Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
PLATO:
For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. To actualize its potential.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion. We were
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine there is no chicken, it's easy if you try...
HIPPOCRATES:
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
NEIL ARMSTRONG:
That's one small crossing for a chicken, one giant
leap for chicken-kind.
GOETHE:
Es irrt das Huhn, solang es die Straße übergeht.
HAMLET:
To cross, or not to cross, that is the question: - Whether
'tis nobler in the mind, to suffer; The slings and arrows of
outrageous side; Or to take arms against a road of troubles,
DAVID COPPERFIELD:
I made the chicken disappear and reappear on the
other side.
ISAAC NEWTON:
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in
motion tend to cross the road.
KARL POPPER:
To disprove the hypothesis that chickens could not cross
roads.
DARTH VADER:
To get to the Dark Side.
OPRAH WINFREY:
He was reacting to a repressed traumatic caponisation
in his childhood which he will now share with us in detail.
ARTHUR, KING OF BRITONS:
To seek the Holy Grail.
IMMANUEL KANT:
The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross
the road of his own free will.
OBI-WAN KENOBI:
Because the force was with it.
YODA:
Wants to cross the chicken because
LUDWIG VON BEETHOVEN:
What? Speak up.
JOHN LOCKE:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
GREGOR MENDEL:
To get various strains of roads.
NIETZSCHE:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.
GEORGE ORWELL:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that
he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only
serving their interests.
THE POPE:
That is only for God to know
RASTAFARIAN:
There were grass on the other side mon.
SAPPHO:
Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair
than all of Hellas' fine armies.
JEAN PAUL SARTRE:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
OJ SIMPSON:
You'd run too, if you had just killed two people and tried
to frame an inoccent man
BF SKINNER:
The external influences which had pervaded its sensorium
from birth caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would be
driven to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its
own free will.
STALIN:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
MAE WEST
I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens
will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN:
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into
the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being
which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
DANA SCULLY:
It was a simply bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens
ZENO:
To prove it could never reach the other side.
RICHARD NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road.
I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
RENE DESCARTES:
It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
CHARLES DICKENS:
Tis a far, far better road than chicken has e'er crossed before.
MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
SHERLOCK HOLMES:
It was running to catch the Edinburgh train at
Victoria Station at 3:15, my dear Watson. Observe the patina of dust
on the dropped feathers, bespeaking long hours in a library, surely
reading about Scotland. Remark the Baker Street boys' report that it
was humming "Bonnie Lassie" while waiting to cross. Note the ticket
stub marked Edinburgh. Of course, we both know the only train to
Edinburgh leaves at 3:15 from Victoria...
DAVID HUME:
Out of custom and habit.
CARL JUNG:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences
into being.
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed,
I've not been told!
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming
story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to
accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
VOLTAIRE:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend
to the death its right to do it.
JACK NICHOLSON:
'Cause it (Bleep!) wanted to. That's the (Bleep!) reason.
TS ELIOT:
Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
LEDA:
Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed as a chicken? He's
into that kind of thing, you know.
JOHN MILTON:
To justify the ways of God to men.
THE SPHINX:
You tell me.
JULIUS CAESAR:
To come, to see, to conquer. It came, it saw, it conquered.
JACQUES DERRIDA:
What is the *difference* ? The chicken was merely
deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the
idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?
OLIVER STONE:
The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the
road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time,
whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
CHARLES DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been
naturally selected and evolved over time in such a way that they are
now genetically endowed with the capabilities required to cross roads.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA:
Asking
EPICURUS:
For fun.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road. It
transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
ROBERT FROST:
To cross the road less traveled by.
BILL CLINTON :
I did not, repeat, did not have sexual relations with the chicken.
JOSE RIZAL:
It crossed the road so that it sees the dawning of light in our Motherland.
MIRIAM DEFENSOR-SANTIAGO :
Aha! I know it! That chicken crossed the
road to provoke me. I move to permanently hold in contempt that
chicken. I request for a restraining order, your honor, so that the chicken would not be able
to cross the road again!
RAMON REVILLA:
I concur, your honor. You see, may timbangan ako ng
manok sa bahay. Doon ko nga nalaman na 96 grams ang 1000 na bills ng
1000 pesos to make 1 million pesos. See 96 grams? 96 grams talaga!
Malapit yun sa isang kilo...eh sa 96 grams talaga eh...Pero huwag nyo
akong tanungin kung ilang kilo ang manok na nagcross ng road.
BAYANI AGBAYANI:
Para mag-ocho-ocho!
KRIS AQUINO:
It may be many things, but it's still a chicken.
MELANIE MARQUEZ:
Don't judge the chicken 'coz it is not a book.
PARIS HILTON:
Because it was so hot.