My bed is cold
I know that sex isnt everything... I know myself though and I feel like when the sex dies down than the relationship is dead... I dont want to come off as needy but I have almost next to no clue about how to be sexy. I just dont.... I feel like either I am sexy or I'm not... There isnt really a middle ground... The longer sex is neglected in a relationship then I feel like its because the other person doesnt want to any longer and then that makes me cling harder... I dont want to be clingy... I am afraid of driving others way and every time he doesnt want to be physical with me wither sex or otherwise it feels like I'm being rejected all over again and thats a hard pill to swallow. I guess I just want to feel desired and sexy and wanted by the person that I feel all that for. I'm not sure how to step back and just let it go and move forward. I dont want to loose him... I want to get back to where we used to be... When we were happy and I was well as empty as it sounds getting laid... How does a woman attract a man? Its baffling to me... I feel like it shouldnt be hard and that there shouldnt be some kind of trick involved... I feel like it should just be something that happens. That the spark needs to be there... I just want that damned spark... I crave it so badly that it never comes... It feels like I'm trapped in the old addage of a watched pot never boils... I dont consider myself to be the average female... I dont demand presents or for him to shower me with all kinds of attention or sexual longing... I dont beg to be told I'm pretty or that he abandon his friends or do anything crazy like get me tatooed across his chest to show that he's devoted... All I want is to be sexy and desired by the one person who I want to feel that from. Ah well alass either it will happen or it wont we will certainly see. I suppose he claims that when his new schedule comes out that things will be better again and that he will have time for me and less stress on his shoulders.. I want to beleive it I really really do... I guess I just have to decide if its worth waiting or not... As much as it pains me to be in this position again but I have to admit I love someone again who does not and probably will never love me.