Is it possible to have so much Craziness?!!
So life is fucking insane! If i were to explain whether my day has been good or bad i would have no idea where to start. Or how to describe with such a simplistic phrase. THere's been good, and there's been awful, and there's been tolerable. I feel like spazzing out on everyone, or just crying, or just sitting quietly and smiling, all at the same time. I didn't take my medicine today, and that's probabley the reason. I have WAY too much on my plate, but as my therapist says, that's my M.O. Apparently, we've figured out (which i doubt will be news to anyone) that because i've had so much crazy uncontrolable drama in the last 20 years of my life, when there isn't any drama, i tend to make it without meaning to, just to feel like my life is normal. How fucked up is that, honestly? lol. But it's true, however bad that is. I'm starting to be able to be quiet more though, and kind of reflect before i speak. ALthough sometimes my mouth gets the best of me, but I"m also getting tested for ADD and hopefully getting on some Ritalin or Adarall soon, which will make me more quiet. (You're all going THANK GOD! i know.. it's ok) I've basically just become kind of cold to everything. I leave for Germany soon, and i've been thinking a lot about what if i just don't come back? What if it's one of those experiences where i love it so much, i meet an amazing artist German/French/or Italian man (or woman) and just decide that i'm going to be a bohemian vagabond for a few years? OF course i would get absolutly NO support from my family, or my friends, and i'd have to give Rice away... all very big negative things, but it's kinda fun to get away in my mind and think about it sometimes. In my milton class we've been talking about a very interesting concept that I wanted to quickly share with everyone who in my mind reads this but really doesn't: "It is in the mind that can make a hell out of heaven; a heaven out of hell". That's quoted by Satan in "Paradise Lost". Ya'll should check out just his soliquey sometime. hehe. DOn't bother with the whole thing. (omg, i'd sooooo get kicked out of class and Robinson's graces for saying that!). But anyway, i have to go make my last rounds of the night, then tie up the loose ends for the democratic council member campaign lecture that i put together in the last 24 hours, and hopefully the snow will cancel school tomorrow, omg, i'd be sooo stoked if that were to happen. And even better if it were canceled on Wed. lol. ANyways.. gotta jet. Love ya all!