Musings?
French cheese isn't something I approach without fear. Many of them suffer from one or both of the cheese flavors I can't stand. The classic 'bleu' cheese and it's relatives taste moldy... like green fuzzy bread with butter on it. The other is the flavor in the soft cheeses like brie or neufchatel. It takes like milk a few days too old to drink. I think it is trace amounts of buteryic acid that I'm tasting. On the other hand, the semi-soft cheeses like gruyere are delicious. Which is why I go back to the roulette table. Now if I can only get people to stop making that horrific cream cheese frosting for carrot cake.
I'm trying to get a camping trip in before the season gets too late. I like going someplace for my birthday, and the desert calls to me sometimes. I don't know if it is a sort of synesthesia, but space/motion and sound seem closely tied in my brain and I often describe my experience of the Mojave in musical terms. It seems to vibrate, a rich almost bell-like tone that doesn't fade and echoes the vastness around me and persists when I close my eyes. Oddly, the experience of being on a boat out in the Catalina Channel is very similar.
I am still perplexed at some of this last year's events... things I cannot explain or understand tend to haunt me. I either can't ask the people involved or they simply won't speak to me. Its like a nagging wound that won't heal. Maybe I deserve the pain, but pain serves a purpose. If I never know why, I can never learn. If I can't learn, I may make the same error again. All this currently has to teach is that I need to be fearful about who I let in to my confidence. It tells me I should lie to people and hide myself away behind a smile. It says I should go back to being miserable, lonely, angry and bitter. There is, of course, only one proper answer: Fuck that. Been there, done that, got the god damn T-shirt. But it still hurts. It still haunts me. It will probably be a pain I'll have for the rest of my life. And I still won't know why.
Ain't I a fucking ray of sunshine?
I'm trying to get a camping trip in before the season gets too late. I like going someplace for my birthday, and the desert calls to me sometimes. I don't know if it is a sort of synesthesia, but space/motion and sound seem closely tied in my brain and I often describe my experience of the Mojave in musical terms. It seems to vibrate, a rich almost bell-like tone that doesn't fade and echoes the vastness around me and persists when I close my eyes. Oddly, the experience of being on a boat out in the Catalina Channel is very similar.
I am still perplexed at some of this last year's events... things I cannot explain or understand tend to haunt me. I either can't ask the people involved or they simply won't speak to me. Its like a nagging wound that won't heal. Maybe I deserve the pain, but pain serves a purpose. If I never know why, I can never learn. If I can't learn, I may make the same error again. All this currently has to teach is that I need to be fearful about who I let in to my confidence. It tells me I should lie to people and hide myself away behind a smile. It says I should go back to being miserable, lonely, angry and bitter. There is, of course, only one proper answer: Fuck that. Been there, done that, got the god damn T-shirt. But it still hurts. It still haunts me. It will probably be a pain I'll have for the rest of my life. And I still won't know why.
Ain't I a fucking ray of sunshine?