Part I -- The Soul and Spirit of Kiku Heaven
Chapter Four: Yashamaru and The Moon
Name: Ishikawa Yashamaru
Age: Adult
Family: Youngest son of Ishikawa Keiko and little brother of Daisuke.
Origin: Japanese. (Yokohama, Kanagawa Prefecture)
Aspiration: Knowledge / Family. Sign: Gemini
Hobby: Music & Dance.
Interests: Politics, entertainment, culture, travel, sports, environment.
Likes: Fitness and make up. Dislikes: grey hair [he is probably scared of old age.]
Occupation: His life-time want was to become a Criminal Mastermind, which realized shortly after his graduation. He then became a Space Pirate and when the time to move on came he chose a post on the Media. Soon enough he discovered he could not fit in the world of business and entrepreneurs and handed his resignation.
Status: Married to Strife Cloud.
Children: Five sons. Four natural twins (Yasu & Sephiroth, Yoshinori & Kojima) and young Takahiro.
Pets: None
Previous lives: None
Moment in time: Cloud’s cheating.
Worst Fear: Death of Cloud.
Couldn’t you tell by now? Yashamaru had been attracted to Cloud since they were teenagers; the mere sight of Cloud was able to make his heartbeats increase to dangerous heights, making it hard for him to maintain his composure. Whenever Cloud came home with Norikazu after school Yashamaru would pretend being absorbed in his homework, and if Cloud’s presence became too much to bear, he would run upstairs and lock into his room.
Yashamaru spent most of his teens studying hard to receive scholarships before enrolling at the University. His mother, Keiko, who in the meantime had become Minister of Education, was a great help during that period. His early learning difficulty was a history, for now he possessed a nimble mind and a love for mathematical challenges. His efforts and hard work were met with success and soon he set off to study Maths. Despite his enjoyment of solving mathematical problems there was one escaping his capabilities: Cloud, his classmate, neighbourhood and one of his brother’s friends.
A few months after they all moved to the campus Yashamaru heard Ceci saying Cloud was about to jump into a relation with Yamasaki Nenki. Yashamaru spent a number of nights wondering if he should approach Cloud and say something, and when one evening he accidentally met Cloud downtown he thought the timing was right to talk; but then he noticed Cloud’s voice taking a nauseously sweet tone when he mentioned Nenki’s proposal to live together, and he kept his mouth close. It was already too late. Once more, Yashamaru kept his thoughts to himself. He bought drinks for him and Cloud, talked about the weather, danced smustle and had a couple of more drinks; then he drove Cloud home and hurried to Lulu’s Lounge for more drinks. Should he had stayed he would have witnessed Nenki’s rage and the big fight with Cloud, and maybe, maybe, things had taken a different course.
Coming back from the summer break in Twikkiii Island Yashamaru had some difficulties in getting Cloud’s face out of his mind.
He was overwhelmed by a longing for the time he had spent in the company of his friends, but what seemed to be most unbearable and painful was the memory of Cloud the night before their return: they all had been in their beds asleep except Yashamaru who unable to close his eyes he left his room to go swimming. He was absorbed in his thoughts, the only sound he could hear was the lapping of the waves on the shore and the soft rustling of the palm trees in the still night.
But when he was about to get out of the water his heart stopped beating for a few seconds, for there stood Cloud, with the light of a full moon behind him bathing him in a warmth Yashamaru hadn’t noticed before.
What it felt as an eternity it was actually a few seconds; a few seconds with one standing still in the water and the other stepping on the warm sandy beach, staring at each other as if they were both dreaming, or too shy, unable to address a simple greet. It was only a moment, a rare moment where everything seemed possible, even the union of reality and dreams into a new cosmos. Then, Cloud turned his back and run into his room. The moon disappeared and Yashamaru felt uncertain whether it had hidden behind the clouds or had followed Cloud.
More daydreaming and less study: a new reality embraced Yashamaru once the vacation was over. Later on he started skipping classes, too.
When asked what was going on with Yasha, Hiroyuki smiled mysteriously and changed subject, but Kumi, Ying and Ceci knew exactly what was going on. They were there, they had seen the signs, but no one would discuss about it, not even between them.
He began attending classes again the day the intriguing rumour that Cloud had broken up with Nenki reached him. He was so curious to see if it was true that he almost run to the class in his pyjamas. Yes, it was true, but it was Nenki who broke up with Cloud, not the other way around. Who cares? Yashamaru felt alive again, almost warm inside.
After class he visited the Corner Shops to take a few photos, and called Cloud asking him to come home for dinner. It was a pathetic excuse, he knew it, but this time he wouldn’t step back. He was supposed to approach Cloud smoothly and discuss at length to get a hold of his thoughts and feelings. No time for that. It was now or never.
When Cloud rang the bell Yashamaru took a deep breath, opened the door and welcomed his guest.
Once they were in the living room, and before Cloud had a chance to talk about the weather or his Major, he found himself in Yashamaru’s arms and their lips too close to suggest it was simply a “friendly” gesture of affection.
Next day they were in seven heavens, and since they were there Yashamaru thought it was the right place to pop the question: “Will you….?” Without a second thought, Cloud said Yes, and next moment two rings bound them together. Apparently Yashamaru had not visited downtown out of a whim to take photos, but mainly to buy engagement rings.
Yashamaru was supposed to be at class by 14:00 to take his exams, but the afternoon found him glued to the sofa with Cloud - and he was really lucky to be accepted into the class ten minute after the exams had started. A month later Cloud asked if he could move in with him, which he did. Love seemed to flourish, they were a great couple in the eyes of many, and Yashamaru would go to great lengths to satisfy Cloud’s any and every wish.
It was a chilly spring afternoon when Yashamaru and Daisuke went to pay a surprise visit to their mother. Keiko might have been delighted to see her sons but was a little disappointed when, after dinner, her little Yasha said he had to go. Yashamaru drove to Crypt O’Night club to meet Cloud whistling one of his favourite tunes. Things couldn’t have been better. Or, worst. He gussied up and got out of the car. There was a new moon in the sky and Yashamaru remembered again the last night of their summer vacations which made his longing to see Cloud more intense. He quickly crossed the street and once inside he peered slowly through the crowded room looking for his lover; unfortunately he found him, just when Nenki was flinging his arms around Cloud’s neck to kiss him.
Don’t expect scenes and drama. Yashamaru walked straight to them, greeted Nenki with a forced but polite smile, pulled the ring off his finger and gave it to Cloud. “I don’t think I want it anymore.” Nenki suddenly remembered to act wisely and left on the pretext his friends were waiting for him. [We are not fooled, coward!] Cloud’s vision blurred, tears run on his cheeks but did not dare to speak. There is always a price to pay even for the most ridiculous acts, although how ridiculous it is to have lingering feelings of nostalgia for your first love when you are happy with someone else is open to debate. Yashamaru eyed the beloved face that had betrayed him but resisted the urge to caress it for one last time. He turned his back and left his former lover alone with his tears. It was only when he got back into his car and closed the door that allowed himself to let the unbearable pain out. His screams were deafening, yet no one could hear him. His body felt cold, heavy and very, very old. That night, could he ever forget it?
Never forget:
we walk on hell,
gazing at flowers.
-- Kobayashi Issa (1763-1828)
To Forget and Forgive
(When the past is long behind and the future unknown you are left with nothing but the present.)
Name: Strife Cloud
Age: Adult
Family: Youngest son of Kiyoshi and brother to Hikaru and Nobu.
Origin: Japanese.
Aspiration: Knowledge/Family. Sign: Gemini
Hobby: Sports.
Interests: Politics, environment, culture, work, travel, entertainment, Sci-Fi.
Likes: Black hair & make up. Dislikes: zombism
Occupation: Hand of Poseidon.
Status: Married to Ishikawa Yashamaru.
Children: Five sons. Four natural twins (Yasu & Sephiroth, Yoshinori & Kojima) and young Takahiro.
Pets: None
Previous lives: None
Moment in time: Yashamaru!
Worst Fear: Death of Yashamaru.
Nothing had truly happened. Nenki’s kiss did not mean anything to Cloud. He still loved Nenki but it was the love for someone they had grown up together, someone who was one of his best friends and one with whom he had taken a leap into unknown exploring the newly-found excitement of being in love or, thinking they were. But he was not a teenager anymore, and he had come to know Yashamaru better during last summer, and Yashamaru’s eyes had this sparkle that kept Cloud mesmerised as if it was calling out his name, and… He was so stupid! So stupid to accept Nenki’s playful flirt.
If it was not stupid then how come Yashamaru looked so dead serious and hurt the moment he was pulling the engagement ring off his finger? Cloud knew what he wanted, a late-coming knowledge nonetheless.
For a long time after Yashamaru suppressed his feelings and the sudden urges now and then to call Cloud. He focused on his studies instead, spending his entire time writing papers and assignments, attending classes and inviting friends over for dinner or to watch a football match together. When he needed a place to relax and shut the world out, he would drive to his mother’s house and he would play the piano for hours before saying “Good night” and return to Campus. Since the incident at the Crypt O’Night club he never again threw his head back to look up on the moon; but, most of the spring nights, the moon was there, gazing brightly at him, as a reference point to the past, present and future; as a reminder he was not alone and his life actually had a meaning in the chaos of the universe - although it eluded him.
Cloud had moved back to his old student house, with Hikaru and Nobu, but this return felt awfully embarrassing to say the least, and yet he was quite fortunate to be in the company of Hikaru and his best friend, Ceci, once again.
Ceci enjoyed playing pranks on him, if nothing else, to see him smile. If she felt confident and bold enough she would have gone and have a few words with Yashamaru; but Yashamaru seemed always so impenetrable and his manners were so impeccable that made her nervous. She talked to Ying, but Ying couldn’t think of anything except from talking to Hiroyuki, and Hiroyuki did nothing because “It is better to let Fate decide upon a man’s path than forcing him to take the wrong one.” Hiroyuki simply evaded the matter altogether. He knew it was the right path for them both, but he believed it was upon them, rathen than on him, to decide “when” the time would be right.
It didn’t take them long though. Cloud was the first to “go down”. He had bitterly regretted it, he knew he was at fault, he felt the guilt burning and aching inside him everyday, and therefore it was him who should apologise and ask for another chance. Or, so he thought. Yashamaru said, “No, it is not”, when Cloud asked him if it was all right to drop by; instead he asked him to meet at the Campus cafeteria. He would be there for the next half an hour. Cloud did go and despite feeling somehow awkward to talk of private matters in a public place, he said all he had been thinking for the last two months. Yashamaru heard all those incoherent and badly made sentences with a straight face and completely silent. When Cloud finished he burst into laughter. “Is your syntax always that bad?” Cloud coloured slightly, “No. Not really”, he murmured trying to sound offended. Yashamaru finished his coffee and stood up. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a paper to finish. It’s going to be a long night”, and before Cloud had a chance to open his mouth Yashamaru was already walking away.
* * *
He was angry with himself. One of the values Keiko had tried to instil in him since he was a child was about egotism, "It is a bad advisor and a man’s pride should go as far as not to hurt others." And yet, today, he had hurt Cloud (only a blind man would not have discerned it on that sweet face with the puzzled expression) and even more himself. He had said thousands of times that the day Cloud would come back he would forgive him and put an end to the misery of feeling incomplete. Yet, he didn’t. Perhaps it was taken by surprise, as he didn’t expect him to call after all this time, or perhaps he was not prepared to give an answer. Or, probably he was just an Idiot! He banged his head on the desk making Daisuke, who was a few steps away preparing espresso, jump up frightened and spill his coffee.
Next day Yashamaru waited for Cloud to finish his class and when he saw him coming out he grasped his hand and led him to the car. When they arrived at Cloud’s home he opened the door and said, “You have five minutes to pack your bag and return to the car.”
Although he had his reservations at first and didn’t propose engangement again but very much later, when Cloud was already carrying their first child, that day, the day Cloud moved back with him, Yashamaru promised himself to lead their relationship with an iron hand till the very end.
And this is exactly what he did, but you will not hear anyone be complaining about it, because Yashamaru and Cloud became one of the most loving couples of Kiku Heaven’s second generation, and... and this is a story for another time.
// TO BE CONTINUED //