(no subject)
This is killing me. He said he wouldn't miss me. He said not to think about hurting him. But how can I not think about hurting him? Gah... I can't stand to see hi so upset, but there's just nothing I can do about it.
This makes me wonder though... how much Justin ever cared about me. I see Jorge hurting, and I want to hurt myself. I want to take all of his pain away, and hold him, and promise him that everything will be okay. But nothing I say seems to matter. Nothing to do. The only thing that will fix this is me going back to him... and I can't do that. I have to think of me. I can't be with someone who makes me want to hurt myself. And it's not fair to him that I'm keeping him from finding someone that will love him, and be right for him.
Ren is Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. He let Ace hump him and lick his personal areas, but when Ace tried to kiss him Ren snapped. I guess kissing is just too personal for Ren.
Ren didn't like Greg. I find that understandable. I wasn't particularly fond of Greg either. Ren didn't like Ace, either. Also understandable.
Sold my rat cage. $75 in my pocket. Plus the $75 from All State.
I have to go back to Financial aid tomorrow. I forgot to account for the summer months in my total. You get 9 months off from school because you have to start paying back your loans. If classes end December 10, and I won't start again until sometime in August... that's 9 months. Maybe I would have to take a summer class at UF. But I already applied for the Fall... not the summer. Erg!! Maybe if I take a class as CFCC? I'll just talk to Financial Aid and figure it out afterwards.
I don't know if that check is good or not. If you try and deposit a bad check, do you get fined? I guess I'll go to the bank tomorrow, too.
It makes me sad that I will probably never see Jewish Jason or Jonny Sanchez again.
It also makes me sad that Justin didn't e-mail me back. and when I asked him, all he said was, "I didn't feel like replying." And I said, "Okay... so what does that mean?" And he said, "I dunno." I can never get a straight answer from that boy. I should really just give up. But I can't.
I want to stay friends with Jorge. I don't think he feels the same way.
Once again, I don't know where I'm sleeping tonight. I don't think he needs me in his bed.
I want to get a tattoo. Who wants to go with me? Maybe I will talk Debby into going with me.
I should go to Walmart already. My stomach hurts... and I think I'm going to throw up.
God this sucks. Breaking up was supposed to make things better for me. Just shows what everyone else DOESN'T know.
Good thing I've grown beyond calling my friends in the middle of the night to keep from cutting myself open.
This makes me wonder though... how much Justin ever cared about me. I see Jorge hurting, and I want to hurt myself. I want to take all of his pain away, and hold him, and promise him that everything will be okay. But nothing I say seems to matter. Nothing to do. The only thing that will fix this is me going back to him... and I can't do that. I have to think of me. I can't be with someone who makes me want to hurt myself. And it's not fair to him that I'm keeping him from finding someone that will love him, and be right for him.
Ren is Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. He let Ace hump him and lick his personal areas, but when Ace tried to kiss him Ren snapped. I guess kissing is just too personal for Ren.
Ren didn't like Greg. I find that understandable. I wasn't particularly fond of Greg either. Ren didn't like Ace, either. Also understandable.
Sold my rat cage. $75 in my pocket. Plus the $75 from All State.
I have to go back to Financial aid tomorrow. I forgot to account for the summer months in my total. You get 9 months off from school because you have to start paying back your loans. If classes end December 10, and I won't start again until sometime in August... that's 9 months. Maybe I would have to take a summer class at UF. But I already applied for the Fall... not the summer. Erg!! Maybe if I take a class as CFCC? I'll just talk to Financial Aid and figure it out afterwards.
I don't know if that check is good or not. If you try and deposit a bad check, do you get fined? I guess I'll go to the bank tomorrow, too.
It makes me sad that I will probably never see Jewish Jason or Jonny Sanchez again.
It also makes me sad that Justin didn't e-mail me back. and when I asked him, all he said was, "I didn't feel like replying." And I said, "Okay... so what does that mean?" And he said, "I dunno." I can never get a straight answer from that boy. I should really just give up. But I can't.
I want to stay friends with Jorge. I don't think he feels the same way.
Once again, I don't know where I'm sleeping tonight. I don't think he needs me in his bed.
I want to get a tattoo. Who wants to go with me? Maybe I will talk Debby into going with me.
I should go to Walmart already. My stomach hurts... and I think I'm going to throw up.
God this sucks. Breaking up was supposed to make things better for me. Just shows what everyone else DOESN'T know.
Good thing I've grown beyond calling my friends in the middle of the night to keep from cutting myself open.