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so. i have no idea where i plan on going with this entry. so i guess i'll just talk? yeah thats usually a good way to start something off.
((i figured out how to single space on xanga!! woooo i just dont feel like it lol))
well im sicker than a fucking animal. i think its a mix of getting what my mom had and worrying/stressing myself to the point of literal sickness. i dont know. i worry about everything.
i've also been really pissed off lately. lots of things have been getting to me. especially this whole sherri situation with mallory and dan. really if the 2 of you said anything please stop being cowards and admit to it. its really not worth it to lie when im going to find out anyway. well i cant say that for dan really cuz he admited to saying shit. but i just dont know whos lying to me anymore. in all honesty i dont really care. most of the people in wantagh are meaningless to me. i just hate that im being lied to. straight to my face. "oh i care about you" yeah right..thats why you said this and that to this person? whatever you can all go kill yourselves. in fact i'll supply the sharp object and i'll even talk you through it.
i have this pure hatred towards certain individuals in my school. i could list names but wouldnt that be wrong??? haha.
*sigh* so csi triggered awful dreams last night. which for some strange reason i managed to sleep through. i think i was just too sick to wake up. but it made me angry. because it put the picture and the image of someone i love going through that all over again. and then it made me think..what if it had gone as far as it did in the show? what if it happens to someone else. what if what if what if.
thats been a big question in my head recently. what if. what if i had done things differently in my life. what the hell would i be like? what if i wasnt so insecure about my body. what if i had never participated in dangerous addictions. what if i had never been in several VERY uncomfortable situations. what if i had never found the 4 people who keep me strong. what would i be like? what would i do? would i still be walked on? tormented, betrayed? yes....i would. no one escapes that.
i've been thinking alot about past events and how many of them i have truely let go of. there are several i still hold on to. and for what? all it does it hurt me to think about. but for some reason i just cant let go of them until i find closure. there are alot of things i have attained closure on. but still so much left. there are still so many things i want to say to so many people and im sure i'll never get the chance.
does this post even make any sense? i feel like im just spilling out thoughts and not caring what order they go in. im just going nuts with my thoughts right now.
i dont even know what i was going to say next. damn it. oh well i guess im ending it here then cuz i forgot where my train of thought was going. it fuckin derailed and crashed and burned all of its passengers alive. there.
alright more later when i remember.
((i figured out how to single space on xanga!! woooo i just dont feel like it lol))
well im sicker than a fucking animal. i think its a mix of getting what my mom had and worrying/stressing myself to the point of literal sickness. i dont know. i worry about everything.
i've also been really pissed off lately. lots of things have been getting to me. especially this whole sherri situation with mallory and dan. really if the 2 of you said anything please stop being cowards and admit to it. its really not worth it to lie when im going to find out anyway. well i cant say that for dan really cuz he admited to saying shit. but i just dont know whos lying to me anymore. in all honesty i dont really care. most of the people in wantagh are meaningless to me. i just hate that im being lied to. straight to my face. "oh i care about you" yeah right..thats why you said this and that to this person? whatever you can all go kill yourselves. in fact i'll supply the sharp object and i'll even talk you through it.
i have this pure hatred towards certain individuals in my school. i could list names but wouldnt that be wrong??? haha.
*sigh* so csi triggered awful dreams last night. which for some strange reason i managed to sleep through. i think i was just too sick to wake up. but it made me angry. because it put the picture and the image of someone i love going through that all over again. and then it made me think..what if it had gone as far as it did in the show? what if it happens to someone else. what if what if what if.
thats been a big question in my head recently. what if. what if i had done things differently in my life. what the hell would i be like? what if i wasnt so insecure about my body. what if i had never participated in dangerous addictions. what if i had never been in several VERY uncomfortable situations. what if i had never found the 4 people who keep me strong. what would i be like? what would i do? would i still be walked on? tormented, betrayed? yes....i would. no one escapes that.
i've been thinking alot about past events and how many of them i have truely let go of. there are several i still hold on to. and for what? all it does it hurt me to think about. but for some reason i just cant let go of them until i find closure. there are alot of things i have attained closure on. but still so much left. there are still so many things i want to say to so many people and im sure i'll never get the chance.
does this post even make any sense? i feel like im just spilling out thoughts and not caring what order they go in. im just going nuts with my thoughts right now.
i dont even know what i was going to say next. damn it. oh well i guess im ending it here then cuz i forgot where my train of thought was going. it fuckin derailed and crashed and burned all of its passengers alive. there.
alright more later when i remember.