A Pleasant Surprise Through the Post, Rebellion?, Gender & Transition.
This morning I had a nice surprise and it has made the day. At 11am I heard the door bell and I was contemplating ignoring it (mainly as I was just about to sit a book on the toilet!). I then had a quick change of mind and rushed down to the front door. To my surprise it was the post person (nb. The gender neutral description there hah!).
The guy handed said I had to sign for something and then he handed me a package. I knew then what the package was. I was totally over the moon and I felt a big stress had been lifted off my shoulders. I've only now just had the chance to check the package and it's 200 Testosterone blocker tablets.
I was pretty stressed the past week or so because of the doctor to carry on my private prescription on the NHS, and the prospect of running out of Testosterone blockers. I wasn't happy at all buying from an online pharmacy again but it was desperation in my opinion.
I now have a warm fuzzy feeling inside now and happier. I can feel my mood lifted now and more of a positive vibe now.
My transition has been on my mind lately. I had a good vent in an IRC channel last night and this has also made me feel a little better. Unfortunately, I have always been a worrier and this aspect of my life has always been hidden so it makes it a little difficult to cope sometimes.
I am finding new things about myself more these days. I've discovered how crucial it is for me to be able to express myself as much as I can now. I'm exploring aspects of my masculinity and femininity and discovering how important it is that I am feel free to express all facets of my inner self.
Recently I've been rebelling against my femininity, and I have found myself trying to be a tomboy. (rebelling is the only word I can think of). This seems to particularly be for one reason; to avoid a chance of becoming a cliché. This has, however, resulted in a mix of emotions for me as well.
I feel like my femininity is being buried somewhat and this is painful. It almost is like I want to be a woman on my own terms. A plus point though is that I feel my confidence in expressing my huge amount of femininity inside me is growing. This is strange in a sense because I feel more comfortable doing this in the presence of cissexual females and males.
There is something that upsets me and it is that feel I have to validate or explain to people who I am and how I feel. I sometimes feel illegitimate in the eyes of some trans women. I myself then feel invalid if I don't love my breasts, or I don't want to wear feminine clothing all the time, want to talk about makeup or I stating that I feel I'm unable to state I'm female or male because I don't have a immensely strong sense of either.
Well, this is enough now for one day and I am feeling all girly at the moment (must note this as only seeming to happen when I'm happy and confident). I am day dreaming of going on a big girly day out with my female friends or even my mom one day (smile). I'm not saying anymore and I don't want this last paragraph to be taken too seriously!
The guy handed said I had to sign for something and then he handed me a package. I knew then what the package was. I was totally over the moon and I felt a big stress had been lifted off my shoulders. I've only now just had the chance to check the package and it's 200 Testosterone blocker tablets.
I was pretty stressed the past week or so because of the doctor to carry on my private prescription on the NHS, and the prospect of running out of Testosterone blockers. I wasn't happy at all buying from an online pharmacy again but it was desperation in my opinion.
I now have a warm fuzzy feeling inside now and happier. I can feel my mood lifted now and more of a positive vibe now.
My transition has been on my mind lately. I had a good vent in an IRC channel last night and this has also made me feel a little better. Unfortunately, I have always been a worrier and this aspect of my life has always been hidden so it makes it a little difficult to cope sometimes.
I am finding new things about myself more these days. I've discovered how crucial it is for me to be able to express myself as much as I can now. I'm exploring aspects of my masculinity and femininity and discovering how important it is that I am feel free to express all facets of my inner self.
Recently I've been rebelling against my femininity, and I have found myself trying to be a tomboy. (rebelling is the only word I can think of). This seems to particularly be for one reason; to avoid a chance of becoming a cliché. This has, however, resulted in a mix of emotions for me as well.
I feel like my femininity is being buried somewhat and this is painful. It almost is like I want to be a woman on my own terms. A plus point though is that I feel my confidence in expressing my huge amount of femininity inside me is growing. This is strange in a sense because I feel more comfortable doing this in the presence of cissexual females and males.
There is something that upsets me and it is that feel I have to validate or explain to people who I am and how I feel. I sometimes feel illegitimate in the eyes of some trans women. I myself then feel invalid if I don't love my breasts, or I don't want to wear feminine clothing all the time, want to talk about makeup or I stating that I feel I'm unable to state I'm female or male because I don't have a immensely strong sense of either.
Well, this is enough now for one day and I am feeling all girly at the moment (must note this as only seeming to happen when I'm happy and confident). I am day dreaming of going on a big girly day out with my female friends or even my mom one day (smile). I'm not saying anymore and I don't want this last paragraph to be taken too seriously!