Fanfic- Steps to Love 1/13: Prologue
Title- Steps to Love 1/13: Prologue
Fandom- Star Trek XI
Ship- Spock/Kirk
Chapter Rating- PG-13
Overall Rating- PG-13 thru NC-17, maybe
Genre- slash, romance, drama
Warnings- none
Wordcount- 23000 (total)
Disclaimer- I do not own Star Trek
Chapter Summary- Spock contemplates how his feelings for Kirk have evolved since their first meeting, and considers what he will do next.
Overall Summery- Spock enlists McCoy's assistance in wooing one Captain James T. Kirk.
A/N- Inspired by ragdoll987 's Bragging Rights and Veggie Girl 's In Another Life and, more specifically, it's sequal, Tomorrow. Both of these lovely stories center around Kirk realizing his affections for Spock and figuring out how to pursue him, with it being revealed at the end that Spock had realized before Kirk that he liked him, and asked McCoy to help get him. This is the reversal, only with an original premise. Obviously. Aslo, betaed by the wonderful cozibizzle!
*** Master Post *** Next Chapter ***
Starfleet Commander Spock had first become aware of one Cadet James T. Kirk during the Kobiyashi Maru test. Running the test had long since become routine, even dull. Spock had seen every tactic that test-takers employed, several times over. So there was nothing unusual about this particular incidence, save perhaps the fact that the ‘captain’ had already taken it twice before. It was not something Spock had considered in depth at the time, as his being accustomed to proctoring the test had caused him to cease in contemplating the unique aspects of each crew. They all employed the same strategies, in the end.
In retrospect, he should have known that a cadet taking the test three times was note-worthy. Such obstinacy, though he had not perceived it at the time, marked a resolve and tenacity of will that were to be admired. Though when Spock had discovered that the person possessing these qualities had somehow beaten his test, it certainly wasn’t admiration he had felt.
No, it was indignation that Spock had felt, insofar as Vulcans could be said to feel anything. He was righteously angry that someone had cheated on his test, embarrassed that he had not noticed it, and offended that Starfleet hadn’t thrown the young man out on the spot. In short, his pride was wounded.
And like a wounded animal, Spock had struck out at the young man, in the most effective way possible. It had not been entirely honorable to bring Kirk’s father into the argument. It was, as humans say, a ‘low blow.’ He had learned for himself just how low when Kirk had employed the same tactic to reveal that he was emotionally compromised.
In the ensuing battle, there had been many times that Spock had gone so far as to doubt Kirk’s sanity. But the man’s courage could never be scrutinized. The battle onboard the Narada had vastly changed Spock’s opinion of the young man. Rather than a ‘cheater,’ he had come to see that Kirk would use any method, however unconventional or even seemingly dishonorable, if it meant keeping his crew and the innocent inhabitants of other planets safe.
In all honesty, even without the prompting of his future self, Spock had wanted to get closer to Kirk. The man’s mind worked in a way that was utterly perpendicular to everything Spock had ever known. And yet, he couldn’t deny the effectiveness of that thought process. He wanted to learn how the man thought, how he came to the conclusions he did.
Spock had not believed that Starfleet would give James Kirk command of a starship. The young man had yet to even graduate from Starfleet Academy, let alone hold any of the several subordinate ranks most captains had worked through before attaining their positions. No, Spock had imagined that getting close to Kirk would mean humbling himself and speaking to him between classes at the Academy. He anticipated it with some chagrin, but was nevertheless determined to go through with it.
When Starfleet had given Kirk the position of Captain of the Enterprise -most likely to show the citizens of Earth and other planets that they were properly rewarding the Cadets who had saved Earth- Spock had, most illogically, immediately desired to take up the position he was offered as First Officer. Afterwards, however, he had considered his position in more depth. His planet was destroyed, with billions dead and several thousand without a home. Though his father was an ambassador, Spock had spent more time with humans, and he had authority from his position at Starfleet Academy and as one of the heroes of the Narada battle. He would have been a great asset to the Vulcan people, in negotiating with Starfleet to find a new planet for the survivors.
This was where the advice of his future self had begun to influence him. The friendship he had promised was to be life-changing, one that would define them both. Spock already desired to know Kirk, but if their friendship was to be so important to both of them, how could he let it slip by? There were others to serve as Ambassadors for Vulcan, including his own future self. He was, if he could say as much, leaving his people in capable hands. If Spock himself could be with them, then he should not feel any guilt over acting selfishly.
So it was settled. His older self would assist the people of Vulcan in finding a new home, and he would serve on the Enterprise, using his free time to get closer to his new Captain.
In planning, it had been perfect. In practice, much less so. Spock had no idea of how to approach the man he had contended with on so many occasions. He had no idea what Kirk though of him, whether seeing him as a potential friend, simply another member of his crew, or even a rival. Moreover, Spock had very little experience in social situations. It was one thing to want to become friends with Kirk. It was quite another to actually approach him and talk with him.
So Spock had simply waited, observing the Captain as he did. What he awaited, he did not know. Perhaps he hoped Kirk would make the first move. It would certainly remove some of the pressure from him if he did. But so far Kirk had treated Spock as he would any other member of his crew of hundreds. Spock was forced to wonder if he hadn’t made a mistake in this. Was a possible friendship worth embarrassing himself by approaching someone so socially adept with his own awkward and fumbling social skills? Or should he simply put an end to this endeavor and go about his duties as First Officer?
Such was the position in which Spock currently found himself, as he lay on his bed weighing the pros and cons of his current endeavor. His internal debate had come to an impasse. To watch Kirk and try, every time he saw the man, to gather up the courage necessary to approach him, only to have his opening cut off before he could actually make a move, was tiresome, and yielded very little. He was beginning to wonder how long he could continue like this, before the mental and emotional toll began affecting his work.
Unable to make a logical argument either way, he summoned up a mental image of Kirk -Jim, as he’d been told to call him on 37 occasions in the past two months. The image was of Jim’s face in his characteristic grin, the one he always wore when speaking to his fellow crew members when off duty. Spock wished that the grin would be directed towards him. Whenever Spock did manage to speak with him, whether they were on duty or off, it was always about work, and Jim was always entirely serious.
Spock indulged in a brief moment of illogicality, and allowed himself to imagine Jim’s warm smile directed towards him. Perhaps he had just said something to amuse the Captain, or perhaps Jim had said something clever and was awaiting his response. Either way, the thought of that grin, just for him, made a strange but not unpleasant warmth spread through Spock’s body. Intrigued, he took his fantasy a step further.
He pictured the two of them in Kirk’s private rooms. He had never had the occasion to enter them as yet, but he imagined they would be similar to his own, if a bit more spacious. He pictured them seated together on a long, low couch like the one in his own chambers, talking comfortably. It was surprising to Spock, how easily his mind formed the image of him speaking to a man he’d had so much difficulty approaching in reality.
The mental conversation took a sudden and unintended shift. Rather than being seated at the other end of the couch, Kirk was suddenly next to him, leaning in close enough for Spock to feel the other man’s breath against his skin as he whispered something indistinct in a low voice.
Spock shot up in bed, the mental image shattered. He was aware of a stirring in his groin, and his breath was coming in heavy gasps. His body felt more heated than usual and his heart rate had increased by 37%. Spock sat on his bed, body slumped forward and hands pressed over his face as he struggled to push the images and sensations from his mind. They resurfaced again and again, always something different. Sometimes the image of Jim’s usual grin twisted into a smirk. Other times the feeling of warm breath against his face or neck, or the sound of a husky voice whispering indecipherable things. This was most disturbing.
When he had managed to force these things from his mind entirely, Spock employed his Vulcan training to calm his body and his mind, so that he could consider what had happened. The change in his mental conversation with the Captain had not been intentional. His inability to control it troubled him greatly, but that lapse in control seemed to have brought to the forefront of his mind something that had hitherto remained on a subconscious level. Although it was something he had never consciously considered, the actions of his subconscious mind and body were undeniable evidence: he was sexually attracted to James T. Kirk.
*** Master Post *** Next Chapter ***