nothing right now
I just spent about an hour reading my old posts.
All the ones in college made me wince a little-Was I always in some incredibly exaggerated or dramatized mood? Incredibly euphoric, or nostalgic, or pessimistic? I can’t even really comment on those. San Diego is never static for me [though that may be a good thing for someone like me] so one week I am incredibly content with myself, academically, socially, emotionally, the next day I am bored and ready for new things [whether in SD or not, I’m not sure], and the next week I am the biggest bummer you will encounter and am considering whether I even want to be around next quarter. What a mess, lol. I guess it was a messy quarter.
However, the recent ones from high school I seriously could not react to.
I can say with ease that I loved high school, for the most part at least, but the time has actually come where I am a little astonished at how dedicated I was to such things like leadership and cheerleading and the many superfluous matters they brought alongside with them. I really do wonder how I loved being a part of them so much.
It definitely makes me wonder if it’s a sign that I need to find something I love being a part of again.
I enjoyed reading that one post about the prayer though, when I was seriously outraged that they said a prayer at the top 10 high school dinner. How long ago was it when I was seriously passionate about anything like that..haha.
The senior bio post was certainly nice too..so weird. Am I finally, actually out of high school? Finally done obsessing over the memories and so fondly looking back and sadly yearning for those times again? Haha I certainly f-ing hope so! It’s about time. Good times remain good, always, but someone probably should’ve told me that I would never be able to adjust into college life if I didn’t eventually let go of what was safe and comfortable. I don’t mean letting go of the people, but the atmosphere, the times-yes.
I don’t even know why I am pondering all of this, because I’m pretty sure that you’re supposed to be adjusted into your school by the time your 5th (technically 6th counting summer) quarter comes along..yeah..about that, Irene and I tend to have some difficulties, lol.
Wow the post I wrote when I applied to the UCs was a bit ridic in length and substance, haha.
I have a trend of writing posts every six to twelve months that are incredibly long, supposedly deep [but now that I think about it, they don’t seem to turn out that way] and an accumulation of my thoughts for honestly..the past few hours. I get incredibly caught up in a few moments’ worth of thoughts and transcribe them as if it’s an update from the past six-to twelve months, but it’s probably the farthest from it. Weird.
I stumbled upon (not through stumbleon, surprisingly hah) Christina han’s facebook page today and found myself telling Ryan all about how her, Irene and I were all neighbors and friends through elementary school, and how we had the type of friendship where we fought a lot (how can fifth-graders fight so much?), would make up in a few weeks (or months) time and resume being best friends again. (haha um Kylie, sound familiar) She moved away upon entering junior high, but we stayed in contact strangely through the use of LJ I think.. AIM too. She came and visited one spring break, I think sophomore year, and I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone how she left her visit early, and told me she really didn’t like who I, and Petaluma i'm pretty sure [or her memories of it and the people perhaps] had become, or wasn’t comfortable with it, more so. She really just wanted to chill with Irene and I, if I remember correctly. Never know how to react to something like that, especially when you’re 15 years old. Anyway, she ended up at UCSD with us winter quarter, which I found out when Irene so randomly discovered her facebook and I still haven’t even seen her o n c e. it's a Really strange thing, the people that somehow stay in your lives, one way or another.
I think I had another point to this story, but I have ADD and I can’t remember. Oh, I think it was because Ryan had to point out that I have “a myspace, facebook, AND livejournal??” and I felt like commenting that LJ is definitely the best sort of online-user..thingy..there is. Though I never use it.
It's Christmas..Oh yeah. heh. I'm in Mammoth right now with my dad's side of the family, but my mom's not here, and neither is my grandpa. My mom is sick, and though I was really used to her poor health as a young child, it only worries me now. It's a really nerve-wracking part of growing up, seeing more and more people get sick in more than one way and leave you because of it. One of my first friends at UCSD has cancer on her thyroids right now. She had surgery for it over the summer and started recovering her voice fall quarter; i have full faith she will be fine. My grandfather also passed away the day after Thanksgiving. I haven’t spoken about it to anyone really. I really loved him and he inspired me in so many ways. It sounds strange, but I actually wrote one of my UC apps about his life. The family is taking it surprisingly well, considering my dad’s side is very tight-knit. ..speaking of, its 3:30 am and I think I hear my grandma waking up.. Since we’re sharing a room, she probably will wonder why I’m not sleeping yet. Meaning, I should go to bed.
This post ended up being all over the place..but somehow I feel like I got some important things off my mind. I’m not even sure how, because my only intention was to write a post in reaction to my previous posts.
Weird.