Today like any other..
I've been watching the days go by, day after day, not writing in this thing. I haven't written for the whole month of december, yet, I hadn't written in it... This past semester, especially towards the end had been some of the most difficult times I've faced. I don't really know why. I had this semester in the palm of my hand. I could do no wrong in studio, and yet I worked myself harder than ever. I felt comfortable with my single status, but I'd have these waves of emotion sometimes about Justin, sometimes just about being in love in general. I know I still have feelings for him, about him, him, but I'm about to leave, and I don't know. I don't know anything. I still need to land an apartment, and I'm leaving in two weeks. The two girls I'm going to be living with want to live in this place in monteverde which will probably take forever walking, or require constant bus riding. I guess I'm almost out of options though, and I should go ahead and say yes before the place becomes unavailable. I can always ditch the place once I get there and find something better, something I haven't seen on the net for rent. 'Xcept I'll have to deal with the constant nagging of the girls about how far the place is, eventhough this was their choice. This is what they always do, purposely put themselves in positions to moan and complain, as if it will do them any good, as if they didn't do it on purpose. I honestly believe sometimes they relish in the act of saying "no," of being uncomfortable, of being in an obnoxious position. I'm gay, I'm not supposed to have to deal with the insanity of women. Men, straight men, know they're silly, that they're crazy and stupid, but they want to fuck them, and so they can deal with it. I honestly think anyone in their right mind would date men, if they found them sexually attractive that is. Maybe they'd have sex with women, but date men. I too think of fancying women from time to time. Not reallly kissing them, or foundling them...just fucking. Is that bad? to say that is, I'm sorry if it is.
I injured my face the other day, I was washing my face, rather defusing blemishes with extremely hot water on a wet rag, and scalded a small dot on my face right between the eyes. If I were Hindi, it would be perfect, but I'm not, and am rather annoyed with its symmetry.
I'm watching Closer right now, and it's definitely put me in a mood. I know it's a play, but it's too twisted, not twisted, but too all over the place, nagging. Which is why I'm watching it, I'm in that frame of mind I guess. Rome will be good for me, I think I've become too accustomed to life in Fayetteville, I need a change, I need some time to speak in a language other than English, I need some time to live without a car. I will miss my family most of all, my mom, my dad, and my dog. I hardly saw them this semester, and yet, the idea that if I really needed to, I could drive two hours and see them. No such luck here in about two weeks. I did introduce them to skype so at least we can talk without as much hassle. If you've happened to read this post up to this point, and you're wondering where the point of all this is, I'm sorry, there isn't one. Maybe you can enjoy the no-point, maybe you read points too much. I know I do. I've gone these past four days back in Conway without seeing a single person, well, a single old friend. When I come home, it's kinda my retreat, my time to not worry about going out to the party, or having to run around a million different places. I was supposed to go to Fayetteville today, and I was supposed to go on a date with a guy in NLR, Mr. Kovack, but I blew off both. It's so crazy, he and I, I've only been on one date with him, we've chatted here and there on the phone for probably at least a semester, why are we keeping this up? One of us always cancels the date at the last minute, and yet we both keep up this game of "yea, let's hang out." He's probably thinking he'll get a screw out of it, but that's actually the last thing I want to do right now. Maybe a smooch. It's amazing how something as fun a sex can be so crazy. It's a stress I really don't want right now. He really is a great guy though, hopefully our paths will actually cross before I leave.
Going back to Conway, this place really has changed a lot since I've been in school, really since this past semester. They made a "round-a-bout," think that's what you'd call it, right on the corner of Hendrix campus where tyler meets washington. Before, Tyler and some other parallel street met at a very weird juncture at Washington street, so now they made around-a-bout connecting the three. Conway has apparently received five new coffee houses, two of which are Starbucks, which I believe brings the total to three. The downtown area has been getting remodled, and I can almost see the beginnings of actual urban strategies taking place. I almost don't know this town anymore. I'm constantly seeing things I've never seen before, it's a very peculiar feeling. I live in Fayetteville, but it isn't my home, but what I thought was my home now looks so foreign to me on so many differently levels. Maybe Fayetteville is my home now. It's late, and I have to have to have to go to Fayetteville tomorrow, but since I know longer have my apartment, I can only make a day of it, so I need sleep.
buona sera
I injured my face the other day, I was washing my face, rather defusing blemishes with extremely hot water on a wet rag, and scalded a small dot on my face right between the eyes. If I were Hindi, it would be perfect, but I'm not, and am rather annoyed with its symmetry.
I'm watching Closer right now, and it's definitely put me in a mood. I know it's a play, but it's too twisted, not twisted, but too all over the place, nagging. Which is why I'm watching it, I'm in that frame of mind I guess. Rome will be good for me, I think I've become too accustomed to life in Fayetteville, I need a change, I need some time to speak in a language other than English, I need some time to live without a car. I will miss my family most of all, my mom, my dad, and my dog. I hardly saw them this semester, and yet, the idea that if I really needed to, I could drive two hours and see them. No such luck here in about two weeks. I did introduce them to skype so at least we can talk without as much hassle. If you've happened to read this post up to this point, and you're wondering where the point of all this is, I'm sorry, there isn't one. Maybe you can enjoy the no-point, maybe you read points too much. I know I do. I've gone these past four days back in Conway without seeing a single person, well, a single old friend. When I come home, it's kinda my retreat, my time to not worry about going out to the party, or having to run around a million different places. I was supposed to go to Fayetteville today, and I was supposed to go on a date with a guy in NLR, Mr. Kovack, but I blew off both. It's so crazy, he and I, I've only been on one date with him, we've chatted here and there on the phone for probably at least a semester, why are we keeping this up? One of us always cancels the date at the last minute, and yet we both keep up this game of "yea, let's hang out." He's probably thinking he'll get a screw out of it, but that's actually the last thing I want to do right now. Maybe a smooch. It's amazing how something as fun a sex can be so crazy. It's a stress I really don't want right now. He really is a great guy though, hopefully our paths will actually cross before I leave.
Going back to Conway, this place really has changed a lot since I've been in school, really since this past semester. They made a "round-a-bout," think that's what you'd call it, right on the corner of Hendrix campus where tyler meets washington. Before, Tyler and some other parallel street met at a very weird juncture at Washington street, so now they made around-a-bout connecting the three. Conway has apparently received five new coffee houses, two of which are Starbucks, which I believe brings the total to three. The downtown area has been getting remodled, and I can almost see the beginnings of actual urban strategies taking place. I almost don't know this town anymore. I'm constantly seeing things I've never seen before, it's a very peculiar feeling. I live in Fayetteville, but it isn't my home, but what I thought was my home now looks so foreign to me on so many differently levels. Maybe Fayetteville is my home now. It's late, and I have to have to have to go to Fayetteville tomorrow, but since I know longer have my apartment, I can only make a day of it, so I need sleep.
buona sera