I'm Not Missing You: Song 3 of 25
Title: I'm not Missing You
Author: bjfangirl87
Series: Original
Rating: R (for language)
Summary: Getting over a broken heart
Disclaimer: This story is property of the author. Please do not steal. Also, lyrics are from the song "I'm not Missing You" by Stacie Orrico.
"I'm Not Missing You"
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go
Hurt again 'cause of my curiousity
Now that it's over
What else could it be
He just had to cheat
I made a promise never to settle
why didn't I keep it
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating
The fooling around ...
"This is it! I'm done," I hiss, trying desperately not to wake the baby. The last thing I need is to deal wih him screaming in my ear.
"Why the fuck do you have to have to get so emotional about everything?" he shouts.
"Oh, Excuse me," I nearly laugh so I don't cry. "I forgot that I'm not supposed to be upset when I come back home and find you fucking another girl in our bed. My mistake."
"Look, you're the one who said that other girls didn't bother you," he tries to reason.
I know he loves me, and he wants to keep me. But he also wants his flavors of the week. And for a while, I agreed. But now, we have a baby and another on the way. We've been together, on and off, for nearly 3 years. He shouldn't still want other women by now.
"Well, times have changed," I shrug, trying to will down my angry and upsetness. The last thing I want to do is hurt the baby living within me. Though to him, it might be the best thing that could happen. "It's not right for our son to see all these women walking in and out the door. It's not right that all we ever do anymore is fight."
He moves closer, one step at a time, coming to wrap me in his arms. And if I believed that he would mean it, I might accept the gesture. But I know that next week, or maybe even tomorrow, we'll have this same fight again. And I can't do it again. I deserve better than this. We all do.
"Don't fucking touch me," I growl. "In the morning, I'm gone, and the baby is coming with me. We'll discuss custody arragements later."
"You're not taking my son!" he shouts. Then, we hear the baby whimper for a moment, but luckily, the noise stops and our son just rolls over, going back to sleep. Will looks at me, and then continues, his voice softened. "Besides, where the fuck would you go? You barely have a job, and you're not a good prospect for a house at the moment."
I let out a deep breath. Somewhere inside of him, he does still care for me. "I don't know. Maybe I'll go stay with Mary or Laura. I'll figure out something. I always do."
"Look," he starts, rubbing his head with one hand, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought her here. That wasn't right."
"You're fucking right it's not," I mutter under my breath.
"You know that I love you, right?" he asks, looking like he really wants to kiss me and hold me, but he refrains himself because he knows that I just can't bear his touch right now.
I swallow the lump forming in my throat, because I know this is it. I really won't be going back to him this time. "I know," I say, my voice broken, threatening to let the tears escape my eyes. "But it's not enough. This isn't the way I want our kids to grow up. They deserve better than this. Hell, I...we...deserve better than this. So it's time for us to part ways, and maybe we can be friends in the future."
I look over at my baby in his crib, and rub my small bump to feel the other, and I turn to walk up the stairs and pack my things. Only when I get to the dresser and start stuffing clothes into a bag, do I start to let the tears pour down like rain.
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and a hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I've got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing, I'm not missing you.
That was nearly three years ago now. It took a few months to get over him, but I did. And I think that our boys are better because of it.
Will moved on as well, and finally started to grow up. Maybe my leaving was a wake-up call for him. But he's had a few serious relationships, and now, he's even married.
I have to admit, I was a bit hurt when I heard that bit of news. Not because I still wanted him, but because he never tried that hard for me. But then, I realized that we were never meant to be. If we had been married, we would've been miserable. We were never good as lovers. We were much better friends.
There is the occasional time, where one of my sons looks a certain way, and it reminds me so much of their father, and I do wonder what could have been.
But I'm happy with the way things turned out, all things considered. It's been a long road, but I'm finally starting to be at peace. Our boys are happy and healthy, and I know that this is a better environment for them. That having their parents be friends is better than then hearing us fight every night.
And I can honestly say, I don't miss that life. I don't miss the way things used to be. Life is so much better now.
Author: bjfangirl87
Series: Original
Rating: R (for language)
Summary: Getting over a broken heart
Disclaimer: This story is property of the author. Please do not steal. Also, lyrics are from the song "I'm not Missing You" by Stacie Orrico.
"I'm Not Missing You"
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go
Hurt again 'cause of my curiousity
Now that it's over
What else could it be
He just had to cheat
I made a promise never to settle
why didn't I keep it
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating
The fooling around ...
"This is it! I'm done," I hiss, trying desperately not to wake the baby. The last thing I need is to deal wih him screaming in my ear.
"Why the fuck do you have to have to get so emotional about everything?" he shouts.
"Oh, Excuse me," I nearly laugh so I don't cry. "I forgot that I'm not supposed to be upset when I come back home and find you fucking another girl in our bed. My mistake."
"Look, you're the one who said that other girls didn't bother you," he tries to reason.
I know he loves me, and he wants to keep me. But he also wants his flavors of the week. And for a while, I agreed. But now, we have a baby and another on the way. We've been together, on and off, for nearly 3 years. He shouldn't still want other women by now.
"Well, times have changed," I shrug, trying to will down my angry and upsetness. The last thing I want to do is hurt the baby living within me. Though to him, it might be the best thing that could happen. "It's not right for our son to see all these women walking in and out the door. It's not right that all we ever do anymore is fight."
He moves closer, one step at a time, coming to wrap me in his arms. And if I believed that he would mean it, I might accept the gesture. But I know that next week, or maybe even tomorrow, we'll have this same fight again. And I can't do it again. I deserve better than this. We all do.
"Don't fucking touch me," I growl. "In the morning, I'm gone, and the baby is coming with me. We'll discuss custody arragements later."
"You're not taking my son!" he shouts. Then, we hear the baby whimper for a moment, but luckily, the noise stops and our son just rolls over, going back to sleep. Will looks at me, and then continues, his voice softened. "Besides, where the fuck would you go? You barely have a job, and you're not a good prospect for a house at the moment."
I let out a deep breath. Somewhere inside of him, he does still care for me. "I don't know. Maybe I'll go stay with Mary or Laura. I'll figure out something. I always do."
"Look," he starts, rubbing his head with one hand, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought her here. That wasn't right."
"You're fucking right it's not," I mutter under my breath.
"You know that I love you, right?" he asks, looking like he really wants to kiss me and hold me, but he refrains himself because he knows that I just can't bear his touch right now.
I swallow the lump forming in my throat, because I know this is it. I really won't be going back to him this time. "I know," I say, my voice broken, threatening to let the tears escape my eyes. "But it's not enough. This isn't the way I want our kids to grow up. They deserve better than this. Hell, I...we...deserve better than this. So it's time for us to part ways, and maybe we can be friends in the future."
I look over at my baby in his crib, and rub my small bump to feel the other, and I turn to walk up the stairs and pack my things. Only when I get to the dresser and start stuffing clothes into a bag, do I start to let the tears pour down like rain.
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and a hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I've got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing, I'm not missing you.
That was nearly three years ago now. It took a few months to get over him, but I did. And I think that our boys are better because of it.
Will moved on as well, and finally started to grow up. Maybe my leaving was a wake-up call for him. But he's had a few serious relationships, and now, he's even married.
I have to admit, I was a bit hurt when I heard that bit of news. Not because I still wanted him, but because he never tried that hard for me. But then, I realized that we were never meant to be. If we had been married, we would've been miserable. We were never good as lovers. We were much better friends.
There is the occasional time, where one of my sons looks a certain way, and it reminds me so much of their father, and I do wonder what could have been.
But I'm happy with the way things turned out, all things considered. It's been a long road, but I'm finally starting to be at peace. Our boys are happy and healthy, and I know that this is a better environment for them. That having their parents be friends is better than then hearing us fight every night.
And I can honestly say, I don't miss that life. I don't miss the way things used to be. Life is so much better now.