Firefly FF: None so Blind - Parts 7-10 (Mal/Simon, R, complete!)
The sex happens! Eventually. And not terribly explicitly. After a lot of fluff and angst. But still, sex! My first even vaguely porn bit...
Also, My first Firefly fic is completed the night before our little fandom grows up and is hijacked by many new and exciting people. That sounds a little sneering, but I am excited, honest! (Although more than a little annoyed that I have to wait another week for the UK premiere... even though I saw it in Edinburgh...). So everyone send happy thoughts to the cinema-going public to make the BDM do well. We found something special, so its time to share it with the world...
Enjoy the end of the fic!
(From the beginning...)
Part 7
'Simon? Can you take a look at Jayne’s arm?’ Zoë asked.
Mal was sitting up at the end of the infirmary bed, trying to keep track of whose injuries Simon had and hadn’t dealt with yet.
‘Metal in it,’ River observed with a gloomy interest. Whether she was talking about Jayne’s arm or some injury of her own, Mal couldn’t tell.
This hadn’t been the best of days. It had begun at four a.m. ship-time with a screaming fit from River. Then the new job, the one that he had felt unaccountably uneasy about, had ended in every member of the crew bar himself with some injury or another. He still wasn’t entirely sure what had went wrong, the cargo had been delivered and paid for, but someone on the dustbowl planet seemed to have taken against them. Jayne had assured him that he had never been on this planet to steal vast amounts of money and nearly spur off a workers rebellion, so that option was out.
Simon had been working for three hours now, laboriously stitching up knife wounds and a few bullet grazes, and checking concussions. ‘Is that everyone?’ he asked, voice strained.
Mal had a sudden troubling thought. If everyone on the crew had been in the fight, what about... ‘Simon?’
‘Yes, Captain?’ The boy was at his side in an instant.
‘Did you...’ There was a crash.
‘Simon!’ Kaylee shrieked.
Mal crawled off the cot and reached for Simon. Ignoring the twinge of humiliation, he felt about the floor until he hit Simon’s shoulder. ‘Zoë?’
‘Right here, sir.’
Between the two of them, Simon was hauled into an unsteady sitting position. ‘Sorry,’ he murmured contritely. ‘I must have been standing up too long.’
Mal was feeling down Simon’s body, and as Simon wasn’t protesting, he must be more out of it than he realised. When his fingers hit dampness at Simon’s waist, he stopped. ‘Doctor?’ Mal waved his fingers in front of Simon’s face.
‘Mal, you’re bleeding.’
‘Nope, doc, that would be you. When were you gonna tell us all?’
‘Oh, I was thinking, right about now.’
‘When everyone else was fixed up?’
‘That’s right,’ Simon slurred the words.
‘Right. Ni shi bai chi,’ Mal muttered with no particular malice. ‘Okay, doc, we’re gonna lift you onto the bed so Zoë can take a look at you.’
‘Captain, it’s just a graze, I can do it myself.’
‘Right now you look just about dazed enough to sew your lips shut instead. And while I’m not saying that wouldn’t be a kindness...’
‘Húndàn,’ Simon said, glaring.
‘That’s me,’ Mal answered agreeably. ‘Now come on.’
‘Captain,’ Zoë said, ‘Are you sure you should be…’
‘It’s been two weeks, the burns are healed. I can lift him, I just can’t see where to.’
‘That was kinda my point, sir.’
‘Oh.’
‘Yeah.’
‘I know where the bed is. How hard can it be?’ Zoë backed down but he imagined she had put on her “why am I following this man, again?” look. Mal stepped carefully over Simon, and knelt down beside the doctor again. He hooked one arm under Simon’s knees, and wrapped the other round his shoulders. ‘Okay.’ Getting up was harder than it should be. Apparently those burns weren’t quite healed up yet.
‘I can take him, Mal,’ Jayne offered.
‘I’ve got it,’ Mal snapped, wondering again how Simon and Jayne had made up without him noticing.
‘Just offerin,’ Jayne grumbled. ‘Don’t want you blaming me when you drop the boy and he cracks his head open.’
He didn’t bother replying to that one. Mal hauled himself up and raised Simon to approximately the right height. He stepped forward.
‘Ow!’ Simon exclaimed.
‘Sorry.’ Mal lifted him a little higher. That was right. When he felt his legs hit the cot, he placed Simon gently on the bed. ‘There.’ Mal pushed the hair out of Simon’s eyes carefully and turned to glower at his doubting crew.
‘Perfect, Captain,’ Kaylee said encouragingly.
Zoë came up beside him. ‘Can I take a look now, sir, or is blindfolded surgery another one of those skills you’ve neglected to tell us about?’
‘Go ahead,’ he answered generously.
Simon had been right, it was only a shallow cut. His collapse had been part exhaustion over the past two weeks and part the three hours of surgery while slowly bleeding out. What kind of idiot didn’t think to even bandage the thing to stop the blood, even if he wouldn’t take the time to stitch it?
So now Mal was lying on the hospital cot again, Simon at least persuaded to lie down on the other side of the room, though he refused to leave it. Mal, on the other hand, was desperate to leave. This had been another of those days were, but for sheer luck, a bullet or knife could have taken out any one of his crew. He could never sleep properly after a day like that. After a few half-awake dreams about blood and screaming, and a particularly jolt-worthy one of River screaming in his ear at Simon getting himself shot, he sat up. If anything good had happened today, it had been him proving that he was okay to get out of bed.
With only the slightest of guilty looks at the doctor lying in the bed facing his, Mal pulled himself onto the floor. He walked slowly towards the doorway, thankful that no one was awake to see him wandering around with his hands outstretched to find the walls.
He made it up the stairs. That might have been the problem. Having successfully negotiated the first difficult part, he sped up. Hitting something (someone?) in the darkness made him fall heavily to the ground. He chose to stay there. All he had wanted was to make it from the infirmary to the kitchen. That was so much to ask?
He sat in the corridor for a long moment. Somewhere in the ship, someone screamed. Heart-pounding, it took him a longer than it should to work out that it was River. He envied, just for a second, how easy she found it to cry for help. River had a nightmare, screamed, and in less than a minute Simon would be at her side.
Or not. He heard soft, quick footfalls coming towards him, followed by less graceful, probably still half-asleep ones. River dropped down beside him. ‘All you need to do is ask,’ she whispered. It was always slightly disturbing when River said something cryptic that you understood.
‘River!’ Simon exclaimed admonishingly. He was at the far end of the corridor. ‘Why did you run away? You could be waking up everyone else…’ he trailed off.
‘You just gonna stand there looking?’ Mal asked tiredly.
‘Perhaps. Did you fall, or why are you on the floor?’
‘Tripped on something.’
Simon paused. ‘It’s a metal pole,’ he said bemusedly. ‘It’s…I have no idea what it’s doing there.’
‘Probably Jayne.’
‘Probably. Why did you leave?’
‘Didn’t realize I wasn’t supposed to.’
‘That’s why you snuck out in the middle of the night just after I had collapsed from blood-loss?’
‘Okay, when you say it like that of course it’s gonna sound pre-meditated.’
‘You’re trying to claim that it wasn’t?’
‘Couldn’t sleep. Just wanted out of there.’
‘Okay.’
‘Okay?’
‘Yes.’ Simon’s placed his hand in Mal’s to pull him up. ‘Tea?’
Mal allowed himself to be led towards the dining room.
Simon deposited him on one of the couches and River curled up beside Mal, suspiciously calm now. Simon made three cups of tea and sat down with the two of them.
‘Simon?’ River asked. ‘Do you remember the stories?’ Her voice had gone distant again.
‘Which stories, mei mei?’ he asked. Mal could hear the stress in the young man’s voice.
‘From before. Princesses and peas, and witches and knights, and pirates and thieves and kings.’
‘That was a long time ago,’ he laughed. ‘When you were very small I used to read to you, but...’
‘Not so long,’ she protested. ‘Now too.’
‘Now?’
‘Must be. Otherwise the thieves would kill the boy and sell the girl,’ she said, panicked.
‘River…’
‘No sense. Illogic everywhere!’ her voice rose higher.
‘River, please,’ Simon begged.
‘Hush now,’ Mal ordered. She went quiet. ‘Mei mei, even in the world, people sometimes do good things, dong ma?’
‘Balance,’ she muttered.
Mal nodded uncertainly. ‘Sure, there’s that. And maybe the boy was very good at his job. And maybe the Captain had a weakness for strays.’
‘Yes?’
‘Yeah. So why don’t you lie back and let your brother rest? He’s pretty beat.’
‘Can’t fix everything.’
‘No, he can’t. Doesn’t seem to stop him trying.’ Simon sighed, but both Mal and River ignored it. ‘Tell you what,’ Mal offered, ‘you sit at peace, and I’ll tell you a story. Okay?’
‘Shiny,’ she answered with a giggle.
‘Okay then. Once upon a time, there lived a precocious brat, and her long-suffering big brother who adored her…’
‘Not a brat!’ she whispered, poking him.
‘Shh!’
It was still night when Mal woke to River easing her way off the chair. Simon’s head fell against Mal’s shoulder, but he didn’t wake. Mal curled one hand lightly around the younger man’s upper arm to stop him falling.
‘Shush,’ River whispered. ‘He needs sleep.’
‘That he does,’ Mal agreed quietly.
She echoed her words from months ago, ‘He takes so much looking after.’
‘I’ve got him,’ Mal answered, not knowing why he had used “him” rather than “it”.
She skipped towards the door. ‘I know,’ she said. ‘But he doesn’t.’
Part 8
For the past week, Simon had walked with him from the infirmary to the dining room. Mal didn’t need to be led now, but Simon was convinced that he needed to be watched, and it was too small a thing to fight over. Besides, it meant there was someone around to order to bring him coffee.
Simon handed him a cup and went to walk away. Mal reached upwards suddenly and snagged Simon’s wrist. Turning the hand over, he ran sure fingers over Simon’s palm. ‘You want to explain this, Doctor?’
‘It’s a hand?’ Simon observed dryly.
‘That it is. The hand of my ship’s medic. Normally, as I believe I may have noted, lily-white and smooth all over. Now, however, much less with the smooth.’ Mal rubbed his thumb on three small calluses. ‘Do you want to know what it feels like?’
‘What?’ Simon asked.
‘It feels like the hand of someone, not used to shooting things, trying to handle a gun with too much kick for him. I miss anything?’
‘....No... that sounds accurate enough.’
‘Whose gun did you steal?’
‘I didn’t steal it!’
‘Sorry, doc, whose gun did you borrow?’
‘I asked Jayne to show me.’
‘You asked Jayne?’
‘Who would you rather I asked?’
‘You shouldn’t be asking anyone! You’re meant to be taking the bullets out, not putting them in!’
‘Regrettably, Captain, in our line of work, I need to be able to do both.’
‘Oh it’s our line of work now, is it?’
‘Since I don’t seem to have much prospect of doing anything else, yes!’
Mal took a deep breath, and softened his voice. ‘You do your part on this boat fine, doctor. I don’t need your hands to be able to point guns, as long as they can hold a scalpel steady. You mess them up with Jayne’s guns they won’t be any use for the delicate stuff. And, as you may have noticed, delicacy is a skill most of my crew are lacking in.’
‘Inara had it.’
Mal sighed. ‘She did. Still does, I’ll wager. But she ain’t exactly crew now is she? Though she does prove the point. Her line of work, she needs her hands good, so she keeps them that way. She doesn’t rough them up when she don’t need to.’
‘She can still handle a gun.’
‘She can. Little ones. You got the cash to go buy yourself one of her pieces, you go ahead. No more of Jayne’s, dong ma?’
‘Kaylee...’ Simon began.
‘Kaylee understands, same as you should, that her job is to fix things, not poke holes in them.’
‘Kaylee thinks she messed up on the space-station. She thinks it’s a problem that she can’t shoot. And every time we get into a fight, like last week, it brings it back.’
‘I told her that it wasn’t a problem. In fact, as I recall, I told her I’m happier with her not playing with guns.’
‘But she isn’t. Because things on this ship have a habit of degenerating into fire-fights. And those of us who have no particular skill in the ending of lives feel that we...’ Simon trailed off.
‘What? Aren’t pulling your weight? Simon, the number of times you, or Kaylee, or Wash have got the rest of us out of trouble...’
‘Still doesn’t beat the number of times you or Zoë or Jayne have got River or I out of gun-related trouble.’
‘Do what you like, doc.’ Mal answered in resignation. ‘But don’t go doing it on my account. You pay for you and little sis’s passage on my boat just fine.’
‘Thank you,’ Simon muttered. ‘But I still.... what are you doing now?!’ His voice jumped an octave or two as Mal’s hand landed firmly on his hip.
Mal grinned at Simon’s nerves as he patted down the hip to Simon’s thigh. ‘Just checking you haven’t decided to swap your white coat for a holster.’
Before Mal could reach over to the other hip Simon jumped away. Mal heard him clattering things around at the sink. ‘I keep it in the cabinet in the infirmary,’ he responded, eventually, slightly embarrassed.
‘One of Jayne’s?’
‘Zoë’s. You know Jayne doesn’t loan out his guns!’
‘Good point. Still too much heft for you though. I told you, get something like Inara’s if you have this desperate urge to defend the infirmary from all-comers.’
‘As you may have noticed, Captain, I don’t exactly have a lot of spare cash. And the kind of weapons Inara had don’t come cheaply.’
‘Tell Zoë to buy you something next time we land.’
The comment was made so casually that it took Simon a moment to respond. ‘Captain! I can’t ask Zoë to... that money’s for the upkeep of the ship!’
‘It also keeps us in ammunition, and supplies, and all manner of things that I don’t ask crew to pay for out of their share. Jayne only buys the real fancy stuff from his own cash, not standard rounds. And, last I heard, you were using your share to buy us medicine.’
‘That’s because I use so much of our medical supplies on River, it’s only fair that I...’
‘No it ain’t. Most days we don’t have that much cash left to give out much of a cut, but what you get’s for you. River buys candy, and pencils, and who knows what else, but the girl knows that money’s for her own self. You, on the other hand... what was the last thing you bought that wasn’t for River, or some kind of medical supply? That includes books about doctoring before you say anything else.’
‘Ah... a book I suppose. A novel, not an encyclopedia.’
‘And when would that be?’
‘Hmm... whenever we carried those silks. When was that?’
‘Wuh de ma, Simon, that was seven months ago!’
‘Quite possibly.’
Mal shook his head in despair. ‘I’m going to the cockpit, okay?’
‘Do you want...?’
‘It’s been a week. If anyone’s still leaving things around in the corridors, I’ll yell, and we can go kill ‘em together.’
‘Okay then,’ Simon laughed.
Mal made his way to the cockpit without incident and stood at the doorway.
‘Sir?’ Zoë inquired from the pilot’s seat.
‘You the only one here?’
‘Just me. Keeping an eye on the autopilot for a bit.’
‘Good. Understand that I ask this without judgement. Have you lost your mind?! You let Jayne, Jayne of all people, show him how to shoot?’
‘Well sir, they seemed to be beyond the point of wanting to shoot each other, and given that they were both grown men...’
‘That’s not the point!’
‘Sorry sir, won’t happen again. When the Reavers come and kill us all because we’re short of cover fire, I’m sure it’ll be a great comfort to know that your orders were carried out.’
‘Zoë...’ Mal growled, ‘It isn’t the learning that bothers me, well... it is, but I’m over that now. Jayne shouldn’t be doing the teaching.’
‘Jayne’s the best shot, sir.’
‘Jayne totes guns so large even I get banged around using them.’
‘Sir...’
‘Next planet. Buy him,’ he jerked his head down the corridor, ‘a pistol. Little recoil as you can manage. Something a little more... elegant... than Jayne’s pieces.’
‘I wouldn’t advise telling Jayne that, sir. But I’m sure we can manage it.’
‘And make sure that doc gets himself something next time we’re on-world, okay?’
‘Sir?’
‘Boy’s spending all his spare cash on drugs. It ain’t right.’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Don’t smirk like that, it don’t suit you.’
‘You can’t see me, sir,’ she observed.
‘Doesn’t mean I can’t tell when you’re mocking me. I’ve had plenty of practice, remember? Just make sure it’s done.’
‘Yes, sir.’ Mal swore he could feel her knowing smile as he left.
Part 9
He wasn’t exactly sure why he was standing there. Mal was on the gallery, while the crew played ball in the cargo bay. Not that he could work out much of what was going on, but Kaylee had asked him to come. Plus, as she had pointed out, Simon was playing. That was too much of an event to miss, even if the only evidence Mal had that he was even there was the occasional squawk as Jayne ran heavily into the doctor.
Mal decided that it didn’t matter so much that he couldn’t see them. He could hear the babble of laughter, and Kaylee and Wash cheering enthusiastically when either of their teams scored. River was standing beside him, peering over and reciting numbers and angles, but when Simon scored she paused to clap, so he supposed she was having a good day. She just liked numbers.
‘Next point wins,’ Jayne called.
They continued for five minutes or so after that, seemingly without anyone getting close enough to score.
‘Simon!’ Wash called. ‘Over here!’
There was a thud and a strangled sound. ‘Jayne, stop squashing my husband,’ Zoë said calmly.
‘Mal!’ The throw was soft and square at his chest. Even without the call he might have caught it. Simon had apparently decided that the safest option for the pass was the person Jayne couldn’t reach to crush. It was touching, if just a little insane, that Simon had trusted that he would catch it.
He rolled the ball from hand to hand consideringly.
From beside him River offered, ‘It’s just trajectory and memory. Simple if you do the maths.’
Nodding at her, he took aim at where the ring should be, and let fly.
The ball thudded off the ring and bounced away. Jayne chuckled. ‘Not bad, Mal, but maybe you should leave that kinda thing to the two-eyed folk among us.’
There was a familiar swoosh noise, and Mal knew what had happened even before Jayne’s outraged howls.
‘We win,’ Simon proclaimed smugly.
‘Qingwa cào de liúmáng! You wait one minute there, doc. Can’t cheat like that,’ Jayne said.
‘Like what?’ Simon asked.
‘You had an extra player!’
‘I thought he wasn’t up to the standards of the “two-eyed folk”?’
‘He distracted me!’
‘Don’t be so easily distracted next time.’
‘I’ll give you distraction!’
There was a clatter of footsteps and amused encouragement-cum-warning from the rest of the crew.
Mal heard Simon on the stairs, hotly pursued by Jayne’s thudding.
He reached out and snagged Simon’s arm, rougher than he had intended. The doctor fell against his chest, panting heavily. ‘Looks like you need rescuing, doc,’ Mal said.
‘Are you offering?’ Simon asked carefully.
‘Looks like.’
‘Then thank you.’
Mal pushed Simon behind him and groaned unconvincingly. ‘Ow! Doc’s gonna have to come and have a look at these bandages. Your maiming’ll have to wait, Jayne.’
‘Now you just wait right there!’
‘Sorry,’ Simon said innocently.
‘Low down dirty…’ Jayne began.
‘Deciever?’ Mal offered.
As they walked to the infirmary, Mal was close enough to feel Simon’s soft laughter.
When they arrived, Mal perched casually on the end of the bed, but Simon hovered. ‘Do you mind if I...?’ Simon gestured at the bandages.
‘Thought we were just hiding out.’
‘Yes, and I do appreciate it, but I haven’t ran a check on your eyes for a few days.’
‘And since you’ve successfully corralled me back in here...’
‘I thought I would try my luck,’ Simon agreed.
‘So I should just lie back here on the bed and think happy thoughts while you stick things in me?’
There was a pause and Mal wondered if Simon was blushing. Doc clearly had a dirty mind. Good to know. ‘That would be fine,’ Simon answered eventually, calmly.
Mal lay down on the cot and Simon knocked him out to start the mender. This was getting awful familiar.
‘Open your eyes.’
Mal woke. Or thought he woke anyway. Those words didn’t make much sense if he was awake.
‘Open your eyes, Captain,’ Simon repeated.
‘You gave me pretty specific instructions as to what would happen if I did that again,’ Mal answered cautiously.
‘Only if you did without me telling you. Trust me.’ He did, of course. Well, as much as he trusted anyone. Simon had taken the bandages off, and he wouldn’t have risked Mal’s eyes by messing around with this. But last time...
‘It’s okay, Captain.’
Mal opened his eyes.
The world came slowly into view. He could make out Simon’s silhouette across the room. ‘It’s dark.’
‘I turned out the lights so you wouldn’t strain your eyes.’ Simon’s voice was excited. ‘Should I...?’
‘Turn them on.’
Mal blinked at the lights came on. It did hurt his eyes a little. Simon came over to the side of the bed and shone a torch in them, which didn’t help the problem much. He pushed at Simon’s hands and held them away from him so he could look at the doctor properly. ‘Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes.’
‘How long have you been waiting to say that?’ Simon asked, laughing. ‘...and more importantly, would you still have said it if I had made sure that Jayne was the first thing you saw?’
Mal looked up at Simon, who was smiling brightly. It was rare to see Simon’s eyes so openly affectionate when dealing with someone who wasn’t River or Kaylee. The blue eyes sparkled with warmth and relief. Mal pushed himself up to a sitting position and, unthinking, pulled him down for a kiss.
There was a second where he believed that it would work. Simon closed his eyes peacefully and leant down. But it was only a second. Simon pulled away, not just from the kiss, but all the way across the infirmary.
‘Don’t,’ Simon said brokenly.
‘Don’t what, Simon? Cause last I heard you wanted to do that, too,’ Mal said.
‘You listened to Kaylee and me talking.’ Simon folded his arms protectively across his chest.
‘I...’ Mal started.
‘I knew you weren’t always asleep, but that was private.’
‘So that’s a no then.’ Mal said
‘A no to what? To “thank God I can see again” sex?’
‘You think that’s what I was offering?’
‘I don’t know what you were offering, Captain, but I doubt it was what I want from you. As I’m sure you know,’ he added bitterly.
‘And what if I was offering more than that?’
Simon’s expression softened, but he still looked sad. ‘Then I would say you’re mistaking gratefulness for my fixing you, and the fact that we’ve spent so much time together in the past month, for something that it isn’t.’
‘Don’t have much faith in my faculties, do you?’
‘Before this happened, Captain, you were hardly showing me a great deal of interest that way.’
‘And no one’s ever just realised that they liked someone?’
‘Tell me something you like about me that isn’t connected to me being a doctor or River’s brother,’ Simon asked fiercely.
Put on the spot, Mal could only offer, ‘You have nice eyes.’
‘See?’
Mal demanded, ‘Well okay then, tell me things you like about me that aren’t about me being Captain and coming for you and River on Jiangyin.’
Simon smiled wretchedly, ‘You make me laugh. You talk about criminality, but you believe so fiercely in the right thing to do, and do it. You’re charming when you like the person you’re talking to. You don’t put up with idiocy or cruelty. You’ve made a family out of nothing, all of whom are willing to risk their lives for you. And that’s not about you being Captain, they just love you.’ He paused and then ran headlong into the last part. ‘And the way you smile at me when you wake up and forget that even though you can’t see me, I can see you.’ He went to the door.
‘Wait.’
Simon stopped and watched Mal sadly. ‘If you’re really serious, tell me again in a month, when you haven’t just been stitched up.’ He left.
Mal swore loudly.
Part 10
‘You think he turned the Captain down?’ Kaylee asked in disbelief.
‘I’m telling you,’ Wash said, ‘Simon ran out of that room like a pack of Reavers was chasing him down. He came this close to knocking me down. Stopped to apologise, and say that Mal’s bandages were off, and then went haring into his bunk.’
‘That doesn’t mean they were kissing,’ Zoë protested. ‘The boy’s always a little jittery, the Captain maybe just yelled at him.’
‘Zoë, love of my life, darling-one, are you blind?’ Wash asked. ‘They’ve been circling each other the past two weeks. And that’s ignoring all that burning tension beforehand.’ He grinned comically.
‘They would be so shuài together,’ Kaylee said, sighing.
‘Didn’t think you’d be so happy bout the doc getting a new rut-buddy,’ Jayne said.
‘Jayne!’ Zoë said warningly.
‘It’s okay,’ Kaylee said, smiling at Jayne, ‘I know he don’t mean nothing by it. And it’s okay, me’n Simon had a talk about it before.’
‘You knew!’ Wash asked in horror. ‘And didn’t tell us?’
‘It was a secret,’ she explained. ‘And he’s so shy. But I don’t get why he would say no to the Captain, I thought he wanted it so much...’
‘Maybe he didn’t want it that way,’ Book suggested.
‘What way?’ Kaylee asked. Then, in horrified realisation, ‘You mean just a sex-thing? The Captain wouldn’t do that! It’d just be mean. Simon loves him...’
‘Simon is a very...’ Book paused. ‘...closed off young man. I don’t imagine that whatever that Captain said or did was something he was expecting. I would suspect that he panicked.’
‘Poor Simon...’ Kaylee murmured sympathetically.
Mal walked in to the dining area. If he listened at the door much longer one of them was going to notice. And anyway “poor Simon”?
‘Captain!’ Wash exclaimed pointedly. ‘We were just talking about platypus’s.’
Mal glared.
‘Or is it platypi?’ Wash asked wonderingly. ‘Come on wife, let’s go find out.’ Wash left hurriedly, Zoë trailing after him.
‘I should go check the engine,’ Kaylee said. She left, but not before throwing a sympathetic glance over her shoulder at Mal.
Jayne left, no excuse given. Book looked at Mal meaningfully, ‘Anything you want to unburden yourself of, Captain?’
‘I haven’t sinned!’ Mal exclaimed. At Book’s stare, he amended, ‘Not recently anyway.’
Book nodded and left, thankfully without any “special hell” lectures. Why did everyone assume he was the villain here? Or the idiot at any rate. He wasn’t the one accusing other people of not knowing their own mind. Or of imprinting on the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes, like he was a rutting gosling or something! “Come back to me in a month?” Did Simon think he was some kind of addiction that Mal needed twenty-eight days to come back to his senses?
Mal pondered what Book had said to Kaylee. He supposed he had surprised Simon, but shouldn’t it have been a good one? He had known Simon liked him, so why was it so gorram awful that he kissed him? On the other hand, Simon of course didn’t know Mal liked him. Maybe he should have led off with that? That still didn’t excuse the implication that Mal only liked Simon for his doctoring...
Simon slunk into the kitchen. When he saw Mal, he jumped about a foot in the air. ‘Umm... good morning.’
‘Morning, doc,’ he answered cheerfully. Simon looked confused. Well good.
‘Do you want a coffee?’ Simon asked.
‘Already done,’ he answered. ‘All better, remember? I can fend for myself. You don’t need to worry anymore.’
Simon nodded, looking a little hurt, but as he turned his head to the coffee, Mal swore he heard a muttered, ‘That’ll be the day.’
Mal considered. He could wait a month.
It was day four. The crew had stopped acting as if he was likely to blow up, and Zoë had happily given back control of the ship. Simon was still trying to avoid him, and River looked between them mournfully, but otherwise things were back to normal.
All excepting the fact that he was now actively making a list of Simon-things. The implication that his affection was somehow less pure than Simon’s had stung. It wasn’t his fault that so much of Simon’s being was tied up in being a doctor or looking after his sister. The list was harder than he had thought.
River wandered in. ‘You want to fuck him.’
‘River! Girl, you can’t go...’
‘I was trying to help.’
‘Well... don’t! That’s not something little girls...’
‘Not little.’
‘...Not something sisters of any age say about their brothers!’
‘True though.’
That was neither here nor there.
Day eleven now. Mal watched Simon from outside the infirmary. Possibly not the best time to get non-medical related insights into him, but that’s where Simon spent most of his time.
The doctor was looking at the screen in the infirmary, but Mal had no idea what he would be looking at. Could be to do with River, could be updating his charts, but there’s no way of knowing without asking, which he can’t do.
He was about to leave when he saw Simon rubbing at his face distractedly. Simon’s full of nervous habits, but this one looks new. Mal tried to picture Simon as he’s seen him recently, and this time catalogues the tiny scar above the left cheekbone. He remembered Simon’s insistence that nothing had happened when Mal had thrown the scalpel at him. Mal grinned. One more entry for the list.
This was day eighteen. Mal was reverting to his eavesdropping ways, as spying on Simon alone in the infirmary was getting him nowhere. Wash and Simon were in the kitchen, both a little too drunk to be playing tall card very well, but fine with the drunken rambling.
‘All I’m saying, doc...’ Wash began.
‘No!’ Simon complained loudly. ‘See, you’re doing it too! No one ever calls me by my name...’ he muttered sulkily.
‘You are a doctor though,’ Wash pointed out reasonably. ‘Unless you’re not. You haven’t been pulling a clever scam to steal our organs, have you?’
‘No, of course not! I just... I mean I am a doctor. And I’m River’s brother. But I’m not... You’re a pilot!’
‘Yep.’
‘But nobody calls you that,’ Simon said.
‘Ah...’ Wash said knowledgeably. ‘Now I get you. This is about Mal.’
‘It’s not about Mal!’
‘You think he’d call you doc when you were... you know.’
‘It’s not...’
‘I’d be pretty bothered if Zoë called me anything like that during sex. Mostly she calls me God though, which isn’t my name, but pretty nifty anyway...’ Wash’s babbles tailed off as his wife appeared at the other door. ‘Wife!’
‘Husband,’ she answered dryly. ‘Bed.’
‘See?’ Wash whispered over his shoulder.
Simon didn’t, but Mal thought that he did.
On day nineteen Mal tried calling Simon by his name for the whole day. As he didn’t have much reason to see him, though, it didn’t seem to have much effect. Unless you counted Simon’s confusion when Mal came visiting just to talk.
On day twenty-three he saw Simon too much. They came upon a planet that had been hit by plague, and Simon, of course, had to go tend to the survivors, risking quarantine and God knows what else when the “friendly” settlers tried to hold onto the medic. Mal had stood guard for the doctor while he tended the very sick, and had glowered the entire time when Simon wasn’t careful enough with mask and gloves in his hurry to help. When they had left, Simon looked up at Mal nervously and received a glare for his efforts. The look on Simon’s face was resigned, as if his suspicions had been confirmed.
Twenty eight days, almost to the minute, after Simon had ran out of the infirmary, Mal walked into the dining area. Simon was sitting on the couch nursing a cup of tea, and the rest of the crew were scattered around the room.
‘Captain,’ Wash called.
‘Hush,’ River instructed him gently. ‘Happy endings can’t wait.’
He walked to the couch, and crouched on the floor beside Simon, fixing him with a stare. ‘You can’t lie for beans. You don’t like to shoot people, but you’ll do it if you have to, not just for River, but for the crew on this boat. You want to fix people, not just because of you bein a doctor, but because it’s right. So you want to help people even if it’s dangerous or ugly or if they don’t want your help. You resolved your problems with Jayne your own way. You can be a good leader when you have to. The times you get relaxed enough to joke. You’re not out for attention or praise, even when you’re the smartest person in the room. It’s hard work making you smile, but it’s worth it. You’re smart and gentle and you care and that’s not about you being a doctor, that’s why you’re a good one. You just have it the wrong way round.’
He kissed Simon again, and this time he was the one to pull away. Mal stood up.
‘Twenty-eight days, doc. Either I’m cured or I’m not gonna be.’
‘I...’ Simon stuttered.
‘Just answer the question.’
‘I... I don’t think you asked one.’
‘Yeah I did. Yes or no?’ Mal reached a hand down, and in a mirror gesture to a month and a half ago, Simon took it and let himself be pulled up and away.
In the corridor Mal looked over at Simon. ‘You okay?’
Simon had regained his composure. He pulled Mal down for a kiss, deepening this one and leaving Mal sagging against the wall. Mal felt the grin against his mouth. ‘You were blind for a month,’ Simon teased, ‘and you’re closing your eyes while we do this?’
Mal opened his eyes to meet Simon’s, dark with something indefinable. ‘So, how d’you want to play this?’
‘Bunk?’ Simon asked.
‘Eager to do something?’ Mal asked, grinning.
‘Yes,’ was the simple reply.
He had expected awkwardness. Things had been strange with them for a month, as well as for most of the time between Simon coming onto the boat and Mal’s accident. But then he had also expected Simon to panic and take flight somewhere between the kiss and his bed, and yet here he was, a very naked Simon Tam crying out under him.
Simon pushed himself up to kiss his way from Mal’s ear to throat, and Mal started making some interesting noises of his own. He thanked his lucky stars that he had all five senses now. One sense lost, even for just a month, was plenty, but not to be able to see this, hear this, feel this... Simon’s hips thrust upwards insistently at him, soft mouth at his shoulder now. He jolted as Simon chose this moment of introspection to nip him lightly with his teeth while his hand snaked its way down Mal’s body to rub at his cock. Yeah, he would definitely shudder at the thought of not feeling this. If he wasn’t already doing that for an entirely different reason.
Mal asked again, less sure this time, ‘So, how do you want to play this?’
‘Do you have...?’
‘Yeah.’
Simon’s smile was wicked. ‘In that case I think it’s my turn to lie here while you poke me.’
Mal grinned. Simon did ask for it... He prepared Simon with his fingers, achingly slowly, as if he was grazing the spot that made Simon arch up almost by accident. His lover spouted more curses that Simon shouldn’t know, and finished with a tirade about Mal torturing him in retribution.
He doesn’t say that he wants to see Simon when he fucks him, but he seems to know anyway, spreading his legs and propping his hips up without being asked. Mal smiled at the look of trust on Simon’s face, and kissed him for it. When he entered him, he watched the soft smile of contentment turn into something aching and hungry. He took Simon’s cock in his hand and began to pump it in time with his thrusts.
Simon’s eyes fluttered closed in bliss, and Mal laughed warmly. ‘You really wanna close eyes during this?’ he echoed.
Simon opened his eyes. Blue eyes met brown, and the gaze was held steadily with each thrust and cry. When they came, a beat apart from each other, they were still looking.
He wakes, as he did for most of a month, because of Simon. This time though, it isn’t the quiet voice that wakes him, but a hand running carefully through his hair. ‘Simon.’
Mal opened his eyes fast enough to see a look something like relief on Simon’s face. After all that, the boy still thought he was about to be tossed out of bed? He kissed Simon slowly and deeply, trying to explain that he had known exactly what he was doing then, what he is doing now, and what he’s going to want to do and for a good while after.
Simon apparently got the message and rolled the two of them over. He raised himself up to look down at Mal while he straddles him. ‘Turn about’s fair play?’ he asked innocently.
Mal grinned ‘And how long have you been waiting to say that?’
Simon smiled and whispered against his mouth, ‘Far, far too long.’
FIN
Translations:
Ni shi bai chi - you’re an idiot
húndàn - asshole/bastard
qingwa cào de liúmáng - frog-humping sumbitch
shuài - handsome
To quote Oz and risk a fandom black hole/collapsing of possible universes thing: “Take a moment...And we’re done”