fearlessly mocked the President with Bush sitting three feet away. Historical accounts of the event will refer to this as "uber pwnage": Part 1; Part 2; Part 3. Note the way Laura Bush would not shake Stephen's hand after his speech.
Brains, wit, and those uncompromising guts... that's insanely hot.
On a final note, I've been watching reruns of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, because there's little else on TV Sunday afternoons. The episode that came on while I was typing this entry featured Mr. Colbert as the bad guy. Nice timing!
What's newsworthy about all this?
According to People, Stephen Colbert is one of the sexiest men alive. Stephen Colbert, American Hero, has officially been declared sexy by the mainstream media! Yes, this was the sole reason I bought People... on the day it came out. There's a darling picture of Stephen sucking on a pen, and he wrote a thing for the magazine:
MEN WITH GLASSES
by Stephen Colbert
I am sexy. This isn't ego talking: PEOPLE magazine says I'm sexy, and I accept that. Who am I to argue? I'm just a person. They're PEOPLE.
I'm sure some of my sexiness I was simply born with, but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't cultivate it. Take my glasses. They are utterly unnecessary. I was born with perfect vision. Eyes of an eagle. But authority is sexy, and nothing bestows a sense that you know what you're talking about like specs. And boy, do women respond! How do you think Henry Kissinger landed Candice Bergen? It wasn't the secret bombing. How did Salman Rushdie get that exotic dish who hosts Top Chef? It wasn't the heresy. It was the glasses.
Of course, putting on a pair of glasses simply for that sexy air of authority would be a lie, and I am not a liar. So six years ago I had Lasik to make me nearsighted. Now I can wear my erotically corrective lenses with a clean conscience.
Best part: Every time I see a guy wearing a monocle, I know I'm twice as sexy as he is.
Note: Glasses can make the ladies sexy as well, but only as they are taken off, followed by a slow-motion shake of the head to let her hair down out of that librarian bun.
A related article at Salon.com contains a squishy bit of love for Mr. Colbert: "From the prankish, mismatched ears to the cowlick that stands up no matter how much he gels his hair, he looks like he just can't contain himself. That slightly feminine face in perpetual motion -- eyebrows up, lips curled, eyes alight with a crazy joy that every once in a while seems to break character, for a split-second of intimacy, to say (only to me?): Yes, I know how hilarious this is!"
But the way to a girl's heart is through the brain, and maybe you aren't familiar with that Colbert genius. Watch these defining Colbert moments: his breakdown after the Democratic midterm victory ("Tastes like surrender!") and an interview with a Republican congressman about the Ten Commandments.
Stephen Colbert reached legendary status when he was invited to speak at the White House Correspondents' Dinner a few months ago, and brutally and fearlessly mocked the President with Bush sitting three feet away. Historical accounts of the event will refer to this as "uber pwnage": Part 1; Part 2; Part 3. Note the way Laura Bush would not shake Stephen's hand after his speech.
Brains, wit, and those uncompromising guts... that's insanely hot.
On a final note, I've been watching reruns of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, because there's little else on TV Sunday afternoons. The episode that came on while I was typing this entry featured Mr. Colbert as the bad guy. Nice timing!