feeling crappy
feeling so tired and frustrated with me. I am not going to go any where until church Sundy. Olsen is not gonna like it oh well have to think of me sometimes. feeling sadness again. My T is going out of town so not going to see her. Thats still really hard for me, because she is the only person that knows the whole me. Really in a way she knows me better than i know myself. I dissociate so much especially in my sessions that she knows more of whats going on than I do. I am detired not to eat today, i just can't. Coughing and feeling yuck, again i wanna disapear My head hurts. I am sad, alone cept for my Olsen. really I feel i dont even deserve him.
wish the truth would set me free, or something would.
Enough for now
was going to lay down but decided not to gosh what to do.how do i feel better? how do i want to feel better? I live my life everyday and not a soul knows how much I hurt, except maybe Olsen. The temorial that goes on inside, the screaming and crying, the nightmares that come in the night or the day, it doesnt matter sun or darkness. No one knows how much i fight to keep going. they see the smiling girl in the chair with the beautiful dog, they don't even know that is the tip of the invisible iceburg. I say invisible because I dont even know where it is or how to get there, i just know I don't want to touch it or find it. I am strong in a lot of ways, but I dont want to have to be strong all the time. So i sit here alone and in pain and not a soul knows. be back later
still sitting here, just wishing this day would end and its not even 6:00 yet. My head hurts so much dont know why mmy hands are shaking, gonna go lay down
wish the truth would set me free, or something would.
Enough for now
was going to lay down but decided not to gosh what to do.how do i feel better? how do i want to feel better? I live my life everyday and not a soul knows how much I hurt, except maybe Olsen. The temorial that goes on inside, the screaming and crying, the nightmares that come in the night or the day, it doesnt matter sun or darkness. No one knows how much i fight to keep going. they see the smiling girl in the chair with the beautiful dog, they don't even know that is the tip of the invisible iceburg. I say invisible because I dont even know where it is or how to get there, i just know I don't want to touch it or find it. I am strong in a lot of ways, but I dont want to have to be strong all the time. So i sit here alone and in pain and not a soul knows. be back later
still sitting here, just wishing this day would end and its not even 6:00 yet. My head hurts so much dont know why mmy hands are shaking, gonna go lay down